Single Parenting: How Do You Date When Its Hard to Find a Baby Sitter?

My best friend was a single mom and she just didn't date until her kids were old enough to go for sleepovers at their friends or stay home alone.

if you're looking in the right places, and not being an alarmist, it's perfectly do-able.
you don't give any information on your child's age, or living situation, so the responses you get will be necessarily broad.
but i live near Silver Spring, and it's a very bustling busy urban area. i'd start with the people you know and start asking for recommendations. interview the potential babysitters and get references. or go through something like care.com and get vetted child care providers who have been through background checks (which isn't a guarantee but a good place to start.)
if you're nervous, start off with having the sitter come over while you're home and do a few mother's helper sessions. then if you're comfortable with them, go for a short date.
but to get someone who is experienced and safe to watch your kids, you've got to budget for it. this isn't the place to cut corners to save a few bucks.
khairete
S.

Part of the cost of dating is the cost of baby sitting - if you can't afford it, you don't go out.
This is one reason why single parents often move to be close to family - so family can be a back up sitter during an emergency.

Why don't you start with making friends with other single moms and work from there? You say you have no friends in the area but you want to date? Do you see how that is a bad idea?

I would expand your circle of friends first. Network with other single parents - find the network in your area. If there isn't some sort of single parent group in your area, either "real" or on Facebook, start one and spread the word. Once you start to meet other single parents, be sure to make yourself available to help baby-sit other people's kids too - it's about giving what you can while also taking help that you need. My single parent network is awesome - we try to schedule an in-person meetup every few weeks and help each other out with baby-sitting, advice, sharing snowblowers and lawnmowers, talking each other through how to do basic household repairs, pitching in with someone is sick or hospitalized, etc.

Also if you're not financially stable (most of us single parents aren't) then work on a concrete plan to improve on that - again, once you've got your network, you'll have more resources. Maybe you need to take a class once a week for two years to earn a certificate in something - a fellow single parent might be able to trade regular child care for that. That way, when you do meet someone, you won't end up in a bad relationship because of the lure of an extra income. That might not apply to you at all, but I've seen a few friends end up with lousy live-in relationships because of financial need only to realize later that a man isn't a financial plan and the time and energy they put into a relationship would have been better spent on securing a career that created more financial stability. Just something to be careful of.

Churches are helpful sometimes if that's an avenue that appeals to you. I was also going to suggest if there's a grandmother type in your neighborhood, don't rule her out. They are great with kids and genuinely interested in families. I have a dear friend I met through church who is in her 60's and widowed. She loves coming over and visiting with us and stays plugged into what we are up to. I cook meals and make extra portions that I take to her. It's a wonderful relationship for all of us and she's watched my kids grow up. 💕

You get to know the other parents (at school or daycare or whatever) and you trade babysitting with them.

Can you join a single parents' group or a play group through the Newcomers Club, the library, a church or the Y? It's a good way to meet other parents and perhaps trade off some child care. Even if someone else doesn't need child care for dating, she may need it for doing errands, going to the gym, attending older kids' events/games and so on. You might also barter for things other than child care that people need - mending, house cleaning, tutoring, catering, whatever your skills are. You can also contact your town offices to see if they offer babysitting classes - you may be able to hire a class graduate for a reasonable amount. Same goes for the senior center - there are plenty of able-bodied seniors looking to be useful. Depending on the age of your child/children, you may be able to use some younger kids and then date for brunch vs. a Saturday night.

I ask all parent friends who live nearby. All the families on our street for example. My kid's good school friends who live nearby...I ask their parents too. They share the names of their babysitters. Ask your children's teachers. I also ask when there is a young teacher that is helping at a kid's event. I found a great teenaged babysitter who was a helper at my daughter's daisy troop camp. I found another great teenager babysitter who was a helper at my daughter's preschool camp. When I get names of babysitters from the neighbors and call them...if they are busy I ask them if they have a friend they can recommend who also likes to babysit. The family across the street has an Au Pair from France and she likes to make extra money and babysit too. Basically, ask other parents if they mind sharing the name of their favorite babysitter. Added: If you have no cash it is hard to hire a babysitter!! What age(s) are your kids? Can you swap with another parent...they watch your kids one Saturday night and you watch theirs the next? My friend and I used to always take turns babysitting each others babies/toddlers. I do set up playdates now for my kids when I have something I have to do...they go to a friend's house for the afternoon and then we have their kids come to our house another time.

Church group.

Many churches have a singles club (they have another name for it), youth group and a babysitters list.

Do you have other parent friends? Maybe you could switch off nights so you can go out one night and they could go out on another.

Your kids must be pretty young if they don't have a circle of friend's whose parents you can ask to watch them for a bit.

And your biggest issue is cash. All the advice below is great but if you can't afford a sitter, then stay home with your kids until you can. Dating is simply not in the cards for you right now.

Do you have friends would take your child overnight? We do that for a friend. Sleepovers.

You don't say how old your child(ren) is.

We found our sitter through our children's daycare/preschooler. One of the teachers who already knew our kids.

I think there's no harm in being honest with a nice guy who wants to date you, say something like "I would love to spend time with you but I have a lot of difficulty finding a sitter, how about you come to my place for dinner after the children go to sleep". Also though, the answers here about free and low-cost childcare are great ideas.