Siblings

Do nothing. They will get over it on their own. Or not. But you cant push or pull they have to want too. And they will eventually.

I'm right with you! My 11 and 9 year old sons do the same thing. Here's what we're doing. It seems to be helping.

Sit them down and explain that if they choose not to get along, that's their business. You'd like them to be friends, but you can't make them. Then tell them that their fighting is disturbing the peace and quiet of the house. In effect, they're disrupting YOU! Either make a chart with 4-6 boxes (depending on how often they fight) or cut out "tickets" in a different color for each of them. Then explain that if their disargreements get loud enough to bother you (or your husband) you'll "X" a box or take a ticket FOR BOTH OF THEM. The first time you do so equals 15 minutes on their bed doing nothing. The second = 30 minutes. The next 2-3 result in a "coveted privilege" taken away (going to a friend's, playing outside, watching their favorite program on TV, etc). If they get all boxes checked or lose all their tickets, they're grounded to their room for the rest of the day, and go to bed one hour early.

The goal is to teach both of them that they have a part in the argument, whether or not they started it, and motivate them to settle it on their own. You're job is to stay out of it (other than taking tickets or making checks etc) and let them learn how to deal with it. I'd throw "tattling" about a sibling dispute in also.

It might seem harsh, but you need to avoid being the referee. I wish I could take credit for the idea, but you can thank John Rosemond, Christian therapist.

The only other thing I would add is having them (and maybe all the other kids) have a prayer time together each morning where they pray for their sibling's prayer requests. The only rule is that they have to ask for prayer for something about themselves, not for a sibling to STOP doing something to them, likewise not for a sibling to specifically treat them a particular way. For example, I've told my kids to pray that they become less selfish so they don't argue with their brothers over "things". It takes the focus off how their circumstances affect them, and onto how they react to them.

Hope it helps. God bless!

I have a 9 and 11 year old girl. They fight all the time to. I just have to discipline them how I see fit, depending on how bad it gets. I don't know that there's a cure for this or not. I've been told it will just get worse. I have 2 sisters myself, and we fought all the time until we were out of high school. I think we were a little jealous of each other. I can't remember now what my mom did. We just matured and got over it. If you get any advice that works, let me know!!

You must pray for your children, pray that they become closer and let God guide their relationship! It is the only way.

When my 3 girls were that age, they had to hold hands if they were fighting (or sit in a chair with their arms around each other), these consequences always came with a talk about respecting each other and using indoor voices.

I would also try to spend individual time with each one.

Sometimes their personalities are just so different that they don't have a lot in common, however, they can still learn to treat each other with respect. When there was an issue and they had to hold hands or arms around each other for an allotted amount of time, I would ask each one if they would like to be treated the way they were treating the other and then I would make them apologize to each other.

Your other posts are correct, there is no quick fix to this problem...all siblings fight. They will grow out of some of it, however, mine are 14, 16 and 21 now and still have their moments.

They are old enough to start working together on their problems. I taught school for 10 years before I had kids. At their ages, that behavior is common. However, it is a good time for you to give them the tools to work things out on their own. For example, when a student would come to me and say "Johnny hit me.", I would say "Johnnie, come here. Greg needs to talk to you." I would then have Greg tell Johnnie what he did and how it bothered him, stopped his learning etc. Often Johnnie would then say "well, he.... [did something to him]. I would then say "You need to tell him what he did that bothered you." I would model and teach them to work things out on their own. You can give them the power to handle their own problems and take away the power of handing off their problems to the parent. Sometimes when my own children are bickering constantly, I make them hold hands and not let go. In order to accomplish anything, they must then work together because each has one hand they cannot use. They eventually either get tickled at the ridiculousness or start cooperating so that they can get away from each other. Good luck!

Gayla, I had to chuckle about the post but you're not alone! Hubby & I are raising a second family & the girls are 6 & just turned 13.....here we go again! It's just the way their personalities are...! I schedule a "day out" with each of them seperately then on a special day we'll go shopping or out for a coke...just "quiet" time together...I know it's madning but it's life...! Good luck!

my mother had the same problem with my sister and I when we were young. she found things that we both liked to do and we all did them together. she also found things that we each liked separately and she did those things with us separately so that we had alone time. and when we still got upset with each other, she would ask if we wanted a pair of boxing gloves and said, "if not, then stop argueing and work it out."
needless to say, we worked it out and my sister and I are good friends now.
Good luck!!

My children went through a spell of fussing and I explained to them that it hurt me terribly when they didn't get along because I loved them both so much and each one was a part of me. I would not let a stranger talk to them ugly and I didn't want them to talk ugly to each other either. If they didn't want to be nice to each other because they were brother and sister, to please do it for me because they loved me. It helped a ton. I had to remind them occasionally to please be nice FOR ME.

G.,
I have 7 children so understand the issues with a large family. My 12 and 14 yo girls do the bickering thing. They both can't stand it if they don't get the last word in. I've noticed the ones that bicker are usually the ones right next to each other in age. Something Kevin Leman, a Christian family psychologist, recommended was if the bickering is to get your attention simply put the offending children in a different room with some ground rules like no physical touching and no yelling and tell them not to come out until they have the problem solved. That you know they are mature enough to work it out. That puts the responsibility on their shoulders and takes the attention factor away. And it is a maturity and usually a selfishness problem. At least that's what I've found with my children. I highly recommend Leman's books. He promotes what he calls reality discipline. You can find them for half price on half.com or amazon.com. One of my favorites is Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours or it might be How To Make Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Welcome to the club! Siblings fight all the time - that's how they learn about relationships.

I have 4 sons that do nothing but argue and fight. I try not to get involved unless there is blood.

My best advice - let nature take it's course. They will grow out of it. Earplugs help, too. (LOL)

All kids do that and they start out doing at a younger age than your girls and it just gets worsse as they get older. All i can suggest for you to do is explain to them that no matter what one does you will never like one more tahn the other so they are wasting their time competing for your attention, because you are always going to give them both the same amount of attention as the other. Then again, siblings are going to fight when they are young anyway, hopefully they will grow out of it as they grow older but my best friend is 30 and her sister is 31 almost 32 and they still fight with each other just not as much as when they were younger. So like i said in some cases it stops when they get a certain age, and sometimes it never stops it just slows down or they just learn to stop fighting over everything and just over personal things or over personality conflicts. I hope you the best of luck with your daughters.

Letting the girls handle this themselves is a terrible idea in my opinion! This relationship is SO important and things that are said and done now could possibly carry over into adulthood. I have an older sister who said & did 'typical' sibling things & it bothered me for a long time. I didn't care what anyone else thought about me but it was different w/her. We didn't become 'friends' until she moved out & married. You obviously have to pick and choose what argument to get involved in but still..get involved. I agree with some of the responses to individually do things with the girls. If going out separately is too much-maybe have beauty shop night--one do your hair-one do your make-up--take pics. Let them help you cook--one stir-one pour--you get it. The 9yr old needs to feel just as important as the 11yr old. It is going to be challenging but it is worth it to salvage a sisterhood. I've heard too many times-siblings who don't speak. Luckily my sis and I have figured out how to be the best of friends. Sometimes it still requires work & we are 36 & 32 but I couldn't imagine not having her to call and share the good & bad! Good luck Mom! I'll be praying for you all!! ~L. C.

My sister and I are three years apart and we fought constantly when we were kids. Our personalities were just so different that we never agreed on anything.
As long as blows weren't being exchanged, my mom would just tell us to take it outside because she didn't want to hear it.
They'll grow out of it - my sister and I still have very different personalities, but as we became adults, we learned to appreciate each other for the person the other was, instead of being frustrated that she wasn't more like me, or me more like her.

I have the same age girls and have the same problems, except add six boys to the noise!