Sibling Rivalry - New York,NY

It's up to you to train your daughter not to be so clingy and demanding of attention. She needs to know that your son is your child too and you love him just as much. Spend time with her before he comes home. Do not neglect his needs (whether it's your attention or your help with homework). Let your daughter know that when brother comes home, it is HIS time with you and if she misbehaves or tries to grab the attention, she will be gated in her room. Make sure to still acknowledge her before she demands your attention. You shouldn't only spend time with him when she's sleeping or with a babysitter. You need to do some behavior modification with her. With your son away at school during the day, she seems to feel that he is an unwelcome interloper when he gets home, and that she is entitled to ALL of your attention. You need to break her of this. Your son is right to feel resentful.

This doesn't seem much like sinking rivalry, it sounds like your 2yo is the one "in charge", and your son is frustrated, and rightly so! I can't believe you'd consider having a teacher change up the homework flow for your son, he needs to develop normal homework and study habits, and he needs to see you make it a priority! I have 3 little ones - my older two are in school, we do homework everyday after school, and they also read quietly for 30 minutes. My youngest is 3 now, I think she may have sat in time out once during the boys homework time, but its been a long time ago... now is the time to set up priorities and boundaries - you can give her choices(coloring, watch sesame street quietly, or go sit in your room with the door closed), but all the choices need to allow for you to do what you need to do.

Since you are home with her during the day, block out some time a few times a day where she gets your undivided attention. Explain to her that when brother gets home from school he also gets some time with mom. When she acts out put her in her room or on time out. Do not give her negative behavior any attention, just put her on time out or in her room.

This is what I do and it works beautifully... My husband also works alot and we can't really afford a sitter either. We have just made it a priority to take each boy, separately, somewhere each weekend. Sometimes, it's errands, sometimes it's to get a Sonic slush, sometimes we are able to pay for bowling etc. but we do SOMETHING, one on one, with each child. This has helped our relationship with each child as well as their relationship with each other because they KNOW that they will have each parent alone soon to talk and connect with. You're right, your son desperately needs that time. It doesn't have to be fancy, he just needs YOU! :)

Sounds normal to me. With an age difference, the younger sibling is cute when a baby and then not so cute when she or he becomes old enough to be another "person" who is mobile, vocal, demanding, opinionated, etc. My older kids are 6 years older than my 3rd and 8 years older than my youngest. They loved, loved, loved having their first baby brother until he was 3, then he became a rival. Remember the book "Tales of Fourth Grade Nothing"? How annoying Fudge was to Peter? That's what your daugther is like to your son, which is a totally normal relationship between kids who, for better or worse, do have to compete for attention. There is only one of you and two of them, and they can't both have your attention all the time - that's a very valuable lesson for them to be learning!

Perhaps you could hire a neighborhood girl (age 10-12) to be a mother's helper for a few hours a week after school? She can play with your daugther for a bit while you have some 1:1 time with your son. Cheaper than a baby-sitter and will give him a little bit of time with you.

My parents had 5 kids in 6 years and my mom was home with us full-time. My dad worked A LOT of OT so many days, he didn't come home until we were in bed. One thing that she used to do is let each one of us stay up 30 minutes later than the others one day a week so that we could have 1:1 time and we could do whatever we wanted. Maybe you could push your son's bedtime back a little bit once or twice a week to have some additional uninterrupted quiet time with him to read, talk, do a puzzle, play cars or a low-key video game, etc.

My boys get along great, unless they have to spend too much time together. I really have to make sure that I arrange activites outside the home for them to do seperately. I also make sure they have lots of opportunities to have friends over, and to go to friends houses. Ideally, if one has a friend over the other will go to a friends house, but they can both have friends over, but the older kids upstairs and younger kids downstairs or outside etc...