And I thought the bedtime battles would be over after the toddler and preschool years...sigh.
My son, who is almost 7, has been having the hardest time settling down at night lately. We tuck him in at 8:00, but he is usually still awake at 9:00 and sometimes as late as 9:30. Our bedtime routine remains pretty consistent (shower, reading time, brushing teeth, quick cuddle, sip of water, lights out). I sometimes turn on white noise to help him relax, although that hasn't been working so well for the past week or two.
Inevitably, 10 or 15 minutes after we turn out the lights, he finds a reason to get up (he suddenly has an urgent need to poop, or his nose is stuffy, or his stomach feels funny). The past few nights he's been calling for me and complaining that he's lonely. Tonight was my favorite - he said he felt "left out" because he had to go to sleep and the adults get to stay up.
So how do I get him to wind down? He has to be up at 6:30 to get ready for school, so 9:00 or 9:30 is just too late for him to be awake. He's bright, talkative and always filled with a million questions, so I think his brain just has a hard time turning itself off. But I know it can be done.
Any tips for this tired mama?
Thanks for all the advice! We shuffled the bedtime routine so that it ends up with reading and cuddle time in bed, and it's worked well. He's fallen asleep much more easily the past few nights. Whew!
Try and have him in bed a half hour before lights out so he can wind down. As Mamazita said, I was going to suggest a book light and reading for his quiet time.
Does he have a reading light, or a flashlight for bedtime only? My kids had reading lights clipped to their headboards from the time they were two or three. Reading (be it chapter books or picture books or comic books) is a GREAT way to wind down at night. It distracts your racing brain and makes your eyes tired.
Our boys are the same age.. and doing the same things! He needs a lot more cuddle time and evening family time, and he needs a good daddy wrestling match before the bedtime routine to tire him out, those are teh things that work for us. Also... on some nights, melatonin helps. It's a natural supplement to help aid in calmness and sleep.
Did ya ever think he really is lonely? He wants more time with mama. Give him more time once he's in bed before you shut the lights. Sing a sweet, soft and low song that is just for you two. You might try a candle or lantern next to his bed. Shut off the light and light the candle and just sweet talking for a few minutes, a prayer and a song and then snuff out the candle or let him snuff it out with a snuffer of course. Children like candles and they are very archetypical to the soul.
When you light the candle you could say: Candle candle burning bright share with us your golden light. Then whey you put it out say: Candle, candle burning bright thank you for your golden light. And thats the end. See if this sort of thing helps. It may take a few times or it may not solve it immediately. But it certainly doesn't hurt.
He's letting you know he feels alone and wants your presence. Give it to him, it only takes a little while and he's only little once.
My first thought was that from 10pm until 6 in the morning is 8 hours, so add in the extra 30 minutes from 9:30pm-10pm and then from 6am until 6:30am that's at least 9 hours of sleep for the little guy. That's pretty average for a 6 yr old during the night as far I know with my friends.
Sleeping 9 hours+ per night should be enough for him if he's an active guy who doesn't need more, if he's sleeping until 10-11am on morning's he doesn't have to get up for school for instance. Then he just doesn't need more than the 9 + hours.
I would start bedtime earlier but if he is still awake at 9:30 even then, well, I think you'll have to understand he's just not tired and when a person isn't tired there is no way they will just sit there and fall asleep.
Hard as it is he's probably just reached that stage of development where his body is done with needing 10+ hours of sleep anymore. That's pretty much for toddlers and pre-schoolers.
He may need to be busier in the evenings too. I don't know about you but I know what it's like to lay there and not being tired is not anything that can be "fixed".
How long do you read to him? 30 minutes, 45 min 1 hour?
We used t read more than 30 minutes, because we tried to get chapters in there. Many, many times it was more than an hour, because we were all enjoying the book so much.. We spent so many nights the 3 of us enjoying books together. We would rather have shared this time than doing anything else.
Then our daughter was allowed to read on her own for a while if she wanted. We played soft music or a book on CD..
Our rule has ALWAYS been, you can stay awake as long as you like, in your bed, but in the morning you have to get up with no complaints.
Worked great. Our daughter learned her limits.. IF she struggled in the mornings, she knew we would make her go to sleep earlier that night, with US turning off her lights. Only happened a couple of times. She knows we are serious.
Start your bedtime routine an hour earlier.
Make sure he has some running around exercise after school and before supper.
Exercise before bedtime can wake you up - it should be several hours beforehand.
Move a few things around in your bedtime routine.
You want him to have no reasons to leave bed once he's in it.
Shower, brush teeth, use the bathroom and sip of water belong together up front.
Cuddle while reading.
For after reading I turn down the lights I put in a CD of my son's favorite music and play it quietly and I sit with him for the first few songs.
It's to the point where he gets tired and yawns when ever he hears that music now (kind of like Pavlov's dog).
Does he read yet? At about this age we started to let our kids read by themselves for a few minutes (like 15) before going to sleep. It starts a good pattern of them reading to settle themselves down and a lifelong pattern of building in reading time before bed. Stick to the same routine (although we do all of the shower, teeth, etc. before we read to them so that there is no reason to get up again), but now build in that little window for him to settle himself down. My son is now 9, my daughter just turned 7, and it works great for them.
