Sleep Training

C.,
I am really want to tell you about something that I am doing now. It is becoming a passion of mine but I strongly believe that it could help you with your son's allergies and asthma. Do you have a half hour sometime where you can jump online and on the phone. I PROMISE it won't be a waste of your time. Please email me or call me when you can set up a time. I am really excited to share this with you. Also, can you send me your mailing address?

Thank you,
B.
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Hi C.,

My sister went through a similar thing with her 2 year old. He would wake up and want her to rock him and he would hold onto her hair. He wouldn't let his dad rock him because he wanted mommy's hair. She contemplated buying him a doll with long hair and put him down with that instead of her hair. She eventually just rocked him once before bed and when he would ask for her hair she would just tell him that mom needed to go to bed. And he eventually just accepted it. I know that for my son (4 months old) I had to create a night time schedule because I went back to work when he was 12 weeks. I started by giving him a bath and keeping him in the bath until he started to relax. Then I'd give him a mini baby massage, and dress him. I would turn down the lights in the house and soften the TV, or whatever sounds in the house. Then I fed him. Then if he woke up to eat in the night I kept the lights low and talked very softly if at all. I was trying to let him know that night time is when he sleeps. It took about 6 weeks for him to start sleeping 6 hours a night, and now at 4 months he sleeps 8-10 hours a night. Now if he wakes up, my husband or I will go in the room and pat his belly or rub his head while shushing and he usually goes right back to sleep. The key is consistency. I know it's easier when they're smaller, but this system seems to work for most ages. Also, I heard that if you lay down with him to fall asleep the first night, the next night you can sit in a chair next to his bed, then each night move the chair closer to the door until you are out of his room with the door shut - always reassuring him that you are right there and it's ok for him to go to sleep.

I really hope you're able to get some sleep - you will feel like a new woman!

Dear C.,

Well, for one thing any young person who has allergies and asthma may not be comfortable and that may have something to do with why he may awaken often. If you could find some home made stuffed doll that can be washed, and is very very soft and silky, maybe that will help with the comforting. A lot of the store boughten stuffed dolls may be destroyed in the washings. You will need to wash it often and put it into the dryer to get the dust off in between. Is he allergic to foods or do you know what? My son was allergic to chocolate and to wheat and pork and some kind of grass that most people have in their yards. We had to put him on a very strict diet for a long time in order to get his body cleansed of some of the allergens. I used to cook his food first so that the utensils wouldn't contain any residue from the foods that he was allergic to. We used rice flour instead of wheat for a long time. It has been so long ago that I cannot remember all of the changes we made for him.

You might double rinse his clothes and bedding to be sure that the soap gets out, and also use a little less soap. No softener because of the scent in it.

At some time you are going to have to let him cry and learn to sleep in his own bed. The longer that you give in to this routine you are in now, the worse it is for your child. He has too much control over the situation, and that is not good for children. It makes them feel insecure when they have too much power. I am not kidding you. Children have more wisdom and innate knowledge than we think that they do. They know that we are the ones that keep them safe and that we are wiser than they are, so they want to be able to depend upon us to make decisions - I know they are really pushy, but that is true, they need our firm hand and sureness, and constant love and devotion.

That is all I can say. You may get better advice from a younger mother, but you have a very big job there and you need to hear all sides. C. N.

Hi C.,

Boy, can I empathize with you. I have been thru the same situation but for different reasons. I think the birth of my second child set off my first one. When my child was 3 1/2, I gave birth to my second child. All of a sudden, my first child would not sleep alone. Even though we never ever shared a bed with her. I didn't believe in it w/first child. This may not seem so bad but I had an 3 week old infant in my bed (going thru a growth spurt) that was up every hour and my 3 year old up every 2 hours. Not really getting any sleep but was losing my mind. I had it one day. I called the parent hotline, I called the pediatrician, I called a child sychologist, her grandmother, my boss. I called everybody I could think of. Here is the solution we came up with......

We allowed her to take her sleeping bag and place it on the floor next to our bed. Each night she must move the sleeping bag closer to her room or bed. She decides how much to move her sleeping bag. It could be close to nothing or it could go 1/2 way across the room. That was her choice. Granted this was not a over night fix, but it put her in control of her own feelings. Each night, she would move the bag but still wake up every 2 hours to make sure we were ok. This eased up with time and patience. Something I'm not very good at when I'm over tired. She eventually made it in her own room, in her own bed. I have always laid down with my children briefly when I put them into bed. We say our prayers, then I wind up a music box. When the music stops, I get to leave the room. This way I never got stuck with having too lay with my child until they fell asleep. It was really just a way to limit bed time rituals. We also put a sticker on her calendar every night she moved her sleeping bag closer to her room. Once she was sleeping in her own room we started over w/special stickers. Each night when she slept in her own bed all night with out any setbacks or interruptions. On would go the "special stickers". Once we had 14 days in a row w/special stickers, then she got a prize. We talked about what the PRIZE would be before we started the whole adventure. Remember that it takes 14 days in a row to change a habit. If on day 10 he is not feeling well and you let him back in the bed, then the special stickers have to start all over again. I hope this gives you a little more support. It can change but you have to be consistant! Routine, routine, routine!!!!! I did not believe in routines until I had children. Now, god help me if I skip 1 step in the routine, My children are 9 & 12, they still expect the routine. Which is kind of nice, my almost teen doesn't like to spend time w/ mom any more. So, it has become our bonding time.

I also wanted to let you know that my second born still suffers from reflux, gerd (what ever you want to call it) even to this day. She has been diagnosed with asthma, this is a side effect of the reflux. As the acids move up the throat, it irritates the lining of our lungs also, therefor causing asthma. I have alot of experience w/ her and gerd, she has suffered over 9 years with it. Soon we will have her esophagial lining scoped to make sure no damage has been done thus far. Just wondering if he has been to a gastroenterologist and what meds is he taking? How was he diagnosed w/reflux? If you want to talk, just email me a personal note.

Hang in there! This phase may seem like it will last forever. Then comes the next phase and we start all over again. Welcome to all the joys and setbacks as parents.

THe other thing you may want to try is let your son know that in 3 months when he turns 2 years old and you have his birthday party, he will be a big boy and will sleep in his own bed. If you mention this phrase at least 1x/day or 4-5 x's week. Don't make it sound threatening. Just matter of fact. I did this to wean my second child. This also worked wonders.
She did ask twice after her party but excepted the answer "remember our deal big girl". You could even both pick out new sheets for the bed of his own. Something special for the big boy who will be sleeping in his own bed.

Also I don't know how long your hair is. Have you considered flipping your head upside down and clippping a piece big enough that he could hold thruout the night? Just a quick thought.

H. B.

does he have a lovey or a dolly? If he likes to play with your hair try getting him a doll. My son slept through the night after we got him a cabage patch kid. The doll's name is craig and we all made a big deal about how cool Craig is and I would keep Craig around and talk to him and bring him to the table for meals and my son would give him sippy cups. Finaly he started sleeping with Craig and holding his hand, and I know this is yucky but sometiems he would suck on Craigs hand. You need to give him a serougate comfort object. Right now you are his comfort object. Eventualy he will grow out of the need for an object but right now he needs it. Good luck. ~V.