Today I kissed the wild bundle of a daughter goodbye for a week or more while she visits family in another state.
I TRIED CLEANING, that generally works to clear my heart from the dusty lonely feeling. I tried cooking, that almost always makes me happy.
I feel like a pile of dirty laundry, the kind that has been left alone too long and needs the super concentrate soap and still smells funky after you wash it. I don't think I'm very cool in her world, I make sure her ears are clean, and that she eats green food, and she can't play until she is done with her attitudes or fussy acts of defiance that most five year olds have. I don't sing to her enough, I don't play enough, I just don't feel as cool.
She said to her cool auntie that she was so happy, at last she's not bored anymore. I hate being the not cool mommy, I hate being lonely, and I hate being single and in need of a makeover!
What do you do when you need a lift?
Watch Jerry Springer. Those people are really a mess...then count your blessings.
I have been single parenting for 14 years. Tho' he does not go off with his father often, he has spent weeks at a time with my Aunt. When he was little he used to tell me he loved her just a little bit more than me. Broke my heart. But, I also knew that when he was at her house he was on vacation. Vacation from school, from homework, from chores, from all my fussy Mommee rules.
I think it is natural that they they need a break from us sometimes and when they are off visiting family they don't have the rules that we impose so they do see it as more fun.
It is hard being a single parent because we are the only ones in our children lives that enforce the rules all the time. On the other hand, we are the only ones who give them structure and daily love and affirmation. So I believe that it all balances out.
Find a way to spoil yourself while she is gone. Treat yourself to a spa day - or do a home spa day. Soak in bath bubbles, deep condition your hair, use a face mask, candles, a glass of wine, nice music, a book. This is my fav thing to do since mine used to always be knocking on the door when i tried to soak!!!!
Oh, go to the make up counter at the department store and let give you a make-over!!! You don't really have to buy anything. :)
Go buy yourself a Christmas present. Go to a movie. Call some girlfriends and invite them over for Chic Flicks and popcorn.
Take this time for you.
Maybe I am different, but I believe we all need a break from parenting sometimes and this is your chance to focus on you for a week. Something you probably haven't done in a while.
Call your daughter every day. Plan something special for when she comes home and know that no matter what she says, you are her center.
Boy, I remember how awful it feels.The ironic thing is that you do your best every day but there's work and cleaning and errands and shopping and you're trying to stay on top of all of it and then your child leaves for a long weekend and all of a sudden there's such a void, such a let down. So you start thinking about the whirlwind you live in and feeling like you don't have the luxury of giving your child undivided attention and now she's off visiting people that can give her undivided attention (because they only have to do it for a week) and you feel envious and resentful..and you worry that you're failing somehow. I've been there. Mine is all grown up though and now I know with certainty two things - first, I had, without a doubt, the best end of the deal. I had the privilege and wonderous experience of raising a child; he regularly visited a child. And secondly, she knows the difference. She loves her dad (and I'm glad she does) but she knows who raised her - she gets it. Your daughter will too - so stay strong. Remind yourself that anything you get done this week frees you up to spend time with her when she returns. Do your Christmas shopping, wrap presents, make and freeze some dinners or holiday goodies, go to the dentist, drop stuff off at the dry cleaners. Make a list of all the things that need to get done and dive in..so you have as clean a slate as possible when she gets back. You are not a pile of dirty laundry - you are an amazing single mom and it might take 20 more years to get recognition for it...but I promise you, it's coming.
I totally agree with Julie R. Couldn't have said it better.
I wouldn't worry too much about being the "not cool mommy". Aunts and other family members are cool because they can spoil your child rotten and then when they get tired of her they can give her back. Once you have more nieces/nephews to do the same thing you'll hear how cool you are from them.
As for the lift, I would suggest being able to have "grownup time" as regularly as possible. We are members at a local YMCA and it really helps me. We can go there to have family fun, or I put the kids in their childwatch area and get to have a couple hours away from my kids. It's a great place to meet other people, set up playdates, etc. They have a really good financial aid program and it really is worth it.
You can do a lot of the same things through Mothers Of Preschoolers (MOP) groups, church groups, and things like that. I have to be honest though and say I can't really give advice on the makeover part, I haven't had anything like that in 8 years. Keep your chin up and enjoy the quiet while you can!
Hunny, Im married and my kids act that way. Im never around for them but I am all the time. They just dont understand you have to do other things in life than play all day. Its exhausting , after about 20 mins of barbie i feel like rippinger her plastic head off and throwing it against the wall. lol
Go out and be you, enjoy your week and remember single or not, we MOMS ALL GO THROUGH THIS. Recapture yourself and remember also your never cool since the day your child was born, unless you have money lol
you have a week by yourself go out and do things you cant normally do cause you have no babysitter enjoy your life for a week :)
