Shyness - Gorham,ME

I suggest enrolling her in theater, if you can get her to. Theater is a very effective arena for helping kids gain confidence and getting out of themselves.

First, is she the one wanting to get over the shyness, or is you wanting it? Does the shyness bother her, or does it bother you? Is she happy the way she is? If your daughter is happy and the shyness doesn't bother her, don't worry about it. Leave it be. That is just who your daughter is. Now, if it is your daughter who doesn't like the fact that she's shy, then maybe you could work together. Try to figure out if there might an underlying cause (ex: lack of self confidence?, feels awkward in social situations?). Discuss options to try. The school counselor could possibly give you some ideas.

Just to let you know... I am a shy person myself. I have never found a way to "overcome" shyness, but have learned ways to deal with it, or work around it. I have come to accept myself as I am, and I am happy. I cannot think of a single time that my shyness has held me back from doing something that I REALLY wanted to do.

Best wishes to you and your daughter!

Theatre and sports, especially karate. And is she really shy or is she shy and sometimes "slow to warm up." Everyone is shy sometimes, in fact it's healthy to be shy sometimes. It's part of being well rounded. And a slow to warm up person is just cautious. But if the shyness is hurting her or she's unable to speak up for herself, or it is occurring because she's unsure or insecure or overwhelmed emotionally in some situations, it's time to talk to a therapist and even maybe an occupational therapist (maybe it's just sensory). It doesnt meant there's anything wrong, but these people have wonderful strategies for "balancing." And this is a wonderfully quick treatment situation. They deal with this all the time. They have strategies they can teach, and then she's done. If that's not a possibility, then definitely karate for confidence building. She can still be the quite one, but build the ability to speak up for herself when it's necessary.
ps. my daughter is 9 and is both shy and slow to warm up. She's in kidstock and karate and soccer/basketball and swimming. She's not the popular-out-there student, but she's well liked by many and speaks up when she has to. We recently coached her through a bullying situation where she finally spoke up and it stopped.

I am a shy person by nature and have to find comfort in a situation before warming up enough to truly open up, and our oldest daughter is so much like her mom that it's hard for me to watch at times. While it's true that there's nothing wrong with being shy, the world does not operate in a bubble. Socialization is important for a child's development, and we have found that putting her in small group encounters has really helped with her confidence. She goes to tumbling class weekly, and we have joined a group that offers lots of opportunities for small group play (3-5 kids is less overwhelming and allows her to let down her guard and step in slowly). With every outing, I see her joining in more and more - baby steps! We also try to help her find similarities with the other children because that helps her to relate more comfortably. If your schedule allows, consider joining a Mommy and Me group to find play friends for your daughter and opportunities for you to meet other moms struggling with similar issues. I found ours at www.meetup.com and have loved it!

I agree with Page. Many actors describe themselves as shy. Acting gives them a chance to be someone else for awhile, explore life from a different angle, and the shyness may disappear WHILE they are playing a role.

But there's nothing wrong with being shy, and your sense of what she's missing is your own, probably not hers. Shy people have particular strengths of their own, and society functions better for their contributions. They often become writers, philosophers, artists, musicians, poets, research scientists, technicians – any vocations that require a lot of focus, sensitivity, and work in isolation.

Shyness and introspection are simply alternative ways for people to be, and are just as "right" as being social and extroverted. Your daughter probably has satisfactions you can't imagine, and I hope you won't force her into trying to be someone other than who she is. My mom constantly pushed me into social situations that were excruciatingly uncomfortable for me, and it left me with a lot of confusion and resentment.

If anything, my shyness asserts itself less when I can choose my own social circumstances. Your daughter will probably ask or seek out remedies if her shyness becomes unsatisfying for her.

Yes, being shy is really hard. I was always very shy and had a hard time getting to know people. School was also hard because I had a difficult time speaking up in class. However, I always had a small group of really good friends that were also somewhat shy themselves. We were all quiet, well- behaved, and in the top 10% of of class. When I would spend the night at a friends house, my friend's parents would tell my mom that I was welcome to spend the night anytime because I wasn't loud and rambunctious like other friends. So, in my case for my parents, having a shy child was a good thing.

Somewhere around 18, 19 or 20 I became very unshy. Now at 29 I talk all the time. I meet new people all the time. My friends can't believe I was ever shy.

She'll come around when she is older.....enjoy it now!

I know this answer comes after the fact, but I wanted to second the theater.
I was painfully shy in new situations as a child until I began acting. Then as a teen, I heard the expression, "Fake it 'til you make it" and I applied that to be outgoing. I yearned to be a confident, outgoing person, so I pretended to be until I actually became one. NOW people can't shut me up! lol I meet someone in the check-out line and we bond in ten minutes! I thank acting and that fantastic expression.

If she is so shy that she takes a very long time to warm up in social situations, if at all. If she seems out of the normal range of shyness you observe in other kids, she may have Selective Mutism. My daughter does and I was astounded to find out about this disorder as I'd never heard of it. But, 1 in 7 kids have it. Its not shyness, it's an anxiety disorder often accompanied by social phobia.

You can go to www.selectivemutism.org to find out more about it. They even have the diagnostic criteria on their website.