Single Mom Needs Help with Dead Beat Dad

I deal with a lot of people in your situation. Surprisingly, some of the situations are reversed and the problem is a dead beat mother.

But back to the topic, before you make a decision on whether or not to let the father into your childs life;

1. Is he really a threat to your child's safety/or of kidnapping? If yes, there is always the option of supervised access.

2. Have you taken the time to think about what the father is feeling. Was the child a surprise? Did you two have a difference of opinion? What kid of person is he outside of the 'dead beat dad' persona? Before you judge the father for his actions, try thinking about what led the father to act the way he did. Perhaps he feels like he no longer has control of his life. Perhaps he thinks he will fail as a father. There is so much to consider.

If it helps any, and I'm not making light of your situation, I've known others in worse situations then your own.

...and on a personal note, I can completely relate. I am a single mother to a 23 month old. Her father and I argued about termination. I made the executive decision. I gave him a chance and although he and I are frequently at odds, he completely loves his daughter and proves it regularly.

I hope this helps. gv

I am divorced and hate my ex!! It was a terrible marriage and the divorce was even worse. I would like nothing better for him to be out of my life for ever but we do have kids together.

I would let him see the child, at your home or some where else safe. Take it slow it may be difficult for your son but like you said it is his father. As your son grows and understands the situation in his eyes let him decide if he wants to continue to see his dad.

Good luck!

I would say you have to go with your own judgement call on this one. If you were not married to the dad the hospital sometimes will not put the fathers name on the birth certificate, that happened to me. If he wants to fight for visit he'll just go to court and do a perternity hearing and tell the courts he is the father or do a test to prove he's the father. Maybe he's just talking big but not acting out what he's saying. Do you think its possible for him to take your child? Its really a judgement call for you, protect yourself and your baby the best way possible. If he threatens your life and the baby's you can get a ppo on him as well, if you think you really need it. I went through all of this,,it sucks. T.

well J. im in the same thing. my son is 9yrs old so i been going threw it for that long. so my advice is let him kick rocks!!!!! because if he really wanted to be apart of your childs life he would. there isnt anything that would stop him from being in his life. i know that people dont want to say this but you might need to take this to court. just cause he made you feel uneasy about your life. set rules if you do choose to let him in your sons life. because your son will be the one who will get hurt in the long run if you dont. so i really do wish you the best in your choice.

If it were me, no I would not! After all that of course I wouldn't! I would pretend that he doesn't exist just like he has been doing. If later your son asks about his son I would just explain that you and him didn't work out and it was his choice that he didn't want to be apart of his life because it was...he is not 22 months old and he still hasn't seen his son. I would just forget it and live your life without him as you had. You have a family and so does he so forget it.