I have asked this before and have gotten GREAT advice but yet nothing works. My 4 yr old, will be 5 in Dec and has never been a great sleeper! We are now co-sleepers, and it is DRIVING ME CRAZY!! It started out as just a sometimes thing and now it is an everynight thing. We have tried so much to get him to sleep in his own bed. We have let the boys share a room that way he isn't in a room by himself. Didn't work. We have tried night lights, we have tried darkness, we have tried a radio, a fan, NOTHING works. The only other option I see is that everytime he gets up to get in our bed, take him back to his bed. Which means no sleep for everyone in the house! Is there other options? Or is that about it. I love him dearly and he is a great bed buddy but he is getting too old and too big to be in the bed with us. And it takes away from momma and daddy time, which is important in a relationship! Any advice is greatly appreciated!!
We are starting the Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child by Marc W. In it he talks about Sleep Rules - I am very excited to get it started!!
Something else I've noticed is a huge difference in behavior when my kids (and me) have been eating packaged goods vs raw/fresh and whole grains! MUCH better with the raw veggies and fresh fruits!
Good luck!!
Sounds like that's what you'll have to do. You could read the same thing in Marc Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" or in John Rosemond's "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!" Weissbluth says that a well-rested family is the key goal here, and Rosemond points out that bedtime is the parent's and child's first experience with separation, and it's important that both know that the child can survive just fine, and even do well with this time relying on his own coping mechanisms. I know it doesn't feel this way when we're sleep-deprived, but if you are consistent in taking him back to his bed (in a matter-of-fact way), it shouldn't take more than a week or two for him to learn "the new way of doing things." However, he's not going to learn to sleep on his own if you take him to bed with you every night, because that teaches him that Mommy doesn't think he can sleep on his own. (Rosemond also recommends invoking "the doctor" as an authority figure, as in, "The Doctor says it's time for you to sleep in your own bed now, so that's what we're going to do.")
We have two boys, one almost 2 and the other 5 months. At 4 months of age, we used Weissbluth's "rapid extinction" method of sleep training, and in both cases it was a looooong week of lots of tears on everybody's part, and then - boom - sleeping through the night and falling asleep unassisted and everyone's so much better rested afterwards. And when our two-year-old would get out of bed and play after we put him to bed, we decided it was better that he be quietly occupied in his room with his blocks and his books and his stuffed animals, because at least we had quiet adult time, so we let him do that, and he is still getting at least 11 hours of sleep at night and taking a two-hour nap during the day. So, I recommend both these authors. :)
I'd lay down with him in his bed, and then leave to your own bed.
Yes, consistently putting him back in his bed will work. That's what I do with my 2 year old. And believe me, it affords me more sleep than her in bed with me at the moment because I can no longer sleep at all with her kicking me all night long! =)
Have you tried setting up a little cot/futon in your room, but not in your bed?
Have you tried a social story?
The whole house won't go with out sleep for more than a few days. Be conssitent with returning him to this bed. Be calm and unceramonias - meaning pick him up, bring him calmly and lovingly back to his bed, kiss him goodnight and walk out and shut the door behind you.
Do not linger in there! Not even to read a story or sing a lulabye. He may scream, yell, thrown a tamtrum, toss his room, but he is after all that still physically and mentally fine so do not go back in there.
When he comes back out smile tell him he needs to sleep in his own bed and return him to his bed in the very same manner that you did before.
Do this as many times as it takes for him to fall asleep. You may feel frustrated, tired, guilty, sad, and even a little mad when you are doing this. These feelings are normal for every mother and o.k. to have.
Remember, however, that you and your husband are doing this because it is best for him, for you two, for you family, and your marriage. And also that if you give into those feels or his behavior you and your husband are then respondsible for making it worse for everyone the next night.
In nearly 20 years of child care I have only had one child stay up all night and he slept through the night the very next evening, in his bed, the first time we put him down.
During the day be sure you are not sabotaging yourself with food that is full of chemicals, sugars and caffine. The only sugar his body needs comes from whole grains, fruit, and vegatables. This means no chocolate, no snack crackers, no soft drinks like koolaid, sunny delight, all sodas, and store bought juices.(Jucies unless you make it yourself do contain chemicals for presevatives that contribute to bad behavior.)
Do not let him nap and make sure the first day you try this is after a long day out. I want you to spend at least 8 hours out of the house with this child. Go to the park, the zoo, the aquarium, go find pony rides, go to a fair, get out and be busy.
All day long talk about how great it is going to be for him to sleep in his bed let him pick a souvinier from your day. But do not give it to him to play with. He only can have it the next morning after he has slept in his bed.
You can conquer this, I have faith in you.
Best of Luck!
L.
Hi A.,
I have heard that the following works...no experience with it...my children are now 16 and 28 so it's not an issue here. Try having your son sleep on a mat on the floor next to the bed for a couple nights then start moving the mat closer and closer to his room as the nights progress until you have him back in his bed. Should he wake during the night and crawl into bed with you, you'll just have to bite the bullet and put him back onto the mat (or in his bed). It might mean no sleep for a few days but in the end you'll get your bed back.
Good luck.
W. Q
My 4 year old can't get out of his room - we put one of those door knob things on his door knob so he can't get out of his room and come in our room. It actually works - now he sleeps in a little later - now that he knows he can't get up and come in our room and wander around the house. I'm sure there are some steps you would need to take to get to this point because we basically "locked" him in his room when he first started coming out of his room at night but really it is a great thing - keeps him in his room - and of course we have the video monitor still in his room so if he wakes up and is crying etc. we can see whats going on and decide if we need to go in there etc. Might be worth a try. Good luck.
One thing I have hear of is to take the mattress of his bed and place it on the floor next to your bed. Tell him he is too big to sleep with mom and dad any more but he can sleep right next to you on his own mattress. The trick is to move it every other night or every other week until he is comfortable sleep in his own bed.
Our daughter co-slept with us til around 2 1/2, finally we got her going down in her own room but then she would come into bed with us around midnight. We also have a 1 year old co-sleeping with us so it was pretty crammed (also pretty much put a damper on mommy daddy time). Finally I decided to try getting up and putting her back in her room when she tried to get into ours. I was amazed to find it only took about 3-4 nights before she began sleeping thru the night in her own bed, just as soon as I heard her cry I would run in there and talk to her for a minute and say you have to stay in your bed... Then she would go back to sleep, she only really cried the first two nights then she just settled back down. I was shocked at how easy it was, now she goes down every night and sleeps all the way thru... What a blessing :) Hope you can get your son sleeping, it is so nice to get your bed back :)
I'd flip through No-Cry Sleep Solution and especially the Sears Nighttime Parenting Book. No-Cry tends to be for younger children, but I'm sure that some of the ideas will help, and it's good to have solid knowledge of some of the base rules for good sleep just to make sure you've got all of your bases covered. Nighttime Parenting also has some excellent advice for how to get a child back into his own bed from your own. The basic idea is to do it gradually - say, over hte course of a few weeks, but really just let things work for your family based on how things progress. You first have him sleep at the foot of your bed in a sleeping bag or a little mattress or whatever. After a few nights or a week or so, move it closer to the door. Give him stars or a chart or rewards for X number of nights that he stays put. Make it all very positive, and try to keep looking to the ultimate goal. Make it okay for him to return to your bed on tough nights, but keep encouraging him. The less stress he feels around this, the more effective it all is, because of course stress affects sleep.
After not very long, he can sleep just outside your door - maybe, at first, with the door open a bit; then, open less; then, just open a crack, over the course of several nights or a week (or two if he's having a hard time with it). Maybe help him build a little sleep nook/fort somewhere in the house, and that can be his special place for a while. Help him decorate it according to his favorite, non-scary, theme. At bedtime, take a flashlight and read him a story before bed. He might really like that! Maybe he won't be in *his* bed in *his* room for a while, but at least he will enjoy it enough to be out of yours! And of course, once he feels ready, he can either gradually move to his bedroom, or take that big step one day, and you can have a little ceremony or party - maybe this will be in December, and coincide with his birthday, as he's becoming such a big boy.
Of course, depending on how things go, and what other great advice in these books works for you, it might be much sooner than that, that you see your son sleeping soundly in his own bed, in his room!
Techniques aside, if he's dealing with a sleep *disorder*, then neurofeedback might be your greatest help. It can also enhance the process I just described by helping to calm your son and get him used to having sleepy feelings away from snuggling with Mom and Dad. It acts as white noise, but instead of just being some new, loud, unfamiliar noise - which would be very hard for anyone to adjust to when they're used to sleeping in silence or a very quiet room - the sleep sessions actually induce sleep. It's very safe, there are no side effects, and it can have good other effects, such as a strengthened immune system (i don't know how that works, but it does).
I like http://www.brainsync.com/product.asp?specific=142 and http://www.brainsync.com/product.asp?specific=156 They need to be played *in stereo*. This is very important. You son can listen to it with headphones, or you can place two stereos near the head of his bed, one on either side. You also need to play it at a volume that allows him to hear it well, i.e., not barely audible with the intention of letting him "sleep through the noise." He needs to be able to hear it well in order for it to work, and even if it's pretty loud, he'll sleep, anyway.
You'll do great. Get Nighttime Parenting by Dr. Sears! You will be so relieved!
L.
A.,
This advice is coming from a friend of mine who started eache of her children off in their bed. Every child but the oldest transitioned out of their bed before the next one arrived and this is how they did it. They made pallets on the floor right by the mom's side of the bed and the children were allowed to stay there as long as they wanted to. Last time I talked to her the 2nd child was in another room by herself and the oldest was still on the floor, at like seven or eight years of age.
If you put your son on the floor by you, you would be right there and he could touch you if he needed to and if he can't settle down, he'd only be an arms length away. Four-year olds are all arms and legs so DH and I wouldn't want one that age in our bed either.
K.
