Sleeping Habits - Willoughby,OH

Hi Aleisha,
Not sleeping thru the night is really hard on you and him.
I know you wont want to hear this, but trust me, I have done this with 3. He is old enough that he doesnt need to eat thru the night. The nursing is his comfort to go back to sleep. He wakes up because that is the routine that he is in. At 4 months old they are able to soothe themselves to sleep at night. As hard as it is for you, letting him cry himself to sleep and NOT getting him when he wakes up in the middle of the night is the best way. It is not cruel to him. In the end it will be better for him, because he will get the sleep he needs and his mommy will too. I have a 9 month old as well, and she is pretty much on the same schedule as your little one. 2 naps a day around the same time, but she sleeps for 2 hours during those each naps, and I also put her to bed at 7:00pm. She sleeps all night until 8:00am the next morning. When she hit 4 months, I let her cry if she woke up at night. It took about 3 to 4 nights of HOURS of crying, but after that 4th night, she has never woken up again.Its because her routine changed and her body adjusted to not waking up.
Ive done this with all three of my babies and all three have slept thru the night at or before 4 months and still do.
I know with your first it is really hard to hear them cry. Instincts kick in and mommy mode starts and you want to run to them, because crying to moms is "somethings wrong".
But he will be ok. I have 2 best friends, one with 4 kids and the other with 3 kids. Both did not let their first born babies cry themselves to sleep and they were both well over a year and a half before they slept thru the night. With their next babies, they have let them cry themselves back to sleep and those babies slept thru the nights at around 4 months.

I feel for you so much, because i have been where you are. It WILL get better, I promise. There is light at the end of the tunnel! Just keep going. If you can try it for a few nights, your little guy will be sleeping thru the night in no time.

Aleisha,

First off, don't bother trying to MAKE your baby sleep. Babies are very intuitive and listen to the needs of their bodies--they eat when hungry but stop when full, they sleep when tired but awake when rested.

Your baby is going to be small for such a short time. Nurse him every time he asks, don't try to make him go back to sleep on an empty stomach. All that nonsense about "have to learn to fall asleep on their own" "must learn to self-soothe" "has to have a set sleep pattern" "cry it out for their own good" is just that--nonsense.

With my babies, I turned the crib into a co-sleeper and just slept with them. They could nurse if they could find it, all night long. (Safety precautions noted, I was always fully aware they were with me, never took any medication of any kind whatsoever, and did not have blankets or pillows that could have endangered them.)

Babies who are forced to sleep hungry, and do not receive the comfort they seek learn that even Mommy cannot be trusted to provide the absolute essentials. Hold your wee one, feed him every chance you get, and let him sleep as he needs it.

For professional information, see www.askdrsears.com

Enjoy your baby while he is small and treasure each moment, even if you are tired for a while longer.

Best wishes,
K.

Hi Aleisha,

Have you tried taking your son to a Chiropractor? I know this sounds weird...but you may be surprised at how much better he will sleep. The birthing process is really hard on babies, even C-sections! The pulling & twisting on the head & neck can cause a subluxation...meaning the vertebrae are out of alignment. It's amazing the different things that can happen because of a sublixation. I am a Licensed Massage Therapist & I recommend that my cients visit a Chiropractor & to take their children...you & him will be much healthier (physically & emotionally). Get a referral from a family member or a friend. Most Chiropactor's that I know will adjust babies, my son was one when he had his 1st adjustment...I would have taken him sooner knowing what I know now...my daughter was 4 days old when she went. We get adjusted about once a month or every other month...depending on how we feel. It's a maintance thing. Also, make sure there are not a lot of electrical things plugged in his room. The electrical disturbances could also be keeping from sleeping soundly. I have a Home Harmonizer plugged in the wall just outside my daughter's bedroom. If you would like more info on this, let me know.

I have a 4 year old & a 5 1/2 month old. I have never used the cry it out method & both are good sleepers. Anytime my kids woke in the night, I went to them & they got a bottle. My son (4) was on formula. My daughter is on breastmilk. She wakes about 2 hours after she goes down. My advice to you is: if you don't want him to cry at night, don't let him. That doesn't necessarily mean that he will never learn to sleep on him own. My son was sleeping own his own by about 14 months. The sleeping times just gradually got longer. You do what you need or want. Maybe he's hungry, maybe he's not, but he is wanting something. Even if it is just to rock. One thing I heard about getting babies to sleep thru the night, is to keep stimulation to a bear minimum. Only if he needs, change his diaper (you wouldn't change him if he slept all night), very little light, & no talking. I understand it's supposed to help them realize that this is not playtime. Bottom line is that you do what you think is best. I totally get the sleeping thing, but I promise, it gets better.

Hi Aleisha -
I thought I might share with you what I did with my 3 kids. I read a book called "Babywise" and based my methods loosely on his. The book got some criticism, mind you, but one concept I found worked for all of our children, each of them different little creatures with their own personalities, so I think there is some validity to it. Basically, feed your little one AFTER they have slept, not right before or as a way to get them to fall asleep. Seems simple enough, right? So, morning breakfast, right after they wake. Put down for first nap at least a half hour after they eat. Then as soon as he wakes from the nap, nurse him and then do some of your normal activity with him. Then, maybe, feed him lunch at noon, have some more light activity/playing, whatever. Then put him down for his nap when you do. Feed him/nurse him WHEN HE WAKES from the nap...and so on. This method of sleeping/feeding did wonders for all of my children. It got rid of any sleeping "crutch", so they could learn to fall asleep without me having to nurse them or rock them to sleep EVERY TIME, and it helped them sleep through the night much sooner than any of my friends' children, for sure. Also, if I were you, I would use that last wake time, 9:30 - 10:30 to nurse him one last time for the night. And you don't need to have a bunch of activity after that feeding, necessarily, just a diaper change, a kiss, etc. and then back to bed. For the rest of the night, if he wakes up, give him a couple minutes. Listen to his cries. Are the just little occasional howls, or is it a full blown tear fest? If it's just some little cries, give him time to work it out himself. They are learning so much during their waking hours that it's normal to wake up and babble or move their awkward limbs, trying out what they've been learning. And see if he eventually falls back asleep on his own. If it's some serious crying, the kind that tells you something is wrong, quietly go into his room, feel his diaper while he's still laying in his bed, check to see what the problem is, but don't make a lot of eye contact or turn on the lights, or pick him up if you don't have to. Rub his back gently, cover him up again, whisper little assurances to help him calm down, and then quietly leave the room. This will put you at ease that there is nothing seriously wrong that would cause his crying, and may give you the ability to know when he can cry for a little while to release some of the pent up energy that may be keeping him awake. Let me know if you need any of this made more clear or practical. I hope you find the answers you need!
J.

Hi Aleisha!

I did not read all of the advice you received, but I did read Kathy I's, and I agree with everything she said!!!

If your son is hungry, feed him, even if it is in the middle of the night. Feeding him won't make him regularly wake up at that time. You are NOT reinforcing him waking up. My son stopped taking bottles at night at 9 months, but still woke up at various times until he was 13 months old.

My son went through several large growth spurts and would eat constantly. He was like a bottomless pit. My son also had huge teething bouts where he was getting 2-4 teeth at a time. He just wanted to be held and cuddled. He still likes to cuddle when he's tired and wants to sleep or if something is bothering him.

I know being tired all the time sucks. Believe me, I know all too well! But in the end I think it's all worth it. I firmly believe my son has learned to trust and count on me whenever he needs me.

Just remember it's a phase! You'll both get through it!

I agree, I don't like the crying it out method and it has never worked for my daughter. It sounds, though, that your son isn't getting in enough calories throughout the day. He is getting older, and needs the extra calories to stay full, esp. since it sounds like he did fine until about 2 months ago. Even by 6 or 7 mnths, he should be able to sleep at least 8 hours a night. Regardless of what any Dr or book says, start feeding him more solids. He should be taking a jar at breakfast, along with the ones at lunch and dinner, plus nursing and even some snacks here and there. Granted, I formula fed my daughter, but the amount of calorie intake should be the same. It may sound like a lot of food, but my daughter was tiny (6 lbs) when she was born, and she has always been right on the mark for weight and height, so don't worry, you won't be overfeeding him. Here is a schedule I did with my daughter at 9 months of age: she has been sleeping through the night (12 hours) since 4 months of age.
The times may be a little off but you'll get an idea of the amount of food/milk she needed.

Morning 8-8:30Am
Jar of baby fruit with cereal
6-8 ounces of formula

Snack 10-10:30 AM
banana cookie, or toast, or wheat crackers (1 or 2), or some cheese
2 ounces of juice diluted with water

11-1PM nap

Lunch 1-1:30PM
jar of veggies
6 ounces of formula

Nap 3-4:30PM

Dinner 5-5:30PM
Jar of meats and some more veggies
2 ounces of juice diluted

Before bed 7PM
bath
6-8 ounces of formula and some cereal

8:00PM in bed

Another thing is this, it nay take a couple of days to break the habit, so a pacifier will work wonders. If you don't use one, consider it because he could still just be waking up to satisfy his need for sucking.

Hi Aleisha,
Is your son a big baby? He might be hungry. If he is nursing every 2 that is a lot for an 8 month old. Have you tried some cereal before putting him to bed? I babysit in my home and I have a little one about that age. She is eating breakfast (cereal and a jar of food). She then gets a 4 oz. bottle (her mom brings me breast milk)about 2 hours later. She eats 2 jars of food for me for lunch and then she takes another 4 ozs. about an hour later. I know her mom feeds her 2 more jars for dinner and she then gets cereal and a fruit before bed. She is a really little baby too. She only weighs about 16 pounds so if he is bigger, he might need more. Just a suggestion.

I would suggest to try to let him go a little longer through the night before going in. Maybe if you let him get a good feeding at the 930/10 when he wakes up he would sleep longer through the night. I remember my son going to bed at 8 and then waking up at 11pm for a feeding and then sleeping till about 6am. It could be the teething and givng a little bit of pain relief medicine or teething gel on the gums might help some. Teething and ear infections can sometimes mimic each other, at the next appointment you might want to ask about the ears and make sure there's nothing going on there. I wish you the best of luck!

I did not read all of the advice so I might be repeating. But have you thought about starting him on three meals a day? You said he was already eating 2 but that you are still nursing him EVERY TWO HOURS, that's kinda alot for a baby eating meals. maybe he's not filling up and is still really hungary, maybe he needs more solids because they take longer that breast milk to digest. Or instead of getting him out of bed try just rubbing his back softly when he wakes.

I'd say the reason hes waking up quite a bit is because ur still nursing every two hrs. Therefore he cant last long without feeding. Every two hrs is what they tell u at the hospital with infants. I really would work on spacing out his nursing. He should be at least every 4 hrs by now. In alittle over 3months ur child will be 1 and shouldnt be nursing much past that so i would try.
good luck and best wishes
R.

Hello Aleisha. I completly understand for my little one has just decided not to sleep through the night. She wants a nap around 6p and I have had to put up with her crying and fussing from 6-8p and we tend to go for drives, but not long enough for her to fall asleep or I let her sleep for twenty min and then wake her up. Also, just last night I got her to sleep and put her in her swing to sleep for the night (yet it was 2a) b/c she would wake up and cry cry cry when I put her in bed. She slept much better sleeping sitting up in her swing last night. I have heard that when they lie down and are teething that it can be painful for them.
Also, nursing every two hours might be alot, depending on how much he drinks. I pump milk about every other day and my daughter likes to drink it out of her cup or water when she eats. Also, my daughter eats about 2-3 jars of stage 3 & 2 foods a day and she eats cheerios through out the day and she eats several different regular table foods; spaghetti is her favorite.
So, your baby boy might not be eating enough during the day or his teeth might be bothering him. Also, when mine gets up during the night I generally put her in bed with my hubby and I and she nurses and I go back to sleep. I have older children also and I need my sleep also. Best of Luck!

Aleisha,
I have a feeling you're going to receive many different kinds of responses to your question. That being said, you know your baby best and it will probably take a lot of patience and several ideas before you discover what works best for both of you.

I would say your little boy is on a great sleep schedule and I don't think his naps are effecting his night sleep at all (if that was even a question of yours). And a 7 o'clock bedtime is not early at all for an infant. My daughter, who just turned one, was going to bed at 7 o'clock from the time she was 6 weeks old until she was about 10 months. Even now, she's in bed by 7:30 or 8 pm.

It's not unusual for a baby to start waking up during the night even if they had been good sleepers until then. You mentioned he's teething, and he's probably going through a growth spurt. My daughter was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks (we had been faithfully breastfeeding every two hours until then), but whenever she was growing, she'd wake up a few times through the night. It only lasted a little while and she was back to her normal routine.

I did not want to let my baby cry either, and for the most part I haven't. However, we tried it a couple nights for *10* minutes, which is very manageable, and like magic she fell back asleep. If she cries any more than that, we rock her-no talking or playing-for about 5 minutes and it works like a charm. I know many people don't think this is the best option. But it works for us. A *few* minutes of crying is OK, I promise. It's not the Ferber method, it's my "Save My Sanity" method. And I thought it was worth a shot to see if she could put herself back to sleep in the evenings. All I had to do was give her a chance and she did it.

Good luck. It won't last forever! :-)

Have you heard of Hylands teething tablets? They are all natural and wonderful. You can get them at Walmart for about $6 for a bottle of 250 tablets. We tried everything with my daughter ( who's now almost 18 mos ) and this worked wonders.

Hi Aleisha,

I totally understand what you are going through. My daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was almost one. In sleepless desperation we tried letting her cry it out a couple times but we just couldn't do it (and one time she actually cried until she threw up). She would usually get up at least twice during the night and I would hold her and rock her but she wouldn't go back to sleep until I nursed her. We figured out though that if my husband went in instead of me, she would let him rock her back to sleep. I think she knew that Daddy couldn't feed her. We got her to drop one feeding the first the first week and by the second week of doing this she was sleeping through the night. I think her stomach just needed to get used to being empty at night. Also, I had several people suggest giving her water bottles at night in place of the late night feedings, that way her stomach would still get used to not having calories, but we never actually had to try it.
Try not to blame yourself for your son's sleeping habits. I think babies are all just different. My daugther took forever to sleep more than a few hours at a time but my four month old has been sleeping through since he was three months old and I did the same thing for both of them.
Also, Nighttime Orajel might help.
Good luck and don't worry, he'll get it figured out! :)