Sibling Rivalry and Disiplineing Young Kids with Adhd

Extreme patience and consistency. =) I'm not sure how to deal with Aspergers and ADHD. I'm not sure if diet plays a role but eating lots of healthy foods and no junk food couldn't hurt. Good luck to you!

First you need to sit them down and make some rules. Write the rules out and hang them where they can see them. It doesn't matter if they can read yet or not.
Then you need to show them the consequences of breaking those rules. If they hit, they get time out. If they yell, they get time out. If they throw things, they get time out.
You need to be extremely consistent. It doesn't matter if you think one is tired or the other is hungry. Rules are rules. If the rules are broken, there are consequences.
They are all vying for attention. If they act up, they get your attention. You need to catch them being good and praise them.
When mine acted up, I told them they had to play together for 10 minutes, but they couldn't talk. If they talked, the timer started over. They couldn't fight. They had to play. It made them cooperate. I didn't do this all the time - just once in a while. It made them see that they could cooperate and they had to do it without any talking. Yes, I'm nasty.
YMMV
LBC

One trick that my former mother-in-law used that I made good use of was to sit them in chairs on opposite sides of the room but facing each other when they fight. They will make faces and such to each other, just ignore it because after awhile, they will start laughing at what the other is doing and that is when it is time to let them up (with a hug for each other). One rule that I also used was that if a toy was being fought over, I would simply take it away and put it up on top of the fridge for the day. The kids eventually learned that it was easier to share than to let their toys end up on top of the fridge!

As for having an ADHD child, with my own I found that it was best to give them an activity that allows them to burn off that energy! Jumping jacks, running between two points (such as trees in the back yard) sometimes making it like a little race and cheering them on, etc. these things helped quite a bit. Sometimes I would even do the activity with them (especially until they learned how to do it properly on their own). Another great activity for a hyper child is to play shoulder, knees and toes. I would call out one of them (other body parts too) and it was up to them to touch them as quickly as I called them out. The kids really liked this and thought it was fun to try to go faster and faster and would erupt in giggles when I would call out something not on the body such as the floor or the table. Make it a fun but active game for them and you'll find that they are much calmer when you are done :)

One other activity that my brother and I did as kids was the 'spinning song'. It's an actual song but you can use any song that you want. The kids simply spin around and around and around, going faster and faster as the song picks up in speed, until they get dizzy and fall on the floor. Once everyone had fallen, the song was stopped but we always begged for another go at it (my mom now hates that song! lol) and my dad would let us spin and spin and spin until we were so worn out we'd fall right to sleep at bedtime. Basically, any fun activity that burns energy will help your kids and the more creative and/or unique it is, the more your kids will love and remember it!

Can't help with aspie discipline... but with adhd the 2 biggest tricks:

- NEVER lose your cool. If you're angry when you're disciplining them, that's all they care about. It becomes a fight, or about you, or a meltdown (embarrassment/ fear/ rage)... and absolutely doesn't help the actual problem at all.

- Positive reinforcement. With adhd kids, they'll repeat behaviors for praise, but they rarely avoid behaviors to avoid punishment. NOT saying don't punish... but it does no good to send them on timeout, unless you then get them to talk out the entire reason WHY they went on timeout, and what they can do instead next time. Even then, it's an iffy kind of thing. But you'll get massive results for praise & reward. Adhd kids live in their emotions, and most of us are hedonistic. We reeeeally like feeling good... and we'll bend over backwards to keep getting kudos/ applause/ high fives/ stars/ hugs/ smiles/ the list goes on.

In our house, time outs aren't punishments. They're a time to cool off and then be able to talk and think rationally. Once we've gotten things cooled down... then we can actually work our way through a problem to find the solution. If it's not solution oriented (in our house) it's a waste of time. It's the whole positive reinforcement thing.

If your boys are ADHD or fall into the autisim spectrum be very careful of their diet. Autistic kids crave yogert and it makes them violent. MSG has the same effect on kids with ADD-ADHD-and Autisim. They are not too young to be tested and evaluated by a doctor and or psychologist. Check into Head Start to see what programs they offer in your area. Be careful though of any doctor who just wants to write a Rx for your child. Yes the medication will even out their behavior but it also takes away their personality. Start doing some research online, look at diet plans, and other plans available.

I don't know what the limitations might be for ADHD kids, but I know a few families who rely on the book Siblings Without Rivalry. I've used another book by the same authors (ow to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish) with wonderful results.

I agree with Ladybug. Establish some rules/punishments and stick to them. Don't treat the kids differently. Even ADHD kids need to learn to get along with others.

Consistency is key.