Sister Will Not Attend Family Wedding for Religious Reasons. Your Thoughts?

Unless they are planning on sacrificing small animals I don't see what the big deal is. Does she think her little protest will make them convert back? Just seems a little childish but then what can you do?

She sounds pretty shallow. This is not about her.

If she would only bring negativity to the event, please make her stay home and maybe regret her decision later.

It is sad how some people still believe it is their world we live in.

Does she think that voicing her contempt will cause the couple to reconsider, and fall out of love??? Saving the world from another relationship that would....what?

I think if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to go. But, I think it's rude to voice WHY. Does she like drama? Is she trying to get attention? Take it away from the couple??

Has she told everyone WHY? If so, IMO that is rude. If she only told you, and one other family member, I would advise her not to tell anyone else. She is creating a division among family.

If it were my sister I would roll my eyes and tell her to get over herself.

Her loss.

I'm guessing she won't be missed.

:(

Well, my grandmother did this to my aunt, her daughter. My aunt decided to get married in the courthouse, instead of the Catholic church, so my grandma refused to go. Later on in life, my grandma admitted to me that it was a mistake to not go to her daughter's wedding. Interestingly enough, out of her four daughters, the one that got married at the court house is still married, some 35 years later. The other daughters? All divorced.

It's very short-sighted on your sister's part and likely to cause strife.

Your cousin gets to choose who she will marry. Your sister gets to choose whether or not to attend the wedding. Your cousin and the rest of the family get to choose to have hurt feelings about it... or not. You get to choose to not let their issues reflect on you, and to share your love and joy for your cousin on her special day.

My dad and my wife's dad refused to come to our wedding. All of our wedding pictures show my mom and my MIL in our wedding photos. My dad and her dad are very conspicuous by their absence. The wedding photos are in a prominent place in our home. I know the dads saw them and the photos reminded them of their mistake in not supporting us.

My mom supported my wife and I. Her mom supported her, but hated me as did her dad. It took me 15 years to overcome her mom's hate. Now I'm her favorite SIL. The SIL they thought so much of all disappointed her (MIL).

My mom finally decided to go to our wedding because she had a friend that refused to go to her daughter's wedding because she married a non-catholic. She said she regretted it all her life. So my mom came to our wedding.

I would say the same to you or your sister. I would have gone to my kids wedding, even if they married someone I disapproved of. You can only go to a special occasion like this once. They may repeat their vows, but they will only marry this spouse once for the first time. You and your sister should be at the wedding.

Good luck to you and yours.

I think that she's entitled her her reason for not going, regardless of what that reason is. I've declined family weddings for various reasons and not all my family came to mine.

You are not your sister, so if anyone asks you, say you do not share her feelings and they need to talk to her directly. This is not your problem, IMO. You can similarly tell her that you are aware of her feelings, you disagree, and you won't play mediator between her and the family. If she feels this way, she's a grown woman (right?) and she can own her own actions.

Religious intolerance, in my opinion, equals ignorance.

Your sister seems to think that this wedding is about her when it is not. If she does not want to go, she should RSVP her regrets without any commentary whatsoever. This is called having good manners. If she understood the importance of family connection and love over, in this case, her personal beliefs, then she would attend and be polite and supportive. If she does not want to do this or is not able to zip it, then she should stay away.

If her presence will create a hostile environment, than let her stay home.

My thoughts? It's her choice. It will also be her loss.

It's not your sister's place to approve or disapprove of someone else's choice on who they marry. If she doesn't attend, that's her loss and her problem. If your cousin cuts her out of her life because of it, then she will see the consequences of her decision.

Her choice....her loss.

She's better off! Does she really want someone at her wedding, who will be such a judgey downer the whole time? That's not someone I want at my wedding.

She sounds like a real stick in the mud. It will probably be more fun without her there!

Well, part of a christian marriage ceremony is having the guests *agree* to support the couple.

If she doesn't support the marriage.... she shouldn't go and celebrate it.

Do I agree with your sister? Nope. but, I'm crazy liberal that way. I think everyone should be happy with whomever they're happy with.

If she goes to the ceremony and tells people she doens't support the marriage.... or is snarky or whatever... why would they want her there?

They probably already know she's judgemental and opinionated.... so I don't think this will come as any big surprise, will it?

If it was my wedding, I'd rather only have people who were happy for me there. Even if that meant a cousin didn't show.

She has decided to be childish...nothing you can do about it - but ingnore her decision. I would not bring it up or participate in disussion about it with the family. No need to fan the flames. I would just drop it...it is your sisters problem not yours. Stay out of this one....

I don't really think it is for her to create a stink about, and with as close as it sounds like your family is that is what her intentions are. She wants to make a statement, and all she is going to do with it is cause tension and awkwardness at the least. Who does she think she is to tell people how to live? Whether she agrees with it or not on religious grounds doesn't give her any right to try and make a point. It's not a matter if principle here. These people are doing nothing wrong to her. She needs to get the stick out of her rear and go.

Yeah that is a judgmental mess! And it will cause drama! My thoughts are do not be a part of that decision, it is just all wrong!

Support in love...

I'm sorry. I can see how this could be hurtful.

I guess my thoughts are that you should just love and respect your sister, as much as you wish she would your cousin. It's really the only positive choice you have, and maybe, just maybe, as you model adult behavior, it will eventually strenghten your sister's ability to love unconditionally.

All my best to you, your sister and the bride.

Well any adult can make their own decision.
Your sister has made hers.

The other "decision" an adult can make is:
To swallow their pride and beliefs for just a moment, and to graciously attend an occasion in order to show familial love, for that person who is marrying. And to help them celebrate it. Putting aside their own opinions, in a mature manner. And to show the future In-Laws... that your family is not being discriminatory, to the future Bride or Groom.

If she does not approve of their marriage, then well, she will always be ostracizing them, forever, as long as they are married. Regardless of if they are happy or not. But probably, as soon as they are not "happy"... then maybe she will be the type to say "I told you so... I was right..." and make herself out to be righteous. And to make them "wrong."

It is her issues.
Don't let it ruin... everyone else and their celebration of the wedding.

Your sister seems so self-righteous.
I am sure, everyone knows she is this way.
Do not make the wedding about "her." But your sister is making the wedding... to be about "her" and using the wedding as a way to grandstand.

It does NOT matter, what religion the Bride and Groom are.

Now... it is up to your Sister herself, to tell everyone why she is not going.
DO NOT tell them, for her.
Let HER... be the one to say it... and to own her problem.
It is not your problem.
SHE should be the one to put on her big girl panties, and to tell the family why she is not going and that she so haughtily disapproves of her cousin's marriage.

Meh...my "thoughts"?
When you receive an invitation to an event the deal is that you get to consider the date, time, venue, circumstances and then rsvp accordingly.
She doesn't "have" to reveal why she's not attending. That would be hurtful if she told the couple flat out.
But to decline an invitation? That's completely her choice.
(Not saying I would be similarly motivated in this situation, but you know what they say "You've gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything..." Kind of a reach in this situation, but if your sis feels strongly enough that she will not attend--so be it!)

Well, their marriage is not about her and if she's going to be such a drag it's just as well she's not going.
Just tell her 'judge not lest you be judged'.

What religion are you?

It would be more helpful knowing what religion. If it is a Mormon or Jew marrying a Christian that is way different than if you are a Catholic marrying a Methodist.

So yes, it is important to know the religion.

That sounds out right preposterous. Even if I disagreed with the religion, or the person, the Union in itself, I would still go and support my family. Not the just the bride or groom, but the rest of my family as well.

But....playing Devils Advocate. I was once proposed to by a Muslim man. I can bet several of my WASP relatives would've chosen not to attend that little affair, had I said yes. I would not have really expected them to go to a Mosque anyway.

I think it's absurd and likely all it will do is cause your cousin to cut her off. It's your sister's choice and then will be your cousin's. It seems kind of against what most religion teaches but I'd stay out of it as much as possible.

Wow! That's really too bad, and rather ignorant of her. I would just take the attitude that it's her loss. Hopefully the bride won't take it personally.

I say she is being selfish

If it were my family, if she were going to be miss crankypants, I wouldn't want her there anyway. Love and support is what you want at the wedding. If she can't give it, yeah be sad, but be glad her dark cloud won't be at that happy day.

Differing religions is usually listed in the top reasons couples divorce. There is a difference between tolerating and respecting another person's religion and trying to raise kids together when you don't share fundamental beliefs. Depending on how different the religions are it can cause problems later. With that said, it isn't necessary to boycott a wedding over it. People make their personal decisions and other people's approval is not necessary for marital bliss! YOU shouldn't worry about the situation. Your sis should attend but you can't control her any more than she can control people's choice of spouse. Besides, it's not a wedding until someone causes some drama.

Let her sit and wallow in her own judgement. Everyone else can have fun and forget about her tantrum.

I don't know what religion you are, but I do know that some are very strict about what you can and can't do with other religions. I personally don't agree, but I do think the each person has to make their own choice on what they believe.

When I got married, I wanted to do it in an old pioneer church, but I also wanted my uncle to perform the ceremony, and since he was a Jehovah's Witness and couldn't go into another church, he couldn't do it there. We made it decision to have an outdoor wedding because he was more important than the church was to me. Each couple has to make their own choices, and you sister is making hers just as your cousin is too. Even if you don't agree, it doesn't mean each choice isn't valid.

My sister is a Jehovah's Witness. She could not attend our mothers funeral if it was held in a church.

I respect her choices because I love her. I respected her wishes when her gallbladder had to be removed by emergency surgery only days after her only living child had been delivered. Her gallbladder exploded and went all in her abdominal cavity. She was very close to death and got down to about 86 lbs. The doc told all of us they did not think she would ever recover. They fully expected her to die from not taking a blood transfusion.

I takes all kinds and she sounds like someone that may have tolerance issues on a personal level and not a religious reason..

My thoughts are that your sister is throwing a bit of a tantrum and doesn't deserve to go to the wedding. Oh and without trying to sound too harsh, I also think that she's a bit of an idiot (For lack of a better word) for thinking that this guy is a bad guy because he believes something different than her.

Her loss! Have a great time!

So your cousin is the same religion as you and your sister but she is marrying someone who has a different religion? This sort of just happened to me but on a lessor scale. My cousin started dating someone of a VERY different religion from us. Ended up having all kinds of problems and they broke up. I messaged her and said, "phew, I'm glad". She said, why because of the religion? I said, yes, there is something to be said for being "equally yolked". She basically agreed and will likely not date anyone with a different religion on the future. However, IF they had gotten married, I would still go to the wedding, even tho I would not "agree" with it. But who am I? If she is an adult, she has the right to do as she wishes. As long as she isn't hurting my family, so be it. Your sister has her feelings and they are strong ones. I would just hope that she doesn't make a big scene about it and be too vocal about it. She can just decline the invite and leave her personal opinion to herself so she doesn't offend your cousin, at least any more than she already has. Good luck!!!!

She must have other reasons for not wanting to attend and decided to use religion as her scapegoat. Gotta be more to it, honestly.

Tell your sister she can not choose whom your cousin marrys but she can choose weather to be there to suport her not matter what and show her unconditional love. Most religions teach that!!!!!

Good luck and God Bless!!!!

i'd shrug and move on.
your sister has every right to her feelings and decisions. i actually like that she's honest about 'em. cousin and family can nurse hurt feelings or move on as they choose. i myself would like to know about such goofy bigoted feelings so i could put appropriate boundaries around that particular relationship.
khairete
S.

It is common. People did not come to mine because I married out of the religion (Jewish). It bothered me most that they did not wish me the best, and said nothing but that they were not coming. I finally said my peace to him (my first cousin) 11 years later. I would have liked communication as to why they can not come, and that they hope I have a good life.

This country was founded on religious tolerance. Did you know that the right to choose and practice your own religion was adopted as one of the basic Human Rights by the United Nations after WWII with the intention of mankind following this? Most people don't even know this. See www.youthforhumanrights.org/ . Religious intolerance has throughout history been the cause of so much human suffering. Your sister ALSO has the right to choose not to go to the wedding. Man must stop persecuting each other because of religion if we are going to get along. Isn't it time we get over this?