Sleep Training - Sterling,VA

All I can say is go out and buy the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr.Weisbluth

This is saving my life with my boy which is 5 months old now.
It was recommended to me by a friend and to her by a friend and so on and so on.
Honestly this book is FABULOUS!
It just makes sense, and he's a Dr. that studies sleep!
Don't give up and good luck! (That's what I tell myself daily)

Hi A.,

There is a SAHM meetup group that might be able to help you.

the website is SAHM.meetup.com/

The Norfolk Attachment Parenting Group may have some help for you. Good luck. D.

I think Ferber recommended not to do the CIO method until the baby is a year old. If she's crying at three months, she most likely needs something. Personally I would use CIO as a last resort rather than a first resort. Try The No Cry Sleep Solution book.

try swaddling her when you put her in the bed, but i'd say she's too young for CIO.

I recommend as does Supernanny to read Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child. It all depends on your child as to when it's time to do that. Don't buy into any ideas that say all children should do this or that. You need something that preaches common sense yet educates you as to the amount of sleep needed and what you should expect. This book covers sleep routines and schedules to the teen years. As your child grows up, nap times and frequencies change as does a bedtime. I HIGHLY recommend this book. I wish someone had told me about it sooner.

Not all children are ready for sleep training at the same time. This book is not one that tries to lump all kids of all temperments together. As you have probably learned, not all methods work for all kids. However, this book tells you about alternatives if things aren't quite meshing for your little one.

My oldest did all of his "on purpose" sleeping in his swing until he was 4m, my youngest til he was 5m. When it came time for the switch I just did it and prayed! I am definitely NOT a fan of cry it out. Good luck.

Check out the book Babywise- it has great suggestions on not only sleep but feedings and a flexible schedule. I used a lot of its methods and my sone was self soothing within days.

My little one is 3 1/2 as well, and I feel that I am getting a late start on sleep training. I had great success with my first child starting earlier rather than later. All of my friends tried starting the CIO method when their child was older and had a much harder time than I had when mine was smaller. I don't know what all of the books say, but from real life experience with all of my friends in my mom's group, earlier is better. They way that I look at it is: do you really want another year of bad sleep habits? That is waiting until 15 months to start- another year of bad sleep habits. Your can be a better parent when your child is a better sleeper. So ultimately it's up to you and how important it is for your child to sleep well, but again, from real life experience, earlier works better and is easier. Just make sure that your child is not frantic and it should not be too hard. Good luck

Wonderful article Juliet! I totally agree with that finding.

3 1/2 months seems way too young to "sleep train". Won't sleep unless she's soothed by the swing? Sounds pretty typical. My daughter was the same way at that age and still is at 15months. I have no desire to "train" her to sleep without having the comfort she needs.

Now to get her to sleep in her crib - what I did was start putting her in her crib for the daytime naps. The first couple of times, she didn't like it, so I had to eventually take her out. The third time I put her in she stayed. That same night I put her in her crib for the evening and now at 15months, she sleeps better there than in our bed. I still nurse and rock her to sleep, but it's not so bad when she wakes up happy, healthy and bright-eyed.

Hope this helps,

~L.
www.accesspilates.com
http://notaboutfood.typepad.com/

As a mother of 6 happy well adjusted kids I say, avoid the cry it out method like the plague. she will eventually stop crying but only because she knows you will no longer respond to her. Try reading Sweet Dreams by Paul Fleiss. It is a quick read and has good medical data regarding realistic sleep expectations for infants-adults. It also offers gentle ways to encourage better sleep for the whole family. When you have realistic expectations it is easier to just relax and enjoy your baby. They are only little once and it goes by to quickly. Some day you will miss cuddling your baby in the wee hours.

Hi A.,
We "sleep trained" our little man and it was the best thing we could do for him. People think it's for you, but it really is for them. The books I was reading said you could start as early as 4 months. We did, however I wasn't sure that he could make it through the night without a bottle yet so if he woke I fed him 4-6 ounces before I made sure he was a little awake and put him back down. CIO is really really hard to do, but what made it easier was having rules and really really knowing why it was good for him. I got Dr. Ferber's book out of the library and it was amazing! You really only HAVE to read one chapter to do it (I think it's chapter 4) but I really really recommend getting the book first. It's called "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems." I got a lot of strength and understanding from it. Please feel free to private message me as you're going through this if you need any other advice. I know it's not easy, but it's worth it. We still have set-backs when he's teething or sick, but he sleeps great, in his crib, by himself all night and for naps, and he has since right around 4-5 months! --- And don't worry, he still loves me! :)

A.,
i found with my little ones that they are so used to being cramped in utero that they like the confinment of being swaddled. somehow it provides them comfort. I found that when transitioning from bassinet to crib they always had security issues. I tried to introduce the crib during the daytime giving them something to look at, like a mobile or mirror attached to the crib. playing music also helped my kids to relax. She may not sleep the first few times but getting used to the new place is important. So go slow, stay with her for a little while and eventually she will recognize that this new place is a place of comfort too. seems to me she is too young for the cry it out method, but that was always hard for me to stick with. hope this helps.

A.,

Please check out this awesome book - "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Weissbluth. My son is just turning 4 months old and is now on a regular sleep and nap schedule. It has really made him a calmer and happier baby! The book will guide you how to start a great sleep routine.

My opinion is that now is the perfect time. Just be consistent in your method.

I'm a firm believer in sleep training and have made it work many times for our 14 month old son and will use it with our new son when he's old enough.

Feel free to email me if you would like, I could go on about this for hours. :)

Hi A.,
Put your daughter on a schedule NOW. I am a mother of 3, and my mom was one of 10...she showed me how to do this and it works like a charm. If you wake/feed/nap your child at the same times each day, her body will adjust very quickly and it will make your life reasonably predictable. She will be awake/hungry/sleepy at the same times every day once she is in the routine.
Start by waking her at the same time each day - BE CONSISTENT about all of this - make a schedule and stick to it! Right now she is falling asleep in her swing, so the swinging motion is currently a cue for her to get sleepy. You will have to change that...for example, if you used to put her in the swing after lunch (noon), and she would swing for 30min then sleep there for 2 hrs...you should let her swing for the time she is awake (say 20-30min), then put her into the crib and close the door. She will probably cry, but she is fed and dry so it is ok. The first time you do this, wait 5-7 minutes. If she is still crying,(and you feel you MUST check), wait for a pause in the crying to open the door & reassure her. DO NOT open the door while she is crying, as this REWARDS the crying. Open it when she is taking a breather..this conditions her to know that crying will not bring you. Do not pick her up, but say something loving & go back out. She may well start another crying fit, but you know she is ok, so let her CIO. Again, if you are really upset, go in again when there is a pause, but I don't recommend it. The faster she realizes that crying does not bring you (and by now I am sure you can tell the difference between unhappy crying and real distress), the quicker she will adapt to the routine.
Believe me, scheduling works...don't "skip" days as it will ruin her rhythm. (I did try to be "spontaneous" with my middle child because some friends insisted that I was too obsessive about his routine, so I started feeding him when he seemed hungry, letting him sleep when he wanted to...that lasted 1 month. Our household was so topsy-turvy! I quickly went back to the schedule, although it took longer to undo the lack of routine!)
Love your girl but be firm with this. You are shaping her behavior..don't feel cross with her while she is learning, she will catch on!

I have to add to the list of people against CIO. Would really recommend reading some Dr. Sears books-- The Sleep Book and the Baby Book. I truely believe our little children need us to LISTEN to them, and crying is their only way to communicate for a long time. In my opinion, your daughter is way too young to be crying "it" out.

If you live in the laurel, MD area and you are free the 10th of April you should come out to hear the Sleep Lady, Kim West. She will be talking about tips to get you baby to sleep. She starts children at 3 months with a gentle approach to sleep. Tickets are $10 and if you are interested in more information email me at ____@____.com you can also see Kim West website at www.thesleeplady.com

When my daughter did this 26 years ago, my doctor told me that it wouldn't hurt her if she cried for a half hour. So, I put her to bed for her afternoon nap and cringed while she cried very hard for 5 minutes. Then she and I had a lovely nap.

Best wishes,
L.

I know that youre asking for tips on cry it out and I know that many parents practice it. However I feel it necessary to share the article below.

Harvard Researchers Say Children Need Touching and Attention

by Alvin Powell, Contributing Writer,
Harvard Gazette

America's "let them cry" attitude toward children may lead to more fears and
tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School researchers.
Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies
close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with
them, where they'll feel safe, according to Michael Commons and Patrice
Miller, researchers at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry.

The pair examined child-rearing practices here and in other cultures and say
the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds - even
separate rooms - and not responding to their cries may lead to more
incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders among American
adults.

The early stress due to separation causes changes in infant brains that
makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons
and Miller.

"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're sensitive to future trauma."

Their work is unique because it takes a cross-disciplinary approach, examining brain function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural differences, according to Charles R. Figley, director of the Traumatology Institute at Florida State University and editor of The Journal of Traumatology.

"It is very unusual but extremely important to find this kind of interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary research report," Figley said. "It accounts for cross-cultural differences in children's emotional response and their ability to cope with stress, including traumatic stress."

___________
"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're sensitive to future trauma."
- Dr. Michael Commons, Dept of Psychiatry, Harvard
___________

Figley said their work illuminates a route of further study and could have implications for everything from parents' efforts to intellectually stimulate infants to painful practices such as circumcision. Commons has
been a lecturer and research associate at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry since 1987 and is a member of the Department's Program in Psychiatry and the Law.

Miller has been a research associate at Harvard Medical School's Program in Psychiatry and the Law since 1994 and an assistant professor of psychology at Salem State College since 1993. She received master's and doctorate
degrees in education from Harvard's Graduate School of Education.

The pair say that American child-rearing practices are influenced by fears that children will grow up dependent. But parents are on the wrong track. Physical contact and reassurance will make children more secure when they
finally head out on their own and make them better able to form their own adult relationships.

"We've stressed independence so much that it's having some very negative side effects," Miller said.

The two gained the spotlight in February when they presented their ideas at the American Association for the Advancement of Science's annual meeting in Philadelphia.

In a paper presented at the meeting, Commons and Miller contrasted American child-rearing practices with those of other cultures, particularly the Gusii tribe of Kenya. Gusii mothers sleep with their babies and respond rapidly
when the baby cries.

"Gusii mothers watching videotapes of U.S. mothers were upset by how long it took these mothers to respond to infant crying," Commons and Miller said in their paper on the subject.

The way we are brought up colors our entire society, Commons and Miller say. Americans in general don't like to be touched and pride themselves on independence to the point of isolation, even when undergoing a difficult or
stressful time.

Despite the conventional wisdom that babies should learn to be alone, Miller said she believes many parents "cheat," keeping the baby in the room with them, at least initially. In addition, once the child can crawl around, she believes many find their way into their parents' room on their own.

American parents shouldn't worry about this behavior or be afraid to baby their babies, Commons and Miller said. Parents should feel free to sleep with their infant children, to keep their toddlers nearby, perhaps on a
mattress in the same room, and to comfort a baby when it cries.

"There are ways to grow up and be independent without putting babies through this trauma," Commons said. "My advice is to keep the kids secure so they can grow up and take some risks."

Besides fears of dependence, other factors have helped form our childrearing practices, including fears that children would interfere with sex if they shared their parents' room and doctors' concerns that a baby would be
injured by a parent rolling on it if it shared their bed, the pair said. The nation's growing wealth has helped the trend toward separation by giving families the means to buy larger homes with separate rooms for children.

The result, Commons and Miller said, is a nation that doesn't like caring for its own children, a violent nation marked by loose, nonphysical relationships.

"I think there's a real resistance in this culture to caring for children, "Commons said. "Punishment and abandonment has never been a good way to get warm, caring, independent people."

I would STRONGLY suggest against attempting to sleep-train a 3 1/2 month old, especially using such a traumatic and controversial method as crying it out. 3 1/2 month is VERY young to begin any formal sleep training, in my experience. My 6 month old is just now getting onto something resembling a sleep schedule, which is basically co-sleeping with us so she goes to bed when we do, only nursing 2 times during the night and is in bed til morning light.

You should probably research what realistic expectations for sleep at this stage are. My 2 year old doesn't always sleep through the night, and that is also normal. I would suggest reading "The NO-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley of you truly want to work toward "sleep training". She has good info about what is realistic and not,and why babies' cries NEED to be answered.Dr. Sears has some information on his website about children and sleep, including excerpts from a recent university study done showing the many negative physical responses in infants left to "CIO". I highly recommend his site.

good luck!
M. - mom of 4 - 15yo ds, 4yo ds, 2yo ds, and 6 mo dd.

I htink the dry it our method is much to early for a 3 1/2 month old. I have just this week started that method wiht my youngest daughter and she will be 14 months on Saturday. I say hold them/rock them to sleep as long as you can because they grow way to fast. Or try to move her form the swing/etc to the crib. My youngest has cried herself to sleep in her highg chair and saucer many times.

My youngest is almost six months old and i have a nine and seven year old as well. I used the book On Becoming Babywise, with all three of them and in spite of their VERY different personalities they all slept through the night by ten weeks. The earlier they begin to soothe themselves rather than relying on outside stimulus (ie the swing, mom's rocking, the carseat etc.)the easier i think it is to battle the "crying out". Zoe goes into her crib awake for naps and at night with maybe one or two squawks, but as soon as I start up her mobile she settles and I walk out. The kid who took the longest was my oldest and i think it had more to do with me being inconsistent. Still, after three days of bad napping and one terrible hour long episode of going in and out of his room to calm him, he figured it out. When they're that young i really do believe it's harder on you than it will be on her. She just wants you to teach her what is normal. Try sticking with it for a whole week and I bet you'll be getting more sleep and she'll surprise you with how quickly she can adapt!

We didn't do anything like sleep training. We just decided on a routine from day one(started the day we came home from the hospital). It is more of a pattern than anything. We found a 1 song lullaby cd (it happens to be Billy Joel's "Goodnight My Angel" found in the childrens book of the same name) From the moment he came home we would get the room dim, change his diaper, calm him down, slow him down, read Goodnight Moon and rock in a chair. Then after several minutes of rocking we would put him in his crib and turn on the song. We also sleep him with a sound machine that plays ocean waves. At 2 1/2 - it still works. He knows what's coming and that it's time to sleep. I do the same at nap time. Incidently - I had a "Nap Fighter" on my hands - he rarly slept during the day as a new born and infant. It was many months before he would take a regular nap I could count on. Must just have been his style - cos his Dad didn't nap as a little one either. I'm a HUGE fan of routines - it works with sleep and everything else.

Dear A.,
first thing you need to do is get her out of that swing!! For naps and bedtime your baby needs YOU to hold and rock her. Babies need lots of holding during the first 6 months. They need the love and comfort which gives them the assurance that you are near, then by 6-8 months they are more comfortable to begin exploring on their own. If you rock her to sleep, then just lay her in her crib. If then she cries, let her do so and after a few days she will be ok to go to sleep on her own. It may take a week or longer, but it WILL work!
I am a mother of 8 children and have used this method for all my children....never had a swing!!!

Truly children are never too young. Not only did my husband and I read up on this before our children were born, but two of my sisters had wonderful luck with the same methods in a book called BABY WISE. Works like wonders. Our first child slept from 11pm to 5:30am at approximately 5-1/2 weeks old. And our 2nd did the same at 9 weeks old. And as they grew their sleep patterns only blossomed. We also have each had several friends use Gary Ezzo's methods. It's geared for infants to young children so you can implement this at any point. He also had a series of additional books which are quite useful ... not sure which of those might best fit your needs. God bless.

She is not too young. I started with my daughter when she was three months old (now 10 mos). She adjusted VERY quickly (within 2 days) and is a fantastic sleeper. It's important to keep your routine consistent and everything should work out fine. Good luck

A.,
I have 2 boys each at the opposite end of the sleep spectrum. My oldest I tried to rock, pat and sooth to sleep, it didn't work. From birth he just wanted to put down and cry. He was colicky and required lots of "Soothing". Once we got through the colic he was a "cry it out" kind of kid. Any attempts to sooth seemed to just p*ss him off.

My second is one who just needed a routine. Story, lullabies while rocking and put him down awake.

Each child is different. Most don't start a routine until they are about 4 months. I would try to start now with what ever works for you and your baby. As much as I hated the "cry it out" that was what worked with my first.

I don't know if I was any help, It was just what worked for me.

I can recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. It is a great book.
S.

i read the book "baby wise" when it came to my infant. it's an amazing concept that goest by baby, you & the clock. baby sleeps, eats, then plays...goes in approx 4 hour increments and then eventually the night time sleeping gets longer. my daughter did amazing on this and didn't need to CIO until she was 7-8 months old. and that was only b/c she wanted to be with me. check it out on amazon.com.

now is the perfect time to start and the cry it out method is fine. just make sure that at night, you lay her down in her crib when she's sleepy but still kind of awake that way she gets used to sleeping in her crib. of course its good to hold and rock your baby but dont let her fall asleep on you too often or she'll get used to it and it's an awful habit to break believe me. i dont know if you have a schedule or not but try to do the same kind of thing every night to help your daughter know its sleepy time. dont expect her to sleep "thru the night" like you want to though...typically babies that young sleep 6-8 hrs at a time. as for the swing..i understand that sometimes its just easier and thats okay just try to make some of her naps be in her crib or just on her back in general. good luck =)

hello A.,
i personally think 3.5 mo is too young. doctors, authors and others generally suggest not doing that until the child is at least 6 mo old. i have always rocked my son to sleep during nap and bedtimes. he is a great sleeper now. just to let you know a 4 mo should be sleeping from about 9-5. not any longer than 8 hrs without waking. i am sure you will find other moms that had "saints" for children but typically that is all they sleep and it only gets better as they get older. when noah was 6 mo old i started to let him cry during the night. He would wake up i would go check on him, make sure he didn't have poopy diaper or that he wasn't scared or hurt and if all was okay i would give him a hug put him back down and leave the room. i would let him cry for 5 min at first, then go in and tell him it was okay. the next couple of nights it was 10 min. then it was 15-20 min. he maxed out at 25 min. it was a hard two weeks but he soon started sleeping from 8-8:30 until 7am. he is now 19 mo old and he goes too bed at 8p.m. and i don't get up until 8 am. he goes to bed awake but drowsy and he wakes up at 7am and plays in his crib until i get him. i hope this has helped. you will find many many opinions on this. ultimately you have do what works well for you. if you are losing your mind because you are not sleeping then....sleep. crying has never killed a kid before. a tired, moody, cranky mom is a no good mom. a well rested happy mom is a great mom!

4 months is usually the age you would begin sleep training. My little guy was a swing sleeper during the day too... and I gotta tell you, get her out of the swing ASAP, or at least turn the swing off once she falls asleep. I had no idea how hard it would be to break him of the swing habit since he was so used to being in motion during naptime. We started at 4.5 months with him and it took about a month until he would nap in his crib without first crying for an hour. But now he's 11 months old and he is a pro at it. I read to him, sing a little, put him in the crib and he does the rest without any fuss. He does the same thing at night as well, and has turned into a fabulous sleeper. I would recommend getting the book Healthy sleep habits, happy child by Marc Weissbluth. The book really helped me with learned how to do CIO and it also explained why kids need sleep, how much they need, and how there are different kinds of sleep throughout the day. I loved the book and I still refer back to it today when my little guy is having some difficulties sleeping. Happy napping!!