Shyness - Hereford,TX

My mother was painfully shy as a child and compensated by becoming the class clown in high school. She gets loud and boisterous when she's feeling awkward and shy -- took me years to understand that. So she may, in fact, out grow it, but my daughter is the same way. Extremely shy when around other adults or kids she doesn't know.

She may be selectively mute. It is a (not uncommon) condition where a child simply cannot speak in certain situations. There are a lot of online resources and you can talk to your pedi about this. Usually it will clear up between the ages of 4-6, but it may require outside intervention. If this is what it bothering her, don't push the issue or draw attention to it. The harder you try to make her talk the harder it will be for her to do so.

My daughter describes it as "the words get stuck and I can't make them come out"

BOTH my kids were like that.
They are now 6 and 10 years old.
Are they still like that?
NO.
Don't worry!

Both my kids are "observers." And, even as young kids, though shy, they were very astute for their ages, about their surroundings and about other kids. They were not and are not, insecure or anything. In fact, they are VERY self-assured kids, and know who they are.

Being "shy" is not a bad thing.
It is just that, in society, "extroverts" are seen as being better. But this is not the case.

Don't worry.
Concentrate, on your kids for being who they are.
For knowing WHO they are.
Not in comparing.... to others.

Each year, teachers have told me my kids are shy.
I said "I know. But they are very cognizant and self-assured. They are fine." And they are and were and do well in school.
And my kids, speak up and know, when to or need to.

I have 3 children ages(3 1/2, 5 1/2 and 6 1/2) All my kids are shy but shy in their own ways.

My husband and I was shy in school. I would answered a question in school if i was called upon. I would get up in front of the class and do a report despite getting a F. My mom got mad at one of my 2nd grade teachers because she said i was "too quiet". She wanted to hold me back another year so that i would talk more in her words. My mom told her if i'm answering questions when being called on or getting up in front of the class and doing a report or whatever what makes you think you going to hold her back when she has good grades?My mother was the same way also. She was quiet. My 5 1/2 daughter, last year when she was in Pre-K her teacher was talking at a parents meeting to me about her being quiet. I told her she's just quiet and will open up when she feels comfortable. Some kids talk too much and some kids are quiet. Everyone is different in their own ways. As i grew up and got on my own i'm not quite anymore.lol. I'll go to a doctor's office and sit and talked to other people in the waiting room. I'll ask billions of questions compared to when i was younger. I don't keep my mouth shut. You get me mad and i'll go off.
My kids will get quiet around people they don't know but man if they see them at home omg they will know how my kids really are.lol. As some people told me about my children let them be them and as I tell my children if you being called on answered a question and not be shy about it. My 6 1/2 daughter last year had to be put alone in another class so she could read her spelling words and etc off to her teacher b/c she felt comfortable doing that way despite doing it in front of the class. Some teachers will work with them and some will not. But my daughters have good teachers who understand them and what makes them comfortable. My daughters both make good grades and are very smart girls. I know as they get older they will open up more and talk and the shyness will go away. :)

she is fine. I would not worry about it. Some people are quieter and don't like to talk in larger groups. I am that way. I would NEVER talk in school when I was younger, unless it was to my best friend. In middle and high school I did a lot better because I was forced to do it. Speech was a required class in 10th grade. I am now a preschool teacher and I own a photography business and I talk all the time. BUT I still to this day HATE talking in larger groups. I think your daughter will grow out of it. Just don't push her. She will get better as time goes on.

If your teacher isn't concerned about this for some reason, then you don't need to be. It's not unusual for children to be one way at home and another way at school. Don't worry about what might happen when she gets older - she may not be timid by then.

The only thing I might talk to her about is showing kindness to her teacher by answering the questions the teacher asks her. But that's really more something for your daughter to think about than to have to start doing right away.

Is her teacher concerned? If not, she might just be shy. That isn't always a bad thing. She might just take longer to warm up to people or feel comfortable joining the group.

As someone mentioned below, it could also be selective mutism. My daughter is 4 and is currently being evaluated for it. Not only does she not talk at school, but she also displays no emotion (and trust me she has plenty of different emotions at home) and sort of stares off into space. She continually says she is too scared. We have been working on this for over a year now, and at my parent/teacher conference her teacher and speech language pathologist suggested we have her evaluated for selective mutism and see if we can get her some extra help to be more comfortable at school.

I was like that probably until 5th grade. I would answer if called on but that was it. One of my girls was also and she grew out of it slowly, but definitely felt easier about it by 3rd grade.

Unless the teacher is asking you to intervene in some way, I suggest that this is something about which you do not need to be concerned. Your daughter will gradually learn how involved to be. Her teacher will encourage her to participate.

What you can do is not focus on this issue with your daughter. If you try to talk with her about the issue she's apt to withdraw even further. Continue to be involved with her in situations in which you are involved. Support her need to be shy while making it easy for her to be involved in some way. For example, encourage her to say hello. If she doesn't then don't push her. Give her approval however she acts.

She's only 5 and being in a classroom is new to her. It will just take time for her to be more comfortable. Just as your other children have become more adept, so will this daughter.

She's only in pre-k. I think you shouldn't push her yet. As she gets older, get her into sports and groups like Indian Princesses or Girl Guides (do they still exist?) where she can learn to socialize.

For what it is worth my nephew was like this until about 6/7 or so even with close family. Then he just started talking one day and and after he hasn't stopped since. For some reason, hellos and goodbyes used to be especially hard. Now new introductions are no problem. Just give it some time and help by teaching her it is polite to answer questions/say hello/goodbye/etc when asked but don't push too hard. Let her know it is ok to rely on you to fill in the gaps until she is ready.

My youngest is rather shy and doesn't like to talk a lot at school. She participates and will answer questions when asked, but she doesn't like to do so unless she's certain of herself. I don't see her shyness as a liability to overcome. She's simply cautious. She's a watcher, so I let her watch and warm up and join in when she's ready.

My middle daughter, who is on the Autism spectrum, is also very shy. It's just part of her ASD. She's coming along with various therapies and practice, but even without her ASD I'm sure she'd be a shy child.

I try to be encouraging to them and at the same time allow them to trust their own instincts. If it seems like it's a debilitating fear, then that's when I would suggest stepping in and trying to figure out what to do. I might try to get her involved in Daisy Scouts or another extra-curricular activity that focuses on teaching girls leadership skills and life skills without overtly pressuring them.

Otherwise, I'd be gently encouraging to her and see how she develops. She's only five and not even in kindergarten yet. She has plenty of time to blossom.

One of the things you can do is help her to build friendships at school. Invite over, 1 child at a time, some kids from her class for playdates.

Help her to discover things that she's interested in. Kids that are passionate about a topic (for me it was horses, horses, horses), I could talk about it to anyone who would listen. My parents supported by interest and encouraged me and becoming proficient in something helped me to gain confidence. And, no, we didn't life on a family; my parents scraped money together for riding lessons, and I lived for those lessons, and took them for many years in grade school and am still passionate about them.

One warning: avoid calling her shy. She can feel shy, and as we all know feelings can change. But you say she "is shy" you are putting her into a box where she "is" that thing, 24/7. So, when people talk about her, say she is an introvert (read up on introverts vs. extroverts - it's just a personality type and both are need to have a balanced society), and if people call her shy, tell them, yes, sometimes she feels shy, but no one is shy all the time!