Sleeping - Victoria,TX

There is a chapter on that exact subject in the "No Cry Sleep Solutions for Toddlers", which gives a few different ways to go about it. It's a great book. I highly recommend it.

I would leave the door cracked, but follow the same routine that the sitter started. She's already "used" to it and it will be uniform if you continue it. Then, she will no longer associate it with her babysitter.

Hi! My son was never a snuggler. :( If I were in your shoes I would try a modified Super Nanny technique. Buy her a soft snuggly bear to sleep with & tell her this is her sleepy time bear. Tell her he snuggles & helps big girls like her have sweet dreams. Have a bedtime routine that you follow every night. Take her to her bed, read a story, turn on the night light, give her the snuggle bear & say prayers. Then say good night & leave the room. If she comes out of bed, say, "its bedtime sweetie" & escort her back to bed, give her the snuggle bear & leave the room. If she comes out of bed again, simply say, "bedtime" & escort her back to bed. If she comes out of bed the 3rd (& subsequent times) you don't say anything, you just escort her back to bed. There may be tears & a lot of escorting her back to bed (I've seen Super Nanny have to do it for 2 hours) but eventually she will get it. Consistancy is crutial for it to work. Its time, she's old enough, so don't feel badly about it. Good luck!

My daughter went through sleep issues as well. There are other approaches besides CIO that are not so severe and stressful. Perhaps you and your babysitter can gently rub your daughter's back until she falls asleep. If my son is very tired, (also 3.5), I tell him I need to wash my face or go to the bathroom and I will check on him in a minute. When I come back, usually he is fast asleep. If he can't go to sleep, I do lay down with him and he is usually asleep within 5-10 minutes. I do not let any of my three children CIO. I believe it teaches your child(ren) not to trust you. When your daughter gets closer to 4, I did the "token approach". I gave my daughter a token before she went to sleep. If she stayed in bed, she could keep the token. If she got up, then she would use the token. If she accumulated ___tokens (I made it 7), then she could get a ___(new toy, trip to the zoo, a special treat, etc.). Good luck!

Mine has to have a night lap and a stuffed animal. Try to make a game out of sleep time. Make it something fun for her instead of somehting she doesn't enjoy. Maybe even for a while put a pallet on the floor next toher where you lie in the pallet and she is in the bed and then slowly move your bed out so to speak.....it will not be overnight but it is achievable.

My oldest slept with us for more than 2 1/2 years, and when I finally got him in his own bed, I still had to lie down with him until he fell asleep. I thought he would never fall asleep on his own, but he finally did! I started off by sitting by his bed until he fell asleep. Then after a few nights of that, I would sit in his doorway until he fell asleep, and finally I sat just outside the door. If he would cry, I would reassure him that I was still there. He really got used to it pretty quickly. I also used a bedtime sticker chart. For every night that he went to bed by himself, he got a sticker in the morning. The first chart was maybe 12 stickers, and then he got a new train (Thomas was his currency for awhile!), and then I upped the number of stickers to 20 (and a smaller prize). He asked for a 3rd chart a couple of times but I conveniently kept forgetting to make one, and he didn't need it after that.

You also might try some music. My son has a CD player in his room and a Sleepytime CD that he listens to every night, and he won't go to sleep without it. He also has two nightlights--an actual nightlight and then a lamp with a red-colored, low-watt bulb, and I allow him to read books in bed as long as he wants to--as long as he doesn't get out of bed. With all of those things, he is now 6 and goes to bed by himself without any trouble (once I get him in there, anyway, since he would prefer to be a night owl!)

Hi there,

I had a similar situation with my daughter when she was 4. Crying it out never worked for her when she was tiny, either. I think it terrified her. Now that I look back, I feel terrible making her so scared. Children do have legitimate fears. They cannot yet distinguish reality from fantasy simply because they do not have enough experience on earth to know what is and is not possible. My heart breaks to think about it now.

Anyway, I'd let her know that you won't ever do that again. If she needs you, you will come. But she is getting to be a big girl now and she must learn to fall asleep without snuggles. I gave my girl my favorite childhood teddybear whom I used to snuggle when I was lonely. That helped. Then I promised I'd check on her every five minutes, but she had to promise to stay in bed.

Those first nights were a lot of running back and forth, but overall it was a really good transition.

I'm an advocate of just explaining things to kids as if they were older. That worked for weaning my dd when she turned 2, too. It was kind of strange. She was a huge nurser and I could tell she was sad and disappointed, but I had been talking to her about it for a while so when it actually happened, there were no tears. There were sad eyes, though.

Good luck to you. This, too, will pass!

Oh dont get rid of your sitter she does have the right idea but if she is the only one doing it its not gonna work you have to take control of the situation and help your child adjust. Here is a website that I think will help you alot. www.sleepsense.net It helped me but you need to be the one to fix the problem someone suggested get a new sitter thats crazy especially if you know your daughter likes her. You can fix this problem but you have to be patient and be strong. Good Luck dont listen to people who would rather take the easy way out then to teach their children how to cope.

I was in the same situation but my daughter sleeps with me. My sitter did the esame and as did my daughter. After I took a parenting class (Redirecting Children's Behavior), I relaized that they are absolutely "training us" so I made a deal with my daughter - IF she stays in bed and doesn't cry or get out of bed, I can leave the door open after I've put her to bed and we finish our nighttime reading routine. IF she cries, I shut the door (night light stays on). She was little panicky at first but now she does it without incident and I just come by once in a while to chec on her - generally, if I calm her after reading, she's fine because she knows what to expect.

Good luck to you!

Personally I think your baby sitter has the right idea... it might break your heart, but you need to gently tell her that she's a big girl now, and she needs to learn to go to sleep without Mama. Tell her that tonight, Mama will read her a story like normal, and then she is going to lay down, Mama will tuck her in, and then leave the room, so that she can go to sleep on her own. It might take a couple days, but as long as you follow up what you tell her, and are consistent it shouldn't take her long.

My son is the exact same way..same age too. I tried the supernanny approach to getting him to stay in bed and self sooth. It took almost a month of consistancy but it did work. And you have to be consistant. It's really hard.
Put her in bed, tuck her in, tell her goodnight (once you've read to her and done with the routine)
The first night explain she needs to stay in bed. She's a big girl now.
Now the first time she gets up tell her to go back to bed, that it's bedtime and walk her back to bed. (She may get up 1000 times. You must remain consistant)
The second time she gets up tell her "No, it's bedtime." and walk her back to bed.
The third time and after that..Don't say anything. Just keep walking her back to bed...It's frustrating and heartbreaking, but it's worth it.
You'll both be happier once she learns to go to bed on her own. Also, when she does finally go back to sleep be sure to do something special for her in the morning to show her that she did well and so she'll WANT to go to sleep. (I'd give my son a sugar free icecicle before breakfast when he went to sleep well)

We don't have any problems with him anymore. And now that he's got it down I can still lay with him like once a week and without him depending on it. That's another part of it that's rewarding to both of you.

Good luck with your angel girl.

Unlike what others have said, I don't think you should feel bad about what you have done or let her just cry it out. I used to nurse and lay with my child while she went to sleep, but when I was ready to be done with that, I told her she needed to learn how to go to sleep by herself. Like someone else said, I made the agreement with her that I would leave the door open if she went to sleep but I would have to close it for a minute it if she talked, cried, or got out of bed. I did have to follow through with that consequence a few times, but after the minute was over she would agree to be quiet and go to sleep. Another thing that helps if she if feeling particularly anxious is to tell her that I'll wait outside the door for a little while and sometimes even sing a song so she knows I'm there. I do think you need to be firm, but you can do it in ways that both of you feel comfortable with, rather than just letting her cry.

Your babysitter is on the right track about putting her in her bed.But thats your job to get her to get use to stay in her bed at bedtime.Kids will cry regardless at that age, doing what they don't like especially a cicumstance like this.Have you ever watched SuperNanny.A tecnict see shows parents in this situation is to tell the child their going to start sleeeping in thier own bed in their own special room.Parents start of by starting their routine at a certain time everynight at the same time.After you've read the book and prayers tuck her in and tell her see you in the morning love you.She will get up,you tell one time back to your bed and take her back to her bed.she'll get up again.This time you say nothing and take her back to bed.Say NOTHING every single time she gets out of bed.if she fights you when putting her back in bed you just put her on her bed and walk away every single time.It may take hours of this back and forth maybe not.Over and over it will take the first few days possibly week.But it worked every time.It takes consistency on the parents part to do this and DON'T give in when it breaks your heart to hear her cry.
Durring the day you can cuddle w/her by watching a movie or a favorite tv show of hers.I would pat my son every night till the age of 3 and was tierd of this routine by that age.It was my own fault for doing that and he expected it from me for comfort.I simply stopped one night and it was easier than i thought it would have been.GoodLuck.Let me know if you stick w/it and it works.It worked for every parent on the show.

MH...when my daughter was about the same age, we had the same problem. We also read at bedtime, which she still does to this day at nearing 26 years of age, so don't stop the reading part, that's awesome! As for the rest...well I was pretty sneaky, and creative, about it. She had an old-fashioned 3/4 bed and I told her that it was just too small for me to lay down next to her anymore so I would lay down on the floor instead. For a few days I did that, I'd set myself up a pillow and blanket next to her bed and lay down there, of course I'd sneak out later. Every night I'd move my 'bed' a little closer to the door & at times, after sneaking out, I'd ''replace myself'' with one of her big dolls ( I know THAT was sneaky, but it worked!) She'd wake up during the night and see that 'I' was still laying there and she'd be fine. After a while she just outgrew it naturally. Good luck!

H. >^..^<

dear mh,
you can try sitting in a chair next to her bed for a week. slowly move your self 5 feet away from her bed every week until your out her bedroom door. let her know your still here until your in the hall.
M.

What we have started doing with our daughter intead of laying with her is sitting on the floor of her room and then a few nights later sit outside the door but where she cannot see you. When she calls out for you just respond- "lay down or mommy will have to shut the door". We have a door knob guard on so she knows if I have to shut the door because she won't lay down then she won't be able to get back out. Since she now thinks I'm sitting there until she falls asleep she doesn't really call out as much so I've been getting up almost right away. If she does call out and realizes that are not there she may come out of her room- in these cases I always walk her back and tell her sternly that she must stay in bed if she wants the door open. There have been a few times I've had to close the door but very few. She knows that if she doesn't stay in bed her door will be closed. My daughter is only 2.5 so I know your daughter is old enough to understand her choices. It's not always easy but as a parent some of our toughest times are teaching our little ones to be independent.

Good luck and be strong!

HI M H ,,,
your babysitter gave you the answer
let her cry it out ,,tell her she's a BIG girl now and has to sleep like one,,,there will be lots of nights of crying but dont give in she is fine
good luck L.

Try laying down and read a book, when the book is done let her know that it is nap time. Mommy is going to go lay down in her big bed. Bed sure that she understands that she also has a big bed for her self. Good luck. It may take awhile but stick to your guns.

Unfortunately you have started something and let it continue for 3.5 years. It is going to be difficult to break and I think the only way is cold turkey. Put her in her room and you may have to listen to crying and maybe screaming for a few nights until she learns that this is where she sleeps. Good luck.

L.

I recommend that you find a sitter that is willing to sit with your daughter until she goes to sleep. It may not be as much fun for the sitter but you are paying her and if that is what your daughter needs to get to sleep I see no harm in it. If YOU were hating it and wanting to stop that would be a different story. She will grow out of it but having her scream when the sitter comes seems excessive to me.

We just weaned our 5 year old of this terrible habit! Either my husband or myself were falling asleep in her bed every night. She was in control, not us. So we firmly told her that it was going to stop and the new night time routine would be without the laying part. We made her understand her routine was 2 books, a hug and a kiss and lay for one minute. We sat her down and made her look at us and agree to it. We also told her if she cryed, got up we were prepared to put a lock on her door until she cooperated. My daughter is very bright (like they all are) and knew exactly what she was doing. She hates to have her door shut, so the threat of the lock did it. P.S. I have "locked" her in by holding the door before, so she knew I meant it!

Good luck

I had done the same with my son. We set the limit at his 4th birthday, telling him for several weeks before that he would be able to fall asleep without me when he was a "big 4 year old". I had gradually broken the habit over the few weeks prior to his birthday-- sitting beside the bed, then further from the bed, and then at the door. We also got him an alarm clock that has a sleep button, allowing him to listen to church bells, a babbling brook, or frogs croaking (his favorite) as he falls asleep. He is now 6 and we still read 2 books, pray together, hug, but now I leave the room (with a nightlight on).

I would do what the baby sitter is doing.

Yikes... As you alaready know this may be very hard to break since it has been a routine for 3.5 years. My son has slept in his crib/bed alone since he was 3 months old so I really don't have much advice for you. However, Super Nanny has published some really great books that touch almost ever behaviour you could think of. Good luck!