Siblings Hurting Each Other

I had similar issues with my two, and the best recommendations I got were to spend some serious one on one time everyday with the offending child. Also, violence begets violence, so spanking or being aggressive with him will simply add fuel to the fire. I know it's a rough time, but it gets better!

You can separate the boys and give them each separate activities. When you are doing laundry, the 3 yr old can stand with you and help put clothes in the washer. When cooking ,or helping your oldest with homework, he can color at the table. The problem lies when he is unsupervised with his little brother. He is definitely old enough to understand that this is not appropriate behavior, teach him ways to gently play with his little brother. Teach him empathy and respect. Be firm and consistent in his discipline. Have plenty of one on one time with each child. Easier said than done, so be creative about it. Curtail the superhero stuff for a while.

Dr. Sears is an expert in the field and he has some good discipline recommendations here:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior

as well as approaching the hitting issue here:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavio...

sibling rivalry:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-beh...

Ditto Momma L's excellent answer. Your 3.5 yo has demonstrated he cannot be trusted when unsupervised, he should no longer be allowed to be.

I had a problem with my nephew and my little guy, who is now 2.5. He would cry or scream or have mysterious injuries, couldn't tell me anything, but his cousin knew nothing and he was the only one with him. We even had to take a trip to the ER last year for stitches because he fell and split his forehead open, but my nephew, the only witness, couldn't tell us what happened, and he was 9 at the time. We stopped allowing the boys to be alone anymore, and magically the crying and injuries to my guy stopped.

When he turned 2 it all changed as he can now tell on his nephew, who's getting away with less and less.

Think of something to do now before something serious happens. While babysitting my 6 year old nephew and 3 month old niece. I leave the baby on the carpet on a blanket...go to the kitchen to fix her bottle...walk back in...the 6 year old was sitting on his sisters butt with both of her tiny arms pulled up behind her...riding her like a horse. She didn't get hurt...thank God...but I told his Mom to never trust him alone with the baby. I learned my lesson.

I agree with Momma L as well. This is an opportunity for you to spend some really good time with your 3yr old. He is probably aching for it anyway, and has found a really good way to get your attention, making the baby cry!
He is now your little buddy, your shadow, your helper.... He will be by your side at all times, this is not a punishment, it is a teaching moment (or lots of teaching moments).
Imagine the pride he will feel when you tell him you need his help with all your difficult chores - he is such a big boy that he can put all the forks and spoons away all by himself! He is so smart that he will be able to sort his clothes from his brothers' and yours! Now imagine the peace you will feel at the end of the day when maybe your chores weren't done quite as quickly or effeciently as you had expected, but your kids behaved and no one got hurt, and you realize that you actually enjoyed your spunky son instead of dreading what tomorrow will bring.
The other two will probably also want to get in on the helpfulness, it will open up a whole new world for you! I can't tell you how many wonderful conversations have come up when doing "chores" together with my kids. My son has found that he has so much knowledge to pass onto his little sister; and it is so much more pleasant to watch him teach her the difference between the salad forks and the dinner forks than it is to do it myself and listen to them bicker over a toy in the other room.

if you do not take the time to properly teach your son "how" to behave....then who will?

It's your job, it's part of being mom. Your 3.5yo has now proven that he cannot be trusted. Do not wait to address these issues or you will end up at the ER with your baby.

Momma L had great suggestions.....I hope you begin using them! Peace.

We went through this when my youngest was this age. First, we stopped all super hero parafernalia for a while. That calmed him down. No Star Wars, no Superman or Batman, SpiderMan or Iron man for a few months. That curtailed the initial hitting real fast.

My intuition says he is doing it on purpose. You need to get him involved in the chores. Have him carry some of the wash for you, help you with some other things. Yes, it will take longer, but he will get the one on one time he is craving and your little ones get some peace!

I have the same issue currently, with my 3.3 year old son and my 1.2 year old daughter. He plays aggressively with her and constantly jacks things from her and makes her furious and she cries. What I do is keep her with me at all times, unless I am able to sit and watch the both of them. She fusses at times because she wants to stay and play with her brother, but it is easier for me to have her follow me through the house than have to come running to try and trouble shoot and crying baby girl and a 3 year old boy who looks innocent after the fact. I figure as she grows the tables will turn and he will be the one crying. Lol!!