Hi - My 1 year old daughter now wakes up in the middle of the night and the only thing that seems to get her to go back to bed is if she comes into bed with my husband and me. Has anyone else had this issue and if so - how long did you let your child sleep with you? Do you think there is anything wrong with this as long as they start out in their crib which she does and she goes to sleep in an instant. Thank you.
I just want to thank everyone for all their kind responses and opinions...now I don't feel so bad after reading all of your experiences. Thank you so much! ~T.~
Well, I guess I'm not one to talk to. My son still won't sleep alone and he's five. It all started when he was able to stand up in the crib and not get down...and we did not have the heart to ferberize him (let him cry it out.) I hear it works though...
If you don't mind your child in bed with you at any time then it is fine to do that, but what happens when you don't want her there anymore? It will be torturous to get her out. My advice...never let her in.
Yes, I am in the same boat,,, if you can resist, let her cry it out a few times and see if she will learn to soothe herself to sleep. I know it sounds incredibly harsh and the sound of my daughters cry makes my heart hurt,,,, BUT my daughter will be two in january and we are going through the same thing and expecting another this month. eik!!!! We just laugh saying it will be the four of us in bed.
My daughter will be 2 in January and still falls asleep in our bed (we then put her in her crib). Not often, but there are times that she does wake in the middle of the night and I will let her come back to our bed and stay there for the rest of the night. We both work full time and I feel that if we can all get a good night sleep then there is nothing wrong with it. Of course some may not think this is good, but I don't care as we all feel better with a good night sleep, plus as we both work this is our daugther's way of bonding and feel safe (which is fine with me, she is growing up so fast and it will not last forever).
There was just an article in the NY Times about this issue. A lot more people let their children sleep with them than they admit. My son is 18 months and he sleeps with us every night. Due to my work schedule, it was impossible to put him down in his crib. There is nothing wrong with it as long as you are getting enough sleep (and your husband doesn't mind).
Hi T.! To be honest with you, I was one of those moms who scoffed at others who let their children sleep in their bedds with them under any circumstances, until I had a late night creeper of my own that is. Do what you have to to get some sleep - we all know how tiring it is to be "on" from the early hours until bedtime so I say keep the blanky in the bed and sleep on sister!
My son did the same thing around that age. We also brought him into our bed a couple of times, and soon it became a habit. He was going to sleep in his crib and waking up around 2 and would call for me to come and get him. This lasted a couple of weeks, and none of us were sleeping that great. So, we decided to stop it, and the way we did it was for me not to go to his room we he called for me. My husband would go in, and just rub his back till he fell back sleep. It took about three days, and we were back on schedule of sleeping in his crib and through the night. If you are looking to change the habit, then I think the longer you let it go on, the more difficult it will be. However, if you are OK with the arrangement, then it's OK to let your daughter sleep with you. I personally loved having my son sleep next to me, but he's such a rough sleeper and kicked so much that it would just not work.
My kids are grown so I am speaking from past experiences; but I have to say, children need boundaries. When my children cried in the nite, I did all the things said already, to be sure they were comfortable. Then I would tuck them back in to there own crib or bed, rub their back, played soft music and stay with them till they fell back to sleep. I would often softly sing or just repeat some sort of reassurance to them. I just enforced that they had to sleep in their own beds. I agree with he woman who has a futon in the room; but keep them in their own bed. Stay in the rm with them. If they are old enough to talk as them what is wrong. Let them know that you want to fix it; but again > children need boundaries. Look at our world, it is overcome by children with know rules or respect. It does not hurt them to have rules; it actually makes them stronger in the long run. MY OPINION. Mother of two well behaved and respectable men.
Hello! Now mind you, I am no Dr. or psychologist or anything but, I feel that if a child needs their parents because they have woken up in the middle of the night and are scared, not feeling well, or whatever than what is it hurting to let them be were they feel safe and comfortable. I have an 11 year, and a 2 year old who both have done and do this. My older son outgrew it and I'm sure my younger son will too. I want my kids to know that they can come to me for anything and at anytime. Even in the middle of the night. I am so bothered by people who say that kids should not sleep with their parents and to let them cry until they give up and fall asleeep. What is this actually teaching them?
The fact they are starting off in their bed is good but they need to know you are close by and they can count on you to be there for them. Good Luck! Have a great day!
I can only speak about what worked for us. I wanted to keep our bed sacred since it's the only place we can spend time together alone. Plus, I read alot about the dangers of rolling over or the child falling off. So, for us, we didn't want to do it. With that being said, we don't make our son (now 18-months-old) to "cry it out", especially in the middle of the night. We bought a futon and if need be, one of us will lay with him in that. We also wouldn't take him out of his crib right away. We'd offer him water (sometimes he wakes up and is thirsty- I know I get the same way.), check if he needed a diaper change (if so, we'd take him to get it changed since he won't sleep if he's uncomfortable, plus it avoids morning leaks) or give him his pacifier back (sometimes he will wake up if it falls out) and then walk away. He usually just lays back down. Granted, we understand every child is different and this may not work for you but it works for us.
He's a happy and healthy baby and pretty independent. I talked to one mom I work with who has 4 children ranging in age from 3-11 and she says they've always slept with her and still do. My question was when do they spend time alone together? But then I realized they had 4 kids so they must've found the time. Basically, do some research on the pros and cons and decide what works for you and your family. For us, we won't do it. Take care!
It is perfectly normal and healthy to sleep with our babies. Many cultures (including our own) have done it for centuries...its the way nature intended...babies NEED to be close to their Momma's. I dont think there is anything wrong with it EVEN if she starts out in your bed. My 10 month old sleeps in his pack and play right next to me until he wakes for his first nursing. Then he's in bed with us, and there he stays until morning. My older kids did the same thing. As long as you feel ok about it, let her stay with you if thats what makes her happy. She'll give it up when shes ready! My older kids were still sneaking in bed with us until they were about 5, but it wasnt a nightly thing like it was when they were little. I hope that helps!
It's perfectly fine in my opinion. A lot of times I'll wake up to discover that my son has come into our bed in the middle of the night. He'll be 3 in Dec. If that's what makes your child feel safe and secure, by all means let him/her do it.
I have a nine month old daughter and she comes in bed with us about midnight or so. Sometimes she wakes up once or twice after I put her down. I usually nurse her back to sleep and then put her in her crib but by the middle of the night I want to sleep and so does she but she can't go back to sleep without me. I don't have a problem with her being in bed with me but it is a somewhat sore subject between my husband and me. I can't let her cry it out I don't have it in me- and honestly I think she would cry not just for 10-20 minutes but for a few hours and I can't handle that at all.
IF you figure out a way to get your child to sleep in the crib through the night- please let me know :)
I love having her snuggled next to me I just don't want to fight with my husband.
I myself have my neice (15 mos) overnight once in awhile and I let her come into bed with us if she wakes up. I dont go get her right away...I'd try and let her soothe herself. If that doesnt work I try changing her diaper and giving her a drink of water...keeping lights low so she isn't completely shocked awake. Then I would lay her down and give it a try for 5 minutes. Sometimes she goes right back to sleep but sometimes she needed to come to bed with me. When she finally goes back to sleep I attempt to lay her down in her own crib. If she stays asleep then that great, if not I would just keep her with us till morning. I know it's the same thing my sister does with her and I will do with my own one day.
My opinion is if she wakes up something is bothering her and if all the above doesn't make her feel safe then she needs the extra cuddling and body warmth to make her feel safe again.
I'm so glad to see that you haven't been bombarded by negative responses! This is such a controversial issue, it's nice to know that people aren't looking for a fight! :)
My opinion is that my opinion shouldn't matter. As long as your daughter is otherwise healthy and happy, if having her in bed with you for part (or all) of the night is not bothering you, then it's not a problem. Take pride in knowing that your daughter can sleep soundly knowing that her parents will be there for her when she needs them. Many families are co-sleeping well beyond your daughter's age and are perfectly happy.
And please, if you decide to try CIO, make sure you do some research first to be sure you're truly comfortable with the potential ramifications. Personally, I've found that I don't feel that "a good night's sleep" for me is worth it.
I think she is just looking for comfort for one reason or another and wouldn't be concerned that you are doing her any harm. My daughter went through a phase like that right before she turned 1. She would wake in the middle of the night screaming and the only thing that would calm her down was to lay in my bed. I was really worried, since she had never done this before. It started right when she was learning to walk and stopped as soon as she mastered walking, about a month later. It could be coincidence, but I feel like she was really frustrated by not being able to walk and once that was resolved she didn't need that "extra" comforting.
She slept in her own crib for nearly a year after that, but we shared a bedroom when we lived in NYC (until 3 months ago). Now that we have moved, she hasn't really taken well to having her own room. The Dr. said the transition would take awhile, but not to worry. She absolutely will not go to sleep in her own bed. I move her there after she falls asleep, and we usually make it until about 4 am, when she walks to my room and climbs in. I feel OK about this for now, as I think it is giving her extra security after the disruption of an interstate move. I am planning to buy her a larger bed (the toddler bed really is too small for her) and am hoping that if she picks out all the new bedding she will be excited about sleeping in her own "big girl bed".
I hope its helpful at least to know that you aren't alone!
Hi T., do what makes you and your child feel comfortable and don't worry what someone else thinks. If You both get adequate sleep and happy in the morning, doesn't interfere with marriage or relationship, then just do it. You daughter just wants to feel safe and comforted, no one can make her feel that better than mommy.
yes. yes. yes. jacob (now two) would come in the middle of the night with us until he was from about 41/2 months 15 months. Some nights my husband or I would sleep on the blowup bed. I worried and worried, and then he just stopped.
he still comes in early mornings sometimes (6ish) but other than that he's grown out of it
