Hi, I'm very torn right now and need someone to talk this through with.
I love my husband dearly but he has put on at least 75 lbs in the last 8 yrs. He has had problems with Acid Reflux and now has to take a prescrition med for it, even though he was told about 50% of his issue was weight and diet and by changing those he could elminate the need for prescription meds and just use over the counter for occasioinal issues.
With in the last 3 months he has also developed sleep apnea, he always snored but now instead of rhythmic snoring, he stops breathing and then will gasp for breath and wakes himself and me up many times a night..
My mom is also obsese and has diebetis and sleep apnea and uses a CPAC machine so i am familiar with sleep apnea.
I am torn between pushing him to have a sleep study done and get a CPAC or to hope that this is the wake up he needs to change his lifestyle and be healthier.
He is self employed and also every involved in a civic organizaton that is going through alot of turmoil which is very stressful but he won't quit either. So he works late hours grabs alot of food on the run, misses didnner with us but grabs bar food and beer after meetings. And enjoyes College and professional football and tailgating and drinking. Thats his relaxation time from working.
He won't eat sandwiches so packing him lunches doesn't help. he would love to eat fried eggs and 5 pieces of bacon and toast every morning if i cooked it, but refuses a bowl of cereal or a bagel if i make it for him. I don't buy chilps or soda when i do the grocery shopping but he will often stop and pick up icecream or chips and dip and sodas on the weekends. So it isn't a case of me cooking healthier dinners or my not bringing the junk in the house.
Obvously he has to want to change, I can't do that for him, but If i can pressure him ( a bit with in reason) to do the sleep study i'm a bit worried that he will see that as a bandaid fix to the problem instead of actually getting healthier.
I've encouraged him to come for a walk or bike ride wtih the kids and i this summer and he might but it's very sporadic like maybe 2 x a month.
Anyone have any advice or similar stories to tell?
The sleep apnea makes it even harder for him to eat right and exercise. Studies have shown that lack of sleep alone causes weight gain, even with the same diet. And, if he's tired all the time from lack of deep sleep, he may eat more carbs and be less motivated to exercise.
Sleep apnea can contribute to high blood pressure, liver disease, behavioral and mood issues like depression, and more.
I recommend pushing him to get the sleep study and the CPAP machine. I've seen people's lives improved a little or a lot because of the sleep that using that machine allowed.
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S.B.
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Dallas
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Please push him to get a physical and an appt for a sleep study. Perhaps those health care providers can tell him something that will make him want to make some lifestyle changes. He is on a collision course with heart disease, diabetes, a heart attach and a stroke. Find out how much health insurance he has and what your family will do if he dies or becomes disabled. What benefits does his employer offer or what life insurance does he carry on his own. Is it enough to raise your children in the style in which your family is accustomed to? If he is going to act reckless or be non-responsive to his health issues, then the least he can do (or you can do on your own) is to prepare for what happens if he is no longer there. Maybe this discussion would be a wake up call for him!
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C.B.
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Boston
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Make an appointment for him with his primary care physician for the sleep apnea and let him know you're concerned and want to grow old with him. Then let the doctor give him the grim news about his health and weight and life expectancy. You can also tell him that sleep apnea causes a person to not really be rested since sleep is interrupted constantly, so he gets in a downward spiral of being too tired to take a walk and getting heavier. You could also let him know that until he loses weight you are not having sex with him anymore since you worry about a heart attack, perhaps that will motivate him! Good luck. My husband has all the good intentions and used to love walking and biking, and now I keep hearing that he will start "after vacation" or "after this weekend" or after this or after that, but never now. It might take a drastic health scare to get both our husband's moving.
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Y.M.
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Cleveland
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How often does he see his doctor? I think the pressure should come from his healthcare team. If you pressure him your marriage might suffer.
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J.L.
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Dallas
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Some of your situation rings very familiar to me. If you can get him to go to the doctor for the sleep apnea, I would push him to do that. It's scary to me. Does he let you go to the doctor with him? So you can add some commentary. My husband doesn't let me go and I know he is downplaying or not telling at all his various symptoms-- many which tie back to his weight but he has to go periodically for his prescriptions to be refiled and I think the doc must have scared him last time and did a lot of tests and such because he has finally gotten back into the gym and eating better. Maybe you can sneak some healthy foods in on him....french fries but baked at home, light beer, etc. Baby steps. And, take care of yourself in the mean time--- the stress of worrying about ourselves, babies/kids, and our husbands can really be a lot for us to burden too and stress does nobody any good. I wish you luck and feel for you. Keep us posted.
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J.A.
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Indianapolis
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My husband is facing similar issues (at only 26). It took losing his sex drive for him to realize he needs to actively try to lose weight. He doesn't eat out or even unhealthy. He was just eating 1 huge meal at dinnertime. Now he has started taking fruit with him to snack on at work. And he's cut down his meal size for dinner. We're waiting on insurance to kick in for him to be able to do a sleep study.
Unfortunately, I don't think there is much you can do. Your words will only be heard as nagging to him.
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J.W.
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St. Louis
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My ex did the sleep study, got the CPAP and never used it. Even through all of that, all the information they gave him, he still thinks he is just fine.
I am just saying this because there is a chance even after the sleep study and the CPAP if he still doesn't want to change he won't change.
