Single Motherhood - Hutchinson,KS

My mom was a single mother. I have the utmost respect for all the single moms out there. wow. What a lot of work. Any time my husband leaves for a work trip I think about how single moms are all amazing. Sorry you have had bad experiences. Some people have no business giving advice and there are way too many judgmental/opinionated people.

I am sorry people been judgmental. I think single moms rock!
You know my aunt told me when I was 15: "If someone doesn't like you - it is their problem". I took it literally and never worried about judgment since that day. Hope you can do the same. Hugs.

If you ever again get such a post you can and should report them.. Or I have even gone ahead and posted it so others could see who they were dealing with on here..

The question can then be, "What do you think about this PM I received from... "

LM, boy do I hear you! I think I'm going to add to your sentiments.

To those judgemental mothers who think that single mothers and dads are a problem:

*Cue sarcasm*

It must be great to be you. Kudos on having the perfect life and the perfect ability to know right from wrong not just for you but for every other person. I only wish I were so blessed.

I've been both a married mother and a single mother and I can tell you with no uncertainty that married folks do NOT corner the market on morality just because they're married. Some of the most immoral jackasses I know are married.

I'm a single mother of two fantastic boys. If I were still married to the man I left nearly 7 years ago, I can guarantee that they'd NOT be better off. Assuming that JUST having two parents present means a child's life will be better is simply fallacy. Raising children requires love, foresight, and patience. He had none of that and my boys are better off without him. I am a better mother without him sucking the joy and love right out of me. They'd NEVER learn how to treat a woman based on his example, nor would they learn how a man ought to be treated based on my relationship (or lack thereof) with him. Divorce was exactly the right thing to do for EVERYONE involved.

With that said, please know that I am not a man hater, and I am not a tramp. I am a kind and moral person of high personal standards. I am not a threat to anyone's marriage, nor am I a bad example for anyone's children. I deserve respect just as much as you do, if not more (since I'm not the one judging others based on their imagined shortcomings).

If you are the kind of mother who would judge another for doing her very best in a less than desirable situation, consider this: Someday you may very well be one of us. For any number of reasons, you have a very large chance of becoming divorced. The odds are against you, and while I commend those who are in real-deal, loving,long term marriages...those of you who think your relationship is untouchable can kiss my butt. I thought the same thing when I got married and never, ever thought that he'd hurt me or our kids.

We're better off now.

Thank you LM, for letting me rant.

Oh sweetie, its not just single mothers who get judged. Its sad that our society has become so cynical and judgmental over the last decade. If you're hispanic, people think you're an illegal... If you're of middle eastern or Indian descent, people think you're a terrorist.... If you're overweight, you're lazy... If you're unemployed and/or getting government assistance, you're a mooch. And if you have a tattoo, you might as well not leave the house because of all the looks you'll get. Really, its so disappointing. We have so many strengths and yet we focus on tearing each other down. This mean, hate-filled attitude will be our downfall; not education, not the ability to compete in a global workplace. No, the constant emotional warfare against one another will be our undoing.

I have total admiration for single mothers. I've been very close to several... However, I must say that I absolutely disagree with the idea that fathers are irrelevant or unnecessary. Every child needs a persistent father-figure in their childhood. Bottom line, you might be the best darn mother in the whole world--But you can't be a *father*. You can only be a mother. Every child of a single mother that I know has a sadness in their heart from not having a father.

And I understand that some men don't deserve the privilege of fatherhood. I understand that some children might damaged from contact with a toxic parent. And single mothers have made the decision to protect their babies from abusive, worthless men (Amen sister!). But the majority of men are not worthless. Fathers are not the enemy. And my opinion is that children grow-up more confident and have better self-esteem if they have a longterm relationship with both parents.

Because they are holier than thou - didn't you know? :) I tell my husband all the time that I don't know how single moms do it. I commend you on getting rid of a situation that would be harmful to your daughter.

My friends sister has four children, one with downs syndrome, and a serious medical condition. Their father... I swear...just lost his mind. He became abusive, and was cheating on her constantly, so she finally divorced him. It irritates me when people say that a divorce is just because "you didn't work hard enough." How insulting is that to women who get out of abusive relationships. I guess if my husband was out screwing everyone in sight then I should just be more understanding so I wouldn't have a divorce. ARGGGHHH it just burns me.

Anyway, don't let ignorance and stupidity get you down. I had someone send me a nasty PM, I just sent one back that said Bahahaha....oh wait?...you're serious? Didn't hear from them anymore. :)

I know, Lana's mom. It hurt my eyes when I saw that comment too. It's a very low rent way to say "Don't have premarital sex." I hope she reads this and rather than get mad at me for saying it, thinks twice about writing it, because I don't think that it's the first time she has written it. (And yes, those of us who write a lot on this site do sometimes write some colorful language, but that particular remark is just too much.)

The reason they call you and other single moms out on it is because THEY have never been a single mom. They push their morality on others because it's easy for them to. And by the way, asking them what they have against single mothers does no good - they will not care how you feel.

Dawn

I haven't read all of these but what I love is how people assume a) if you're a single mom you are receiving child support whether the father is in their life or not & b) if you're not then you are receiving state aid...guess what...I am single mother who receives neither...yaaay! Do I want sympathy....hell no....do I want pity....hell no to all of the people who think we do!!! I would not give my boys up for anything (btw people two wrongs don't make a right, so abortion is out of the question for me)....I tried being in relationships with their fathers...but the first one's dad was so worthless when we did split he left the child HE HAD CUSTODY of and my parents ended up adopting him & my second one's father was much like SLM's and after a while I said if I am paying everything by myself than I will be by myself..HA! It is a struggle becasue there aren't two incomes, two people keeping up with the sports, school meetings, the yard, the housework, repairs, etc etc but it is worth it to me to not have to look at someone who is taking adavantage of me on a daily basis. & to those that say morality...morality schmorality...whatever!!! I know alot of people who have stayed with worthless men that did nothing for their family,..I am talking non-working, smoke 3 packs a day & drink a case of beer a day alcoholics because they were the only person they had slept with & they would not dare sleep with someone else....well, they don't feel sorry for us single moms...so guess what I guess I no longer feel sorry for those people....Sometimes what is considered the norm does not work for all of us & one day people will realize...yep....people are going to think a lot of things, but if this wasn't true we wouldn't see so many posts talking about their sex life fizzling (to sum all ?s up), sex is natural, a healthy sex life is important...granted people assume if you're single you're having sex with everyone...lol...obviously haters, that is not what I am referring to...oh, yeah...I can work on a lawn mower, plug a tire, work a weed eater, use a drill..etc etc etc oh & still bake a hell of a pie, brownie, cookie, etc I remember the first time I had someone look down on me for being a single mom...believe it or not it took me by surprise, sure there were probably people talking behind my back, but never to my face...I couldn't believe someone would actually think I should be ashamed of my decision to have my child...so I had sex...who cares... for those of you who think that's hideous your hubbies are probably cheating you...Oh & also for the ones who are judgemental...there's a girl that lives near me..barely 16, raped, & pregnant...she is keeping her baby...I find it courageous...not a sin! So, don't judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes!!!! I thought we all learned this as we got older...but I guess some people are still looking at the world through rose colored glasses....I look at it through a kaleidescope...lol Oh & guess what I smile every single day all day...I see alot of women who have "everything" & have done everything "right" but you never see a smile on their face...why is that?!?!?

AMEN SISTA !!!

I agree with you completely. No one should have something wrong with single mothers, but unfortunately some people are living life in a cave, and if you do not live their way, then you are an outcast.

Personally, don't give these types of sheltered ignorant people the time of day. Its not even worth ruffling your feathers over. Many of those same 'shame on you' women are with nasty men who don't even treat them well, yet they point the finger. I would not respond to any PM or anything that is berating you over your decision. I guess some of these clueless women would prefer that you stay in an abusive relationship just to have a man. Screw that. You are an independent woman who doesn't need a man to breathe. I honor you in your decision to have your child and not abort it like so many women do (murdering their unborn babies). Thank you.

If anything, you would think that the community of women should bond together and SUPPORT one another instead of tear them down.

I am a single mom (divorced) and my only regret is that I didn't divorce him sooner, or that I ever even married the loser.

To anyone being judgmental, I say one thing (and remember it very clearly):

Matthew 7:3-5
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

My son is 15 now, I have been a single parent since conception.
I am proud of it.
I don't hid it
I don't let anyone speak down to me because I am a single parent

Don't let anyone steal your joy A..

God Bless

My husband travels for work, about 3 or 4 times a year for about a week each time and I am in AWE of single mothers! I have 3 little girls (9m, 3 and 5) and by the end of those weeks when he's away I'm basically standing in the door, bouncing up and down, staring down the street waiting for him! It is SO hard to do everything by yourself - and I only have to do for a month a year!!

I think there are TOO MANY 'holier than thou' moms in the world who need to STFU. Mommy McJudgersons drive me *batty*. I very firmly believe that before anyone starts harping on how another mom is doing something, they need to take a long, hard look at their OWN lives.....because odds are there's something in their picture perfect life that could use a little tweaking.

Good for you for doing the best you can for your daughter. More moms should be like YOU and put their children first.

I am a single mom and I love it. I am sorry you have been bashed by some responders. I haven't seen it on here so much but but where I notice it is in meeting new people. They find out I have a child and immediately look for the ring. Some people are clearly surprised/uncomfortable when they don't see it. I always wonder - why judge me for having the baby versus the man for not stepping up? Seems to be a free pass for the guys who don't take care of their business but nothing but judgment for the ladies who actually do.

Believe me, I wouldn't change a thing but I feel you. Hang in there!

Amen Sister! I have been a single mother basically my son's whole life as my son's dad NEVER did anything when we were together. We separated when my son was 9 months old. The only time I asked him to get the crying baby in the middle of the night he turned up the radio so he couldn't hear the baby!!!

I do it all w/out any help from family or my son's dad. Many people can't wrap their heads around the fact that I am a true SINGLE mother. I agree that I do it by choice. I'm sure if I wanted to I could have been remarried by now, but I have NO desire to be remarried. I've considered having another child by choice, but in the end decided I'd rather work on my own career goals instead. I hate when people say I'm not remarried b/c I haven't found the right guy. Nope! I don't want to be!

I'm glad that you wave your single mother flag with pride! Being a Single Mother can be a truly beautiful thing. I can't speak for any of the other posts or "haters" as I didn't see them, but you enjoy your family that you have made :-)

I am not a single mother, but I give ANY single mother much respect- no matter what the situation. My mother was single most of my life- she did the marriage before kids and was even married for several years before having me. After I was born, my father turned into a philanderer and disrespected her in so many ways that it's just too much to go into here. I am so glad she kicked his sorry butt out. She never expected sympathy or handouts. She understood that life is just what it is- life. However, my life was much better because I had a devoted mother, not bogged down by a pathetic excuse of a man (and all the drama that came with him), and I am a stronger mother and woman now because of her excellent example. I also knew exactly what to look for in a husband, and I credit her in many ways to my successful marriage.
In response to the other poster on here - NO, kids do not need both parents. I am not sure what white picket fence world you live in. What kids NEED is love, structure, and a good example. I had all of that and more- from my single mother. I grew up with kids whose parents were sticking out, forcing it to work just because of the kids. To me, that's the real tragedy because everyone is miserable. I firmly believe that a good parent is a happy parent.
So, in regards to your question- Some people on here are just complete idiots, and I just ignore them for the most part. I only give advice or comments on topics that I have experience myself. There is a fine line between advice and opinions, and some people just need to learn the difference.

good for you taking care of your daughter, and getting away from a jerk IS taking care of her in itself! If anyone says anything so awful like 'spreading your legs' I would report them to mamapedia! I am sorry people are so rude, I honestly think this is some sort of vicious outlet for nasty people. They have to be mean to someone and this is one way they can do it anonymously. Report them, then ignore them. I would be willing to bet you get more advice from nice moms than bitchy ones. ;o)

I once was a single mom. It's very hard, and I have nothing against any other woman who is one, by choice or not.

To those people who get on their high horse and put you down.....they can kiss my A$$ and yours too LOL.

First of all, it's NO ONE'S place to judge you. They have no idea the circumstance that got you in the position that you are in. And to those people spouting off about morality..please. Unless you NEVER had pre-marital sex, then you can't judge someone else's "morality". Give me a break! I am sure you didn't set out thinking, huh how great would it be to raise a child on my own. Kuddos to you for knowing that your child is the most important thing in the world. A lot of women would stay with the father just so they are not alone. My mom was one of them, and her 2nd husband was an abusive A-whole. Ridiculous. I wold have rather had less material things then to be stuck in the house.

I truly believe the judgmental Janes on this site are UNHAPPY and MISERABLE which is why they spend so much time knocking down others. I feel they are in shi&&ty and passive marriages. They are probably doing everything conceivable under their roof while the "husband" /father lounges around whistling chivalry is dead. LOL!!! Many mothers can't and don't appreciate moms who stand up for themselves against all odds and do better and make decisions that puts them and their children in a better place.

It takes courage to stand alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have to do and say what you want to do and say.

Don't waste time like I have in the past trying to convince the judgmental Janes that you are not looking for them to agree with you, but only for them to not judge you and simply answering the freaking question!!! It's a waste of time because walls can't talk back.

They are always so quick to say on this site, the father should be able to see his child, blah, blah, blah...without thinking IF HE REALLY WANTS TO SEE HIS CHILD SO BADLY THEN PETITION THE COURT FOR VISITATION RIGHTS. Most of them don't because the losers don't want to pay child support. And don't get me started on the in-laws and grandparents. Puh-lease! What fantasy world of bliss we live in. LOL!!!

Single motherhood is a place and when people can't relate they tend to judge what they haven't yet experienced. I caution them because I never thought I'd be a single parent situation, but when I left my selfish, abusive husband when my daughter was 5 months, I had no choice but to put my big girl pants on and be the head of the household. It has not been easy, but seeing my daughter's happy, healthy, well-adjusted face every waking morning is insurance that it gets better.

Live for you and your child, no one else!!!

I don't agree in having children out of wedlock....If your willing to carry a man's child and bear that child to raise why aren't you married? I think women are so cavalier about relationships and then oopps I'm pregnant...! 9 times outta 10 I bet he was a jerk from the get go. Women in general need to have respect for their own well being and their bodies. Like marriage children are a lifelong committment. Ideally, children live in homes with moms and dads..However, there are circumstances when that can't and shouldn't be the case. I am not walking in anyone's elses shoes so the majority of the time I can not pass judgement.

The only time that I do and find myself judgemental yep I'm human are the irresponsible ones who go on welfare because of their poor choices.. I am sorry but men and women should show restraint. If you are in fact a hard working Mom who puts your child's needs first great. I applaud you and certainly won't give you the evil eye. Everyone has a story but not all single moms are hard working such as yourself. Some demand handouts or special consideration...Sorry no freebies. Being married has its challenges too.

Some people on this site seem to live in some sort la-la land. They evidently got married at 17 or 18 so they never lived life as an adult wanting sex and not being married, and then they started having child after child after child and that's all they do -oh, except for judge everyone who has a different opinion! They are also vehemently against abortion, so their solution for you would be that you just should never have sex. Ever. Never should have unless you were married and planning to stay that way no matter how much of a bastard he was. I guess all the women out there who were married and had an awful situation on their hands should have just put up with it too instead of becoming single. Whatever -they don't live your life and quite honestly from the posts I've seen out of most of them, I had rather take a dirt nap than live theirs!

Sure, there are some sorry single moms who party constantly and sleep around and expose their kids to all sorts of awful things, but there are lots of married couples who do the same thing or similar. Quite honestly after growing up with and being friends with a number of single moms or the children of single moms, most have done a great job. Don't sweat what some very odd people on a website have to say about you being a single mom. If one of the freaks PMs you about being a single mom, tell them how they might better spend their time and just blow it off...

I can't specifically answer your question, as I am NOT against single mothers. I just wanted to encourage you and tell you how sorry I am that some people on here have used the site to vent their personal frustrations on you. I happen to be a married mom, but for the grace of God, I could have been a single mother, as could anyone on here. How dare any person judge another without having walked in their shoes! It is not even possible to imagine the situations that have lead people to their current circumstances. It sounds like you made a good choice for you and your daughter, and her life will be better for it in the long run. I applaud you for your courage!

I stick with what my mom has said since I was young, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Those who want to force their limited views on others should create their own forum, and leave mamasource to its original purpose - to be a place where moms can encourage and support each other. God bless you and your daughter as you raise her!

I just wanted to tell you that I definitely have nothing against single mothers; in fact, I think you are very brave and courageous to make that decision to leave your baby's father because he was a horrible person. I think there are many women who would have stayed even when the guy is obviously awful just because they are too afraid to be single mothers. You made the best decision for you and your daughter; kudos to you for being a strong single mom.

I'm sorry you've gotten flack for making that decision. Just try your best to ignore them. It is so easy for people to look at others and judge them, because it makes them feel better about themselves to think that they are somehow better than you. I've found that especially on the internet, you will get people who find it very easy to judge others and write responses with no consideration about how the other person might feel. I just ignore the ones who are rude and I am thankful for those who are helpful. You will hopefully get mostly helpful comments and only a few negative ones.

I wonder if people have an issue with the fact that you are single, or the fact that you are young compared to most mothers out there. I don't know if you've experienced this, but I sometimes felt a little judged by others when they found out how old I was when I had my children (I was 21 with my first one and 23 with my second one; I'm not a single mom, but my husband and I were both pretty young). I think some people view us as irresponsible and immature young adults who have no business trying to raise children because they don't believe that we are mature enough to handle it and therefore are ruining our children's lives. Not everyone believes that, of course, and I've mostly met really nice people...but occasionally you will get people who are extremely judgmental.

Anyway, you are young AND single and it sounds like you are doing a great job on your own. Good luck with everything!

I'm sorry you got those kinds of responses. I haven't read them, but Yikes!

I have nothing against single mothers, and in fact have a ton of admiration for the, because I think they do some of the hardest work in the world (raising a child without a partner to help).

I'm guessing a lot of it is stemming from the old (and outdated, imo), opinion that if you get divorced, you have "failed" on some basic level as a wife and mother. Well, all I can say is I can't judge another person's life or their misery unless I live it, and so it's not my business to judge that. I firmly believe that everyone deserves to be happy and to be treated with love and respect. And while ideally, marriage is a sacred pact, it takes 2 people to make it so, and often only 1 person feels that way or keeps acting that way and the other does not; sometimes that is a liveable situation, and other times the only sensible thing to do is leave and find happiness elsewhere, starting within yourself first. :)

Wow!!! Julie B. criticizes people for being judgemental, when her post is one of the most judgemental ones I've ever read. I'm extremely pro life/against abortion, and my views have nothing to do with whether someone is a single mother or not.
Anyway, A., I'm sorry about the rude comments you've gotten. There are definitely many reasons for keeping certain fathers out of their childrens' lives. I know several women and their children who would probably be better off without their husbands/fathers. And there's nothing wrong with you not wanting more children. You sound like a strong, wonderful mother and your daughter is so fortunate to have you.

The road you are on is not an easy one but kudos to you for realizing you and your daughter were in a bad situation. I have no problems with single moms. I have nothing but the upmost respect for them. Several of my friends are single moms who receive and don't receive support from the dad's. My problem is the parent who does not help support their child. I don't understand someone not wanting to support their own child. It just makes no sense to me. I understand that some what to punish the custodial parent, I get that but the only one punished is the child! GRRR!!!

Know that you are raising a young lady to be strong and understand that she can take care of herself. She may want a man but she won't ever NEED a man.

I don't think the mamas on this site have anything "specific" against single parenting....I was a single mom, but a child deserves a mother and a father. I think perhaps "some" moms and dads feel that a single person wanting to be a parent without a committed relationship...just because, feel it is a selfish intention.

I also feel that some folks feel that gay/lesbian couples who want children are also selfish. I don't....gay/lesbian couples are generally some of the best and most committed parents. So many children are without good parents, so anyone who can offer a good and loving home should be able to do so.

Blessings....

Nothin' but envy :)

Only answering for myself, of course.

There's a huge difference between a woman who has a baby thinking she and the man will stay together vs a woman saying I don't need a man to raise a child. Things happen so I have respect for single mothers who ended up alone bc it was the only realistic choice but studies show how important fathers are. YOU may not need a man to rely on but your child likely would benefit from a good father. So actually planning to have another child on your own is likely what people take issue with. Read the latest People magazine about children who never knew their fathers but lost them in 9/11. The yearning these kids have is amazing.

I don't have anything against single moms, unless they live forever on welfare and have a dozen children. Then there is a problem. BUT, I think most single moms are amazing, and don't know how they can do it themselves. I would just ignore all the nasty comments you get, and forget about the PM's. Most people will PM you when they don't have the guts to say it so everyone else can read it. It is their own private bullying, if you know what I mean. But, in defense of all the moms on this site, if you ask a question, you have to be prepared for the answers you get. Not everyone is on your side, and everyone has a different opinion. That's what makes the world go around.

I know this comment is several months late, but I saw you were from Hutchinson, KS. I am too, and after reading what people have said to you I felt so bad anyone would say those things to you. Most of my friends are single moms and do an awesome job with their kids! I have two girls and a great husband, but raising kids is still hard. I applaud you for stepping up and raising your daughter. It takes a lot of strength and courage! Right now I am working on starting a single mom's day out for the Hutch/So. Hutch community at our church. No preaching or anything like that....just a place where the kids can have fun and give the moms a few hours to run errands or just have some time for themselves. I really am sorry you had anyone say those things to you. People can be so ignorant at times!

i have had a few people say comments to me as well about being a single mom but you know what i brush it off and move on. i am proudly raising my almost 2y/o daughter all by myself - her dad is not in her life and that is his choice but he does pay child support. i work full time as well and thinking of going back to school at some point. we have to make the best decisions that we can when it comes to our kids and ourselves and thats why some women leave the dads/husbands. people shouldnt look down on us since they dont know the situation that we were in the first place. we have to be the strong ones and just try not to let it bother you or us. good luck to all of us single mothers and to the single fathers out there as well

This has happened to me before. It is rare, but I did have one mom tell me that my son was a mistake and that I should've not been so selfish and put him up for adoption. It's awful that some women are so judgemental of what is a very difficult decision (ending a relationship with the father). I know with my son's situation, his dad and I are still able to be cordial, but it was SO hard for me to see what was right in front of me which was an unhealthy relationship. It would not have been good for my son to stick with that for the sake of him. It would've been the exact opposite and he would not have a chance to see how a health relationship works. Just ignore them and report them.

Nothing!! With the divorce rate what it is half of us will be single moms anyway. Don't listen to anyone else and keep putting your daughter first!!!

Nothing, at all! I nanny for a single mom. She is a wonderful mother, and her children are some of the best I've met. She is also single by choice. (A good choice!) It sounds like you made a good choice. I KNOW that I would not be a good single mom. Frankly, I'm not sure how you single mothers do it. I couldn't!! I don't think woman should go "spreading their legs" with all kinds of men, in any case. (Especially, when hey have children. Just my opinion.) It didn't sound like you wanted to do that anyway. So, I'm not sure how that pertained to your situation. In any case, I think it's silly and sad that anyone would have something against single moms. Or, that they would assume you will just go around spreading your legs, because you are one.

Please don't worry about what others say. Some of us are single mothers by choice and others of us are single mothers because our spouse, for whatever reason, couldn't be a father to "our" child. But, for whatever reason, choice or circumstance, we are what we are; single moms, doing our very best to give our kids the very best we can, usually through sacrifice of our own needs. So, be the best you can be, give your child all the love and attention you possibly can, and remember that the pettiness and mean actions of others reflects on them, not you! You go, girl! JAHC

I praise you because I am not, technically, a single mom,but my hubby is barely ever around (besides, having a hubby is like having another kid), so I know how hard it must be for you! I bet you are an awesome, loving mom, and that (LOVE) is the only thing that matters! Praise you! Love your baby always! I love you for it! There are too many women who put men above their innocent children they're supposed to be protecting! It is a lot on you, and I haven't any doubt that you made the tough decision to be a single mom because you were protecting your little one. God bless you! Love your baby with all your heart!

eh, screw um. every single mom I know is the toughest, and hardest working woman around.... maybe they are just jealous because they are stuck in an unhappy marriage ;) keep doing what you are doing.

I don't have anything against single mothers that work hard, realize this is their choice, and don't expect a long list of free handouts. I get tired of seeing people wear it like a badge of honor and I get tired of people asking me to make concessions in my business because they are single.

Having a husband is no picnic. Many people, men and woman alike, are selfish where money is concerned. My husband won't help me fix my teeth, he won't help me pay my half of the bills no matter how I struggle, often I pay more than half and he always has some reason to justify why the repair I'm making should come from me and how it's not his problem or how the bill I'm paying is of my own making even when it's clearly not. My personal and business expenses are far higher than my husbands and yet he makes twice as much as I do. He takes vacations when I can't even afford a day off.

I stay because my husband does far more good than he does bad. I stay because what he does do I would be lost without. BUT, I don't feel pity on anyone that is a single mom. It's a choice, just like my choice to stay. I am tired of picking up the burdens for single moms. Many of the ones I have dealt with have had multiple kids with multiple fathers and by the time they get their child support from each of them, they are way better off than I am. Then they complain about being single and yet in many cases they are without kids often when they are all off to their dads. So they get days off, vacations, and time to go out with the girls. I work hard, 14-18 hours per day, sleep when I can, and do the same thing every single day. Oh, but I'm married. So that makes it all good right? I must be wealthy and can afford to support their life choices. That's what so many think.

Don't take it to heart. There are bad single moms and good single moms, as there are bad married moms and good married moms.
You can't judge a whole "group" like that--I believe that is called bigotry!

For one-- people always talk junk on the internet-- its because most of them do not have the courage to say it to someone's face. Like I said on one of my posts on something that a lady went nuts--- You dont have to reply to everyone's question and if you don't like the question then dont answer! Some people have no lives or are so unhappy in their lives that they want to sprinkle some of that in others lives.

With that being said-- i consider myself "Super" not Single mom! LOL!
i have been divorced for almost three years but even before that, I did most of the work with my two wonderful children. No government assistance, sometimes my hair wasnt brushed and I may have been looking zombie-ish but my kids were always clean, well dressed and well fed. My ex husband has his Houdini moments where he disappears but my children have enough of me and my family to make up for anything missing.
I have told my ex not to come around (longest time a couple of months) until he gets his ish straight because being a parent is not a part time job--but i never speak ill of him or argue with him in front of my kids- ever.
I do believe that having both parents is beneficial for children- my parents were married until the day my Mom died from Cancer (almost two years ago) and I cannot imagine a life without both of them.
If you can make some sort of relationship with your ex- I recommend you do it. Now if he is abusive or does drugs/alcohol then maybe not BUT if he is just irresponsible, you can help him fix that- For your child. I did the tough non-love with my ex and he has steadily been helping out financially and picking up the kids a couple days a week and every other weekend. Now will this last forever?? I hope so but we will have to see, either way my kids will be well taken care of BUT they are always thrilled to hang with their dad and that also gives me some ME Time!
On the flip side.....
Some people are ignorant while others have been 'abused' from women/men being 'single parents' to milk their way out of the system.. having kid after kid to be on welfare, section 8, free sports meanwhile their fake nails are always on, hair always done and they wear the best clothes.
I know so many 'single' moms ~~ great moms and raggedy moms and some people have had their own experience and are just angry :(
I don't get offended-- pissed off, maybe temporarily but you know your worth and how good of a parent you are-- You dont need anyone to tell you yay or nay!

I'm late on this topic but I'm a single mom through adoption. Yes I adopted my daughter as a single mom. She has male role models to look up too. I have had people tell me I was selfish. I have a very strong personality so I just tell them where to go and what they can do on the way there. :)

There are children in 2 parent homes who are not getting what they need from both parents. There are children born through marriage where one parent leaves and the children never have a relationship with that parent. Just because 2 people are married doesn't mean its in the best interest of the child.

I have an aunt and uncle who have been married for over 40 years and have never gotten along. Their daughter told them she has always wished they had divorced and maybe she and her sisters lives would have been different. They had a toxic relationship and now my cousin can't keep a relationship because she didn't have a good example. Thankfully her sister is married to a wonderful understanding man.

Just ignore the idiots that try to tell you how your life should be. If it makes you feel better tell them off and see if they can deal with that. Keep your head up single Mom because I have my head up as high as it can go.

Seems to me that a lot of married mothers are already "single" moms. You read all the time "my husband" doesn't help around the house with the kids, "our" bills need to be paid, "his" job sucks, I do everything, etc.

If anything, why would a mother stay in a bad situation because of a child or a piece of paper? These women would rather get beat on, stepped all over, and cheated on, or even have harm done to their children; because it is what they believe is right. Yes, counseling “sometimes” helps, but they can live with looking behind their backs forever. Let the ones that bash single parenthood be miserable in their own world, and let them teach their children that this is acceptable.

No one said that you have to be married to have a child. Is your choice, and all children are loved, no matter how they were conceived. It is others who "believe" that marriage is a must and that is what is taught. This is not the 50's, wake up everyone!

Ignore the nasty comments. You are doing what is best for your daughter and yourself. Be proud of your accomplishments, and thankful you had the strength to leave a bad situation before something did happen.

Do not let anyone’s words/looks discourage you from being the best parent that you are.

I commend you for saying "I am a real woman" and standing up for what you believe in. Your daughters happiness (and yours) is what matters.

Put away the government statistics sheets, which are BS. Single mother homes do not lead a child to a life of crime, drop outs, etc. I am proof that you do not need a father in your life to succeed, as are my adult children-who I supported on my own for 22 years (with no child support or governments handouts)...they both are going to college and working full time jobs.