Sister-in-law Problems

The best way to get under her skin is to not let her get under yours, if she spouts off about something just smile, & really let her know how great it is that her son is doing those things, at the same time refer to the differences in how boys & girls develop. And let it be known that it's not a competion and you wouldn't like the two compared. Other than that remember that it is jealousy & if you start competing you've giving her control. I hope this helps, I deal with a smiliar situation alot and this seems to be the best way I've found to handle it. Good Luck

Not to encourage gender stereotyping, but boys generally reach physical milestones faster. At this age, since most of the milestones are physical, your nephew is probably going to do alot of things first. Oh well. Like you said, she's great, and she's healthy. That's all that matters. However, you're daughter will likely reach non-physical milestones quicker. When your daughter is potty trained and talking, and your nephew is not, I imagine that will shut your sister-in-law up.

In the meantime, try to remember a couple key things. Most men are competitive by nature. So your husband is probably going to envy your nephew's achievements for quite awhile. It doesn't mean that he loves your daughter any less. This also ends up compounded with the fact that I'm sure he loves all three of your sister-in-law's children. So he's also proud of what they achieve, anyway.

Another way to help get through this period of time is to ask specifically about the older kids from time to time, to remind your sister-in-law that it's not about some race between the babies, but about checking onhow the family is. I can't recall if you said what genders the older kids are. But, if this is her first boy, she might just be overly excited to have a little boy for a change. And if she has all boys, that would explain ALOT, as she's likely jealous that you have a little girl.

Some parents are just competitive. Your sister-in-law is not going to be the only one you meet, by a long shot. I'd even go so far as to say that most parents are at least a tiny bit competitive. But it still wears thin when you are faced with in all the time. Just remember that she is comparing your children out of some sense of insecurity that she feels. It's not that she thinks her child is better. It's that she needs to feel that she is special, even if it's through her child's achievements.

it hard when the baby are that close in age i have a friend who just the same way and all she dose is brag my baby dose this my baby dose that and goes on and on i just keep my mouth shut and let her rambbel now are baby are about to turn two and my little one can get almost all the way thur her abc wiyh only missing the letter e and the letter o and is starting to write her name so i guess what i am trying to say let your sister inlaw go on and on you know how special your daughter is it mostlikely her way of getting att this is your first so she jellious becuse she proble done if it baby three well good luck

It is a well known fact that second-born children (and so on down the line) learn new skill much quicker than first-born children. There are many explanations for this. One, they havge examples of other, older, children in the household to learn from. Two, they want to do what their older sibling(s) are doing. Three, humans are naturally competitive and thus seeing another child do something pushes them to try it also, even when they're infants.

Your SIL seems to be exhibiting a bit of competitiveness herself. I can say "don't let it get to you" but it still will. Keep in mind that all babies learn things at a different age and don't feel bad about it if your baby isn't doing the same things your SIL's baby is doing. She'll learn at her own pace. There's not much you can do about your SIL's behavior without making things even worse, but you need to sit down with your husband and have a serious talk with him about HIS behavior.

My suggestion, go out to lunch with him and in the middle of lunch bring what's going on up. Don't be accusatory, just say something like "It's really hurtful that...." If you explain how much it hurts your feelings that he's not showing support for you and his daughter by showing pride in her, then it might have some effect. Ask him not to compare her to the nephew unfavorably and explain that it only instigates his sister's behavior. STAY CALM! Don't raise your voice no matter how annoyed you might get. Men react badly to loud voices by raising their own voices and shutting down their brains. He won't accept anything you say if it's said emotionally. He'll assume you're being unreasonable. But if you remain calm and give clear examples and explanations, he's more likely to see what you're trying to say.

For your SIL, you might just want to steer clear of any conversation concerning the babies's skills. If it's impossible to do so, whenever she says "Well my son can do this or that" just smile sweetly and say "You're son is very lucky to have examples from his older siblings. My poor daughter has to learn all on her own. Maybe my next child will be so lucky." Seem simple but if your SIL has any brain at all she'll get the hint. Her eldest child likely didn't learn things any quicker than yours is learning. She'll also get the hint that you don't put your daughter in the same category as her son. Her son has additional advantages that your daughter doesn't have and her comparing the two is like comparing apples and oranges.

Good luck, hope you can get through to your hubby and your SIL learns to be a little less competitive.

Have you tried to talk to your sister in law? I had some of the same issues with mine son and my niece. My niece is two weeks and two days older than my son. We didn;t really have anyhting when they were little, but now that they are 5 we are seeing more. Well BreAnn can count higher than Connor and she could write her name before he could and so on. Yes this is true, but I pointed out that they were different when they were litttler also. Yes biys do more of the physicall things faster, but then girls turn around and one up them when it gets down to school issues and such. I just had to point out there are things one did first, but then there are things the other did first also. I made the point to compliment both babies as they were growing up and say how happy I am that both of them are healthy and happy. Eventually you will hit the point where your daughter is doing lots of things long before your nephew and your sister in law will see it all. I would just try to blow it all off now and not say a word when yours is doing things hers isn't! She will see it all with out you rubbing her face in it like she is you. She may not be doing it to try and hurt you so if you talked to her about the situation then she might realize what she is doing to your feelings.

heh, my sister in law and i have children that are 3 weeks apart, and, surprisingly, her daughters name is nevaeh as well, but to the point... she always bragged about how much better her daughter was at things than my son. the way i figure it, every kid grows at their own pace. so what if your kid can sit up before mine, so what if your kid walked before mine. No 2 kids are the same. I have 4 kids and not a single one of them did anything anywhere near the same age as each other. So if she is so insecure about herself that she has to use her child to make herself feel better then so be it, let her. At least you know how smart you child is and that is all that matters. And besides, most babies that have siblings usually (not always) do things a little faster anyway b/c they have the older siblings and want to be able to interact with them. The way i look at it is like this, kids grow up so fast, if my kid takes a while to crawl or sit or walk then oh well, i will have a little longer with the cuddly baby times!!