Sleep Overs

I would say no to having a sleep over and explain the reason now just as you would if he were older. Little girls are not aloud to sleep over. Because you did say they have been around each other since they were very young but kids do grow up eventually and he could say later when his voice drops you let her spend the night all those other times! If you get my drift.

Dear M.,
I don't think it is a good idea. Tell him he can come over but not spend the night. Have you spoken to her parents about it? Since you are reluctant to do it, you should not. L. M

I think it's perfectly okay. My sister is 34 years old and I remember when she would spend the night over at her friend's house which was a boy. Now, her son is in 6th grade and he'll go over to his friends house (yes, a girl) and they have sleep overs. Of course they don't sleep next to each other in the same bed, etc. But why not. There shouldn't be limits on making great memories with friends just because you're the opposite sex. When my two get older and if their best bud happens to be one of the opposite sex,I won't mind it a bit. :)

I have a situation similar to yours. My best friend has 2 boys the same ages (8 & 5) as my oldest 2 girls. We often have sleep overs at both houses. Sometimes even, she will take the older ones and I will take the younger ones on the same night. We have never had an issue. Not even now that my oldest (8 y/o) is begining the early stages of puberty. They are very conscious to not change in front of each other, and to close the bathroom door...all on their own wishes. We have decided that unless they give us a reason to stop the sleepovers (ie inapropriate behavior, or just not sharing the same interests anymore), then we will allow them to continue. Obviously, as they get older, certain rules regarding supervision will be given, but we will cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, we are just glad that they have such good friends.

Now, this is just personal opinion. When they start calling people boyfriend and girlfriend that when I'd think I'd stop it...another two years...about 10 when hormones start to kick in. I had a boy for my best friend through most of my childhood. Nothing ever happened but he had to sleep in my brother's room with my brother after 10 if he stayed over which was rare. If you feel the parents and other siblings would watch them carefully then for now I'd say it's OK. Agian this my personal opinion. Others probable disagree...but I'm liberal by nature.

I'm surprised this girl's parents are okay with it! Personally, I would never allow it. I grew up in a house where we knew to never even suggest such a thing, and both my husband and I don't feel mixed gender sleepovers are acceptable (at any age). But I do concede that we are more traditional and probably a bit strict. I just feel that it's better to avoid sleepovers like that (just as a rule) so that you don't have to try to figure out a way to end them later on when there is potential for inappropriate behavior. Either way you go, I wish you the best of luck!

M.,

I wouldn't personally get that started...stopping it when it does become inappropriate would be harder.

Just my thoughts...

I would guess it is all right if they are sleeping in a family room or living room in sleeping bags and the parents are there.
My husband was uncomfortable with it and this was the solution we came up with and it worked for all the adults involved with the sleep over situation.
As the children are so young I wouldn't think much of it and since they have been friends for so long I am sure you are on good terms with the parents. Talk to them about it and see what they think about the solution.

I would say you are getting close to the age where you might start to watch them a little closer. But I would think that if they are ok with it and you all are as well there is probably no harm. You all know your children and what "stages" they are in and I think you will know when you should not allow it anymore which may be a long long time still every child is different. I do want to say that kids are getting "curious" earlier and earlier (I have a sis that was "curious" at 13 and who knows how early she started heading in that direction)but I think it has a lot to do with the parents and being that you are even thinking to ask about it says you are an involved parent and probably wont have anything to worry about. Have Fun! (all of you)

My best friend growing up was a boy. I met him when I was 6 and we were really really close all through elementary school. We had sleepovers every single night in the summer and lots of weekends in the winter. We slept in the same bed some times. There was never a problem until about 6th grade. And then it wasn't even really a problem, just a natural growing apart. I started to get into more "girlie" things that my friend just wasn't into. Your son will be fine. Chances are he doesn't think about her in any other terms than as a friend.

Sleep overs are fun and you get to know your friends better and their families as well.At 8 yrs. old I really don't think you have any thing to worry about. However I would be sure that they don't sleep in the same bed and definately change into thier PJ's privately. Maybe you could make it a camp out in the living room with thier own sleeping bags and they would be in parental view until they fall asleep.
Unless they have had a lot of questions about sex and stuff like that I would say it is safe.Once they start saying they are sweet on another child or show it I just would not worry. I had sleep overs with "William and Robert" brother's that were my Mom's friends kids until I was about 10 or 11. We just had fun playing together and watching t.v., listening to music. My sister was with us as well. The girls slept in my room, the boys in my sisters room.My parents used to sneak up the stairs to see what we were doing.But usually we heard them.Once we were spying on the adults down stairs and could see them all through a floor grate we scared my mom when she went to peak around the corner by saying Boo, she almost fell done the stairs.It was all just good clean fun.

wow, what an interesting question! And I can see your trouble at deciding whether it's inapproiate. I would say that 8 years old they are still at the point where they are just buddies and having a sleepover would be innocent enough. However, if they were getting closer to 10 or 11 years old I would think that would be too old for it to be appropriate. But I'm willing to bet by then they won't be interested in having sleepovers together. So relax, and talk it over with the girl's parents to see what they think. Or better yet, invite her to stay at your house if you'd feel more comfortable being there to supervise. Good luck!

Just my opinion, I would say the sleepover is alright at this age, they can sleep in separate rooms. It shouldn't be a problem, the fun stuff happens while everyone is awake. Once bed time rolls around there really isn't any reason for them to be in the same room.

At this age (8-9) kids do get a little curious, it's still innocent curiosity so no "danger", but once your son and his friend reach the double digits (10) I would recommend no more sleep overs.

Go with your gut.

My son had sleepovers at that age with friends who were girls. It was always at our house though. Perfectly innocent, had an air mattress and sleeping bags on the floor in front of the tv. Nothing to it! He's almost 10 now, and while he still gets along with girls great, he'd never have them over to sleep. So if her parents are cool with it, and you are comfortable with their level of supervision, let him. He'll grow out of it soon enough.

My oldest daughter is 8, she has lots of little boys that are her friends. I've always encouraged her to have friends who are boys, because I do believe that it makes a more well rounded kid. We do the sleepover thing, but she knows, no boys sleep over. It was easier for us not to get this started, because at some point it will have to stop. The hard part is when do you stop and how do you know when until it has crossed the line and something has happened that you wish hadn't. No, she doesn't understand why except that we don't allow boys to sleep over. Its hard to explain to a child why suddenly their friend who has always been allowed to sleep over can't, just becuase they are another year older. That doesn't make sense to them, and to really explain it would be giving them ideas they probably (hopefully) haven't had! When we have sleepovers for birhtdays and such, the girls come over in the evening and then the boys join us the next morning after breakfast for the outdoor party and the cake and presents and whatever.

Hi M.,
I have a daughter who is 8 and her best friend since forever is a boy, who is also 8. They have had sleepovers until recently when he started being teased at school about being friends with her. They are still great friends and still go back and forth to each others houses. I think it is great when girls and boys are good friends. I let my daughter sleep at his house and he has slept here. I have 2 older children 16 (girl) & 12 (boy). Good luck with your decision. I think it is completely harmless, even at 8.

I'm guessing the gal's mom is okay with this?! Between my sisters and I(and a close friend,) we have 15 from the age of 14 down to 2. Our children often attend sleepovers together boys and girls. At 8, the children really shouldn't be left unsupervised anyway, so I don't see a problem with it. The "issues" that we have with it as adults most likely aren't even in the minds of those kids at such a young age. If they haven't given you a reason to be concerned, I wouldn't be. It's great that your son has what could turn out to be a lifelong pal. I would embrace it! My husband's best friend is a girl he's known since they were 5. They lived across the street from each other and went to school through all the years. No kind of romantic relationship was ever even thought of, and the 2 families are close as can be!

I agree with the idea that with proper supervision this should be fine. Since she's asking him over, I think you need to sit down with her parents & have a discussion about where they will sleep & who will be present. Be very clear about your expectations.

As far as what age this ceases to be a good idea, I have to say possibly much sooner than you'd think. I knew someone who lost her virginity at eleven in a tent in the back yard having a "sleep over" with the neighbor boy. No parental supervision because they were thought to be too young for such things.

Follow your gut. If it feels strange, just say no. They can still be close friends & have a blast if they each sleep in their own beds at night.

Hmmmm, that's a tough one. Myself? 8 years old is about the age where they know the difference and might "explore"? I just don't see where letting "boy/girl" sleepovers would be appropriate at any age. If you allow it now, they won't understand why it won't be appropriate later. Know what I mean? Call me old fashioned...just never thought it appropriate. UNLESS! You have two separate rooms? Time for bed? They each have their own room to go to...that would be ok! Good luck!