Hey mommies...I'm desperate!
Tyler is 12.5 months old and is *not* sleeping well at night. From about 3-4 weeks to about 5 months old, he did really well - 8+ hour stretches were a normal thing for us.
Then we had to travel for the holidays and he hasn't slept well since. He's now waking about 3 times a night on average and thinking that 5:30ish is a normal wake-up time. The only way to get him back down at that point is to put him in bed with us.
My husband and I are both over it. He goes down at about 8:30, but my husband has to walk him around til he falls asleep. When he wakes in the middle of the night, we go in and rub his back and hope that he falls asleep. If not, it's more walking.
What do we do?!! I'd really like to avoid crying-it-out if we can, but I'm almost to the point that I'd try anything.
Sorry for the super long post, just wanted to give all the info up front in the hopes of getting some great advice from all you awesome mamas.
ok, lets see.
1. Take a crib sheet and lay on it for a while (it will smell like you). and put it on his bed. See if that helps.
2. Can you record you/hubby huming his favorit song or what ever it is you do while walking. Then play it on a loop in his room VERY softly.
Letting him cry just a little bit is not a bad thing either, yes hard to hear but sometimes necessary for him to learn how to self soothe.
Honestly, if you can stomach it, CIO works. I know a lot of people are totally against it & I certainly wasn't looking forward to it myself, but it worked like a charm & only took 3 nights. Granted, the first 2 were absolute torture, but like I said, it worked.
I would start with a little low-key modified "crying it out" at bedtime - he should be put in bed before he is completely asleep, that way he learns to relax and do the final bit of falling asleep on his own. At our house we do this, but just stay by the crib, and if our little guy starts crying in earnest (not just 'fussing'), he gets picked up and rocked a bit more - maybe 3 or 4 times for 2 minutes each time, with soft whispering about how sleepy he is. It's usually possible to get him to fall asleep within about 10 minutes.
Our l.o. is still waking up during the night, but now at his first wake up (usually around 2am), my husband again rocks him back to restfulness, and most nights he sleeps until about 5am, at which point I nurse him in our bed, and he stays with us. It's not perfect, but it is getting better, and he still gets lots of cuddle time in the early morning.
It will get better! Going to bed earlier may also be a good idea.
Read the No Cry Sleep Solution. While the early sections in the book are for when baby is young, there are some great strategies for working with older babies and toddlers. I especially liked that the book is flexible, lets you rely on your own instincts as a parent, and lets you put together your own flexible plan. I used this with my oldest and it really helped me. Writing out a sleep plan was the thing that helped me most. I planned (when it wasn't the middle of the night or 3 am, or 5:30 when all I desperately wanted was to go back to sleep) what I would do when it was those times. Sitting down and thinking it out, along with the advice and knowledge from the book, let me make better decisions for both of us when I was in those situations. It would have worked better if I had been more consistent from the start, so try to be as consistent as you can. Good luck!! I know how hard it is to be sleep deprived.
I would try an earlier bedtime and read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". 8:30 is on the late side of bedtime for a 1 yr old.
If he mostly sleeps in his own bed and only gets in with you for a couple of hours, why not let him sleep with you for those early-morning hours?
Or maybe he needs to have his daily routine adjusted (different nap time, earlier or later bedtime?) to meet some changing needs.
Really the right answer is whatever gets everyone the most amount of sleep with the least amount of trauma. There is no one-size-fits-all answer.
The cry-it-out "method" is just plain cruel and can be harmful for their developing brains. I would continue to avoid that route.
I have two kids and my first one didn't sleep well at all until about 2 years old. I also didn't want to do the cry it out method but I did try it a few times...he was very stubborn I guess and just wouldn't stop. He could not self soothe, I thought I was going to have to rock him to sleep forever! lol It took awhile but after reading a book called The No Cry Sleep Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly (I believe thats her name). A lot of her methods really worked for him but it took a long time!
When I had my 2nd child I was determined to work on good sleep habits from the beginning because I knew I wouldn't have the time to rock him to sleep and deal with my 2 year old at the same time. So I started to let him cry a little at about 4 months old, and he would just fall asleep after a while. I do remember a few times where he was crying for 30 mins! But it worked! He is a great sleeper, I lay him down and he goes right to sleep on his own. Listening to your little one cry is very hard but I would give it a shot, it didn't do any harm to my 2nd son and I am so glad I did. But I do believe that some kids are just really stubborn and just don't give up, so you may need to take a different approach. Like the No cry sleep solution as I suggested.
A very helpful website to me was http://www.babysleepsite.com/.
Tips:
Sound Machines to block out noise which will help him stay asleep longer.
Introduce a Lovey, like a blanket or a stuffed animal
Routine - bath, book, the same music played quietly in room so they know that its bed time.
When they wake up at night, don't going running in the room. Wait it out a while.
Like Melissa J. said. CIO works, but it is hard on you. My wife and I hired a babysitter for three nights in a row and told her not to go in a pick up our kids. Amazingly though we only had to do thi with out first two kids. The others just cried for a short period of time and adapted well.
Good luck to you and yours.
Please read the newest Dr. Ferber book - he is the one who developed the system - "Cry It Out" is a complete misnomer!
We did the research and then modified it to our needs. Dr. Ferber will help!
