Sil

Some people just prefer friends to family. Accept that your SIL is more into friends than into you. Being relatives doesn't obligate you to be her friend, or her to be yours.

Do you really want her friendship, or do you feel more that you simply expect her to do things with you and invite you over and see you often because she's family? In other words -- if she were not married to your brother, would you really, honestly pursue having her as a close friend based on her own personality, interests, and character? Think hard about that. If you only "generally like her" as you put it, but would not pursue her as a friend if you just met her somewhere and she was not married into the family -- then don't sweat it so hard that she's not putting you first.

Find your own friends, catch up with folks who share your interests and hobbies -- not just those who share your family ties.

If you are sore at the thought that she is getting so close to this woman whom you dislike and whose character you have issues with: You can't control that, and if you go to SIL and try to say, "This is what this woman's really like," SIL is going to choose the friend over you and you will come off as jealous and gossiping, even if you are truly not and are trying to warn SIL. I would leave it all alone. They are adults and you can't change or control them; you can only control your own reactions.

Invite over some other couples you know. Have friends over for a dinner or barbecue. Get to know parents of your kid's friends (or if your child is very young, get to know parents through play groups etc.). Don't waste any more energy on wondering and worrying over "they don't have us over, don't try to go out with us, don't call us." It truly is a waste of energy you can put elsewhere.

Wait it out. I promise you, your former friend's lack of character will show itself. Meanwhile, do what you can, stop looking at Facebook, and invest time into people who invest in you. Be around for the the ---- hits the fan.
This would not be such a problem if it weren't in your face on the computer every day.

People aren't always as close to family members as we think they should be. It hurts but if they wanted to spend more time with you they would, and they are free to hang out with whoever they want, even if you don't think they are good people.
Hide you SIL on FB (you can do this without unfriending her) so you don't have to be subjected to the posts. Invite them over if you want to but don't expect them to return the favor. It sounds like they're just not that into you, sorry :-(

You have to face the fact that your husband's brother and his wife are just "not that into either of you". The truth of it is that while it might be driven by the wife, the brother is equally responsible for it. Perhaps he doesn't care about his brother (your husband).

It would be better if you hid her on FB so that you don't have to read all her remarks about your ex-friend and the ex-gf. There is no written rule that you have to be fb friends with your SIL anyway.

You can't pick her friends, that's for sure. But you also don't have to include them in your lives except for obligatory occasions. Yes, they are family, but family doesn't mean closeness. They obviously don't feel close to either of you.

Try to let go of the jealousy. It will help you a lot if you are able to.

does your SIL have children the same age as yours? I found that to be a HUGE disconnect when my daughter was little. We had a hard time socializing with people who didn't have kids the same age as my daughter because we were just on 2 different playing fields. I didn't want to leave my daughter with a sitter once a week and unless someone else has a baby it's hard to lug your baby all over.

You also can't pick who other people are friends with. So yes, you are being unreasonable and should let it go. You can unfriend your SIL on facebook, but that may affect your relationship with her, so be prepared.

My suggestion is to get some friends that have kids and then you can socialize as a family unit.

Sorry, I think you are being unreasonable. Your SIL gets to choose her own friends, just as you do. And although it's nice to get along with your in-laws, there is no rule that you must be good friends (or even friends at all). Everyone should be polite, but your SIL isn't obligated to be your friend, and you aren't obligated to be hers.

The fact that your SIL's friend is friends with your brother's ex is your brother's problem. If he's fine with that, why wouldn't you be?

If you want to have them over every few months to keep up a cordial relationship, then invite them. If not, then don't. Please don't put so many expectations on this relationship.

Oh, and since it seems to really bother you, change your facebook settings so that her posts don't show up in your newsfeed anymore. No need to un-friend her, just change your settings to see less of her.

People can change a lot in ten years. And people are allowed to spend time with whomever they choose.

I do believe you're being unreasonable. You're entitled to feel disappointed, but the amount of time you're spending thinking about this and being frustrated about it is such a sad waste. It's all ancient history. Forgive and move on. Then spend time with people that want to spend time with you.