Sleep Issues with 10-Month Old

Faye,

I'm sure you'll get tons of great advice here. Keep in mind, it's a touchy issue for Mom's so you'll probably get many passionate responses from those who believe in CIY and those who don't. You wanted to hear how "we" got our babies a goodnights rest plus ourselves so here is my situation. My kids are 3.5 and 6 years old. Both slept with hubby and I until they were at least 2 and nursed throughout the night. Both were night weaned at 2, that is when they slept through the night w/out waking. Because this worked for us, nobody in our family has suffered from sleep deprivation and I have two incredible little sleepers that haven't depended on me to get them to sleep since they night weaned. Going to bed is a piece of cake and staying asleep happens every night. My son occasionally wakes and comes to our room but even then he just snuggles in to our bed and we don't even know that he is there until we wake up in the morning. We night time parented this way because it felt very natural and since we were all getting quality sleep I thought, why change it. I will say when I was doing this with my first child, I worried that she'd never sleep on her own or all night. I've learned since, that this way of night time parenting actually fosters trust and independence in a child. Since I've had two and parented the same with both, I'm a huge believer of that. In the end, you have to do what works for you and your family. I'm by no means telling you to do what I did, this is just what worked for us.

Best wishes,
M.

Faye,

Michele's experience is a lot like mine...however, my son night weaned himself at 13 months old and hasn't needed anything but, a cup of water by the bed. I too, have chosen to co-sleep with my son but, he goes back and forth between my bed and his bed, and I don't feel the need to pressure him to stay in one place or make it a big deal. But, to your issue...

While it may seem awful because nobody is getting a 'good night' sleep it's just a conglomeration of phases and changes to the 'norm' that your son needs help getting through. Your son may be experiencing seperation anxiety, teething, night terrors and/or just not feeling good. It's all normal for the age/stage and can be very daunting to deal with at night.

I don't think nursing to sleep is a 'habit', I think its a beautiful way to comfort and take care of your child when they need you. I fed on demand for the first year with my son, and it always changed depending on his needs for growth and development. I have been very lucky to have a Pediatrician who endorses this, and even encourages going with what works for you as far as sleeping...in my opinion Ferber is a great method for those who can use it properly. But, with new studies about Cortisol and the development of the infant brain, I just can't abide by letting a child cry. That's just me though.

When my son was 13 months old when I went back to work, not by choice, and had to put him in childcare. Like yours, he got sick constantly and was miserable...multiple ear infections and no sleep. He wouldn't nap and just looked awful when I picked him up at the end of the day. So, at the suggestion of my son's Pediatrician I found someone to watch him at home, and now pay my Mom to take care of him while I'm at work. It's great because he gets constant one-on-one care and he gets to be at home...my son just didn't adapt well to the environment.

My best suggestion is find consistency of routine, and stick with it. Make sure whatever your bedtime routine is that you stick with that every night, no matter what. Talk to your daycare provider and tell them what your routine is and what nap schedule you'd like your son to follow and they should be willing to help you with that. Also, don't worry...our kids feel our stress and can display it in the same ways we do...lack of sleep, anxious and cranky. My daycare provider was great and the infant care people were very sweet, it just didn't work for us and I had to come to terms with that.

It will take time to get past this phase, but you can do it. Change is not something infants and toddlers do well with, and when MAJOR changes happen this can cause a meriad of issues...don't blame yourself! You are a great Mommy for breastfeeding and doing what you can to make your son happy and healthy.

If you want to night wean him now, it's going to take some time. My son did it on his own, but when he'd get sick we'd go back to one a night for comfort and to get him off of it, I'd have to follow the same routine. Go to him, cuddle with him and rock him to sleep. Explaining that Mommy was there and it was okay, after a while he was able to sleep without the feeding but, my son was much older than yours.

No matter what advice you get, I think the one thing I can tell you from my experience is, go with your gut. There is nothing like Mommy Instincts to tell you what your child needs, and what you should do to meet them. Follow your heart!

Best wishes to you and your little family.

Great article and resource...has info from Dr. Ferber

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4263379&page=1

Michele and Deanna Leigh said it all. Ditto!

I nursed both my kids until they self weaned- my daughter was about 2.5 yrs.old when she weaned herself, and my son was about 1 year old.

Yes, I nursed on demand all that time! Even my Hubby was proud of me.

He is still very young, 10 months old. It's okay. Yes, it is also normal. LOTS of babies do this. And at certain growth spurts and developmental changes and milestones, they have hiccups in their sleep pattern.

Now, babies/children will often make noises while they sleep or as they go in and out of REM sleep. This is normal. But, you don't have to wake and then 'interrupt' them and wake them just for every sound they make. Just hang loose... gauge your baby... and just observe. Then... your baby may settle back down himself and go back to sleep. This is also what I did with both my kids. BUT, if he wakes/cries/screams then go in and pick him up, nurse him, or comfort him. For the 1st year of life, and per our Pediatrician, a baby should be fed ON DEMAND. But it will pass and he will grow out of it. Each baby is different.

Now, some babies, lots of babies, wake so much because they are just truly HUNGRY. This is also normal. Lots of babies also go through "cluster feeding" which means, they even nurse every hour. It's a phase per their growth and development.... their body is needing extra calories and they are hungry.

At the daycare... are they giving him his bottle, ON DEMAND? They should. My opinion. They should NOT be feeding him just on a schedule. Not at this age. To me. He is a baby. Not a toddler. So, this is the drawback of daycare.....they have a 'schedule', not a personalized routine for each baby.

You could perhaps, get a Nanny or a babysitter just for your son, at home. He seems to have his own pattern... which the Daycare schedule is not suiting him. Perhaps.

Also, how is your son doing at Daycare? Is he eating well there? Is he drinking enough bottles? (I assume you are providing pumped breastmilk for him at daycare). If a child does not get enough intake during the daytime... they are basically HUNGRY at night and they wake more at night to make up for it. I would really check with your Daycare provider to see what's up... make sure they are giving him enough intake, and feeding him his bottle ON DEMAND.
ALSO, how are THEY putting him down for naps? What time are they putting him down for nap? Again, he is a baby and should NOT be on the same 'schedule' at a toddler or the older children/babies that are there.

At home, just have a regular routine for him, for naps... just like you did when he was younger. He needs stability and routine and regularity. Which Daycare and his colds seems to have jolted him out of.

No, I would not cry it out.

All the best,
Susan

Hi Faye, well I'm doing the same thing except mine is just 7 months. I can't stand that she only naps for 30 minutes (which has been going on ever since she was a few months old). I also feel like she should only be eating once a night and I also don't know what to do when she does wake, except nurse. I'm sure you're thinking "why go through a bunch of rocking, singing, etc when I could just nurse and he'd be down in 5 minutes?" I think the same thing but I also know my baby girl doesn't need to eat so much and it's hurting both of our sleep & health. So I keep trying to come up with a new plan and I'm not out of the water (or even close!) but heres what I'm trying....
The last two days is all I've done but I've already been surprised with the results.
So I put my baby down at 7 pm. She's totally exhusted by this time because of the terrible napping (although I'm crossing my fingers that maybe if she starts sleeping better at night then maybe naps will improve (positive thinking here!!)
Then shes been waking at 10:30 I went in and refused to pick her up... I just (kinda forcefully) push her onto her tummy with a pacifer (even though she doesn't usually use one)and do some good patting and "shhh..." I've been turning on the little musical thing (that I got second hand) then she calms down pretty quickly and I just keep my hand on her until shes pretty sleepy and then ever so carefully remove my hand and watch for signs of getting fussy again and then if she does just pat again real quick. Then quietly walk out.
She woke again at 11:30. I repeated above and thanked my lucky stars it worked again!
She awoke at 12:30 and I figured this was good enough and feed her. She slept until 4:30 and I tried the above method and she sort fell asleep but it didn't work so well (you know they turn into light sleepers in the early morning). So I feed her again and even just laid in bed with her until waking time, 6:30. I felt like that was success and with a positive attitude of knowing she's going to wake then I don't feel upset when it does happen. Anyway... night 2 (last night actually)

Couldn't believe it but she slept all the way until 12:30 with hardly a peep! Wow maybe it's working.... feed again at 4:30 and was again able to use the "patting method" at 5:30 to continue sleep until almost 7.

So maybe you can send me a message in a few days if you want to see if it's working.... for now I'm just trying to get it down to one feeding and not before 1 am... well definately not 12 :)

good luck!

It's not going to be the answer you want to hear, but letting him cry it out is probably what you need to do. I had the same situation with my daughter; started out as a good sleeper then got worse as she got older. The first time we decided to let her cry it out she was probably around 8-9 months old. It was terrible. She cried for a good 45 mintues. I cried too and felt like the worse parent in the whole world. I hated my husband and felt like I was going to lose it. Finally she fell asleep. The next night she cried a little less and so on. By the fourth or fifth night the crying was minimal. It really works. You just have to remember that they aren't crying because they are physically hurt. It's not like your child is in danger and you are refusing to help them. They are safe in their crib and in their house. They are just frustrated because they aren't getting what they want and crying is their only way of vocalizing it since they can't talk yet. Good luck!

Could it be that he is teething? If so, I used Baby Bliss for my daughter and it works miracles. The only time she would wake up is if she was teething, which has seemed like forever and if she is really hungry. After I night weaned her, my husband would pat her tummy or rock her back to sleep and put her back in her bed. After about a month or so, she pretty much started sleeping through the night, but she would always wake up 3-4 times before that. I have noticed what really helped her sleep through the night was night weaning and stocking her up on really healthy and nutricous meals throughout the day. It took a while but now she only wakes up maybe once a week for a snack. Also, if she wakes up, my husband puts her back to sleep. Also, we used to put her to sleep around 9pm and after reading the No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantely, we really it is very late and we started putting her down between 7-8pm and that really helped. A regular and reasonable bedtime routine has also been a key ingredient in improving her sleep issues. I had the same trouble in the begining with her naps, she was so sleep deprived. I recommend the book, you can get it from you library.
Best of luck.
E.