Sibling Riverlry

I know most people don't do books but seriously the book Siblings Without Rivalry saved my life.

And bizarrely helped me be a better manager.

Book Recommendation: Siblings Without Rivalry

It has some good ideas

My kids are 6 and 10.
My son is 6 and my daughter is 10.
For the most part, they really get along. They actually like each other.

BUT since they were very young, I TAUGHT them, the cues of the other child and taught my kids to speak up. ie: if they want to play by themselves, say so. Nicely. If they are not in a mood to play, say so. IF the other sibling is grumpy, leave him/her alone. Don't irk a person when you KNOW they are not in the mood.
So now, my kids... know, each other and their cues.
And they know when to back off or not.
And they know they can tell me too.
No sibling, HAS TO play together all the time nor be in each others face.
And sure my kids have their friends and lots of play dates.
That is not the point.
The point is, to know each other and their cues. Just like Spouses.

I also suggest reading Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

I don't have to deal with this yet since I just have one right now,but I have 3 siblings and when we used to fight my mom would have us sit on the couch with our arms around each other until we stopped. :) it's funny now when we look back, but of course at the time it was torture! Haha

Haven't read the responses yet - I'm about to - but I wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat! 10 and 8, and one day they even had two fights from the school door to the car to go home. You're not alone.

If she hits him, tell him to hit her back. She is taking advantage of the fact that she is smaller than him and a girl and using his reluctance to fight back to act like a little bully.
If she's big enough to dish it out, she needs to be big enough to take it.
I daresay he won't have to hit her back more than once or twice before hitting loses its appeal for her.

I have four kids. Two in college and one in middle school and the other a seven year old. My rules for my son are no hitting girls. He knows this. Knows its wrong. His lovely lil sister knows he would get into trouble if he hit her back. she hits him over and over again . One time she hit him he tripped over something and hair line fracture on his foot. She felt horrible. I have since put in place a new rule without telling her. Her brother is now allowed to hit her back.

end results she hit him twice LOL first time her face was priceless. He didnt use full force but enough to get her attention and send her running to me. When he didnt get into major trouble for hitting her back she tried once more. Found out it wasnt a joke on her hasnt hit him again!! He knows no more hitting her but she doesnt know it :)

I got really tired of hearing him yell cause she kept hitting him and getting away with it as he said. It stopped really really quick! well worth it :)

I am wondering what the consequences are when your daughter hits or kicks her brother. In my mind there should be no discussion. She already knows you don't approve. If she does it then immediately she should be sent to her room. Then use a little "Love and Logic" and tell her she should not worry but stay in her room until you decide on a consequence. Take away her favorite thing! For example if t.v. is her favorite thing you can take t.v. away for a day, and tell her next time it will be for 3 days, 5 days or a week. There WILL be a next time and you must follow through. No more warnings.

If you've tried all this already then I'd say a little Family Counseling might be in order.