Sleeping - DeKalb,IL

Hi,
Don't know if you've ever watched "Supernanny" with Jo Frost on ABC TV, but she has some really good sleep training techniques. It starts with you putting your child in bed after a bedtime routine (story, hugs, kisses, etc) then sitting down in the same room. The first time your child gets out of bed or talks, you simply say, "It's bedtime, sweetie" and place him back in bed. However, each time thereafter, (no matter how many times!!!) you simply place him back in bed with NO CONVERSATION WHATSOEVER. You sit in his room and wait each time until he falls asleep. It always ends up working on the show IF the parents stick with it. You could probably look online on ABC's website for a link to her if this isn't clear or you want the exact routine. Good luck to you!! C.

Hi J.,
Wow! Remember the days when we stayed up late because we didn't have to wake up for anything? Seems looong ago doesn't it? :) My almost 4 year old had that issue for awhile and I found that two things worked: a reward system for being a " big girl" in combination with a bit of at home "peer pressure". Let me explain. The reward system was a calendar that she got to put a sticker or ink stamp on for each night she slept in her own bed all night. At first it was a miracle- she was always excited to get to apply the sticker each morning. As it started to wear off, I incorporated "you're friends are sleeping in THEIR own beds like big boys and girls". I wouldn't use this approach for everything, of course, but for the subject I felt it was appropriate. Sometimes peer pressure does have positive results (potty training was another that she experienced peer pressure about but at school from the children themselves). It took about 3 weeks but since then I have had only a few nights when she will come into my room. At that point I take her right back to hers and stay consistent with telling her that her bed is where she has to sleep. I hope this helps! Good luck and best wishes for some good ol REM cycle sleep!!

Hi J.. Your son has not learned how to soothe himself to sleep -- he has been trained to depend upon you. You will have to break this by not allowing it anymore. Use the basic sleep training concept: First, create a new, structured bedtime routine and never deviate from the routine (this will train him to prepare his own body for sleeping and create his own sleep cues). At an appropriate time in the routine, remind him (warmly and kindly) that his job is to sleep in his own bed by himself. Let him know you expect him to sleep there.

Second, you must STOP your own behavior: do not allow him into your bed. Do not lay with him any more. If/When he wakes and comes to you, calmly and silently walk him back to his room. Do this over and over and over. He may need to scream-it-out for a while. Yes, you and the other children will endure a number of rough nights and sleepy/crabby days, but with 100% consistency he will learn over time. The greatest gift you can give him is to teach him how to give himself a healthy night of sleep without any dependencies.

In the meantime, I strongly recommend you get a hold of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," by Marc Weissbluth, MD. This book talks about sleeping issues for children of ALL ages, through adolescence (not just babies). You'll be able to address the needs of all three of your children. See if one of your friends or your local library has a copy you can borrow.

WE went through this, too.First you can reassure him that you are nearby all the time and that he needs to fall asleep on his own. Music helps, or a good story or song before bed and establish a ritual. Of course in a perfect world this works right away but we are talking human here...When he comes in- May I suggest that if he wants to sleep with you that you start weaning him by letting him sleep on the floor. He is old enough to understand it and he will still be by your side. He can have his pillow and his blankie, etc. You really need your sleep. Let him know how much you love him and that you just need to get more rest so you can be great fun in the daytime! And just to let you know, he probably wont want to sleep with you forever as I have noticed from my own sons. Basically once they get older we are pretty much simply not in the picture as much. So perhaps against all others advice why don't you get your snuggles in while you can and dont feel bad. I had a son in the service for six years and wished I could have those days back!! Fortunately HE is back!!!

If you figure out the solution, let me know, too! My son will be 7 in a couple of weeks, and he does the EXACT same thing! Now, my 2 year old daughter has also started waking up every night around 2 or 3 in the morning, crying and wanting to either lay in my bed or on the couch. I know that I should stand my ground and put her back in her own bed, but I'm so exhausted that I've been giving in to both of them just so my husband and I can get a little bit of sleep. To make matters worse, I have a full size bed, so trying to sleep with 4 people in a full size bed is ridiculous! What can we do?

I had the same problem many years ago. I am not sure if someone told me or I read it or what, but the idea was let him come in the room, but tell him he needs to sleep on the floor. It really is just a habit they need to break. In other countries entire families sleep together in one room so it is no weird. Anyway, I did it and it worked like a charm. My son had was given a choice the floor in my room or the bed in his. I guess sleeping on the floor isn't so fun. It is the new year so it is a good time for you to say there is something new. Let us know how it goes.

J. - I agree with Sheila, get your snuggles in while you can. My son used to wake up many nights and come into our bed. He would go right back to sleep so it just woke me up for a minute. I didn't do anything about it and eventually it just stopped on its own. Maybe your son just needs a little extra closeness to you because of the new baby - or whatever other reason. If it really bothers you, put a mattress on the floor next to your bed and tell him he can sleep there.

I had the same problem many years ago. I am not sure if someone told me or I read it or what, but the idea was let him come in the room, but tell him he needs to sleep on the floor. It really is just a habit they need to break. In other countries entire families sleep together in one room so it is no weird. Anyway, I did it and it worked like a charm. My son had was given a choice the floor in my room or the bed in his. I guess sleeping on the floor isn't so fun. It is the new year so it is a good time for you to say there is something new. Let us know how it goes.

My advice is to gradually change your pattern with him, not suddenly change everything you are doing. You can let him know that he is a "big boy" and needs to learn sleeping independently for his own health and development, not because he is being rejected in any way. Gradually spend a smaller and smaller amount of time with him when you lay him down, so he can get used to falling asleep on his own. Certainly a bedtime routine is crucial. And when he comes into your room just walk him back to his room and spend a small amount of time with him. Of course he will object at first but continue to gently insist that older kids sleep on their own, etc. You can offer a nice reward if you like for when he begins to sleep independently, but the real reward is his newfound "maturity". Just don't shame him or make him feel bad about the change, but rather be proud of it.