Sleeping - Hacienda Heights, CA

Well in addition to what Deanna Leigh said....
basically, your daughter's "world" has been turned upside down by the introduction of her sibling.

It is not only you that had a baby, your daughter "had a baby" too.

When a child is "stressed" or anxious... they regress. This is one symptom of their emotional well-being or not. She is waking a lot and crying for you... this is a regression. BUT ALSO, she is 2 years old... and this comes with the territory.

Just think... put yourself in her shoes... it's really NOT easy for a child going through the 2's stage... it's hard on them too, they don't do things like this just for fun or to irk the parents. This is "growing pains." PLUS, she had, 4 months ago, a SIBLING dropped into her life. AND, Mommy is now busier, not as focused on just her, is tired, is tending to baby more.... and it makes the eldest sibling feel "marginal."

Children sometimes take a LONG time to adjust to life's upsets... give her time, give her comfort, give her understanding, give her patience. You want her to TRUST you... forever... and that this incident will not set her up for angst in the future.

This stage is full of natural transgressions, and adjustments. ALSO at this age, their "emotions" are not even fully developed. and they cannot understand all the abstractness of it at this age. Their "impulse control" is not even fully developed either.

She will get back to normalcy, once she feels happy again. Or at ease about her life.

One thing I would not do, (not saying you are), but there is no need to "punish" for this, or be punitive about it all. They need HELP from their Parents... if you must bring her into bed with you then fine.
OR, an alternative would be, to get a futon mattress for the floor in your bedroom, and let her sleep there. That is what we do with both our kids. It works for us, and them.

My girl was also like that. Then she grew out of it. I've learned, that you can't always "make" them sleep all night until they are ready. Yes, you can try things, rewards, punishments, putting up gates in their doorway etc. But, in the end, they will still get up, search for you, come to you for what they are feeling and want to be with you. They are just a child. It's okay.

Also at this age, they begin to have night-mares and develop "fears" about night-time or the "boogey man" and the dark. This is all NORMAL developmental stages. They can't help it... but they NEED us to help them navigate through it. We are their "guide" through the unknowns that they are anxious about.

Your girl has a LOT on her plate to adjust to and deal with. It takes time.. it's her age, and her new sibling, and her Mommy has another baby to tend to, and the crying of the baby, and everything. Whoa... what a world to carry on such little shoulders....

Not all children sleep perfectly from day one. That is the exception. The reality is, most kids wake up... they are changing, their parents are changing in relation to their development, and EXPECTATIONS upon them are getting higher. WOW! How overwhelming for a 2 year old! An "eldest" child, whether or not they say it, has a LOT OF pressure and new expectations upon them.... just because they are the oldest they are by default, "expected" to behave, be perfect, be an example to the baby, read their parents minds, and do everything.... but, they can't. They are not "ready" for all this. It's hard for them.

Give her time. It'll be okay. She has a whole childhood to fulfill yet.

All the best, sorry for rambling,
Susan

My daughter did the same thing when my third daughter was born and at the time she was just under 3, we let her sleep in bed with us to show her that she is still our baby too and it did not create a habit at all, she ended up staying in her own bed all night after about a week of sleeping with us. I would still start her in her bed everynight and eventually, she just stayed there one night and did not have a problem again! Good luck!

Lori,

You're doing a great job!!

Having a new little one is a huge challenge, let alone helping a toddler understand that there place in YOUR world by the new baby. Sleep issues can be related to a number of things in toddler, but usually it's a change in their daily routine and for yours I'm guessing it's the new little one being around.

Where does the baby sleep? In your room? This may be a key reason to why she's comfy in your bed, and everyone sleeps fine. Co-sleeping is not a 'habit' but, a way of bonding between parents and child. It doens't have to be something that you ALWAYS do, but can be done for now to ease your little girls mind that she is still a part of the big picture.

My son has never been a 'good' sleeper and we have been co-sleeping since he was 2 months old and home from the NICU. But, for me it wasn't something I was planning on doing. It just ended up being what made sense for me and my little family. My son is now a pretty good sleeper and we are in the process of transitioning to a big boy bed in very small baby steps!

If you aren't planning on co-sleeping full-time, I would create a co-sleeping bed for your little girl on the floor of your room. I have heard mentioned from other posters a futon works well for this, and then talk to her about it. Let her know if she needs you or Daddy she can come sleep on that bed and you'll be there for her. Try to make her a part of the baby's routine, so she feels like Mommy's Helper during the day, and you can give her that positive feedback she's longing for at night. When I was little and my sis was born, I used to do the same thing and my parents let me build a bed in there room...it was fun until I realized how much the baby woke up at night and I gave up. But, my Mom used to let me help with the diaper bag, laundry, dressing the baby and stuff like that...it was so cool and my sister and I are so close even today.

Work with your hubby to create a system that works for you, so that everyone's needs are met and your little one's are happy and safe!

Good Luck.

Hi Lori,

I went through this too with my 2 year old son when our daughter was born a year ago. I think that the older child works out a lot of their anxiety and stress regarding having a new sibling during sleep, and this disrupts their sleep pattern a lot - almost like their subconsious goes into hyper-drive.

She'll get over it I think. In the meantime, I wouldn't worry about starting a bad habit - habits can be broken with children as easily as they are started, so I'd just do what feels best to you right now and know that you can always change things in the future if you need too.

She may be just needing more of you right now than you are able to give her during the day (with the little baby in tow) and is getting her battery charged at night.

I don't know if this would work for your daughter, but I would always walk my step-son back to his bed and lie down with him until he fell asleep and then I'd go to my room, unless I fell asleep in there. That way he didn't get used to being in our bed. He didn't do it often and grew out of it all together within a year.
I also found these little tablets called Calm Forte, made by Hylands, the makers of the teething tablets. Anyway, they really help my baby nap and sleep at night and they're all natural.
Best,
S. G.

To me, it sounds like the problem is related to the new baby coming home.
Maybe your daughter has figured out that at three in the morning, she can get both you and your husband's attention. So that's when she does it.
Perhaps there is a way to fit in some special time just for her (during the day) to help ease that need.
Good Luck!

Do yourself a favor and get some homeopathic sleep spray from Lifewave or get their sleep patches. They work like magic! SAFE for kids! They are called Silent Nights. Go to Lifewave.com/kherihealth to order or get more info.

Hi Lori, My name is L. and I am a postpartum and birthing doula. I work with families all the time to get their babies to sleep through the night. Here is my suggestion. It usually works with younger babies, but I think it is worth a try of you. If she wakes up everynight at the same time, set your alarm and go in 15-30 min before that time and stir her a little. Just enough to wake her from a deep sleep. Then when she goes back to sleep she won't wake up at the usual time. Do this for 4/5 nights and it should make a difference I know it is a big commitment for you, but it works for me all the time. Good luck. ____@____.com

Hi there,
My daughter (18 months)has always woken up during the night. She is an early riser (5:00am) too. She will often wake up at 4:00am and thats when I have to let her cry it out. I go in there and tell her that everyone is still sleeping and she has to go back to sleep. Usually she tells me "no". I lay her back down and tell her good night and I love you, and walk out. She usually scream for a few minutes and then goes back to sleep for an hour or so, and then wakes up for the day.
The only thing that works for our family is to let my daughter cry it out. It usually takes about 2 nights to get her back on track of sleeping in a little longer. I'm sure it has something to do with the birth of your second child. I also brought my daughter in our bed when she would wake up super early,(to get more sleep) but stopped doing it. That was REALLY hard to get her out of that habit.
I think if you are just consistant with letting her fall back to sleep on her own, you will find that it will only take a few nights of torture and she will be sleeping longer.
Good luck!

Go to www.3daysleep.com Your daughter will be sleeping great if you follow Davis' plan.
My son has slept 12hrs/night since he was 4 months old and it's all b/c of her!! She is awesome and the video is cheap and quick to watch!!!
Good luck!!

Don't make her cry alone in the middle of the night! Poor little thing! Her life has recently undergone a massive change. Stop focusing on YOUR goal - getting her to sleep through the night - stop worrying about creating habits. Give her what she needs, comfort, security and reassurance. Let her come into bed with you. It won't last forever!

Hi Lori, I am a Sleep Consultant and Parenting Coach. I can definitely help you get your daughter sleeping through the night. Please visit my website at www.theindependentchild.com and give me a call. Also, take a look at some of my other posts for sleeping problems,
Good Luck,
K. Smith