Sleep Issues Between Hubby and I After Muliple Losses

Because you are grieving, I think professional help is needed. I've never experienced losing a child, so I can't really tell you how to deal with the situation other than seeking professional help.

You have a lot to deal with right now, especially on your own. Insomnia is a symptom of depression. I suffered with it for a long time before getting help. Even talking to your family doctor may help, they can steer you towards someone you can talk to or possible temporary medications you can take, for depression or sleep aids. Please call your doctor. It may be the most important thing you do for yourself. It was for me. Also, let your husband know what happens. Try not to shut him out, even though it may seem easier right now. Best wishes on everything!!

i'm sorry for all your losses.
Maybe you can try going to bed and cuddle with your husband until he is asleep and then go watch the television?
Usually I'm not a proponent of medicine, but you could try something to help you relax and fall asleep, or even a sleeping pill? Since y dad died 2 months ago, y mom cannot sleep without relaxing pill, and even with that she is always awake at 4:30am 9time he passed away) and cannot go back to sleep. So, a couple of timers a week, she takes some sleeping pills to catch up with sleep.
i wish you will find the strength to go on. All the best.

How about something with headphones on it? Or maybe you can go have a cuddle with him and THEN move to the couch. My hubby has Chronic Fatigue and he sleeps on the couch a lot. But he does sleep there so I have to accept that he doesn't sleep in our bed. Make sure there are times for you to be together there..and stick to it. Don't "I'm to tired" and just go to the couch. At least stay with him for awhile and let him and you spend that quiet time together..whether its for sex..or for talking..or not. Don't forget he is probably hurting too. Take care of yourself but you need to make time for him too.

Go have your hormones checked by an endocrinologist or a doctor trained in Naprotechnology. After loosing two children I had an awful time sleeping. Come to find out the stress had knocked my thyroid out of wack. that caused the sleeplessness.

My husband and I never sleep together and it is actually not that abnormal (I have read articles about this). he snores like crazy and there is no way I can sleep through that as I am a very light sleeper. But if your husband feels bad about it I would lie with him until he is asleep and then move or take a sleeping pill. Not the prescription kind but an OTC. I have used these and they really do help with light sleeping.

Go to the doc and talk to them about helping you with the sleep issues. Your husband has been snoring since you slept in bed with him the first time so this could just be an excuse. If it were me I would be in a grief support group and talking to someone professional about it.

My BF lost a grandchild to RSV at 5 weeks, my oldest grandchild was 6 weeks at the time and I still have issues with babies sleeping at my house. You are suffering right now and need that support from someone. Your husband needs someone too, his choice is you.

oh bethany, no wonder your sleep is ruined. i'm so very sorry for this terrible string of events. and sorry also for your dh who is also suffering and needs his love cuddled up to him in order to sleep.
don't feel terrible. you have so much to cope with. be gentle with yourself, as you would be with anyone coming to you in a similar situation.
probably nothing will work right away. i like the suggestions you've had to ease into it. maybe lie in bed with your dh for a while and read, while he goes to sleep and you get into a relaxed state. then, if you're not ready for sleep, go watch tv for a while if you're really awake, but start creating a 'sleep routine'. a bubble bath, a cup of sleepytime tea, maybe take some melatonin or have a glass of milk. 10 minutes or so of prayer or meditation. earplugs might help with the snoring. white noise might help bridge the gap between his need for quiet and yours for sound.
don't discount the usefulness of seeing a counselor to help you develop coping techniques. fixing the sleep routine will help, but of course as you realize it's the grief causing the sleep problems, so dealing with the grief is your best long-term strategy.
good luck.
khairete
S.

When I was in high school I sometimes had problems falling asleep, as I worried a lot about upcoming tests/papers, etc. To help me fall asleep I started bringing my cd player and headphones to bed with me so that I could listen to music until I drifted off. Maybe music/headphones could help you to get your distraction without interfering with your DH's sleep.

Oh Bethany, I'm so sorry for your many losses :( What if your husband slept with earplus and one of those sleeping masks that goes over the eyes? Maybe the tv wouldn't bother him then. Also, I would suggest asking your doctor for some advice about the insomnia. Peace and love to you, sweetie!

I'm so sorry for your losses.

I can understand where you're coming from for sure. My mom couldn't sleep after my brother died about 12 years ago. Now, I'm embroiled in an ongoing custody battle and I have a hard time sleeping too because I just can't shut my mind off. I understand the insomnia these things cause.

One thing that has helped recently is that my doctor put me on Zoloft to combat my PMDD, and the pleasant side-effect (since it stimulates serotonin production) is that I'm falling asleep much easier. It makes me drowsy by the end of the day when my physical energy starts to run out, so I drift right to sleep when I finally go to bed.

Maybe something like this could help you. Talk to your doctor about some help with sleeping. Explain your situation exactly like you did here. If you want to concieve a successful pregnancy, your body is going to have to be well rested. Ask your doc about anti-anxiety meds.

Best of luck!

I am very sorry for your losses. If it helps in anyway, miscarriages are very common and don't let that discourage you or worry you. I had 2 miscarriages when trying for our first but my doc kept me positive and we finally had a successful pregnancy. I am now pregnant with my second and it happened so quickly with no issues. My doc truly felt it was just God taking care of what wasn't right and not anything with me. The more I talked about them, the better I felt because I found out I wasn't alone. As for the snoring...he can see a doc for that.

I am so sorry for your losses. I agree with Crystal C, that you are probably depressed and might need a little help. See your doctor to get some temporary medicine (for depression and maybe a sleep aid) and ask for a therapist referral. You don't have to be on meds forever - just view it as a little help to get over this hump. Maybe try yoga/meditation as well. The deep breathing exercises can help you relax and I find them especially helpful when my mind is in overdrive.

My husband used to snore (no sleep apnea). He went to an ENT and found out he had a deviated septum. He had surgery to correct it and his snoring has lessoned considerably (now only if he has a cold). He also sleeps with two pillows under his head and makes sure he takes his allergy med before bed.

Be gentle with yourself. Take care.