Sister Requesting Living Grandma's Things

Take it, let grandma handle it by saying you already have it. I often have one machine with dark thread and one with light so that I can do mending quickly and not have to change the threads. Having 2 machines set up is not a weird thing.

Since Grandma is already aware of the situation, I think I would go to her. Is there something that she & her sister shared in particular?? Maybe Grandma could sit down with you both & explain her reasons but have something else that would make sis know she's special too and seeing you both enjoy them now, while she's still here would "do her heart good". Not everything, because I think that should wait, just an item a piece. It might be slightly awkward, but it would put things to rest & it would be pretty hard to have a tantrum about it right in front of Grandma!

if you want the machine..... take it. Your grandmother is alive and well and giving it to you. If there is weirdness it's between grandma and your sister. She has given you a gift. i would embrace that.

Just wanted to throw in a website about this very issue. It could be a very helpful resource. It's called Who Gets Grandma's Yellow Pie Plate: http://www.yellowpieplate.umn.edu/indexB.html

Just before my grandfather past away, he gave me a number of things. He was preparing to die and it was therapeutic for him to know that certain items would be with certain people. Listen to your Grandma and f* your sister (sorry).

1. If it's your grandma's wish for you to have that machine, take it. And use the heck out of it!

2. If your sister is already acting like a vulture, tell her to stop it.

3. Who cares if there is fallout? Sometimes inappropriate behavior has to be nipped in the bud. Perhaps if your sister knew someone wouldn't put up with her acting that way, she'd stop.

Bet of luck!

My Grandma actually had all of her kids and grandkids come to the house and go through the stuff with little stickers. Any conflicts were discussed and Grandma got the final say as to who got what. It was all then written down and signed by the kids.

My mom was a little freaked out by this, but in the long run it actually went pretty well. Starting with the oldest kid (they were all around 50y+ LOL!) each kid got a set of color dots. Each would take a turn and place a dot on one item at a time for either them or one of their kids. The kids were able to say what they really wanted and why. There were only a few items that had a conflict and Grandma got final say on who got what.

Ex. I was getting married. I asked Grandma's older bedroom set AND her cedar hope chest. My sister also wanted the hope chest. So she said that I could get the bedroom set and my sister got the hope chest.

When the time came a few months later things went very smoothly. Family was able to clean up the house more quickly because it was already decided who got what, what was up for anyone, and the rest was yard saled the profits split among the kids.

You said your Grandma is still sharp minded. This is her wish... for you to have it. Then I think you should take it to your house right away, as she wishes. Then your Grandma can explain to your sister its her wish for you to have it. She may be ticked about it, but in the end its your Grandma's wish. Its better her saying it to the family now than when she is gone and your fighting over her will.

Enjoy your holiday with your Grandma and if things start to get touchy hopefully your dad or Grandma will put her in her place.

I've heard this advice often, if you want someone to have something of yours give it to them while you are alive, so there is no argument as to who it belongs too. Your sister can always contest a will, she can't contest your grandmother while she is still alive. I would take it, your grandmother wants you to have it. Forget the fallout, that's your sister's problem, not yours. But I do think your grandmother should talk to your sister about it instead of waiting for you to have it.

Grandma needs to give out what she wants to who she wants to have it sooner rather than later.
And for what ever is left she needs to spell out what she wants to happen to it in a will.
It is presumptuous for your sister to be circling like a vulture.
She can ask, but she has to expect that sometimes the answers she gets are not going to be 'yes' and then be graceful about accepting it.
Sounds like your sister is going to cause a stink no matter what you do, so do as your Grandma advises and ignore your sister.

Oh dear...I have a lot of experience with this, unfortunately. My grandmother wanted me to have some letters that were written to her and her grandfather by Mark Twain. She gave them to me, but we kept them in her home because it was a safer. After she passed, one of my uncles went kind of crazy and demanded that they were part of the general estate. If I wanted them I would have to "pay" for them. (I was 12 at the time.) My other uncle, who had witnessed my grandmother give them to me defended me. It got very passionate, but in the end, I got the letters. I now understand that my grandmother gave them to me because I loved literature (I am now an English prof.) and also that I would NEVER sell them. I, like you, had an emotional attachment to them. I will give them to my kids and will stipulate that they cannot be sold....so they will continue to be an heirloom and their story will be passed down long after I am gone.

Have your grandmother express her wishes in writing. Perhaps there is something else that she can give to your sister? (My grandmother made sure that specific things, her loom, an antique quilt, her china, went to specific people)

Then have your parents deal with your sister. Your grandmother (with a heart condition!) should not have to defend her decision to your sister nor should she have to deal with any resentment or anger. I cannot emphasize enough that your parents need to step in and deal with your sister's tantrum. This is not YOUR battle to fight. Your grandmother is still alive, it is her stuff, so she gets to decide who gets it.

Oh, and you should read Alice Walker's short story "Everyday USe." Fits your situation to a tee.

Good luck!

I would just take it now, if that's what your grandma would like. Your sister is going to throw a stink about it no matter when she gets the news.

I have an aunt who was busy claiming my grandma's things when she was being moved to an assisted living center (and has yet to visit her mom in the past five years+). It was pretty disgusting. Turns out, she just sold most of what she got on eBay. Is your sister financially irresponsible or in a bind? If so, that may be what's up in your situation, too.

Listen to your grandma's wishes and take the sewing machine, knowing you're making her happy in doing so. :)

Actually it is quite normal to give away items when you move into a smaller place. Where else are you going to put them? When my grandma went into a nursing home she could bring very little with her so everything was given to the children. At least she had a say in it. When she died it was a free for all for what was left because even a will does not spell out every little thing.

Anyway your sister taking the sewing machine makes about as much sense as if my brother asked from my grandmas. It actually ended up being a lovely fight (not with my brother but cousins) because my grandma's machine was worth quite a bit. In the end I got it. :)

Your grandma wants you to have it, it means something to you. Take it and let the chips fall.

If Grandma is still sharp like you say, and isn't prone to being over-emotional about her age and condition, she might actually want to compose a list of certain belongings now -- while she is alive and clearly in good mental health -- and distribute that list to those involved. Some folks even do distribute actual items before they die, so they can ensure that the desired person actually gets that item and more positively, so they can see the desired person using and enjoying it. Another thing that's done is labeling items now so that they go to certain people.

I don't know how you'd suggest this but the sewing machine does give you a bit of an "in" to bring up the topic.

At the very least do be certain grandma has a formally notarized and witnessed will, since it seems that there could be some contention over her things when she does die. Meanwhile -- enjoy your time with her. Grandmothers are a blessing.

If your Gramdma wants you to have the sewing machine take it and enjoy. It will help avoid problems later and ensure your Grandma's wishes are honored.

While we were mourning my Dad's passing my brother took everything leaving me, my sisters and our children with nothing. When I have visited, I found things I would have dearly cherrished broken or trashed.

Please take what your Grandma offers and pass the history and the memories to your children.

If your grandmother wants you to have it, than it is yours. It is hers to give, not your sisters to take. Your sister may be mad, but in the end what matters is what your grandmother wants done with her own things.

Do what your grandmother asked you to do and take the sewing machine now before she passes away. You can always tell your sister that she's welcome to come to your house and you'll teach her how to sew. If her feelings are hurt over who receives the sewing machine, it's not anyone's fault. She'll just have to deal with it and put on her big girl panties.

Ask Grandma to tell your sister that she has already given it to you. End of story. And yes, if you sew it should be yours. She'll get over it.

You are "taking" nothing. Your grandmother would like YOU to have it and is giving it to you now. I am going to guess that her gift to you would make her very, very happy. So give her back the gift of joy knowing that the machine went to whom she dearly wanted it to. (You are very sweet to worry about this, too!)

If she wants to give you something now, then you should take it. Things get thrown out or squabbled over after someone passes away, and she doesn't want that to happen. I remember Grandma telling me to take something once, and I didn't feel comfortable about it because it felt weird and morbid, but she just said "HEY---I want to give you this." (I refused to think of her as passing away, though I was with her every weekend). And I was like "Then thank you so much, you know I think of you every time I see it". I think it is VILE and disgusting when people ask for things while someone is living. It just seriously grosses me out. Evidentlly, she know how your sister is. She doesn't want her to have it, whatever her reason is, and has voiced what she wants. She doesn't want you arguing about it when she's gone, which is why she's made her wish known now, while she can talk. Take it, thank her for it, promise to use it and love it. What may be an antique or novelty to one person has deep meaning and is actually special for whatever reason to another person. I'm sure your sister will receive something else from her grandma, that means something more directly personal to THEIR history together.

Wow. I am living vicariously through the answers you are getting. How I wish my mother had done even one of these things. It took me months of cajoling to get my mother to give my SIL a particular item my mother had talked of giving to SIL for YEARS!

On the other hand, my father lately keeps telling me what my younger brother wants/keeps asking for/reminds Dad is meant for him. However when I ask about something, I am ignored or asked 'what about [younger brother]. Huh? I've come to realize that my parents, and now my brother, are really just hoarders. In the end, I have everything I need. I will have to figure out how to 'let go' WRT the family heirlooms . Sigh.

It does seem excessive that you now have two sewing machines and your sister doesn't have one at all. Could you give her your old one and keep Grandma's?

The machine and anything else she wants others to have should come directly from your Grandma. Maybe she could give each family member something personal she no longer uses that reflects her relationship with them. It's a good idea to give away things she doesn't need now so it's clear where she wants them to go and she can also see the people she loves enjoying a gift and memory of her while she's still here. Anything of value or a personal nature that she still uses should be written down so there is no questions who she intended it to go to after she passes.
If I were you I'd help Grandma come up with something to give your sister at the same time she gives you the machine. She can write a note expressing her memories and feelings about the item going to that person.
When people pass, almost without fail there are family members that act weird. Old feelings and resentments get dredged up. I've seen ugliness in the strangest places in the families that seem strong and above that sort of thing. Make sure everything is settled now, you do not want to have to deal with anger from your sister or anyone else while greiving for your Grandma.

Your grandma wants you to have it, with her blessing - take it and enjoy!

Please don't wait either - my dad was told by his g'pa who was in the hospital after another stroke, to go to the house and get certain items. Dad could not do that because the man was still alive and he felt it wasn't right. His g'pa never left the hospital alive that last time - and when dad went to the attic to get those items, they were gone, likely hocked by a step-son that wasn't on the up-and-up. (that ss is long dead - strange - but no one knows where the WW1 stuff like shields and such, gold coins, etc ever went).

If your Grandmother definitely wants you to have the machine, take it. I like what someone else said about the possibility of your grandmother giving your sister something else at the same time.

I do think that you should be careful to keep the peace with your sister and the rest of the family about your grandmother's stuff. Bickering over her belongings, either while she is alive or after she has died, is no way to honor a relative.

You have a kind heart, however, your grandma wants you to have it and you should take it. Maybe you could suggest to your grandma that she gives something to your sister. Don't feel bad, it's better that she gives to you while she alive then have to figure out, especially if she doesn't leave a will for everything. Your dad should say something to your sister that your grandmother wants you to have it too. Your sister will throw her fits when she doesn't get her way, she's used to that... You cannot control that, and by denying yourself a gift your grandma wants to give you to make her happy isn't helping anyone...
You treasure the time you have!