It's a long story about the divorce, but my sister (who lives more than ten hours away) has just divorced her husband (he was cheating and didn't love her, he said). She has always been the breadwinner, so money is not the issue as much as it is that she now gets off work and takes care of their two kids on her own. She pays her MIL to come and watch them while she's at work.
My sister is a brilliant person--scientifically brilliant, verbal, and she thrives off verbal people. My niece and nephew are darling kids, and for both being autistic they are emotionally adept--hugs, cuddling, etc.--but neither of them speak yet. Before she had two parents to tackle the little ones, but now it's just her, and with the emotional trauma of the divorce, she's feeling more alone than ever.
I am too far to help physically, but I wondered what she could do as far as finding a support group for parents of special needs children. I'm going to suggest some therapy for her--mainly to help her deal with the divorce and find joy in new paths, etc.--but often she's really struggling and tired, and she's not sure what to do to smooth things out at home. I'm certain the children are more anxious than normal, too, since their father is rarely with them now, and I'm also sure they sense their mother's sadness.
Any advice? I'll do all I can to be a sounding board for her--a sympathetic ear, a voice of encouragement--but I want her to find contentment with her little ones, to feel empowered and capable. I'd love to know what you think she/I might do.
There seems to be an Autism Society in most states:
The one here in MN offers many different services for autistic children/adults and their families.
every state has a federally mandated Parent Training and Information agency which will have all local info on support groups and other agencies that provide services for kids with special needs. Your sister can find her local agency by going to www.nichcy.org , then click on her state and then parent organizations. Many states will also list a Parent to Parent organization, which will offer support and contact with other parents of kids with special needs. She does not have to do this alone, and there are lots of us out here just like her!
http://www.autismspeaks.org/ - they may be able to find what she needs in her area.
I'm so sorry. It's so nice you have an eye out for your sister.
Some local churches have a Special Needs ministry. Meaning, the parents can meet others and get support. I think that's pretty cool. I just joined a local (big) Christian church and saw that. So if we has any leaning towards faith, she may want to do that...
Cities and counties might have special education resources. In California we have SELPA (not sure if this is US wide) State Education Local Plan Areas and my local area has a big resourcing network for parents. So call her city/state and find out what resources there are.
Check out any local parent blogs in her area and they might have resources listed also.
HELPING YOUR KIDS COPE WITH DIVORCE THE SANDLECASTLES WAY is a book that deals with how kids react to divorce and how to help them.
Wow, men have their ways to call themselves out, don't they? What a beast, your b.i.l.She is a great woman and will find her strenght again, she'll even find herself stronger than she was. Reassure her that there must be some time to go by before she feels hopeful and whole again, but that she most definitely will. Sure, encourage her to network, joing groups etc...but most of all, try to convince her that, as many other women before her, she will make it.
In addition to all the other suggestions, is there any way you can take a week or long weekend and go visit with her?
Parents of kids with special needs are a much higher risk of divorce.
She can ask her children's ped about support groups, they will be able to lead her in the right direction.
If the dad isn't taking the kids for visits, she should ask her MIL if she would be willing to take the kids one day on the weekend or for a weekend. She does need some time to herself to be able to think things through and decompress as it can get overwhelming doing it all alone. It will be healthy for herself and for her kids for her to get alone time.
she can contact Child Support Recovery and they will start the process for her to start getting child support if she isn't getting it already. Don't let him skip out on it!
Just keep doing what you are doing! You sound like you're doing great!
Her children may qualify for services like respite care through Medicaid, but there may be a long waiting list. If she hasn't already done so, she should apply for them, as it is not based on income, but on their diagnosis. Also, her children can communicate in ways that are not verbal, but it is frustrating for her and them to sometimes do so. I am hoping they are in a good speech therapy program to help with that. Being a sounding board is a lot more of a contribution to her well-being that you may realize. Being the parent of a child with Asperger's who is verbal, but still has challenges, I can tell you it often feels like a lonely and thankless job - people who will empathise are worth their weight in gold. The children also may need therapy to help them to understand the divorce is not thier fault.
