Hello everyone,
I have been running a daycare out of my home for 5 years now and I have come across a problem for the first time. I just started caring for a 3 month old (younger sibling of one of my toddlers). He has been with me for 2 weeks and I can not get him to eat for me. It sounds like at home he is only fed by mom, not dad or any other family members. Bottle fed. At home he is taking 6oz a feeding for mom, but during the day (usually 9 1/2 hours) he is only taking 1/2 to 1 oz per feeding, so in 9 hours he is only taking about 2-3 oz. I am a mom of three, so I know that is not enough to keep him full. the thing that really worries me is he is here 5 days a week. He has to eat more. he usually takes 2 evening bottles and 1 morning bottle at home, so i Know he needs more that 18 oz of formula a day, he will start losing wieght. He is a happy baby and laughs and smiles all day until I go to feed him. I can hold him and play with him, change him or just relax, but as soon as I cradle him in my arms to feed him he freaks out and will not eat. He will not even swallow what little formula drips out of the nipple. He spits it out. I really feel bad for him. He must be starving. The only thing that really concerns me is that he does not act like he is starving, he is happy all day. Shouldn't he be showing signs of hunger. His little belly does not even growl. Does anyone have any suggestions. I have tried using a different bottle thinking that maybe if I don't use the same bottle as Mom he might drink it, I have tried feeding him in the bouncy seat and I have tried waiting 4 hours instead of him 3 he goes at home, thinking he will be hungry enough to eat, but no luck. I am willing to try anything!!! I really feel bad for him. He has a 2 1/2 year old sister who also came to me as an infant, I had a little bit of trouble with her eating in the begining, but she came to me after being breast fed, so I expected the little adjustment issues with her. The baby was not able to be breast fed because he was too "lazy" and not eating, so he was losing weight.
Any suggestions are welcomed!!!! Thanks for your help Moms!!!
Thanks everyone for all your suggestions. I have tried everything and this baby just won't eat for me. I had a long talk with the mom because not only am I concerned that he is not eating for me, but I am concerned with the fact that he does not even act hungry. After walking with mom I learned that she is the only person that has ever fed him, not dad or other relatives. that is a big part of the problem!!!!! I am convinced it is an adjustment issue, but it really doesn't make it any easier. I feel bad for the baby. i am all for moms that are 100% bonded with their kids, but I don't think it is fair to the children when they only know how to interact with mom. The older sister is 2 1/2 and she just started playing with the other kids in my daycare and she has been here since she was 5 months old. It seems to me like in their home it is constant one on one attention from mom and without it the kids don't know how to react. I guess every family does things differently, but I really think it just makes it harder on the children to be with mom's attention.
I guess it will just take time. thanks again for all your help!!!
How distracting is the environment she is fed in? I took care of my niece last year, and she was difficult to feed too, but more because of latching issues and distraction. She was so distracted by noise, toys, kids etc. It helped to feed her in a dim, quiet room. If you are able to leave the other kids, try moving to a distraction free environment... just a thought!
My friend had this problem when she started leaving her daughter with her mother when she returned to work. Her mother would feed her daughter (after trying lots of other things), while her daughter was in an infant seat or stroller, but mother would sit BEHIND the chair so that baby couldn't see her. Eventually, she took the bottles normally and could be held. Good luck!
Find out what the mom does when she's feeding him..like singing or certain stories at that time.
Also, I know this is going to sound weird but ask the mom what deodorant she wears. My daughter ate for me great until I changed deodorant. I couldn't figure out what was wrong until a nurse mentioned it.
Good luck.
I have a couple of suggestions - see if the sister will try holding the bottle while you hold him, and if the mom will ask the sister to feed him at home once in a while to set it up. Also, maybe he is just too interested in everything going on around him to eat. If he's in a quiet room with no other kids he might be more willing. Ask how does the mom holds him...maybe she doesn't cradle him? Play with the nipple and his lips a little...don't try to put it in his mouth and maybe he will ask for it if you "tease" him!?
I don't think you need to be overly concerned - no child that small will not eat if they are truly hungry. Just be sure you can tell the mother what he did and didn't eat so she can compensate at home.
You sound like a wonderful caregiver and I'm sure he will adjust eventually no matter what.
It could just be a wierd stage. My son (4 months old now) did the same thing for the past month. He only started taking in a normal amount about a week ago. I took him to the Dr. 3 times and nothing was wrong with him. But he was only taking in a total of 20 oz a day and I had to fight him for it. He was so uninterested in the bottle and it took an hour to get him to finish half. SO annoying!
Needless to say he is now eating 25-28 oz a day. I didn't do anything different. he just started eating again. I saw another woman on here post with the same issue. So it may be a 3 month stage. I wouldn't worry if he isn't crying and doesn't seem hungry. If this goes on for a few more weeks, then ask the mom to get him checked out again.
Your idea to switch the bottle is a good one but maybe it is the nipple that is the issue. Perhaps a nipple with more holes in it (maybe a step up from the one he is currently using)this way he wont have to work so hard to get the formula out. Sometimes that can be the issue. The other issue might be that he is just not used to you yet. If he is just used to mommy feeding him and no other, he will need time adjusting. You may also want to gently suggest to the mom to have others beside herself try to feed him at home so he gets used to the idea of more than one feeder. Bottle time for babies is not only a form of nutrition but also for comfort and up until now it has been only mom. I understand your fears however the general consesus amongst pediatricians is that babies will not starve themselves and will eat when they are hungry. It might also help if you don't anticipate a struggle. This will casue you to tense up and the baby will sense that. Just relax. Being in a new environment takes a big adjustment for one so young. I bet before long he will be drinking well for you.
Hi C.,
Have you checked the flow of the nipple is it too fast or too slow. Also, try letting him feed while sitting in the infant seat propped. I know that is not the ideal situation but maybe he is just not comfortable in your arms for feeding yet. It is possible his mom feeds him in a different position then you do? One other suggestion is ask mom to show you how she is holding him and begin feeding him before she leaves and then hand him to you to finish. I am sure he will get used to his new surroundings. I have to say I also own a childcare center and I normally run into this issue with breastfed babies so I am just as puzzled as you are. Good luck!!
You said you cradle him in your arms. Is this the position the mother uses? Some mothers sit the baby on their lap and hold them by the back of their head to feed their baby rather then cradle them. Or they feed them while they are in a baby seat or laying down on the couch or bed. Check with the mom to see how she does it. Maybe the baby doesn't understand it's feeding time because he is not in the feeding position he is used to. Maybe you can get his mom to feed him at your house in front of you so you can see if you are "doing it right".
Dear mom, sometimes our instinct gives us suggestions that make others go... Hum? Well, if you're ready here it comes... My gut instinct tells me to suggest that you wear either a robe, sweater or color of clothing that the mom wore or usually wears. Kids are smart, you may get the look at first. But if you can get close enough for him to get his mother's scent from you this might work. If so, please let us know.
I'm just going to summarize what i like from the mom's that did post and add that if you haven't done so already, you need to let the mom know that you don't think he's eating enough. Hopefully he will adjust to the transition soon!
First, I would definitely try to feed him in a quiet, dimly lit room - hard in the middle of your daycare, I'm sure, but some kids really don't eat with any distractions.
2nd, I would ask the mom to leave a couple of spare bottles and nipples or at least find out what kind they are and use those.
And third, find out how the mom does hold him, or what she sits him in when she feeds him.
Finally, I forget what the earliest stage for sippy cups is, but you could try one of those just for something completely different.
The only other thing I can think of is what kind of formula are you using, same as mom's? dry or canned? if it is a mix, what kind of water do you use, does mom use?
Good luck, feeding issues are so nerve wracking!
