How do I stop the sibling rivalry? Both my girls are very good girls and so loving, listen well, such a joy…till they are together…then it feels like WW III. They fight over toys, one has something the other one didn’t want until they seen the other playing with it. They each want to be the “first” at everything, you name it they argue about it. They fight over the color plate at dinner, the color car seat. A lot of time my youngest will def instigate and egg on her sister. My oldest will “acquire” the younger one squinkies or other smaller toys and ill find them hidden in her room. They do get along for a few hours and do play dress up and such but this is getting to be very draining and I feel like a referee half the time. I will also point out at church they are loving on each other, hugging and playing with each other’s hair…everyone around them says how cute they are…if they only knew LOL
My girls are 3 and 6
My mom used to make me and my sister sit in the living room and hold hands when we'd fight. We maybe squabbled at first, pinched each other, and cried but in no time at all we were laughing. All siblings fight at one point or another.
My sister and I are 4 years apart. Here is the problem from an older child's point of view. The 3 year old can't do some of the things or even play with some of the things the 6 year old can. The 6 year old is expected to do and be a certain kind of way because she is the oldest. She can't even defend herself from the assaults of the 3 year old because that is the baby. No one can upset the baby. Meanwhile the baby is just trying to be more or less like the older child who gets to do and play with all the cool stuff.
Solution, have a third child and the baby will become the middle child and will change into a peace maker between the new baby and the oldest child. This will only be the dynamic if a boy isn't born, if you have a boy then all bets are off because he will then be the baby in the family and the only boy. He will become the little prince and the girls will still fight.
Just kidding about the solution but not the dynamics.
They need to learn conflict resolution. How do you teach them that? How do you teach them how to respect privacy and another persons stuff? How do you encourage them to do more of the right things and discourage them from doing the wrong thing? I can't answer that for you but it takes a load of weapons in your mommy arsenal to do this task. What rules are in place and have been established so you aren't always creating disciplines as you go along. It should be established before hand so they know that if they physically fight the punishment will be x, y, and/or z. You also need a mystery punishment for reserve.
One of my favorite punishments for children is to make them stand in the middle of the floor, extend their arms like the lower case letter t and just stand there with their arms out. They are not permitted to put their arms down until I give them permission. It is painful but definitely worked and works on my kids. My youngest is 15.
I hope this helps but pouring more quantity and quality time into the girls individually can help too. Also perhaps having a designated day of the week were you all play a board game together will help as well. The person who does the best at getting along will get the chance to pick the game.
Again you know what works on your children. You and them will be fine but it does take time.
My girls are doing the same thing and it's driving me nuts! I try to let them work it out because we'll be dealing with this for the rest of their lives. I know it's just a phase and it will get better. They're going to hate each other some days and love each other the rest. I'm looking forward to my oldest starting kindergarten. Being away from each other should help. I'm hoping for the best. Just be sure you get a break too. Good luck.
My girls are 6 and 7... they could be fighting each other to the death, but if I separate them, they cry for each other! Who DOES that?!
My mom used to put my younger brother and I, we're 23 months apart, in the same room and say 'duke it out, I'm over it, whoever cries first, loses'...
It worked. A LOT.
The best was when one of us would seriously hurt the other (THAT part isn't the best), but then we'd be like 'oh no! Don't tell mom! It's okay, c'mere'... and make each other feel better. Lesson learned ;)
You don't have to go to that extreme ;)
Now, if my daughters are arguing, I ask 'are you tattling?'... they say yes, so I say 'Then I'm not listening'... and walk away. I really don't tolerate that ____@____.com, I wouldn't have any hair left from pulling it all out if I intercepted every fight and didn't let them resolve some on their own.
Usually I make them figure it out themselves. I, too, can't stand tattling! When I get sick of it because they won't stop, I make them do extra chores. I don't mind being the bad guy!
You can't stop it! It is going to happen no matter what!! I deal with the exact same thing! My daughter is 6 and then I have two sons that are 4 and 2. My daughter plays with my 4 year old son and they get into it all the time. What made me laugh was when you said that your daughter will acquire things and hide them in her room. My daughter does the same thing! If I see it in there I put it back in my sons room. There will probably be rivalry even when they get older but it may be a little bit less severe. I wouldn't know about it because I am an only child so I really don't know what it feels like to have to fight for attention or for toys or whatever the case may be. Sometimes I feel like I am yelling at them to stop all day! Some days are worse than others.
I am 31, my sisters are 30&26, and we still argue, fight, and must be first at everything... We still do things (intentionally) that we know will annoy the other...It is just what sisters do :)
