Sick of People Saying My Son Looks Nothing like Me!!

My father always had a line he thought was hilarious. Perhaps it will make a good come back for you "well, we know who his father is, but we're not certain about his mother," Maybe just play into it and people will stop commenting. My two little girls resemble neither one of us. Sometimes it bugs.

People are annoying. Tell one big-mouth in the family you are getting tired of the exaggerations and she'll do all the dirty work for you. Trust me, that strategy works ;)

Mine looks nothing like me either. When people say she's gorgeous, I laugh and say I don't feel like I had anything to do with it! Why should it bother me? She's half me, and she DOES look like her dad. I don't understand why it's a problem.

Btw, it's not uncommon for small children to look like their fathers and them grow to look more like their mothers as they age.

I think you have to figure out why this upsets you so much. How essential is it that your child actually look like you, and why is it so vitally important? My son looks nothing like me and totally resembles my husband. But I think my husband is good looking so that's okay.

You can't change them, so why fight them? Does it matter? I'm sure your son has aspects of your personality and is being raised with your values. Isn't that more important?

Use, "I know he got his good looks from his dad and his heart, charm, intelligence and wit from me." (I first put down "manners", but that's not nice. So don't do that.)

Beyond that, they are looking for their side of the family, so just forget about it. Its meaningless dribble. Be concerned about the real meaningful stuff.

Good luck to you and yours.

Hi T.,

Don't feel bad - I don't have a son I have a clone of his father.
He looks just like his dad (my Ex) which sometimes drives me crazy. My friends tell me he looks like me - "well a little" - but I personally don't see it. He has his father's eyes, physical build, and facial expressions. He does have some traits from my father's side of the family - okay, feet mainly.

My son shares my obscure sense of humor and my cynicism, so personality wise we are very similar. But from outward appearances we do not look alike. After 14 years, I just don't worry about it anymore. I know he is mine and he knows I am his.

I actually call him "Clone Boy" sometimes just to drive him crazy. LOL

God Bless

my son is 100% daddy for sure on the outside and everyone sees it there is no denying it and I choose not to be offended by it. If it is any consolation ... my son is 100% me in the attitude department and there is NO denying that.

I totally get this......My SIL and my hubby look very much alike. My babies both look like my hubby 100%. So SHE likes to point out that my kids look just like HER. When she and I are out shopping and someone sees her and my kids, they compliment HER on her beautiful kids....AND she says THANKS, like she's the mom. I've confronted her on this and her only response is "why sit and explain it all to a stranger..its just easier to be polite and say thanks and move on".

Anyway.....I know its a pain, but try to just ignore it. Inlaws are notorious for being huge pains and its just not worth it to let yourself get irritated over their ignorance....But if you're really feeling snarky...you can always point out that while he looks like his side, at the very least he did get YOUR awesome personality and kindness! Yep, there IS a hidden message there...see how long it takes them to figure it out.

Well on the total flip side of what you're dealing with, my son looked EXACTLY like me when he was a baby - he's 4 now and still favors me more, but is starting to show some daddy in him too. Anyway I always got the "wow, who's the real father?" Like over, and over, and over. ha.ha.ha. Talk about getting old - I would have LOVED for someone to say - wow he's all daddy, no wondering about who the dad is there! I mean of course he's my husband's son, but it did bother me after I heard it like 10 million times. So I get you. Try not to worry about it...he will likely start showing some of your traits in the next few years too.

Our daughter always looked like my husband when she was an infant and young child and I was thrilled!
I have no idea why this bothers you. I adore my husband and I love our daughter.

I know she is all ours and the fact that she does not act like either of us, thrills us too.. It totally cracks us up that as my husband says, "We HAVE been an example to our daughter, an example of how NOT to turn out".. Hee, hee.

Children will change all of the time, you are taking things WAY too seriously about this.

I get this a lot, even from people that have only met my husband once or have just seen his picture on facebook. I wish my son looked more like me but so far, no go. I just joke that maybe I should get a maternity test!

Well, aren't your In-Laws irritating and RUDE?!

Ick.

Just ignore them.

My In-Laws, love to say how my kids look like Daddy/my Husband.
BUT they never ever ever, come to visit us.
That is another story.

I just ignore them.
OR my Husband will TELL them, "I think they look like Susan..."
AND, my family, tells me, that my kids look like my Dad. My late Dad.
And I think so too. Even my relatives, say so.
So, that is nice.
My kids, are proud to look like their late Grandpa.

AND, though, no matter if my In-Laws think my kids look like them or my Husband's side of the family.... my kids have MY family's, brains and know how. Even my husband will admit that... he is proud to say 'the kids have your brain and good thinking."

Just IGNORE your In-Laws, they are so rude.
They irritate ME too.
Ick.

My family was saying the same thing about my son. I have the tendency to say something off the wall to their rudeness, and it is rudeness. If they were saying he looked nothing like his daddy, wouldn't you be justified in feeling the rudeness? So I just looked at my son and asked them very seriously if they thought I should get a DNA test? Maybe he's not mine. Oh hahaha, no that's not what we are saying at all. Then what are you saying? and why are you saying it? Of course I didn't say the last part out loud, but I was thinking it. You know after that the comments stopped. Which was a relief.

.

Most people outside of my husbands family will see my daughter and I together and say we look a lot alike. Then they see my husband and say she looks like them. The worst was fairly recently, An old boss who hadn't seen my daughter in awhile kept saying how beautiful she was. She went on and on and finally said, "She looks like (hubby's name). doesn't she?" Kind of like she figured out how on earth I could have given birth to a such a beautiful child. I just paused, letting the awkward silence make her a bit uncomfortable and then said in a pleasant tone, "Yes she does."

I feel your pain. Everytime a child was born everyone would say of that's definitely a "Smith" baby. All Smith...my two sister-in-laws and I got so tired of people saying that, like we had no part in the making of the child!

I got my sweet baby boy and he is all me!!! I love it. :)

I don't have any idea why it feels insulting, but it does. You are not alone. Just remind them that he may look just like dad, but he gets his smarts from your side of the gene pool! LOL

You could say, "You're right! But, interestingly enough, he DOES bear some resemblance to the woman I hired to give birth to him"

I think we're sensitive to this because in many families, there is some competition and /or negativity with the "in-laws", meaning that we'd interpret a comment like that as "he's OUR boy (has OUR looks)" rather than YOURS. I'm sure, in some families, they do mean it this way, which of course, would grate on the nerves even more...

If it's innocent enough, yeah, you probably just need to let it roll off. If you think they're trying to get at you intentionally, maybe it's worth just saying, nicely, that it bugs you. If they care about how you feel, they'll reign it in.

Let it go . . . this ones not worth your time and energy. His family is giddy that their grandson looks like their little boy. My son also looks like my husband and I hear similar comments, especially from my mom!

It's true! they DO look like their dads! it's not just you:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/22/health/22real.html

"The authors offered an evolutionary explanation for their findings: the phenomenon is a natural paternity test.

A father, unlike a mother, cannot always be sure a baby is his. If he spots a resemblance, the authors argued, he will know the child is his and will be more likely to protect and care for it, benefiting both mother and baby.

Another study, published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior in 2003, seems to support this. "

i laugh at this in a good way...as I get that all the time. Especially from friends who NEVER met my ex and meet my son for the first time. They go "WOW, he looks so much like his dad" mind you, they only have seen pictures of my ex. My ex is a good looking guy and im not bad myself, lol. As much as I dislike the ex, I personally can't see his father in him and I see him every day. However, look at pictures, yes I can see a lot of similiarities.

What gets me is when our son was born, he had red hair and VERY blue eyes. My exs genes are very dom and his siblings all have kids who look like dad to the T. Imagine being a father, seeing your child with red hair and blue eyes, when his side is all brown hair, brown eyes! He immediately asked me, you sure this kid is mine and not the mail man? Lol

He has a lot of me in him...hair, eyes, face, teeth, skin, body structure, toes, hands and he DEF has my personality and goofiness. Now I know he isnt a hugger or lover, and that is all dad there. haaaaa! Bummer, cause I love hugs and kisses, he doesn't, just like his father. grrrrr....

Embrace the differences. Know in your heart, you helped great half this miracle. Just because he doesn't look like you now, doesn't mean he wasn't a splitting image of you as a newborn, as my son was a spliting image of me just a few days old. It was fun comparing my newborn pics to his. Made me smile!

Lastly, let the comments roll off your shoulders. Or come back with a comment that makes them stop and think before they say it again.

Have fun with it ;) at their expense haahaa...inlaws, sheesh!

I get that too. My kids have my bone structure and facial features, but since they have their daddy's eye and hair color everyone always says how they look just like him and nothing like me. People just see what they want to see, so learn to ignore it, or say "he does, but he's got my nose!"

I rememeber going to a festival for winter and some carolors came over and sang to myself my hubby and two kids at the very end one of the guys singing says I have to ask. When did they perfect cloning because that boy is an exact replica of his dad! LOL we get this a lot with our son and man he is spitting image just blond not black haired. LOL I know where you are coming from your little one must still be very young. It gets better...well sort of!

Too bad it's not the other way around. You could say "His dad must have been the mail man!" LOL! My husband and I have that joke all the time! Seriously though, it is rude that they say it repeatedly and insist there is none of you in there! I'm sure I would be irritated too. People who know me, say our girls look like me. People who know my husband say they look like him. I think next time I would say, "well, I gave birth to him!" or "Yup, ____(husbands name) carried him for 9 months and birthed him all by himself!" and then walk away. I'm kinda snarky though! Sorry there's no better advice!

Your son must look like the 'spittin' image' of his dad for you to receive so many unsolicited remarks. I would totally let this go. Dad has some strong genes. Come back with something that is you....your intelligence, personality, your kind heartedness....

When my daughter was very small, my mother would pick her up and say "Oh my! She looks JUST LIKE ME!" Then she'd spend the next few days digging up old baby photos of herself as a child to compare. My husband's father did nearly the same thing. After she was born, everyone was claiming the child looked like them and no one else. It was a bit obnoxious but they got over it as soon as she got old enough to drive them nuts. Then it was... "She's just like her father isn't she?" or "She sure didn't get that from OUR side of the family..."

People are silly. Just sit back and watch them some time.

Like monkeys in a cage...

At least they don't say what my mom said to me once, "How in the world did you and hubby create such gorgeous children?"

Family...gotta just love them more sometimes!

Good luck.

I have an 18 year old son and a 14 year old daughter, who both are the spitting image of me. And for as long as I can remember and still today everyone tells me ex-husband (their dad) that they look nothing like him but all me. I am sure if the table was turned around it would bother me also. But it never bothered my ex. His reponse has always been and still is, "yeah aren't they beautiful?" After 4 1/2 years of being divorced, he still tells me I gave him beautiful children. It does not matter who they look like. Just that they are all beautiful.

Grrr. People.
My DS looks a lot like myself AND DH. But he has red hair (we do not). My IL's are always telling me how much he looks like them. Specifically like my MIL's fam. Um, no! He is a million times cuter than them.
Maybe that is why I get so annoyed.

It annoys you because it IS a dig on you. It just is.

Help? Well...like me you could say things that just make you look silly. "I was looking at my baby photos and he actually looks A LOT like ME!" or "my G-ma had reddish hair!" Lol. ;)

Or you can just smile. And bite your tongue.

I mean, I honestly don't even want my kids to look too much like me as I am no beauty queen...I think it is just constantly being removed from the equation that wears on me. Like they would be super happy if I disappeared...mostly because I don't want to hand over my parenting duties.

There is no easy answer...but I wish you peace. Peace to not let it drive you up the wall. :)

T., I feel like I wrote this myself. I am in the same boat. I hear this constantly from my husband's family. It doesn't help that he has over 15 aunts/ uncles & then of course all the cousins that go with it. Any xmas, easter, july4, thanksgiving event, I hear this no less than 10x and that is probably an understatement. While I have no solution, just know you are not alone. I love my husband & yes she looks like him ( definitely not 100%) it is still hurtful. We are only human & our feelings do get hurt.

Most of my nieces and nephews look nothing like my sisters, so we're used to it. The really funny thing and is more like a bad joke is that my son doesn't look like either one of us, yet people keep telling me how much my son looks like both of us. They keep telling me they can see exactly where the resemblance is. Hubby and I can't, so we joke about taking home the wrong baby, even though, we know that our son is definately ours. He's exactly half hubby/half me, which makes him not look like us. People, who don't know him think he's hispanic....but then again, we've had people walk up to my hubby and start speaking Spanish. They think he's from Mexico....Jokes on them, hubby's from China. Our son doesn't have Daddy's jet black hair or Mommy's light brown hair...He has dark brown hair. Our son doesn't have a creasless nose like Daddy or a big nose like Mommy....He has a perfect little nose. The point is that they are their own individuals, so it's ok not to look like their parents.

If it helps, I have two kids. One looks exactly like my husband and the other looks like I did when I was young, which is absolutely nothing like either of us now. We are all dark hair and dark skin while she is blonde and fair skin. We hear comments from strangers and comments from family members about how she can't possibly belong to my husband because there's no way we can end up with a child who looks like her. It's extremely hurtful. Our son even had a friend (who I'm assuming heard comments from his mom) that his sister wasn't really his sister, and he was crushed. We've just learned to ignore the ignorant people who say things simply to be hurtful. However, I don't think they are trying to be hurtful. They probably just don't know anything else to say.

I completely understand! I get that alot too. It is very annoying. The way I have dealt with it is to say, well---your right, he is so darn cute, he looks just like his daddy- but it took half of me to make him too! You may not see me in him, but just you wait...he has my personality! :) Or something to that effect. Don't let them win-- be happy that he does look like daddy and not look like either one of you--- then people go and say oh, is he yours? He doesn't look like you etc. UH~! Hugs to you and hope you can let these comments roll off your back. His family sounds immature and really insecure because they want him to look just like their son. Let them have their pride--- you can have yours too!

M

T. relax your boy is half of you so he may not look like you but as he grows you will see your personality come out in him. Looks aren''t everything either. My kids have my metabolism which is not a good thing girl lol. You are right you shouldn't let this get to you that is silly, he is a part of you you helped create him don't ever forget that. Have a great day

I would simply respond "Yeah, but he clearly got the politness/smartness etc. gene from my family." Fill in whatever feels like a relaxed comeback to you.
You probably feel rejected by his family, which is why you are responding to something so small at the face of it. So explore that aspect further and I suspect this will stop bothering you very soon.

I totally get it - one of my sons looks nothing like either of us - he looks like my mother: blond hair, blue eyes, petite frame... I am dark hair, brown eyes and a larger frame (I look like my dad). My husband has dark hair and hazel eyes. We hear that all the time and just laugh. Funny thing is the older one resembles both of us and the two do look like brothers... Don't worry - enjoy your son and let the rude comments roll off your back. They most likely just want to see their family member (your husband) in your son. He also may change as he gets older - it has happened! :)

Yeah, I'm in the same boat. My son is like a little clone of my husband in most ways, but that doesn't mean I was just a womb!! I think all families do this. And they always talk about the similarities that have carried over on THEIR side.
My Mother-in-law: Oh, he [son] looks just like his daddy! It's uncanny!
Me: Yup.
My Mother: Oh, she [daughter] looks just like you! It's uncanny!
Me: Yup.
I guess in my case it helps that my daughter is like looking at a picture of myself at her age. So I just let them do their thing. I can totally see why it bothers you but they're not going to concur with you if you suggest he has any similarities to you. Might as well just agree with them and keep truckin'. If they sense that it bugs you they might just do it MORE!

Maybe your next one will look just like you! My kids look like me sometimes and then they grow and change and look like their dad- So he'll look like you some time even if he favors his dad more.
Could be worse- I just had #6 and so many people have commented on how he looks just like all my other kids- this wouldn't be bad of course, except when they say it- they all sound really surprised and shocked! :) I would think they would be more shocked if he didn't look like the others! hahah! :)
~C.

My oldest is like a clone of my husband, so I got that a lot with him. I love that he looks just like the man I am madly in love with! My second looks just like me, so now all I hear is how much he looks like me!

I wouldn't get too upset, I'm sure they aren't doing it just to hack you off or anything. My first son doesn't look a thing like me and yes it's somewhat dissapointing, but he's all daddy from head to toe.

My second son looks like me from head to toe!

See, it all evens out!!! :)

just relax lol. I get this too EVERYONE says my son is a mini version of my hubby. Even stranger say this, but the thing is, if you hold up pics of me at my sons current age we look so much alike. ( he has my baby curls. The ones that are just in the back. my cowlick. my "elf" ears) but no one seems to notice that. My mom goes through the same thing. My siblings and I look nothing like her, we are copies of my dad. when people say "wow he looks just like his daddy." to me about my son I always laugh and say "yeah we're still hoping he will grow out of that."

I don't think people are trying to be rude or thinking that their comments are hurting your feelings. My thought would be "So what if my kid doesn't look like me" but I guess I am not the best person to say since if you put a bunch of kids and a bunch of parents in a room, you could match my kids up to me. My oldest is a combination of us but my son is pretty much all me. And it DOES make hubby a little crazy, he wants to believe the kids totally look like him :)
If it bothered me, I'd be the type to make a snarky comment in return.

Eh, you're going to have to just let this one go. If you think you might feel better by shutting them up, try, "Well, I'm sure glad our son looks like his Daddy, I'd hate the thought of him looking so much like me that everyone thought he was a girl. That would sure be confusing for him!" & that ought to do the trick. I know what you mean about being disappointed a little bit that you are the one who went through the work of carrying him & giving birth to him & you see almost nothing of yourself there, it happened to me with our son, too. But, 17 months later we had a little girl & she looks an awful lot like me, poor baby, lol!

I don't think their intent is to be rude. Families do that in a "proud" sort of way. They just aren't observant enough to see your features in your son because the are having so much fun looking for signs of their own family. :)

I find it odd that you think this is rude. They are probably just trying to be cute and if my son or daughter had a child that looked just like them, I would be tickled as a grandmother!

My kids all look JUST LIKE their dad, and people say the exact same things to me, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I soak it up that everyone gets such a kick out of the kids looking just like daddy.

There are much better things to get upset about. Let this go.....really. Be glad for your husband that he gets this attention. My husband eats it up.

hahaha okay I feel your pain. But in a different way. My husband and I both have dark brown hair, and our youngest is a total cottontop. I think once a week, at least someone still asks "where did that hair come from?" Honestly who knows for sure. My sons great grandma appearently had hair his color when she was little. Genes are a funny thing. HUGS!

How about this one - everyone remarks that our baby looks just like my brother. Talk about creepy implications. Hubby takes heart though in saying that as most of his family is abroad, there aren't many here who would recognize that actually baby also has a strong resemblance to his brother.

People will always chime in with their two cents. Just smile and say something like "isn't he a handsome boy."

I understand your frustration.

I get that all the time! and it drives me nuts too, because it's our first, and i would have liked it if my son looked like me too instead he's 100 percent like daddy, aahh

I get that too only most people say how much my daughter looks like her older brother. I don't see it. All I used to see is her father. There was a time I thought she was switched at birth because I could see ANYTHING resembling my side of the family...except brown curly hair.

I watch her sleep every night and study her face. For the longest time all I saw was her father until one night I noticed she has the same eyebrows as I do (before I started plucking them). That made me feel better.

It'll take some time. Facial expressions and appearances change over time.

Seriously? They type all that??? When I see someone who has a son and the son obviously does look like daddy, I have to admit, I do say that their son is "all daddy" or "obviously takes after daddy" but that's it -- because that's the truth. I don't make the extra effort to point out that the son looks nothing like my friend. I actually think that people like hearing that their little boys take after their father and little girls take after their mothers but I definitely wouldn't point out that it appeared that mom and dad had nothing to do with the creation of their child. That's really odd.

Anyway, I guess if it were me and if it is only one or two people saying it, I wouldn't get into it. What they are saying is really just words hanging in the air. They only have as much power as you are allowing them to have in your life. If you take the point of view that it is really none of your concern that other people think and say, and allow for the fact that people can be very tactless and that is something that will be their lesson to learn, you won't take what they say to heart so much. It will be easier for you to downgrade their words to what they really are -- just a bunch of noises hanging in the air. Not all things are with the time an energy fight about.

Just my own opinion.

Eh- brush it off. Isn't worth it. My daughter is an exact replica of me...the only things she got from my husband are her lobed ears and long eyelashes. My son doesn't really look like either of us -- more like my parents and my hubby's dad as kids (blonde where we are both brunette, with those same long eyelashes but a more heartshaped face). I can't wait to see if this 3rd baby (due in a week) looks like us :) His family is his family and they will continue to see "him" in your son and make comments. Being hurt or bothered by them is just hurting yourself....don't sweat the small stuff :)