Simple Explanation When a Young Friendship Ends

Chances are your ex-friend's kid is asking the same questions!

Do you have this lady's email? Is there any way you could send her an email telling her that you understand that you have differences but your son really likes his son so for their sake could you set your differences aside and let them play? I only say email because you can write a well-thought out email and it's not confrontational.

Another idea is to have your son call up his friend. 5 years old is old enough to talk on the phone. You can pick some times for a playdate and be right there to coach him through the conversation. That way you don't have to talk to his mom. Maybe you could have the kids meet at a neutral place.

If you think that would bomb I would go for the truth. Tell him you and his mommy had a disagreement and now it's hard for you to ask for a playdate. Assure him his friend still likes him, maybe have him send a letter so they can be pen-pals.

What a hard situation. I would hope the other mom can come around sometime!

I agree with the other mom, can you write/email /phone the other mom, say to her that although you aren't on great terms your kids miss each other & can't you be civil and meet up now & then. I feel bad for you son, but hopefully the fact that you are a smart good mom and take the high road on this one. She should wise up & be an adult about this - Good luck!

I haven't gone thru this exactly, but it's very sad. I feel so badly for your son and for his friend. They don't deserve to be separated b/c of the friend's mother and her behavior. Has your son tried calling his friend on the phone? Maybe the mom would treat him better than she treats you and maybe that would make a difference.

I whole-heartedly believe in telling my 4 year old the truth. I "lost" a friend a couple of years ago and Sarah still asks about her (really good memory!) I told her that some friends stay in our lives and other come and go for lots of different reasons. That seemed to appease her for now.

I really hope that your son can somehow keep his friend even if you and the other mom have ended your friendship. GOOD LUCK!!!

I know a mom who's frienship ended. Kid's didn't do anything wrong so keep them out of it. Be the better person and just give a call to see if the boy can come over for a play date. You don't need to have a full blown converstion about it. At least you can say that you tried.

J.P.

This is definitely a tough situation. Though I'm not sure what tore apart your friendship with this woman, perhaps it can still be mended. The idea of emailing or calling her to talk about how this is affecting the children can help, but it doesn't hurt to talk about how it might be affecting you and her as well. Providing her with some affirmation...regardless of how petty it might seem to you might also help. Misunderstandings happen all the time and hopefully she has enough experience with you to know that whatever it is she thinks you did, wasn't intentional and that it's not in your nature to hurt others.

Should she decide to ignore you...I guess the easiest way to tell your son about the situation would be to explain that sometimes adults have arguments and get mad at eacher other and that although you'd like to also see them again, right now his mom isn't ready to do that and just make sure he knows it's nothing that he or his little friend has done.

I hope this helps some. I don't envy your position. He's still young yet so the more concrete and simple you can be about your explanation the better.

I wish you well!

K.

Don't you love people who get bent out of shape over nothing. anyway. I would suggest that you stick with the "they are busy right now but maybe we will hear from them soon" and just stick with that and each time he asks redirect him to another friend or subject or activity. it will eventually work. good luck

J B
I agree honesty is they way to go here. If your son needs some way to let his friend go then have him "write" to him. Help make z new best friend.
J.

Oh wow! I'm going through the same thing right now, and it hurts me to see that my son can't have playdates with his "best" friend any longer. The only difference is, my son still sees his friend in school. Next year they won't be in school together anymore. But everyday after school he asks if I can call his mom and they can play together. Last week I decided that I would call a truce for the boys sake, and I called and asked her if they could get together over the weekend. She said that they had a couple of things to do, but her son had been asking about my son too - so she wanted them to get together, and she'd call me on Friday. Friday came and went . . . luckily I didn't tell my son anything about it.

After using the -"they're busy right now" excuse so much. My son finally said "they can't be busy forever mom". I had decided that I would just be honest and try to explain that his friends mom and I are no longer friends. But my son tells everything. So he'd then go to school and try to explain to his bestfriend (and the whole class) what I said to him. And I'm thinking that might cause a bigger problem. So I really have no clue what to do either . . .

I wish you luck, and I hope that you get some really good responses.

Is there a new activity you can start at playdate time? Like this is the new 'homework' time or go to the library or join an activity?

Then you can just explain that the schedules have changed. At least then maybe things will cool off and he can find a new friend?

I would also try to contact the mom and just let her know the contact is not about her and you, but the kids and see if she can meet you halfway. You might have to eat a little crow, but it would be a great example of being the "bigger" person for your child.

If is as petty as you say, perhaps you being the bigger person will allow the playdate to happen and then just let her think she 'won'.

How icky! I was almost where you are and decided perhaps to spread out the time between playdates and it did wonders for me. I wasn't as frustrated about the 'things' and therefore handled it more mature.

What a bummer. Hope it works out!

Hi JB,
I would just be honest. You said your son is very mature so I would explain "his Mommy became angry about something and doesn't want to be around your Mommy anymore so unfortuantely that means we can't see your friend anymore". We just went through this when our friends got a divorce and "Auntie" isn't around. The boys (7 & 9) were hurt but explaining things that sometimes when adults have issues, agruments, divorce, etc it means we can't see them anymore becuase it is too hard. We let them know it is okay to be sad and if they wanted to talk about it that was fine. We also let them know that it had nothing to do with them because they are great friends.
I think it shows a respect to their feelings that we were honest. Kids are bright and know when they are getting the run around.
Best Wishes!