Sleep Issues - South Bend,IN

Updated on December 02, 2010
A.D. asks from South Bend, IN
6 answers

Hi Moms.
Last week my almost 3 yr. old son started having what seems to be some kind of separation anxiety issues. He is normally a great sleeper. He would go down for naps & at bedtime with no problem. Now he says he is "scared" & does not want to go down for naps or at bedtime & will stall in any & every way he knows how. At first I thought it was emotional issues connected to our recent divorce because he was asking to "hug Daddy" & saying that he missed him. But last night his Daddy was here & tried to put him to bed & our son gave him the same problems he gave me only he was asking to "hug Mommy" this time. Apparently he is just using that as another excuse? Whatever the case, he will cry & refuse to be left alone to go to sleep now (even though he shares his room with his 1 yr old brother). He has been staying up WAY past his bedtime because of his fear & waking up in the night or early morning hours crying & then having difficulty going back to sleep unless someone is right there. The only way he has gone to sleep is by my Mom or me singing him to sleep, or just utter exhaustion because he has cried so much & stayed up so late. All this is interrupting my sleep as well & I honestly don't know how much longer I can take it.
I have tried everything people have suggested; giving him a picture of Mommy & Daddy to hold onto, a stuffed animal to hug, Daddy's shirt to sleep with, Daddy even got him a cd player to listen to lullabyes & none of it is working. As I said, the only thing that has put him to sleep is to sing to him (& that is very time consuming!). Oh, I have left his bedroom door open too (he usually sleeps with it closed), but then he just follows me out of the room when I try to leave, or comes in my room in the night when he wakes up & wakes me up (not to mention his little brother).
I am hoping this is a phase of some kind, but I don't know what has brought it on or what to do to help ease his fears.
If you have had any experience with this, I would love to know how you handled it!
Thank you.

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A.F.

answers from Miami on

Hi A. :-)

It sounds as if your little one is fearful of his changing world. Just when he was getting a grasp about his world and how he fit into it.. he "wakes up" one day and it is completely changed.. because daddy doesn't live there anymore.

I agree with Sommer G in asking how long ago this divorce occurred? His living arrangements are probably different since I heard you mention your mom so he may need some private time with you and then dad and then TOGETHER.. to explain how daddy still loves him but now he lives somewhere else and so do we! Something along those lines, so he can get used to his "new' world and how he fits into this one, now, as well as how dad and mom still fit also, just not in the same house.

hugs,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner

1 mom found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Lafayette on

I agree -- I think it's his 3 year old way of dealing with the divorce. He needs reassured that both parents love him & that you guys won't be going away from him -- like he saw you guys do to each other. I think it's a deeper issue than just sleep problem. So sorry about this. But hopefully you can help him deal with this now and he'll be a happy, healthy child!

S.G.

answers from Oklahoma City on

counseling wouldn't be a bad idea especially for a 3 year old just just saw mom and dad split, how recent is the divorce, less than a year?? he probably needs help coping too

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S.A.

answers from Cheyenne on

ooohhh though one....The cd player has realy worked well for us...we dont play it loud...but softly. whill my 2 year old will from time to time have a hard time sleeping it never seems to last longer than a week. If it where me I would be kind but firm.
Bath, pjs, reading. Maybe a few minuts of snugling (but that could lead to more probelms). I would tell him that you are willing to sing one or 2 songs to him but after that if he wants more he can listen to his night night cd. If he is saying that he is scard I would leaave the door open (maybe with a baby gate so that he and his little brother dont take a fall down the stairs. If he follows you out tun around and put him bakc to bed. Give him a kiss and say somthing like "good night darling" or "sweet dream" or however you would say it. If and most likely when he gets up agin. put him back in bed tuck him back in but dont say anything to him. keep doing that for as long as it takes. I know it mioght sound a little cold, but if you keep saying good night then it kinda demeans the first good nigh. Lovlingly keep putting him back in me. and try to ignore the crying, and hope that he dosent make him self sick from the screaming.
After a week or 2 he should get the point that when Mommy puts him to bed its time to go to sleep and that all the crying and carring on isnt goting to chang that. Give it time to work, becide what befor bed things work best for you and then do it EVERY night, untill thing settle down.
It sounds to me more like a controll thing. The divorce might have left him feel like he is has no control. This could be his way of feeling like he has some control. you could maybe give him a job to do that would help him feel in control.
if all else fails talk to a doc about it. Keep your chin up sweety. Try hard not to play the game by his ruls. Be kind and loving but firm...bed time meen bed time!
Best wishes Sweety!!

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Have you tried a story CD? Just a thought.

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