Should We Get a Reversal and Have Another Child?

It's easy for him to want more kids but you are the one placing yourself at risk with your pregnancies. Ask him how he would feel if he had the vasectomy reversed, you became pregnant, and then you died because of some complication. If you die, your kids are left without their mother and your husband is left without his wife and needs to raise the kids alone. You also need to ask yourselves if you can truly afford more kids, since every child costs money - diapers, braces, driver's ed, college, etc.

I'm a little biased here, but DH had 2 kids already from his first marriage and we had our daughter 3 years ago. After she was born I developed deep vein thrombosis and ended up with blood clots in my lungs. Fortunately I came through okay but getting pregnant again would not be in our best interest for just that reason. I don't use hormonal methods of birth control for just that reason. So we are happy with where we are.

If you both truly want more kids, then your hubby should still be giving adoption some more consideration rather than placing your health and life at risk.

Given your medical issues, I am confused why adoption is less appealing to DH than putting you life and health at risk?

One of my son's was adopted. He has come with his own challenges, but it's not like his brothers don't have theirs too!

My husband was also adopted, as was his Dad, and 2 of his uncles. Some of them turned out better than their siblings who were bio kids. None of them turned out "worse." If the 2 of you are truly yearning for another baby, it's food for thought.

Sorry I couldn't address your actual siutation. As both a bio and adoptive parent, not replying felt wrong.

OK -did he just say this in conversation, or is this a big deal to him? Given your history, I would tell him, "Sorry!" I'm a big believer in both being completely on board -and that means you too. I hate being pregnant, and if my husband decided he just HAD to have more kids, then he could wrap his mind around adoption or nothing. Also -vasectomy reversal is no guarantee. It's often not successful. Does he not care about your health concerns and issues? This doesn't sound like a good idea.

NO to both questions. Why put yourself in danger? What about your current children if something happens to you?

Having children that are biologically linked to you is highly over-rated! I know I can't convince your husband of that, but as any adoptive parent, I've completely forgotten that my daughter didn't come from us. And ironically, it's our non-adopted nieces and nephews that have all the emotional and physical issues.

My husband just had a vasectomy and the doctor who performed it made it very clear that a reversal would be costly (around $7000) and most likely wouldn't even be effective. I don't know if age has anything to do with it; he is 42. Just something else to keep in mind.

I would definitely go as a couple to your OB and discuss options, your health, etc.

Your husband doesn't want to adopt; have you thought about fostering? That might scratch the itch, so to speak, without putting your health in jeopardy.

No I haven't been in this exact situation but I can tell you is that i'm done having kids hubby has never ever said he is done he doesn't want to use any form of BC I however am I will not have sex unless I use something since he doesn't want to.I have 3 & am really thinking in getting the Mirena for the next 5 yrs that it can stay in then go on another form of BC I have said that i'll get my tubes tied but not sure if I could actually go with that procedure if I do i'll just want them to take everything out.
But to help you out he could be second guessing himself if you were truly done then why get the procedure then later have thoughts on more children.It is very costly to reverse plus in some cases insurance will not cover it not to end there you could be infertile you can become infertile after having 1 child you have 2 do you really want more kids if you can truthfully say yes to your husbnad then go for it but the outcome may not be as you pictured it.I wish you the best

Never been in your situation--my husband thought after our second that he didn't want more and even thought about a vasectomy, even though I was 24 and he was 26. We waited and he decided he did want one more, so we're expecting again. He says this really is it, but I've told him we should wait on anything permanent. However, I've had very easy pregnancies.

I'm only answering this because my father had a vasectomy after his 4th child with his first wife. After he married my mom, he had it reversed and they had 3 children before he had it done again. Before your husband has surgery, you could meet with a high-risk specialist and talk about your past pregnancies and get a more professional opinion about how things might go for you. Many women have healthy pregnancies after one that is riskier. It couldn't hurt for you to have more information sooner and then you could both make a decision.

I totally understand your husband not wanting to adopt. Mine told me before we started trying that he wanted children but did not like children in general enough to want to raise one that wasn't his. Who knows if he would have changed his mind if we hadn't been able to have kids, but that was our agreement at the time--our own or no kids and I was okay with that. He adores his kids, but is not a "kid person" in general. :)

Have you thought about a surrogate? This is a way for you both to get what you want. You don't have to put your health or sanity at risk and your husband can have the biological child that he prefers.

Go with your gut! If you do, I suggest you take a HypnoBirthing class. Even if you are not planning a total natural birth, it is a great class for those who have suffered any traumas birth related or not. I was on anxiety meds before this class and can say I have been off of all for 4 years! It is really a life long class!

my only thoughts are why not bring him to your OB so you guys can have an honest conversation. then things will be more clear. youll be fully informed of the risks and decide what is best for all of you. good luck