Six Year Old Son Wondering If He Is ADD

All his behavior can be controlled with nutrition. I do nutrition repsonse testing and it is amazing. I am specializing in this very thing. You should do it. I'm a chiropractor in Irving. Call us to inquire. ###-###-####

I don't know where you live, but Dr. Deborah Bain in Frisco is a gem and she had similar problems with her son.
http://www.healthykidspediatrics.com/html/Home.htm

I don't think you child has add. If he's able to concentrate on the tv/video games he's fine. Watch what kind of cartoon he's watching. Cartoons these days are more violent and fast past for a young minds to process, and sometimes the mind is still processing after the cartoon is over with. Get him more active outside and maybe fun science project....making a volcano that erupts. Give him awards when he comes home from school and gets his homework done on time, Let him pick one out!. Have incentives to do it.

To help with his self esteem have him join a soccer/baseball team. When he starts talken bad about himself put him and front of the mirror and make him list 5 thing good about himself. After awhile of that he'll see more good than bad. And let him know of all the good stuff you like about him, as well.

Well Good Luck.

I would also consider food reactions. You don't at all mention what his diet is like, but even things like preservatives can trigger bad behavior in kids (including that meanness to a dog, which is absolutely not acceptable). You might check out the services offered by the Dr. M. Ann Block: www.blockcenter.com
There's info on her website on medical/scientific research that shows how much nutrition impacts behavior. She also has written a book that's a step by step guide that parents can follow. Dr. Block became a doctor after her own daughter was made ill due to Rx medications. She is a renowned experting on treating ADD/ADHD without drugs. Also, recent research shows that as well as stunting physical growth the drugs also stunt brain growth. I realize that some folks feel they can't manage without them, but I fear for the long term impacts of those children who will have to adults in our society in the future.

The lack of social interaction and low self esteem is also a concern and you might consider seeing a therapist for that. But, also, the food/allergic reactions can also impact social interactions and if he doesn't feel well alot of foods can trigger behavior such that he feels he can't control that can really contribute. Before I got really, really aggressive about controlling my son's diet and we found out about his gluten intolerance/celiac disease and dairy allergies, my younger son was a lot like your son. Research now shows that the gluten can impact the brain, thus the poor behavior. Also, you might think your son is perfectly physically healthy, but that's what the pediatrician thought about my son and it wasn't until my son made these dietary changes that he himself realized how bad he had felt before. It also takes the whole family to get on board for this sort of thing, but in the end it's healthier for everyone.

Also, my son used to tell me that he just didn't know why he did the bad things, he just could not control himself. I am just so thankful that because of doctors like Dr. Block and Dr. Fine (who established a premier lab for testing for gluten intolerance and other food allergies: www.enterolab.com), my son feels good both physically and mentally.

Hi S.. My 15 year old son is ADHD and has been on medication since 2nd grade. We've never had any issues with it. He's perfectly healthy, sleeps well, eats well and is a great kid. He would rather take it than try to manage diet or other treatments. But it's up to each individual family. I don't think that one option is necessarily better than another, they all work in some way and it's a very personal choice for you and your son to make together.

I have heard of a center that is strictly for ADHD. We've never been there, our pedi treats my son. But it's something you may want to look into. It's ADD Health and Wellness Center. ###-###-#### I heard an ad for it this morning on KLTY as I was driving to work. Just a thought.

Good luck to you!

You can ask his teacher or the counselor to have him evaluated ie the Conner's Checklist. My son just completed the 1st grade and he was evaluated. He was high enough that we could have gone to the DR but low enough that we did not have to do anything. My son is extremly smart, but has little to no attention. Trust me I know what you are going through, what you described sounds like my son except that my son is extremly gentle with our pet. There are a few things that have helped us.

1. Have a chore list. I do a chore list for my son that includes stuff like make bed and brush teeth which otherwise he would forget. I do ours on an Excel spreadsheet.

2. STOP, LOOK, & LISTEN. This helps if there is something that you are saying that is important. Get there attention, loudly say (not yelling) stop, look at me, & listen closely.

3. Have a reward system in place, we use tokens (poker chips) and at the end of the week he gets to "buy" things out of the token box. He has to buy computer time, phone time, money, or use it for toys in the box. My son starts out with 5 tokens every day. For every chore that is not done he loses one token or if there is a behavior problem he will lose one. On the same idea, if he goes above and beyond what is asked of him give him an extra token.

4. Have him repeat stuff that you want him to do.

5. Also when you are talking to him, have him look at your face so you know he is listening.

6. DO NOT give warning after warning, give him one warning for whatever behavior you want changed. If he goes past that, take a token away or use a time out.

Above all remember they are just kids, if you need a time out let them know. These things have helped a ton. Also if you need to talk feel free to e-mail me ____@____.com and I will give you my phone number. It feels like a battle every day, but it is one that your family can win if you stick to it. good luck.

Your not alone. I have a 7 year son and after trying to get help from different sources, a friend of mine recommended Dr. Quadri in Bedford. HE has been a lifesaver for me and my son. I have recommended him to friends whose children need extra help. He is a child Psychiatrist and is near HEB Hospital. Below is the info. off his business card:

Dr. Quadri, M.D.
Diplomate American Board of Psychiarty & Neurology and Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
1604 Hospital Pkwy #305
Bedford, TX 76022
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GOOD LUCK!

I would suggest trying cognitive behavioral therapy with him - look in the phone book, you should be able to find one that works with kids.

That said - I'm on meds. They're not an evil thing - and if they help you function, they're no different than anti migraine or anti seizure meds.

S.

Although my sons are older my advise is as soon as possible - get your son off t.v. and computer!!!!!!!!(Yes, I am stressing that a bit much). I can't find my information on research done how entertainment decreases attention span, decreases communication skills and decreases creativity. Get legos, blocks, books (read to him, tape yourself so he can hear you over & over again) and someone I know who has foster children with minor disabilities says music has helped greatly. A book by Dr. Archibald Hart called Thrilled to Death, says that a mouse, in their research, was able to get some stimulation by pressing a button; they accidentally put the probe in the pleasure center of the brain and the mouse refused food and sleep--literally killed itself to be stimulated. .....(gasp) now I will calm down and come up for air and ask you pray and try this in conjunction with anything else you do. As far as friends go, have you thought of teaching him how to be a friend by having others over (maybe 2 boys) and being there with them for a "party"/ choosing the boys who have similar interests. Is there someone who can talk to him about emotional issues he is dealing with (the loss of your miscarriage). What about some other Moms at church who have boys the same age or a little older who could not only advise but suggest someone? Don't forget to pray blessings over him every morning and when he goes to bed; God is faithful.

Change schools. He does not need to be in public school. He does not need meds either. He is just being a boy. you need to give him lots of structure and follow up. Keep a close eye and it will be well. you might even need to home school him. But the most important thing is that he is in a very small class where the teacher can give individual attention. Private school.

There is a clinic that I keep hearing about on KLTY for ADD, ADHD and Learning Disabilities. They can teach him organization skills and help him if he is ADD, and I think without meds. Here is the website http://www.addhealthandwellness.com/ . I hope this helps.

Hi S.!
I recently discover product from company Reliv. They have natural product that helped kids and peoples with ADD/ADHD and more. You could talk to real peoples about their experiences.
Email me: ____@____.com

I taught schol before I had my kiddos, and if he were in my class, I would not suggest that he has ADD. I would let him start school, but I would talk to his teacher about your concerns before school begins as well as the school counselor. They both should be able to guide you in helping your sweet little guy:)

My son was diagnosed with ADD at 7 years old. We had problems with him not being able to focus. He couldnt get his work done in class and we would struggle for hours in the evenings trying to help him focus and catch back up. It left him with a very poor self esteem. He used to call him self stupid and lazy. Neither were true he was just frustrated and didnt know why he could not focus. He has been on meds now for 3 years. It is a very hard choice to make and very personal one. We did try all the natural approaches first they just didnt seem to work as well. My son has always attended private school with small class sizes and was able to move at his own pace however if they cant focus it wont matter. My son has tested for the last 2 years into gifted and talented programs and when he does not take his medicine he cant even get his work completed or turned in. His self esteem has been restored and he thanks me all the time for helping him fix his problem. He is no longer frustrated and he is happy. You will receive I am sure a lot of people against meds and saying ADD is over diagnosed but unless you live with someone trully struggling with the problem I dont think they are qualified to answer and what works for one does not work for all. I do recommend trying the natural methods first. Also know that the medicine is not a magic pill you still will need to play an active role of helping him stay organized and gently reminders. The main thing is please be patient with him if he is Add he is not lazy and his aggression is probally just plain frustration. Find a good doctor and do your own research and be flexable enough to try new things to find out what works. It is a long road but remain flexable and keep an open mind. Most importantly dont let peoples judgement keep you from getting the help your son needs.

Hello S.,

has your son been tested for allergies/ food allergies? have you tried modifying his diet. cuting out sugars. perhaps even gluten-free. I know my son CANNOT tolerate high fructose corn syrup. he becomes very moody and ADD kick in. so you may want to start reading all the food labels. before RX meds try diet and perhaps play therapy?

As you say, he's very bright so probably he's cognitively more advanced than his age. it's probably frustrating for him because people treat him almost in a condescending way (although not on purpose) Good luck and keep looking until you find the answer that's right for you and your child. ~C.~

There is a Doctor here in dallas that has done a lot of research with great success on Amino Acids, it is basically replacing and balancing out what our body should have and getting back to normal. His study is with ADD/ADHD and weight loss, he has wonderful results . It is all natural and works well.Send me an email and I can get his name and number.

Use the summer to get this all sorted out so that he can start school on the right track. I went through something similar w/my son. He thought he was stupid, was a behavioral problem.... Now he gets straight As, we have not had any behavioral signs & he is developing confidence in himself. Do everyone, particularly your son, a favor & call Dr. Angela Mitchell (PhD psychologist) to have your son evaluated/ assessed ###-###-####.
Believe me, it can all change.

I'm in the same boat you are but this is my grandson I have custody of. We retained him this year & he will go back into 1st because he didn't get anything out of his teacher this past year. His current Dr said to try him on some meds for allergies this summer & see if this helps. It does a little but not near enough so when we go back in Aug he is supposed to recommed some places to go (one is located in White Rock area but he didn't tell me the name yet) but he doesn't believe in the meds that are given out, says its our foods, etc. We have limited him on Kool aid & sweets so far. I don't know if its the allergy meds or limiting the sweets that has slightly helped though. We have been trying to help him get caught up to where he should be but he gets so frustrated. I think he may be dyslexic too. So if you get any help forward it my way too please. Sorry I can't help more. Thanks!

Hello S., I truly don't think your son has ADD...he does do his work at home and the only reason his grades are low is because he is not recieving full credit. My son has ADHD which is somewhat a little different but his grades were very poor, he could not focus nor concentrate in class, he distracted others constantly without being aware of it. his teacher would tell him repeadly to stop and he would stop but a few minutes later he would do it again not realizing he was doing it. It would get very implusive about things like nit picking very badly. The teachers said he was not a angry child and he never hurt anyone he just couldn't focus or concentrate and distracted to the point of office visits everyday. It got to a point to where he was gonna be kicked out and sent to a alternative school, not because he was bad but because he was always distracting others and in the office all week long. I of course was in deniel for years that my son could have ADHD. My husband had it as well as a child so it made his chance higher. I didn't want my son on meds but it got to the point that my son was doing very poorly in school work and all. He is a great kid who loves Jesus and has a heart as big as the sky, he just had something keeping him from reaching his full potential. His prior elementary and his present elementary evaulated him...( I also had concerns and problems from the school and teachers from his first grade school). Anyway I got him to the docter along with the school evaluations on him. He has been on meds for about one year and a half and has turned a complete 180. he is able to learn and focus and concentrate with the other children. He hasn't been in the office since I got him help nor had any behavior problems. He is now a A,B honor roll student and his little mind isn't thinking about a 100 different things at once while he is trying to learn as well. ADD and ADHD is something to take very serious and there are many factors you should consider. Definatley don't get him on meds if not nessacary, and get more then one opinion. Be sure to have the school to evalute him first as well and then take that to the doc with you. Some doctors are quick to say "YEP ADD or ADHD and quick to put them on meds. In my sons case he did need the meds and stuff. Maybe with your son he is probably staying in because he has no one to play with. He might be being bullied at school ( which is another issue my son has dealt with and it was over and over and over again) your right kids are cruel and they can make our children feel unwanted and rejected and like they are no bodies. All they want is to make a friend and so many kids are so mean now days. He is probably down on his self because of this and it has taken a toll on his self-esteem, confidence, etc. I always had a lot of friends growing up and I was never mean to anyone so it broke my heart to see my son hurting. I could see it in his eyes all the time and he would sometimes tear up. Now he is going into 5th grade and has tons of friends. All the kids are always knocking on my door all day long, especially this summer. Right now he is at church camp and he has many friends their as well. Things will get better for you honey, and I know it so hard to see your baby boy hurting. Maybe counseling could help him or some play therapy ( which some schools have. Definately try everything else before you go this route because honestly he doesn't seem ADD he just seems lonely. When my son had little friends he hardly ever went outside and he stayed in compter and video games day in and day out. Now he spends all afternoon outside playing with his friends, and he plays sports all school year long, football, basketball, baseball, and now also wants to take some hip hop dancing classes. It makes me feel good to see him feel good and to see him smiling. My prayers are with you and your family. Also if he starts having bulling issues or such when school starts you could have him talk to the school counsler as well. Like I said my son was picked on from the time he started school until about 3rd grade, and he is so cute and smart and he has a neat personality and he is very artistic and he has an amazing faith for Gid and loves him so much. Some kids just aren't taught any better, but good luck to you and don't give up everything will be fine! God bless youa nd your sweet family.

My son is an adult now. When he was in kindergarten I knew something was wrong. He would come home and just sit at the table for way too long working on homework. I would time him for 15 minutes to get it done and he would still be there. I would say, "don't you want to go play." He was always so lethargic about doing his work and i was always having to push him. He always managed to make good grades until 6th grade when he had to start changing classes, it was like to overwhelming for him I started seeing some F's on his report card, low self esteem. In 7th grade, jr high time, it just escalated. He is such a great guy, never had ANY trouble out of him, wonderful person.Anyway I had him tested for ADD, and he had it with especially in lack of following through directions keeping on track. I noticed right away a difference when he got on medicine. He came home went right to doing his homework, got it done. His lockermated said wow the locker is cleaned up! Well, then his stomach starting hurting ALL the time and he lost a lot of weight. We tried changing his meds up, but nothing was working. So, we just took him off and I told him it would be hard, but he was just going to have to learn to get around this by himself. With a lot of help from me he managed to graduate high school, then did a year and a half of college, but did not finish very many classes. I feel at least that he tried and had some experience there. I'm proud of him. Anyway, he still struggles with it and he is at home still. He works at a great job, but it doesn't pay enough for him to be on his own yet. We are working on this with him now. My husband thinks the structure of the military would be a good career for him and I do,too. But being a mom I have tried to keep him out of it for safety. I can certainly tell you that prayer works, because God has helped him through so much already and I know that he will find his place. Everyone is so differently made you will know what is best for your son. It is one step at a time and a life process. He will always be your son and will need your guidance and the Lord's to help. God's blessings.

This is a hard age not little anymore but not grown. If you want to raise his self cofidence I would try martial arts, he will learn self deciple and accomplishment. As for attention span if he can play games for hours then he has a long attention span. If your worried you may take him to like Sulivan learning center and have him evaluated. He may have some problem in class that he cant concentrate, you may have to come up with a plan with the teacher and school that will best help your child. In public school it is an ARD meeting, and they have diagnostions that can eveluate your child to see if there are any concerns.HTH

Your son may indeed have ADD. However, he might simply have boundless energy like many of the children I've encountered in the classroom. The first thing I would do is to remove (or significantly limit) the tv and computer. Second, I would look for an "outlet" for his energy, preferably something physical. Does he enjoy soccer or baseball? Swimming or martial arts? Drums or guitar? An outlet is a great activity to burn energy as well as to develop self-confidence. And lastly, perhaps provide some incentives (a special day with dad or mom) or develop some nonverbal cues so he knows when his behavior is inappropriate. I prefer incentives because they will encourage his self-esteem and show him that he can control his behavior. This is a great age to begin setting boundaries with his behavior, and it may involve some retraining, but you'll likely find that his social problems at school improve once his behavior improves. You may have tried all of this, but if not, I hope it helps. Good luck!

Have you checked out the DORE program? doreusa.com. We have one locally and they specialize in assessments and drug free intervention. Don't ignore it if he is having a hard time in school. This is the time to work on new habits if needed so he will fit in better. It's a very hard thing to handle as a mom! Hang in there. J. D.

Sometimes sitting too much in front of a TV with shows or games can make a child agitated. Sounds like he needs to go outside and play more. Trucks, cars, sand box, bike anything, and they can use their imagination pretending to to be an explorer in the yard etc. Surgar in take, and things wiht yellow or red dye in them also contribute. Sounds like you need to explain to him and keep following up that he needs to treat other kids, and pets, like he would want treated, & how would he want someone to be to him. Also if they have chores, it makes them feel important to finish them, and helps self esteem. Is there a swim class, sport class, dance class , anything to give him activity, yet interact with other kids that you could enroll him in. ? If he is mean to the dog again, looks like it is sit in a chair time, or do to him what he just did to the dog, and ask if that is proper behavior?

S., bless your heart.
You have listed a LOT of things in your email, and I don't think any of us are equipped to fully solve them... I think you and your son might could talk with a christian counselor. I'm not saying your son needs counseling... I just think someone trained to deal with all that you have written could help you so much and get this school year started off successfully!! Your son sounds like he is very smart and some tiny successes could help him so much. We all need those little jumpstarts!
I don't where you live--- but I've heard that Prestonwood Baptist has an excellent Staff in their counsel center and they will have someone specializing in young ages. I do not attend Prestonwood---so I don't know much more than that.
I'm a teacher - - and I do know that the counselor at your school should be more than happy to work with you and your son... but of course, school doesn't start for a few more weeks.....
You are in my prayers...

My daughter is 9 and was recently diagnosed with ADD and anxiety disorders. I do not advocate medicating a child at this age so prior to her being diagnosed I searched for a therapist or doctor that specialized in other methods of therapy. I found a doctor in Plano that I would recommend to anyone. I have found NATURAL methods to alleviate her issues without having to medicate her or even go to therapy all of the time. His name is Dr. Gray Atkins and his practice is called Neurotheraphy Center of Plano. He works very closed with a certified specialist in diagnosing these types of things and she is wonderful. I am not sure if your son would be a candidate for their program but at least it would give you somewhere to start. I know it seems hard because you think you are the only one who has a child who acts this way, but after my daughter was diagnosed, I read tons of material and have found that it is actually very common. It makes me feel better in knowing that it is not caused by anything I have done or she has done. Good luck to you!

I sent my sons to an excellent therapist who will do a great job assessing your son. You need to educate yourself as much as possible. Go to the library and read about kids with ADD or ADHD. The ADD is just attention the added H is for hyperactivity. Both ADD and ADHD have a genetic component. Both of my boys need lots of exercise, I have taken the computor out of their room for the summer and restrict TV to 2-3 hours per week.
Another factor to consider is, as he is your only son there may be that dynamic to consider as well. If your interested in assessment, look for Dr. Susan Gifford in Hurst (I think). Good Luck, B.

I have a very similar situation with my middle son. He has poor social skills, is a little immature acting for his age (he's 10), has few friends, and terrible self-esteem. If he's not playing video games or watching a movie he doesn't know what to do, however too many video games or movies tends to overstimulate him and he turns aggressive. I have to be very careful to limit the amount of time he's on electronics and MAKE him do other things, which unfortunately inconveniences me and compromises my time (sounds selfish and harsh, but it's truth). I had even got to the point of taking him to a counselor this very week and guess what the counselor said? Limit video games and movie time to maybe an hour in the a.m. and an hour in the p.m. and have him make a list of other things he can do, and then do it! Yesterday we went to the park, took a walk, played on the swings and merry go round (he's 10 but still loved it), are blessed with a pool), had a little game time, ate dinner outside, came in, and played Sorry as a family, then watched TV together before bed. And it was a GREAT day.

Meds are great for people that need them and you and I both certainly wouldn't deny the medical care our kids need, but I've decided I'll try everything else first, and if that doesn't work, then meds. Unfortunately for me, that means I can't rely on electronics to keep him entertained (that brings out his worst), which I tend to do. Good luck to you and me both on this one!

there is a wonderful site called www.newideas.net. I have also had similar problems with my 3rd son. He will be 8 and I want to homeschool him. This is the best site to answer all your questions and it is an all natural system. No medication. Good luck I will be praying for your son. God Bless. E.

You say he is very bright. Could it be that he's bored at school and not being challenged enough? If he's not having problems doing his work when he brings it home, then he probably isn't doing it at school because he doesn't want to look "nerdy" in front of his classmates. My husband had a hard time in school because he is very intelligent and was made fun of at times for being so smart (even teachers would get frustrated with him). I'd talk to his teacher, counselor, or even the vice principal about what to do that is in his best interest.

Hi S.- sometimes its a fineline between a child with "flavor" and a child with issues that need to be dealt with- I have a 17yr old that def stirred the pot sometimes but was harmless- Be prepared the more intelligent they are, the harder it is- they get bored with school work that isnt challenging enough and that leaves time to be class clown.

The main part that worried me was not being invited to places- or having playmates- this is the prime time for that- esp boys they relate to each other and the "boy stuff"-which tells me that his behavior isnt acceptable by others. Sometimes my son would make me crazy but it didnt bother his friends, meanwhile- he would alert me to kids he didnt want to play with b/c it was "too much work."-Wound up he was right about those kids.

I would definitely curb his computer/tv time. That is know to create stimulus and get him outside more-enroll him in a sport, to release some of the energy-You may have to go thru a few different ones- just hang in there. Then- I would try changing up his diet- Thats usually the first place to start- articifial preservatives, no bologna, hot dogs, choc diet drinks, soda esp-orange soda-pkg foods, frozen foods, they have a ton of websites on that and your pediatrician an be a source as well.

I also know of a woman that does yoga and swears that he helps with focusing issues in children- Eva Rosenkranz
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____@____.com
www.yogaeducationforschools.com

The best thing is that you are aware of it- kudos to you!
Also- is his behavior the same with adults and children?
Try his diet first- really take a look at what he's eating and go from there- Meds are a last resort anymore=you have a lot of options. I've known people that swear by karate too- b/c it engages energy and discipline.
Good luck!

D.
www.partyangelsus.com
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Hi S.,
I don't have advice for you on what to do with your son, but there is a book that may help you. It's called "Boys Adrift" by Leonard Sax. It discusses ADD/ADHD and environmental factors that play into your son's life making him more susceptible to the types of behaviors exhibited by someone with ADD. If you are hesitant to immediately have an ADD diagnosis and be put on medication, the book is a must read. Video and computer games are discussed in the book, as well. I hope that gives you some help!
J.

HI S.! I am very reluctant to even consider your child is ADD. He just needs to adjust. You should never encourage your child to be funny, funny=silly, which equals anything can happen that he may think is funny like being the class clown. I have 8 kids and the one that wanted to be funny, was very smart, but didn't have as many friends, and was very disorganized losing homework/work he had done or forgetting to do it. We put him in football and that really helped. Your son is old enough to do it. The LFA starts tryouts this weekend. Everyone plays--it will do wonders for your kid. Don't let him quit because it will be tough, and it will be hot. Trust me he can handle it. My son cried and my husband stood with him, encouraged him and made him suck it up and go back--He is a different young man today because of it--just started at West Point (US Military Academy)! I'm not sure where you live but heres the LFA info:

www.lewisvillepeeweefootball.com

Tryouts: Lake Park Jay Causey Field, 7-8 year olds 10:30 am - 12pm, July 19th & 26th and Aug 2nd. You pick the day to go. Bring his birth certificate. Cost is $60 or $71 for Lewisville non-residents.

As mothers we want to coddle our babies, especially if they are only children, this will change him into a future good man along with your parenting skills. He will learn things that you cannot teach him at home... and get him off his duff! :-)

God bless you!

My son is 13 and has had the same problem at school and with children. Especially relationships with peers and family. My son has a very high IQ but feels he is not smart. He has a low self esteem as well even though we have bent over backwards to tell him he isn't. I was like you, I thought he was doing it for attention too. My son was "diagnosed" with ADHD a few years ago. Turns out he didn't have it, he has High Functioning Asbergers Syndrom. Once he was diagnosed, it has really changed our lives for the better now that we know what we are dealing with. Often children with AS are miss diagnosed with ADHD. You might want to look into this because you are saying everything I did back when my son was younger. Good luck!

Donni

I think it is often difficult to tell the difference between ADD and normal behavior in six year old boys. There is just something about them that is so very physical and active and loud -- very different from girls of the same age. My son is 7 and I worried all last year about him doing well in school.

First, I had to come to terms with his general activity level and boisterousness. Second, I had to find ways to help him focus when he needed to. Third, I needed to love him like crazy.

To learn about boys, I recommend a book called "Raising Cain." It gave me great insights.

To help him, I looked at things that made him crazier, like watching Cartoon Network. There is something about the shows on that channel that just kept his mind whirring, even the next day. Limiting the TV didn't help if that channel was involved. We went to Boomerang (older cartoons) or PBS and them limited it to one hour per day and none after dinner.

I also found things that motivated him. He would bring work home and then spend AGES working on it and wanting attention from me. Not giving him attention didn't work. What did work was letting his sister play computer games while he did his homework. He didn't finish and then it was time for dinner and so he lost out on computer time (and she didn't). We never had a homework problem after that. Find out what motivates your child.

I also kick him outside often for unstructured activities with the water hose, construction toys, etc. He loves swimming, so we're spending a lot of time at the pool -- he has the great need to jump in and do all manner of boisterous things. I teach him to respect others and then let him go -- even when he is more courageous than I am ready for him to be. And then I praise him when he is so brave. I think lots of physical activity is very good for young boys and prefer unstructured activity as much as possible -- it's not the same going to soccer practice and just kicking the ball around in the back yard.

Finally, I would recommend asking him about what's going on. There's a chance that your sorrow over the miscarriage has affected him. Kids pick up bits and pieces and come to their own conclusions about their part in making mom unhappy. Also, talk to him about how he feels towards the dog. If he was sad about the miscarriage and didn't have a way to express it, then the dog was a replacement, he may be taking his sadness and anger out on the dog.

Best wishes. I once read that there is a reason babies were born cute -- because the human race would have died out if they were born as 7-year old boys or 13 year old girls.

Hi S., Based on the info in your post it sounds as if your son is struggling with some things, but I don't hear a lot of evidence of ADD/ADHD. If he is diagnosed with either of these disorders, there are lots of different treatments, including, but not limited to meds. As a mom of boys(7 and 12) and an elementary teacher, I recommend that you speak with your son's pediatrician and his past teachers to get more of their perspective as to what is going on. I also recommend boundaries and structure, natural consequences for choices. If my sons are on a computer program or site that they aren't supposed to be on then they would lose their computer time for the rest of the day or even week. If one of my children were not kind to one of our animals they would have to go to their rooms until they were able to be respectful, since that is a value and known expectation in our family. If it continued then we would have to find another home for the pet and my son would be required to be involved in finding the home, maybe paying for the add in the paper or something of the sort to make him take responsibility for his choices. Also, I would work toward making appropriate connections with other children his age. I would invite children over for short play dates so that I could observe their interaction and see what is going on with my son and the friend situation. I would be very honest with my son about his choices and what is appropriate. I would contact his upcoming teacher and set up an alliance immediately. Working as a team with the teacher and agreeing on what consequences she and you will impose for any disrespectful behavior or not finishing work. It sounds as if your son if very capable and I have found that children will rise to the expectations set before them if they know they will not be allowed to get away with less. I would let my son know how much he is loved and how amazing he is but also that negative behaviors are not allowed. I wish you all the best in finding what is best for your son.

I know you've received a lot of good advice and suggestions about ADD/ADHD, TV and computer and counseling, so I won't go there. But I had a thought about the dog which might help in many ways. I'm just wondering if he (and the dog!) might benefit from participating in obedience classes at a local Petsmart or something similar. The trainers teach a human (like your son) how to train a dog, how to interact, how to reward, etc. It seems to me (I'm a mom and a teacher) that your son would gain self-esteem (by becoming the "expert" on his dog), as well as some interaction skills which might carry over into his social life. If things go well, he might be motivated to read about dogs, do dog-sitting for neighbors, etc. Who knows where it could go?? Anyway, I wish you the best of "luck" with all these suggestions ... though we all know it takes hard work and lots of prayer, not luck!!

Geri

Okay Sweety, you are not alone.
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I know it is heart breaking watching him struggle and being left out but it just means his path is different than the other kids-he is a non conformer and may have a different future. Encourage him to tell you what it is that interests him so you know where to lead him. Invite one kid over now and then to encourage a friendship.
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Have you tried altering his diet? My daughter was allergic to sweet potatoes so every holiday she was a bear until we figured out what the problem was.
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Does he really need video games? Is that a way to occupy him so he doesn't run you ragged or the neighborhood? Video games will increase that excitability in the brain. I have a friend that uses video games as a reward for good behavior and completed homework. She offers 15min increments and she says it works like a charm.
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Quiet time with both parents is essential. Either nightly book reading or a weekly evening at McDonalds. You will be his main source of friendship.
His self esteem is low because he probably hears he is bad all day long and is ignored by the other kids. Kids can be very mean. No matter how old you are, being treated like you do not exist or you are a horrible person so nobody wants to play with you-would get anybody down.
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Have you tried getting involved at school? Volunteer? Getting to know some of the other parents? That really helps. When they see you are so sweet and are doing whatever you can, they will be more understanding and will encourage their kids to be too. I am all for private school.
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I remember those days of exhaustion and impatience and being on the edge of a nervous breakdown myself. :) Now my daughter (who we kept drug free) is a very strong willed young lady - no drugs or drinking for her and her friends if she can help it and no sex until marriage - bye to the boys if that is all they want. It is a lonely path sometimes but her strong will has given her a different path than the conformists and we love her just the way she is. :)
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Oh the dog. Sorry to say I think that is a boy thing. My son, unlike his older sibling, is quiet and loving and sweetly natured and he nearly tortured our puppy! I was in complete horror and after the puppy grew and bit all the time, we had to give him away.

This worked for us:Try teaching your son to train the dog. That helped us a lot! but it was already too late (we had a terrier) It encouraged him to use his energy and emotions in a positive way. He could control the animal but seeing the results were way more fun than the results from brutalizing it. Made a huge difference in our son.
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Hugs to you and your family. Hang in there. This too shall pass... when he is 18. :)

Please call me. Some children are sensitive to cleaning products like bleach. I can very inexpensively change all your cleaners, even your laundry soaps and it will make a huge improvement in your son.
I spent 20 years building families as a fertility specialist and now my passion is making sure all those babies have a safe home.
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My best advise as a mom of 3 boys (2 are addhd) have him evaluated, talk to a peditrician who specialized in add and other issues, find a neurologist or child phsychiatrist who can diagnose and treat him with meds or other treatment if he needs any. get a hang on it fast so he wont continue to have problems.

I had ADDHD myself and I can tell you the low self esteem often comes from the fact that he does not like the way he is himslef and he knows he is different and he feels yucky and cant controll himself and that makes him feel bad about himself. that was my experience... so if you get him help, he will feel better because he will understand himslef better and be able to controll the behavior better...
just love him and reassure that you know he has trouble controlling himsleft sometimes but you love him no matter what and you can work on it together! make sure you reward positive behavior big time that will help lessen the bad.

good luck-
Apirl J
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Great Lakes Academy is a small private school in Plano, for kids with ADD who are bright but need the extra attention to get their work done to prevent failing. They also have social skills classes to work on things like making and keeping friends, bullying, manners etc. You can find more information at www.greatlakesacademy.us. Good luck and provide lots of structure.

My neice has ADHD. She had a hard time keeping friends b/c she was so rough and sometimes mean to people (telling someone their coloring was not good). She also had low self esteem b/c she was always in trouble. My brother and sis in law didn't want to do medication either, but finally gave in and she is another child. She can keep her impulses under control, she is pleasant to be around. When I say she's another child, the meds didn't change her personality, but they did help her. Now she has more friends. I think it would be worth having him evaluated if it is just for the social aspect. If no one wants to play with him or invite him to parties, something is up. If it's not ADD, maybe it's soemthing else? Maybe he just needs a class on how to get along? I'd definately start with asking questions of his teachers. "Does he play with other kids at school?, Is she aware of anything that he may be doing that keeps other kids from wanting to play with him."

If it's just that he hasn't gotten invited to parties, it could be b/c at this age they may have smaller parties and only invite a few people. My daughter only had 5 girls at her 8 year old party b/c she wanted a sleep over. Good luck! It's a tough call. But, I would suggests trying to figure it out over the summer so that he can start fresh in school. If he does need some meds, it would be better to start over the summer so that he doesn't get labeled as the weird kid or as the troublesome kid. Especially if he's starting a new school!

There are many great ideas on this site and maybe of blend of a few would be best ie. nutrition, I would definitely curb the computer time- very unsocial. I was way ahead in shool when I was younger and was bored to tears and actually did worse than I could have.
But, I would w/o question consult a child psychologist/psychiatrist. Not only can they adequately screen for ADD/ADHD but some of these behaviors are a red flag for antisocial personality. Please realize I am not insinuating that this is definitely going on but that your instinct is unquestionably telling you something is off. The sooner any of these issues are addressed the sooner the treatment can begin. You may have a real struggle initially w/ your child handling going to a psychiatrist but hopefully in the long run things will be much brighter. For all anyone knows your son may be a genius and bored to tears and way above kids his age! Once you figure things out maybe you could down the road examine his likes/dislikes and enroll him in some extracurricular activities that involve kids w/ the same likes/dislikes. My husband has been in martial arts for 18 years and is a firm believer in starting kids out your son's age in Tai Chi (which is a non aggressive/non fighting martial art intro that teaches focus and breathing etc.) We think our son (my step son) may be ADD and are promoting that in a few years. Then we will allow him to progress eventually to more competitive outlets. Idon't know...just some ideas! Good luck!

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H.