Sibling Rivalry / Constant Competition and Comparison

Yikes, sounds irritating to say the least but I recommend trying not to foster your feelings of frustration. I think that only compounds things because he picks up on the fact he is rubbing you the wrong way and it makes him feel even less secure perhaps. The less secure he feels than the more annoying he will act. It can be a vicious circle for him that I would try and help him break. Try and take the emotional element out of it for you and just keep talking him through it. I wonder if finding an activity for him that he might be good at. Maybe he is already in some type of class but if not maybe some type of swimming lesson, or martial art, or art class that only he does and not his sister. We all have bouts of insecurity and he is going through one. I would put into words for him what you think he might be feeling... "you know it can be hard sometimes having a sibling and that you know he sometimes feels left out or not as good." Tell him that the two of you are going to work on making him feel better about himself and that you guys will figure it out. Good luck!

He is feeling a bit displaced by a younger sibling. They are close in age and that adds to it, my two oldest are 17 mo apart so I tried to keep my oldest from feeling left out by having him help me with the baby, calling her his baby. I also would say "Who's my favorite 3 year old?" and they would both yell "Jarrod!" then I would say "Now who's my favorite 2 year old?" They would answer "Cassie!" They always got to be my favorite and when my youngest came along 4 years later we added him in to the favorites. You might try a day out with just your son, every child needs a mommy and me time and also a daddy and me time. When he askes if his sister is being naughty when he is just a way to pull the attention into a different direction... kind of like changing a subject when you don't like what is being said, so just say "Not at this time" and go back to discussing his behavior. When he wants to wear clothes to match his sister, just have him help pick out the clothes for both of them without making a big deal out of it. Work on catching him doing things well and mature. Say "My, look how big you are. You are doing that very well!" The asking what about mine when you say something nice on child's picture will always get any child to want something nice said about their's too. It isn't false praise if you find something nice to say about each of them, even if it is "I love the way you chose colors to make it unique."

Most of all remember that he loves his sister a lot or he would be hitting her and being mean to her when he was feeling left out instead of wanting to be like her so make sure you tell him often how he is a wonderful big brother.

Well -----when he emulates her good behavior then -yes-continue to reinforce this-try to enlist his help with chores and such that little sis is too young to do-and that will set him apart from her and may help reduce the competition. Remember, too, a lot of what you are dealing with is nature-not nuture.

I also agree with what others have posted, and, particularly, that he is feeling displaced by his younger sister. She probably hasn't been able to color for long, so, until now, he's been the only one receiving the praise.

I also agree what others have said in that he can sense your hostility towards him; heck, I could sense it in your post. So, really watch that and give him some one-on-one mommy time as much as possible.

And, something that I learned from the book, "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline," is to not give praise all the time. Give objective statements, and allow them to internalize the praise. So, you say "YOU PICKED UP ALL YOUR TOYS" or "YOU COLORED WITH PINK, BLUE AND PURPLE." And, let him/her think "I did a great job!" It takes the focus away from pleasing you and on the good behavior.

Lastly, I can't say enough good things about the book "Siblings Without Rivalry." It has such great, easy tips to make life with children who are close in age so much more bearable for everyone.

Good luck!

He's getting to the age that he can start learning to self evaluate. Instead of giving false praise, too much praise, or making him a praise junkie, Try to sometimes catch him before he asks for praise. Ask him a lot of questions like what do you like best about that picture you drew? Why did you use a lot of red? "tell me about what you built with blocks, why did you ... what do you like best?" You can respond to his questions with "what do you think?" "do you think you were behaving nicely, why or why not?" You can do it for the little one with yes no questions instead of giving her a compliment say "Is Janie being good?" she'll know from the sound of your voice that the answer is Yes, if she doesnt respond encourage her to say yes by nodding, if she isnt being good you can ask the same thing with a different tone of voice and without the smile "is Janie being nice to brother?" His questions should require more than a yes or no. Just keep answering his questions with a question (good practice for age four the year of the questions) Your mantra can be "what do you think? and You tell me. for the clothes always give a choice of two shirts, so he's feeling in control, and you could try asking "do you want to dress in jeans like little sister today, or dress in pants like Daddy's" Even if he chooses to dress like sister every day keep asking let him know he's in control and can choose.