C.T.
Hi Jenny,
My heart goes out to you and your little girl. You must be struggling so much right now. Your house situation is enough for anyone to have to deal with let alone the pain and guilt you are faced with in this realtionship with your boyfriend.
No judgement here Jenny, complete understanding.
In my past, I had a relationship with someone that was definately toxic, and I too was a single Mom, dealing with the struggle of attachment. I knew that the relationship was not good and for a while I used the attachment between my boyfriend and my daughter as a reason to stay with him, as if leaving him would be too devastating to my little one. Well, when enough was enough, I got strong and guess what... so did my little girl!! That truly was the BEST thing I have ever done as a Mother. I was scared and hated the thought of being alone. The truth was, I was more alone while being with him.
After the initial break up came a couple more break ups (that's how they operate, they realize you mean business, they get scared that you will really be DONE this time, they come on with the "Honey Moon" attitude...I love you, here's some guilt, what about your daughter, you know I love her like she's my own..yada, yada,yada.) you really want to beleive him, and then BAM, it starts all over agian and you are left wondering if you have the energy to do it all over again.
Here's what I did! I went to Church! I got involved in a Single Womens Small Group and for the first time in my life I learned how to be a healthy, confident, strong woman of Christ and a much better Mother to a little girl who may have had to struggle the same way I did all those years, because i didn't show her how to be in a healthy relationship. There are so many ways we as women feel responsible for the wrongs in life, but to realize that the only ones we are able to control are the ones that are before us at this time, not in the past, not in the future, right now.
Good luck Jenny, I am praying for you right now, and I go to my Married Women's Small Group tonight, we will pray for some peace and clarity on your home and relationship situation. Mail me anytime.
Blessings,
C.