Sleep Problems - Need Help

Buy the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. The baby needs to be taught to fall asleep without props and unfortunately, crying will be involved. Just remember if he cried and screamed for a bag of marbles, you wouldn't give it to him... so when he cries to be taken out of the crib... tough it out. I know it is painful but I promise you it is the best thing.
Remember: Anything that you put in the bed to "help" him go to sleep will have to be there if he wakes up in the middle of the night.

Kudos to the last comment on co-sleeping and cuddling. This is a perfect option, rather the letting a child feel abandoned. Saying no to candy or toy is much different then leaving a baby alone in a dark room all by them selves. They are so venerable and just want to feel the love and closeness of someone, particularly when going off to sleep. My kids 2 and 5, are more independent and self confident then there peers, and I'm sure knowing and feeling that they are never alone has helped. They also have not needed the security of some outside object (blanket, toy, etc.), their security comes from within. Just something to think about.

To present a different viewpoint for consideration: I do not see what exactly is wrong with a baby, under two, wanting the comfort and closeness of skin to skin contact with his Momma. This is absolutely normal and what is wrong is the way U.S. "culture" has decided that any form of touch, or any needs of a baby must be somehow "wrong".

Infants have needs. One of them is to be very close and to be cuddled as they are falling to sleep. Ours is the only society in the world where we believe somehow that babies should be willing and happy to sleep alone in a room away from their families-and that they need "discipline" if they express a need for closeness.

It is far more "inconvenient" and troublesome to deal with the lifelong insecurities and emotional stiltedness that comes from not having one's real, developmentally directed needs met when one is young.

When my little ones were this age, I thought it was the sweetest thing in the world that they would put their little hands on my breast/chest as they snuggled to sleep. It was a sign that they knew they were loved and all was right with the world for them. They are now all very self-assured, reliable, mature (more than their "age level"), capable and confident at age 18, 14, and 9.

This is not "groping" as one person here said--that happens with men who are not able to figure out why they are still obsessed with breasts (perhaps they didn't get enough touch as babies?), not with little babies who can't even talk yet.

Leaving a baby to "cry it out" when he is expressing himself the only way he knows only leads to insecurities and the sense that he is imprisoned. Instead, give the snuggles and the holding that the baby needs now, and watch how, over the coming few years, he develops into a self-assured, confident boy who knows he is loved and expresses love to others.

K.,

At 13 months it will be tough, but he needs to learn how to soothe himself. One of the best ways to do this is set up a bed time routine, and put him in bed while he's drowsy, but still awake.

My son is 4 1/2, and my daughter is 16 months. We did/do the same thing for each of them as babies. Before 4 months, if they cry for any reason we'd go in and get them and see to their needs. Around 6 months old we started letting them fuss for five minutes or less to see if they could comfort themselves. For their first year they had a pacifier, but after that it was gone. Now, we give my daughter 5-10 minutes to try and soothe herself before we go in to comfort her. Most of her trouble right now is sleeping at night, she only wants to sleep in my arms, but that's another issue.

A good (I think (-:) routine goes something like this: dinner, bath if needed, read some books, cuddle until drowsy, in bed to sleep.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

It is wonderful that he loves touch! Please touch him and hold him and sleep with him! Please don't abandon him!

my friend's daughter did this at inappropriate times and places. personally i could not have standed having my kid grope me all the time. my friend finally got her daughter to stop when she was old enough to understand and just didn't let her do it anymore.

sounds like your daughter is a bit far from that point altho since your grandson is under 2, it might be easier. like many posters said, she'll just have to deal with the crying for a little while. maybe she could find a lovey that he can caress. a lot of kids like the silky blankets or stuffed animals. it will just be trial and error.

good luck!

We had a similar problem with our first and third born. We found if we put in a shirt in the bed with our child that either mommy or daddy had worn for a while so they could still smell one of us, they stayed asleep longer. We also would put a warmer on low in the crib before we sat down to rock them asleep. Then remove the warmer before laying down babe on a warm soft bed. The shirt and warm bed was a combo that neither could fight.
Hope you get some good advice, and good luck.

Hi K., with both of my little ones I co-slept .Since no one sleeps as much as a baby ,I use a rounded velvet pillow in my place for naps. Both of my little ones put their hand on it while sleeping and the soft fabric seems to work in place of a breast. A hot water bottle can also mimic body heat. I always lie down next to them and pretend to sleep until they fall asleep and then put the velvet pillow in my place. I hope this helps! Best of luck,S.

We had a family bed.
Yes, it is a challenge to do, but everyone slept some if not enough.
I just ended up doing it because of the exhaustion of nursing all night. When the baby was in bed with us I could nurse and sleep at the same time.
Our youngest was in our bed forever, graduated to a pallet on the floor on the foot of our bed and finally to sleeping in his own room.
Sometimes he will go sleep in his brothers room.
For years when something troubled him, bad dreams etc he would come in and lie on the floor of our room with his comforter and pillow.
I think it made him feel safe.
I think we all want to feel safe.
Maybe it is left over from our Clan of the Cave Bear Days.
If it works for your daughter, I say let them do what works for them.
With our first son I always nursed him to sleep. Then when he self weaned at 1 year (I was not ready) but he was done, he had to learn to self sooth with music lovies etc. He was not a binkie baby. I spent many nights lying on the floor with my hand on him crying along side him. I was not capable of letting him cry it out alone.
Our second born nursed forever and slept in our bed forever.
They are all so very different as are their needs.
Blessings on your sweet family.
Your daughter is lucky to have your support.
L.

Funny as my son did that too. I didn't mind it unless it was in public. I don't remember what we did...I guess it was just continually removing his hand as he fell asleep. I did have a couple nights that I just stood over his crib till he went to sleep. Then about a week or so of sitting near by and telling him I was there and slowly moving out of the room a week at a time. I can't stand to let them cry! Now my son plays with his own nipples as he falls asleep! =-)

Hi K.,

To tell you the truth all you can do is put him in his crib and if he cries just say good night and shut the door and take a walk and just let him cry himself to sleep. I know it is hard but it was the only way i got my 14 month old to sleep by herself. but if he cries and you want to go get him dont he will just think that he can cry and you or your daughter will pick him up everytime. once again it is hard i understand but if you want him to sleep alone that is the only way to get him to sleep independantly trust me.
D.

what about a warm water bottle? they are nice & soft now, not like the old hard stinky rubber ones from years ago?