Sleep Training at 18 Months Old

Ah, poor baby! Getting that many teeth can be painful. I would do the baby Orajel, baby Tylenol (I think you have to get a prescription for this age), give her a cool teether, than put her to bed. When she does cry, go in and gently rub her back for a minute or two, but don't pick her up, don't say anything, don't turn on the light.

Is she still in a crib? If so, maybe add a new crib attachment with lights and ocean sounds or something.

Well, Dr. Sears is an expert in this area, and he has some really good advice on sleep training, (scroll down a bit to see the sections to click on):
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/sleep-problems

Poor baby. She's in pain and wants her mommy or daddy. You guys need to go to her and she'll out grow it eventually.

She is old enough to be in a toddler bed too. Put a gate in her door way and if needed a baby monitor.

I never was able to let any of my kids cry it out. And I don't think that sleep training has to require it. Do some research on other methods that fit better with your parenting style - they are out there. Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution is one of them.

"Cry-it-out" and "sleep training" are concepts based in parents' desperation and exhaustion. CIO can work well and quickly for a few littles, but having experienced/watched outcomes in three generations now, it seems to me to this approach fails more often than not. Many babies and toddlers are just not good sleepers. It's how they are put together.

Tired children would sleep if they could. But sleep can be tricky, especially in the face of big changes in the child's life, or anything that causes pain. Leaving a child crying in the night is not "sleep training" – it seems to me it only teaches a child to get tough and keep her suffering to herself. Helping set up the conditions where sleep is more easily accessible is far better, if slower.

I clearly remember lying awake for hours at night feeling cold or thirsty or scared or dealing with some discomfort. Calling for Mommy brought silence, harsh words or even a whack on the butt. I don't think this servedme or my sisters well, and having gone through those difficult baby-sleep months with my daughter and my grandson, I do have deep empathy.

There are dozens of influences that can make it harder for kids to sleep. Becoming over-tired or over-stimulated, or not getting enough physical exercise, make falling and staying asleep elusive. Growth spurts can by highly stimulating for a week or three at a time. Too much evening exposure to light, especially in the blue/green part of the spectrum interferes with the brain's ability to manufacture melatonin, our natural sleep hormone. Too little bright daylight or exercise in earlier hours can be a huge problem for some children.

A once-unrecognized problem is becoming more visible lately: exposure to the many odorous or scented chemicals in household cleaners, air fresheners and laundry products can stimulate the nervous system and push relaxation and sleep out of reach (and cause many other problems).

Some peds recommend giving children additional melatonin, but it's a powerful hormone, so please do ask your doc before dosing. Meanwhile, try to boost daytime physical play, especially outside; limit screen time two hours before bed, lower lights and noise levels in the evenings.

My grandson was a terrible sleeper until 2.5, and then he magically transformed into a sleeping champ. It was a tough time for the adults in his life, but we were pretty certain he couldn't help it. His parents tried to let him cry by himself a few times, but it didn't "take" for any of them. They all found far more comfort in comforting him when he needed it.

As he got older, they set up a reward system. If he was calling them, say, 3xnight, they put three pennies in a small bowl by his bed, and removed one each time they went to him. If he still had any pennies left in the morning, he would get a favorite treat with his breakfast; extra jelly on his toast or a slice of bacon. He caught on quickly and after a few nights began choosing to deal with his wakefulness himself. He started playing or looking at books until he fell asleep again. I don't think he was able to do this before the age of 2, though.

Hang on, M., once this stage passes, you'll probably be surprised at how fast your daughter grew up. Here's a really informative website on kids' sleep. You may find information here that will help you http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sleep.htm

You've already received some thoughtful responses. I read a fascinating article here on Mamapedia recently about a mother's experience with "a new baby whisperer" that utilized some kind of controlled crying technique ... it wasn't about leaving the child to cry it out - rather about responding when the child took a break from crying, reinforcing that the child was safe and would be responded to when she was calm and quiet, rather than when she was crying. (Reconditioning?) But it was for a younger babe and required a modified approach for older kids. I don't pretend to fully understand it.

That said - there are a number of "sleep training" methods you can research that are gentler than crying it out. (Although - I've actually read almost ALL the books on babies & sleep, out of desperation when my daughter was a babe, including Ferber's book - which addresses far more than just crying it out and which also offers alternatives for families that co-sleep and covers sleep issues WELL beyond babyhood.) It's important that you know what feels comfortable for your family. And then be prepared to work your new techniques for a while (and be prepared to handle "regressions," as well). I think that it's important to remember that even kids who learn (and it is a learned behavior) to sleep well will have times when they aren't sleeping well, for example when they are ill or struggling with some kind of stress or overstimulation.

I liked the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer book when my daughter was a baby. With your child in that in between stage, it may be hard to apply baby sleeping techniques to a toddler. Many books, however, offer solutions for older babies and toddlers as well. I never read Happiest Toddler on the Block (though I *loved* Happiest Baby on the Block), but that could be a good place to start. I realize it's tough to think about finding time to read, when you're so busy not getting any sleep -- but I think if you took a trip to the library and took a look at the resources available there, you could read up on some of the more popular gentle sleep training guides and find the program you think you can live with - then implement it. Obviously you love your daughter very much and want to help her sleep well, which will benefit her as well as you. Taking the time to research options and prepare yourself will also benefit you all, even if it means dealing with a few more nights with limited sleep.

I loved the reward system mentioned by Peg! We did something like that with my daughter when she started having what I lovingly call the "Middle of the Nightsies" again at age 5! But, it's probable an 18 month old won't be able to respond to a reward system yet. (Nevertheless, a great idea to keep in your back pocket for later on.)

Good luck to you and your family!

I think that since your husband is most of the reason why she has learned to scream for you both all night long, that you allow him to get up with her all night long. When he is tired of doing this, he will change his tune.

You cannot have your cake and eat it too. She has been taught to wake up and expect you both to put her back to sleep. She has no clue how to self-soothe. You've done it for her.

Make a decision what you are going to live with. Would you rather put her in your bed and sleep as a 3-some for several years? How about putting her mattress on the floor beside of you and if she crawls in your bed, make her lay back down on the mattress? What if she cries just as hard if you don't put her back in the bed with you?

It's kind of like the old saying "the kid's trying to crawl back up in the womb". She knows exactly what to do to get her way, and she's getting it - attachment to you both all night long.

She could be teething for years. When's it gonna end? A lot of people expect their children to sleep in their beds and fall asleep when they awake, on their own, even when they're teething. You have to decide if you're going to keep treating this as teething pain until all her adult teeth come in, or if you're going to put your foot down.

Making a decision where you draw the line is what you have to do, Mama!

Good luck!
Dawn

You need to work on how you put her to bed at night. She needs to be drowsy but awake when you put her in bed so she falls asleep on her own. If she can't do this when you first put her down, she won't be able to do it in the middle of the night.