I'm currently deployed to Iraq and my 5yo son is staying with his fathers aunt in California. I've have been over here for just over 10 months now and everyday it only gets harder. We have about another 5 months before my unit comes home. I was able to come home for 2 weeks in August and I've been noticing that I'm trying to hold on to Gabe with all of my strength but the space between us just seems to keep getting bigger. How do I connect with him long distance? When I call him I can hear him interacting with his aunt and uncle and I feel like I'm being replaced. Another question I have is: When I redeploy back to the States I'll be stationed in NC. It should be the end of March or beginning of April. With that being so close to the end of the school year should I pull Gabe out of kindergarten in CA and have him finish in NC or do I let him finish in CA but not be home with me? Thank you all so much for your advice!
I sent him a video of me reading a couple of books and an ELMO deployment video. He loved it! Thanks again for everyones advice!
I agree with the other Mom, try a web cam. If you can't do that talk to him and read to him with recorded DVD or CD.
You should bring him home with you. It's only K, and he needs his Mom more than the old school.
My husband was a single father, his children stayed with his family, when he returned from his last tour to Iraq the children had three months of school of left, it was such a hard decision for him, when it came to changing thier lives one again... I enterd his life at that time and sugessted we bring the kids home to us, as we did, they were so happy he was home the change of schools didn't effect them... he needs you just as bad as you need him... he is young but can understand you will be state side, which isn't as far away as Iraq. Bring him home to you, give him time to adjust to you being home and a new school so the summer can be spent filled with fun and st grade will be a breeze! Right before you come home a month or two out start sending him little things like books with ideas to decorate his new room and get him excited for the adventure! Your story reallyhit my heart, after all I am the step Mom to two wonderful Army Brats and have seen the ups and downs! You will be able to connect... it's hard for a 5yr old to focus on the phone... he will be in your arms soon enough!
I don’t know if this is possible but Try calling at bed time( if it ok maybe just after they put him down so it’s a treat to get out of bed ) or just after he get up, so that you’re the first or last thing he thinks about . And so he is not being taking away from something he was doing. My six-year old hate stopping what he is doing even if it’s just to go to the bathroom. He awful at dinnertime, he think his going to miss something. This might be what you are feeling from him. If you can make him a video of where you are and the work, you do for all of us and of your friends anything important to your life right now. Maybe he can do the same for you.
My six year old forgets people he’s not round but its just amazing that when they come around how, he and his uncles fall right back in to their same behaviors and you could not tell they were ever apart. I don’t know about bring him to NC with you right away, my questions to my self would be? Will I have lots of time to spend with him? How much will he need? How over whelming will it be for him or my self just being back? Could I stay with him at his aunt and uncle for a little while? I think that it going to take lots of time and patience on both of your parts. He has had to get uses to completely new household and he will have to again. How is he at make adjustment to new thing and chaos ? However when you do bring him home, I would see if his aunt or uncle could come stay just for the week end, so he can have someone familiar around at first so not to over whelm him or if they can’t maybe a cousin.
I know its not enough but, Thank you for all you do and all you give up . Be safe and come home
Web cam is a great idea. I have a five year old too, and my heart goes out to you. I think I would write letters as often as I could with funny stories or jokes, draw pictures for him too and write about your life there (where you sleep, what you ate, etc). Send photos too, if you can. And don't worry, you're his mom, and no one can ever replace you!!!!
are you going to be stationed at Ft. Bragg? That is where my husband is stationed. I know my husband is going through the same feelings as you. He always feels like he is being replaced. I'm not sure how to deal with it either. I think the hardest part about the deployment is having a connection with your children, or spouse. Does he have a favortie book? Maybe you could read that to him over the phone. I'm not sure...maybe have some sort of ritual you both can do daily so he knows you are thinking of him. I honestly can't imagine how hard it has to be for you as a mother to be away from your son. About school...Maybe being that it is so close to the end of the school year he can finish in CA. I'm sure it will be hard to be away from him for even longer. Good Luck! Take Care!
First of all, Bless you for the sacrifices you are making for our country! Your post brought tears to my eyes, and you deserve more thanks and commendation than I can possibly put in to words!
I agree that you should take your son with you as soon as you get back. He will adjust to a new kindergarten class and reconnect with you quickly. No one can replace his mom, but be glad that he is happy and being cared for when you cannot be there. Just call him as often as you can, the webcam and video suggestions were great too. That way he will have pictures of you in his mind as well as your voice.
I wish you the best of luck and a safe return home. Again, Thank You and God Bless You!
Your post brings tears to my eyes, Thank you for all you do. I cant say enough about that.
I cant imagine going through what your going through, and I have no advise other that what the other ladies said to stay close to your son while your gone, but I do want to say, if It were me, I'd definetly take him home with me and not leave him to finish out the school year. Kids transfer schools all the time, its not that big a deal, but he needs you.
Good Luck hun, your deeply in my prayers.
Hi V.,
I know this is going to sound a little odd,but maybe you could get a tape recorded tape of his voice,maybe him jsut talking or telling you that he loves you and how much fun it will be when you get home. I don't know personally,but I can imagine how hard it would be to be away from any of my kids. Just know that what you are doing over there is going to improve his future way of living. What you are doing he will look up to you for. What you are doing the a lot of people thank god for everyday. Try the tape or if possible maybe a home video. I don't know what you can and can't have over there,but maybe my ideas will help. Have a great day!
Have you been able to talk to him using a webcam at all? If that's possible, you may try that. I think it's inevitable that there will be an emotional distance between you but I have no doubt that it will grow back quickly and stronger than ever! There is no way you or his father could ever be replaced. I would just call and talk to him whenever possible, ask him to draw you pictures he can mail to you or have his aunt/uncle scan them and email them (that way you'll get them quicker!). I think you are doing everything you can to stay close.
In regards to kindergarten, I think you should have him with you as soon as you can, and if that means pulling him out of school, so be it. You've already spent way too much time apart as it is! As ideal as it would be to just leave him where he's at, what he needs more is to be with his mother.
And lastly, thanks for your service. My husband is in the service and I've had two brother-in-laws serve in OIF (sadly, one didn't make it back). It's a huge sacrifice you and your family are making and it's not going unappreciated. God Bless and may you get home safe, sound and SOON!
Thank you V.! Thank you for fighting for our country, For our children's future. God bless you, you are in my family's prayers. May you both come home safe.
You are his mom, NO ONE can replace you. Take him home with you to NC. Hug him and hold him lots, you may also want to seek some therapy for the 3 of you to help deal with trust issues and other emotional issuse the 3 of you may have when you get home.
