Should This Have Upset Me...

In my opinion, at this age level she should not have punished him in that manner, especially for the first time it was missed. She should have sent a note home or if they have like a weekly progress report with happy or sad faces for example. Why could she not have put a note in the folder? I know the way I feel when I think one of my kids have been treated unfairly so you have every right to be a little upset.

YES IT SHOULD HAVE! Rule #1 - food is not to be used as punishment or reward! That is something that any child care provider or teacher should know. I would ask the school principal or administrator what the official stand of the school is in situations like this. Doing so will enlighten you on the schools stand and will inform them of the teachers behavior.

Yes, this is a valid reason to be upset. Has this happened before? If this was a first time event, then the principal should be notified. No child should be punished this way.
I am a retired kindergarten teacher and this would not have happened in my classroom.

HI C.,
I have attended been certified as a day care provider in the past and one of the most important things that they stressed was NOT to use food as a consequence. It is very dangerous, and children should never be deprived of food. Period. I'm hopeful your child's teacher has realized her error, but it was very good of you to speak up. Rewarding children with sugary snacks for a special rare occassion is common, and definitely better than a steady stream of sugary snacks, but it is important to teach our children that no matter what life brings us - good or bad - it is our job to eat healthy. Excited, depressed, anxious, emotional. These are all strong emotions that can evoke a change in eating habits. Teaching our children early on to try to keep their emotions separate from their good eating habits is a healthy thing to do. Furthermore, I agree with you that sometimes our weekends are too busy, and our children should not be penalized for the opportunity to share a fun filled weekend of family activities. I suggest you consider going over the teachers head to the principal about this, because you are probably not the first one, just maybe the first one to have spoken up. It is not a fair or beneficial consequence. Hope this helps. God Bless.
Jennifer

EXCUSE ME????? Did you say the teacher withheld his snack because of his folder??? That sounds like a conference with the principal to me! That is simply intolerable. I don't know your son's schedule, but my child has lunch way too early and is starving practically by snack time...and again when he gets home. She can surely come up with other ways to deal with the "folder issue" rather than deprive your child of his food! Don't let this one slip through the cracks. That is unacceptable.

C., I think that this is absolutely unacceptable. I think you should go and speak to the teacher to verify that she did not allow your son to have his snack due to an unsigned folder. Sometimes, our youth have trouble with communication. If she agrees that happened she should understand that food and snacks is not a privilege. It is a necessity for growing children. If you provide it or if the school provides it, he should be allowed to eat his snack.

I do think that you handled it well, because you did take some action and write her a letter. However, I would make a school trip to speak to her directly and make sure that it doesn't happen again.

Good luck.

oh no my daughter goes to tt2 pre k if her teacher ever deneyed her her snack i would be up there so fast.... and i hate there stupid folders... it is a joke... you need to go to the principal and tell them and if this happens again you will be getting your husbands chain of command involved for the neglect ofyour child's needs

I have 2 school age kids- 10 and 7 plus a preschooler. I'm currently the president of the PTO too. Most schools have wonderful, caring and loving teachers, but communication is not that great. I found out my son got "silent lunch" when I forgot to write down the book he read. I suppose this is to teach him some responsiblity, but as a parent I felt awful since he had read the book and I just didn't write it down because we read before bed time and I sign the other part about doing his homework by 4pm. I think the parents should get a class "rules" list too so we know ahead of time what the consequences are for our children when we don't do what they want! So my advice is to schedule a parent conference to go over all concerns. My daughter had problems in 1st grade- they sent notes that she hadn't met her AR goal and when I went in for a conference I found out that she was 1 of 3 kids in the class that they even set AR goals for- she was one of the best readers, not behind at all! Yet the notes made it sound like she was behind. A conference cleared it all up. Sometimes it's a matter of a teacher coming from a higher grade to a lower grade and still expecting the children to be as mature as their previous students. Don't dwell on it, but do schedule regular conferences!
-A.

lots of schools are doing this. I see it as a way that they are training the parents to look at and sign the papers. You are just signing that you saw the folder. If he doesn't have time to read - that's ok. They just want the parents to acknowledge that they did or did not read. They say they are training the kids to be responsible and remind the parents to read and when the parents see that their child suffers if they do not sign -- it trains the parents. Yes it is upsetting but without the rule there is no reward for doing what is asked.

This would have upset me as well. My children are 5 & 7 go to a private school but the rules are strict sometimes. Sometimes I feel there is too much homework as well and when the weekends are busy with activities and church we can slip on our responsibilities. I agree with you about being upset. That was the parent's oversite and the child should not have been punished. Atleast he should have been given his snack. You will be in my prayers!

Yes being a former first grade teacher for several years, that is just too much. She should never deny a child a snack and I would have written the teacher a note as well. It was an honest mistake and if she were caring she would have just reminded him to make sure that he has it signed. My goodness it is not like he never does his reading. Give the child a break. Good Luck I would have been upset as well.

that's completely inappropriate. i am a teacher and i actually think a child can not be denied food at any time when it is being offered to all students. so if they have a designated snack time, he can't be denied the right to his snack.

you should make sure to ask her why he was denied his snack and if you don't like her response, definitely contact the principal. i think she was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of line.

Yes, I would have been very upset and called the teacher to let her know your concerns!

I think I would request a meeting with the teacher. I would want to know her logic behind punishing your son because you forgot to sign the paper, and punishing him twice on top of that. First graders need snacks to keep their energy level up and to help maintain their focus, I would really love to hear the teachers' thought process on this one.

Yes. If it was not stated in the begining of school that this would be done it was not right. Rules of engagement or lack of it must be spelled out. Signing it was your job he should not be disciplined for that. If after a warning she said this would be the consequence you still have to agree to punishment. Teachers want us to work with them and be consistent with their rules. So everyones on the same page. Makes sense but there must be negociating between all parties. Shelly

Yes, this should have upset you. When my son started kindergarten I felt the teachers wanted to get him and his parents trained as soon as possible.
Yes!!! This should upset you and you did the right thing. If the teacher's response is not satisfactory, immediately schedule a parent/teacher conference. Somethings are better dealt with in person. I'm a mother of four children, three still in school, one in high school, one in middle school and one in elementary school and this type of situation still causes me concern. Most of the time teachers are dealing with parents who don't ask questions and don't talk to their children, parents who treat school like a free baby sitting service and this weighs heavily on what the teacher can accomplish during the school day. I sincerely respect and admire all teachers for the hard work and heart they place into our children everyday. However, they are human and capable of mistakes and a good teacher will admit a mistake and deal with the consequences of there actions.
Keep up the GREAT PARENTING!!!! A. B.

Hey C.,
I am a first grade teacher assistant and I think your son's teacher was being a little harsh. Most teachers at my school will give a student silent lunch if their homework is not completed or a paper isn't signed. The student gets to eat their lunch without talking, and usually ends up eating more than they would have if they were eating with their classmates. Maybe you should suggest to your son's teacher to do this, since they are only 6 or 7 years old. Good Luck! D. D.

I ran into this same situation with my son now 10 and in the 5th grade. One thing I found helpful was instead of signong the planner or folder was to write a note explaining why the book was not read..IE family gathering, out of town and left behind ect. Then my son and I would make up that reading time during the week on one of our "slow" days with less activities and such going on. Again I would send in a note telling the teacher the reading was made up. We are all only human and there are only 24 hours in a day. i also requested that the teacher think of another way to get the message through thatn refusing to let him eat snack. Depending on when your kids have to get aup and have breakfast and then wait for lunch you may want to try the same. If the teacher won't reach a comprimise then contact the principal. Most teachers will comprimise but my son's third grade teacher wouldn't so there are some out there. no child can learn on an empty stomach!! Good Luck !! :)

I think so. I understand that schools are trying to ensure that parents are engaged and reviewing everything that is sent home, but to withhold a snack as punishment is definitely extreme. I would talk with the teacher and if you are not satisfied with the resolution, speak with the principal.

I would have been very upset. i worked in a daycare and by law we aere not allowed to withhold snacks as a punishment

It should upset you, but it is the norm for public school. I have a third and a first grader, and although teachers differ from class to class, that's a pretty standard reaction. Sometimes at our school they make them run laps. My experience has been that I need to be a very visible presence at school, or my kids don't get treated as well. I do the Box Tops for the PTA, read to classes once in a while, eat lunch with my kids, walk them in, ask the teachers what supplies they need for the room, etc. Perhaps you can tell the teacher that withholding food from you son is not OK, and the 2 of you can come up with an alternative if the folder is not signed. Tell her if the folder is not signed, then the book is not read and to go forward on that info. Make it clear that what she did is not OK, but be nice when you say it. Sorry it happened.

I agree with the other responses - the teacher was completely out of line. I would suggest that you confront the teacher face to face on this matter. They are not supposed to use food for reward or punishment. And he should not have been punished b/c you didn't sign his book. You have every right to be upset - I'm upset for you and your son. If you don't get satisfaction with the teacher, I would recommend meeting with the school guidance counselor and principal. Good luck!

I can see your area of concern as I would have responded the same way when my son was that age. Now, however; looking back I have realized that we as parents need to give our children a sense of responsibility as soon as possible. I know you say it was your fault for not remembering to sign it but his job as a student is to remind you to sign it. As for the missing a snack I do think that was rather harsh punishment for a first grader however I also think he was likely fine without the snack in the end.

HI C.,
I think that sometimes the teachers do go a bit overboard with these things especially on weekends when this is suppose to be family time. And to deny the child a snack when the rest of the class is having one is crazy. Now if it were during the week and we as parents know that the child has to do an assignment and there will be punishments if not then yes we should expect things of this nature. I do not think you are wrong for being upset, i would have been to. I think if they are going to assign a child homework of any type over the weekend then there should be a note stating to this affect. When I have a problem with my child's kindergarten teacher I now call her directly and make sure that she understands that they are extremely young and still need some guidance therefore if there is going to be homework of any kind over the weekend or a holiday that she plainly states that when she sends it home in her bookbag. I hope this helps.
Good Luck
D. A

ABSOLUTELY !! A first grader should not be responsible for a parent's signature. The teacher should have contacted YOU, and let your son go outside AND have his snack. This teacher is in the wrong profession. Two punishments for the parents' oversight - that is just plain cruel. I would not have written a note. I would have been there, with the teacher and the principal, and "explained" to them that this will never happen again. If it does - they will hear from your attorney. This teacher must be stopped. "Hateful" is not an acceptable trait for a teacher. She should be fired.

Yes...You should be upset for multiple reasons. The child should not be punished in that way for not having the folder signed. After all he can't complete the task without your help. And it is a state law for children to be allowed recess furthermore it does not help him in any way to miss recess for homework it is not a logical consequence.
I feel that the teacher my have the best case on the snack issue though If the child was offered th chance to have snack at a particular time and did not take it I would not have let them eat snack later either.
I hope thing work out.

I would first talk with the teacher to try to get her view of what happened. Sometimes a child's perspective is a little different and there may be a logical explanation for any misunderstanding. If she did withhold snack and outside time for a folder not being signed then, yes, I would defnitely be upset. Snack is not a reward and where I am we are not allowed to take away recess (I am assuming here that the outside time was recess, if not, I apologize) as a punishment.

I would be upset too as I have been many times if this letter is frome belpre, my daughter grew up in the belpre schools and is now in the 10th grade and I am still fighting her teachers but I fought basiclly the samething u did but do not remember what grade but it was for the same reason it is too long from the time she ate breakfast to the time she eats lunch, not to eat her snack and I had forgotten to sign her folder, and they would not give her, her snack they didn't do that again cause I told them that was her brain power and if they wanted her to do well in school they had to feed her, plus she had to take medication, I always fought them, feels like I fight them every year she is in school, so I would fight them.

YES! You should be upset. My 1st grader absolutely needs her snack! What a horrid thing to do to a kid. 1st graders (and their parents) cannot be expected to be perfect. That teacher needs a reprimand. Call the principal.

I tried to put myself in your position and I would definitely be upset!! The teacher should have reprimanded him in some other way, maybe dealing with points taking away from a participation grade, but surely not by letting a student eat his snack!! My son is only 4yrs. of age so I haven't gotten introduced to the 1st grade "ropes", but regardless of the grade, I would hope that any teacher would agree that hunger would distract a student from learning anything that was presented to him, especially for the rest of that day! I would be asking for a parent conference to discuss the matter with the teacher, maybe there are some missing pieces of information some where??

I am definitely conservative on child rearing, but withholding snack for a first grader would upset me too. I have forgotten to sign things before. We have all done it. There is a school of thought that you should not reward kids with food. Then what about punishing them by denying them it? The reason they give little kids like that a snack is that they are grazers at that age, and it keeps there energy level and focus up during school. I think the teacher can come up with a more suitable consequence. Plus the fact that she essentially punished him twice by not letting him go outside. Overdone for the age, and what was ultimately your oversight, not his. Even prisoners can't be denied food.

Yes it should have upset you. Did you ever receive info saying that if folders were not signed and returned that he could not have a snack or go outside? Honestly, that sounds like harsh punishment for a 1st grader. I would schedule a meeting with the teachers and let them know that you do not believe this was acceptable behavior from the school. Honestly, who denies a child of a snack because something wasn't signed. The teachers should be communicating with you about this stuff anyway. Please speak with the teachers one on one. Growing up is hard as it is especially at his age and then to single him out and not allow him to eat his snack with his fellow students is ludicris. I would be devistated with these events. Let me know how it goes. I am totally on your side.

I would have been upset also, as the intent of a snack is for the child's health, not an incentive or reward.

Most teachers are well meaning, but they are not perfect. I would make my feelings known to her/him in person. I'll bet your input on the situation will be appreciated by the teacher, and you'll feel better by clearing the air!

Do something now!!!!!!!!! It's been my experience if you tell all who will listen and who are in charge, then you hold the teacher accountable for her actions to more than just you and herself. No one wants to cause an uproar but, we do want to do the best for our little ones at all times and hopefully this turns out to be a growing and learning experience for all!

i would be very upset if he wasn't allowed to eat his snack. i think you should talk to the teacher about it and if the situation comes up again with the same result i would go above her. there is no need in your son, or any kid in class, being punished for that.

Yes, you are justified in being upset. Do not take responsibility for the notebook not being signed. Its probable that the students were told it needed to be signed. DO talk to the teacher and principle about any student being deprived of outside time and food! A child should be permitted to go outside even if he has to sit during recess for a limited time but every young student needs to get out and be physical. Also, every child needs to be allowed their snack. I say inform the principle about this after getting a response from the teacher.

I think you have done the right thing to contact the teacher and let her know it was not your sons resposibility and that you were not aware the folder should be signed. My problem too would be that he was not able to eat his snack plus that he could not go out and play. I think you have to wait to see what the teachers response is. If it is positive and apologetic then you will sign the folder and she will know that the punishment was too harsh. If no reply or a negetative reply I'm afraid I would ask to speak to her or her superior even if it is the assistant headmaster or headmaster. I have had trouble with a teacher before when I told him my son was being pushed too hard at school academically and his confidence was being knocked. He would not hear any of it. I went to the assistant head, she spoke to the teacher and also my son. They put him in a lower group for a few weeks until his confidence was built up and then moved him back into the higher group which (now confident in his own abilities) managed much better. We are the only people that can stand up for our children and we must teach them to stand up for themselves also. But also, not to overeact. Its a fine line but follow your instinct. You know that your child was punished for something you both didn't really know was a requirement. Actually, I'm sure it wasn't that big a deal whether his folder was signed or not she could have just said, can you get mummy to do it tonight please. Hope it helps. I'm sure you'll sort it out.

I have the same problem with my sons school he is in kindergarten and they are constantly sending homework and traveling books home and the same thing has happened to us
I feel that you had a right to be upset as I was they need to have a little more understanding for our children That is why I was going to do home schooling they are to tuff on our little guys and I feel they need to be more patient with our children and stop punishing them for our mistakes

I think you did the right thing girl! I would have went off more then you did. It was not stated to you that they HAD to read those books on the weekend or they would be forbidden snack and play. That was not right on the teachers part. I think you did right by your son.That is what we as parents are here for. The fact that she used food as punishment for something at all would concern me and make me very angry. I don't see any excuse for taking food away from a child when it is there for there nutrition. If I were you I would find out if that really happened and then go to the pricipal about it if it did. WAY TO GO MOM!!!

Hey C.,

I, too, think this is unacceptable to withhold snack.

However, I would email the teacher or call her directly and inquire about the snack issue.....there has been many a time where I have wanted to fly off the handle at a teacher regarding an issue with one of my kids, but I found out differently from what my child said.....kids may interpret something wrong that did or did not happen the way it was intended.

I can't tell you how many times I've been utterly embarrassed after I had a heated discussion with a teacher about an issue brought to me by one of my daughters....it's not that my kids lied to me regarding the issue, but they changed around the sequence of events or misinterpreted the issue or something like that!?!? You know what I mean?

Maybe no-one ate snack that day because the class was running behind schedule...or somthing like that....

You've probably looked into this already , but I just wanted to remind all who read this issue to really look into the concern before going "full guns" with the teacher or the principal.....don't get yourself into a corner.

Later, if you find out that snack was directly held from him as a punishment, then I would have a nice little "blazing hot" meeting with the teacher and the principal, as well as put my concerns in writing. Keep a written log if this is a problematic issue and be careful what you write or say.

Good Luck.....you are your child's only advocate.

I would make an appointment to meet with the teacher to ask her about the events that day and how she manages her class. I would then ask in particular if there are occasions that kids are not allowed to have snack. In my opinion she should not withhold snack based on the above events. I would think kids should always get their snack unless they are repeatedly misbehaving during snack. Withholding snack should not be a consequence for negative behavior.

Kate J, child psychiatrist

You should call the county school board and report it. To my knowledge, it is against state regs. to punish a child thru taking their food and water (including snacks).

A letter was too nice if you ask me. this is the time to make a special appearance to the teacher and have her explain this to you personally. i would of asked her how she figures punishing a first grader is going to get that book signed. this is where you get the chance to make yourself very clear that nothing like thid will ever happen again and if it does its strait to the principal.

Yes I would have been upset too! Having his folder signed or not,should have nothing to do with receiving his snack. As for being allowed to go outside, she should have relayed to you that their would be consequences if folders were not signed. Punishing a child for something like that is rediculous!
Steph

Yes this should have upset you. There should not be a reason why your child was not able to eat. However you must make sure that you handle it appropriately.

Good grief. Expecting a 1st grader to remember to get his folder signed seemed crazy to me. Especially over a weekend. I honestly don't know at what age this kind of responsibility for school work begins...but I can't imagine its this early. I'd be concerned that he was "punished" at all..snack or play time. Everything I've read about raising boys talks about the fact that they NEED play time. Not because they have energy to get rid of but because of how their brains are wired. His learning is enhanced when his mind has the opportunity to "rest" for a while. So to deny him that because of something his parent did/didn't do warrants a discussion in my opinion. I'd find out what the expectations are for the folder signing...e.g., is he supposed to be reminding you - or the other way around. And then I'd take it from there.

It absolutely should have upset you. Children need their snacks to keep up their energy and to stay alert - especially in a school setting. The teacher should have either sent a note home to the parent or called you to discuss the situation. The teacher also should have made clear from the get-go as to what the consequence would be for not having a signed folder. Absolutely ridiculous. People in our society have enough problems with their relationship to food - I hate it when food is used to manipulate behavior...

C.:

I think you have every right to be upset. I agree with yes our children need to be taught responsibility, but for pete's sake it is not right for a teacher to take it out on a student for a parent's oversight on signing a paper. Sometimes I think teachers are too quick to jump the gun for punishment before speaking with a parent on a situation if it is not a matter of life or death. I have son also in 1st grade but he is home schooled due to his ADHD and a couple of other behavorial issues. But he does an online public school where he has to turn in his work by the end of the week at least speak to his teacher once per week and go over what he has learned in a special one on one online classroom. I remember being in the 3rd grade (many moons ago it feels like) but a teacher had told us to draw a picture then write a story. She changed her mind about write the story and then draw, she came by my desk asked what I was doing. I said drawing my picture she said do you not listen then went up to her desk grabbed a paddle yanked me out my chair by my arm then proceeded to paddle me about 10 hard cracks. She bruised my tailbone and arm from her actions. After that I lost all respect for teachers, and she did not have to do what she did either.

Yes, this should have upset you. i admire the way you responded, with a note, explaining how her punishment was directed at the wrong person. Your child is now made to feel guilty for you and will feel anxious that you behave properly and not get him in trouble. Also, kids this age need their snacks. Withholding food is a behavior modification technique that is harsh on the child and should only be applied with very great care when all other means have been tried and failed (think Helen Keller and her teacher). It was totally inappropriate from start to finish. The question now is, what are the next steps to take. You're probably going to get advice from others, but my first thought is to wait to see how she responds, then write a letter to the principal, with an account of what happened and what you feel was such a failure of judgment by the teacher. Good luck--you sound like a fabulous mother.
M.

Wow! We have 5 and I would have been upset too. The punishment seemed to be no outside, which ok I can understand. But the no snack is just crazy! That snack is meant to hold the child until lunch or until home. Call the teacher and talk to him/her. If you feel that did not meet your standard/satisfaction call the Principal. Good Luck!

You are justified in being concerned. After getting the teacher's version of the event, I would thank her for her input and, if needed, I would remind her that food is not to be used as a reward or a punishment.

Since his class has a snack time, yes he should have been allowed to eat it. At my daughter's school they do not withhold food or even recess, but they do separate the children needing disciple from the other children that are outside. They can no longer make them "sit on the wall" as they used to do because our school system has a stricter policy on children't activity level...they have to have 30 min/day of physical activity. So on the 3 days that they don't have PE they have to do something active. If a child misbehaves or forgets homework they spend whatever "missed" recess time they have been given doing jumping jacks, jumping rope or whatever. Then when their time is up they are free to join the class in play.
About the book issue, we also lead busy lives, especially in the spring when baseball season starts, but in my children's early years we ALWAYS read to them at bedtime. My 4th grader still enjoys being read to on occasion. So not having time to not read a book is not a valid excuse in my opinion...a first grade book will only take maybe 5 minutes to read. My daughter's school has a 100 book club for kindergarteners/1st graders...the goal is to read 100 books by the end of the year. I'm surprised at how many parent think this is a hard task to complete. I'd read to my daughter for 30 min each night (part of her homework, but we'd do it anyway including weekends)and in that time read 6 or 7 books. If you were unaware that the folder is to be signed each weekend, if the teacher did not send home a list of what she requires at the beginning of the year it's her fault you didn't know... or if she, as our school does at all grade levels, had a parent meeting to let parents know the expectations and she didn't mention it, then it was her fault. BUT if you forgot to sign it then yes, it was your fault. I do agree, you can't expect a 1st grader to remember all the time, but mom really has to remember if it's a requirement of the teachers. It really doens't take that much time to read a simple book and sign it.

yes! you should be upset, but like one of the posts stated, find out all the facts first. On that note, the teacher should have done the same thing, she should have contacted you to find out if there were outstanding cercumstances as to why there was not a signature and she could have done that by just sending a note or a little reminder. Not allowing to go outside was fine, but the snack is another story.

good luck

I certainly think you had the right to be upset.
First, teachers need to stop punishing kids for something that their parents are responsible for. What's a child supposed to do? Go home and DEMAND that their parents do something?
Secondly, Is not a snack intended to carry a child through until lunch time? It was bad enough that the teacher punished him for something over which he had no control, but she could have AT LEAST let him have his food, I do not understand what harm letting the child eat would have caused. But then, I do not understand a lot of things some people do.