Well just several months ago, the neigbors renting next door moved in with their kids, who happened to be very close in age with my kids. The kids became friends so fast and would spend a lot of time together, as did their mom and I. I really liked her and her kids were great and we got along so well. We all got close spending so much time together...the mom and I were very much alike and I trusted her. Well recenty we had an incident that I didn't want to believe to be true. I don't like to accuse without solid proof but I am very sure, with looking at all the facts, that she did indeed steal from me...not just a little chunk of money...A LOT of money. That's a long story, but in short, we ended up getting into a really big argument and she said a lot horrible things, even threats and it just got way out of hand!
Now my problem is, what do I do about the kids? How do I tell my 6 year old son that his best friends mommy won't let him play with him anymore? Should I tell him the truth? Or should I try to work something out with his mom, even though I don't trust her at all, to have the kids only play outside together, and that no one is allowed over our house and vice versa? I just don't want his feelings to get hurt and I don't know if it's better to cut her and her whole family off completely or if it's even right to tell him he can't be friends with them anymore, because of something that has nothing to do with any of this kids. It's not fair but I just want to keep my kids safe and happy.
Oh, and not only do they go to the same school but they'll be taking the same bus together too. The other kids are younger and I don't think they'll understand or really have to deal with any emotions caused by all this but I am worried about my son. This is one of his closest friends that he would see in and out of school. Please any suggestions??
DIdn't the other M. make the decision that the kids would NOT play together? I would tell the kids that and be done with it. Even if you were wrong about her stealing, her reaction showed her true colors.
So the other mom won't let her kids play with yours anymore, correct?
Well, if that is the case, you have to tell them something. Just keep it simple - as in "Sometimes adults don't get along, it has NOTHING to do with you kids, you are free to play with them at school/on bus, etc but so and so's mom says no more home play dates".
If the mother won't let her kids play with yours, you have to come up with some sort of explanation. But, if she allows the kids to play, I would play it by ear and let the kids decide if they want to play together. Unfortunately, it is probably going to be pretty difficult to never talk to her if your children play together frequently. Only you can make that judgment call as to whether you are comfortable.
If you don't trust the entire family, you are not "punishing" your kids by not allowing them to play with the family's kids, especially if the other mom is the one not allowing the play. Only you can decide if these people, including the little ones, are people you want around your children. Don't look at it as punishing your kids if you are keeping people from them for THEIR protection, so long as you are SURE that is your motivation.
And by the way, I have thought people have stolen from me in the past- I was CERTAIN. But I was wrong. Just once, but even so, it only took once. And I never did come out and ask the person, THANK GOODNESS. My point is, you had better be REALLY sure and REALLY right when you accuse someone of something that serious. I am not doubting you , just talking from experience.
Fortunately, your son will still be able to see his friend at school and on the bus. That part of their friendship doesn't have to change at all.
I think you just might need to tell your son that sometimes adults have disagreements and it's best just to take a break for a while. It happens with kids too. You don't know if things will work out or how long it might take if it does, but the kids didn't do anything wrong. It might not seem fair that the kids have to take a break for a while too, but that's the way it is for now.
Don't say anything bad about the other little boy and don't say anything bad about the mother. It's "adult stuff". Period. I wouldn't tell your son that the other mommy won't do this or that. I wouldn't make him feel like it has to be forever because maybe it won't be. That's not something you have to decide right now. And, if your friend is done with you AND your kids for good, that will become apparent.
You say you don't have solid proof. Did you just come right out and accuse her?
All I know is that the only thing worse than being stolen from is being accused of stealing if you didn't do it. I'm not saying you're wrong, but if she didn't steal from you, she's probably pretty hot under the collar that you would think she did.
I would let things settle down for right now.
I really hope you find the money. For me, this is one of those things where you really hope you're wrong because that violation of trust is so hard to take.
I would just tread lightly and say as little to your son as possible about it just in case you are wrong.
You want to have a cool head when you have the trust discussion.
Just my opinion.
Best wishes.
Well, you don't involve the children in adult issues. The kid didn't steal from you, so don't punish him and your son for the mom's mistake.
I would let the kids decide how they're going to be friends.
That situation can become toxic for you and your family! IF she stole from you she does not respect you....I would cut the ties and keep it cordial by allowing the children to speak and keep it moving. Yes I try to navigate and encourage healthy friendships for our children and the same for unhealthy ones. Our teen I tend to let her make the decision but opening her eyes to any issues that may arise.
My motto is: BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER if her son is not stealing now he will be soon unfortunately.
If there's any way to allow the kids to keep playing together, then do it. Hopefully the other mom won't be mean about it.
Her kids are not her. Don't punish the kids because of the mother.
Well perhaps in time it will air out and the two of you will work something out. For now, I would just allow him to say hi to his friends and tell him they can't play right now.
As for monitoring my child's friends, you certainly have no control over who they are friends with, but it is possible to steer them in the right direction. However remember, kids will/may do things to satisfy you and turn around it do it anyway. It is the same for who they are friends with, wearing make up, inappropriate clothes, smoking, etc.
I would go to the other Mom again, and try to have a rational conversation about the children. Maybe you both can come to some sort of agreement about letting them still be friends, without having to discuss the other "issues". Hopefully she'll be willing to have a calm discussion with you for the sake of both of your children. Good luck!
