Should I Tell Him?

I would totally give this to God and let Him open a door for you. I think the family is extremelly important...and God is all for keeping everyone together. He will work it out for you when you put him first in your life. I would like to recommend a book for you - "Captivating: unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul" by john and stasi eldregde.

It might be good to just talk to him so he knows that you are feeling this way. You could just wind up being friend and that would help your son out too.
Just let him know that it's all you want to do right now, just talk.

Hello T.,
You are really blessed! My ex has not had anything to do with his children/me x 32yrs!
I'm now married to a wonderful man, however
for the kids sake, it'd been wonderful If he'd
kept in touch. So from this experience I only can send this email...
If your son's father's coming around to wanting a relationship with him &/or you...how great! Life take's some grow'n up to face painful history & decisions.
I'm proud that he's doing this & I'm proud of
you for exam'n your heart,working on the forgiveness as your'e dealing with anger,
will'n to face those hard decisions.
God Bless you...How can the father know what you are think'n if not given the chance to hear you? First Pray: ask God to check out your own heart..
to forgive your sins thru Jesus Christ who made this all possible...
to forgive as you are forgiven..
knowing & acknowleg'n who HE is...
& ask Him to direct your decisions.
Afterall, HE Does know the very best
for you as HE created you :~D
He love's you & your handsome son..
& even his father.
Maybe some counseling with someone you trust,
that has a good reputation for 'helping' & not
$ robbing nor mind-twisting...but also agree's
for the "Best for you all".
I'd go a little slow as haste
can cause later regret...Dates with maybe some
family out'ns later, allowing your son to
"vent" also being 'real' without 'false hope'&
overwhelming him, according to his own maturity.
God's Grace & Blessings upon your decision(s)..
I'll be praying along with you,
S.

This is a hard one!

I would try not to worry about it and go with the flow to see where it takes you.
The best thing that can come from this "2nd chance" is your son seeing his mom and dad have a civil mature relationship. Even if it's friends who are supportive of eachother.
I would keep things light, fun, and simple, especially since all of this is new again to everyone. As time continues to go by, your reservations and concerns will either be answered or go away.
And yes it's been 4 years since he's been in the picture but he's your son's father and you being a good example of forgiveness and an open heart will benefit you and your son in the long run.

Follow your heart but listen to your intuition!

T.,

Keep it to yourself and let him pursue you if he feels led. Don't let your feelings of loneliness control you. You don't want to start something that way. Respect yourself enough to wait and see if he is interested first. Take things very slowly. Why did things not work out with him before? Don't think that it will be so much better now. Your emotions can fool you. What would you tell a friend?
Make a list of all the characteristics that you want in a companion/boyfriend (make sure that you also match those characteristics, ie. don't expect something of someone that you are not able to be as well) and see if he matches up. Don't compromise. Be patient. It will pay off in the end.

Take Care,
T.

I'm kind of in the same situation. It's just one of those things that you have to decide on your own because you can't listen to what other people tell you. Honestly I would just go with your heart if you truly feel that he is a changed person and the feelings are reciprocated back to you then go for it doesn't hurt to try but then at the same time it could just be loneliness that you are going through. I would just put a lot of thought into and ask yourself why you want to pursue him again

If he hasn't bothered to be in both of your lives (especially his own sons) life for the past 4 years, he doesn't seem like the man I'd want in my life. What were the reasons you divorced in the first place? People really don't change so those things you couldn't live with before are probably still there. You need to get out of your thought process - of taking what's available (or settling). It's hard when you have a 7 year old boy who needs a father figure - but if his dad is FINALLY stepping up then that's great for your son. Beware that he could step out again and crush your little boys heart. You need to focus your alone time (when your son is with his dad) on getting out and meeting people. Remember your son comes first, so if you finally do find someone - take the relationship with he and your son very slow. Like,they don't even need to meet for awhile. You CAN find someone who has the entire package you were looking for - or at least mark off most of your checklist of things that matter for you and your son. Don't settle - you'll be dissapointed and it's hard to get out. It's not like I can tell you what to do but I tried over and over with my sons father and the same reasons I left in the first place kept reappearing. FINALLY I got it. I found a man who is better to my son than his own father. God luck - I know this must be hard. All women want the "family" - so I know it's difficult not to make work what your already used to. I'd get on the internet - go to bbq's or things your invited to by friends. There will be someone you meet! Get your boy into cub scouts....there are single dads out there! Like I said, good luck but think hard on this one. Don't settle for yourself or your son. You both deserve someone who will always be there for the both of you and love the both of you forever and not abandon you! (Sorry for my spelling)

I think so. God designed a family to be centered around the marriage of a man and woman, providing a father and mother for the children. God can give you a genuine love for your son's father and together, you can provide a much more stable and balanced home for you son as a couple. Who knows? He may be thinking the same things and wondering about you!!

I'd think real good about why you separated in the first place. If those issues are still there, it's probably not a good idea to try to get back together. If you do decide to try it, I would not be together around your son until you are sure it is for good. That would be very confusing to a 7 year old. Good luck!

T.,

hi, why did you break up? How come he has not had a relationship with your son until recently? I am all for parents staying together, or getting back together if it is healthy. Just ask yourself some questions, be honest with yourself and if you truly feel that there is a chance at a healthy and loving relationship filled with respect with your ex then go for it, if not leave it alone because it will only cause you more heartache later on and if it falls apart your child will be going through it with you.
Good Luck

I am definately not a profession to answer this question, but I have had friends in the same boat. I think you need to be true to yourself but try not to include your child in it. They don't need to know your feelings, just in case they don't work out "again". It is hard on kids, but they have probably, at this point, gotten used to it. But I think you owe yourself the chance for success. If you don't know if it is "real" or not, I think you should talk to their Dad. Explain to him how you are feeling & see what he thinks. If he is up for it, maybe try to go out on a few dates, spend some time together, without the kids knowing, to see if the feelings are real. If there comes a time that you know it is real, the kids will be very happy. But if you find out it isn't real, then they will go through the dissapointment again. But do it for yourself & really, if it works out, you did it for all of you!! Good luck!

I'm not sure if this issue is now dead in the water, but, you have somehow gotten this man to finally have a relationship with his son. Why not leave it at that. Whatever begins to happen between you and the father may not be so good or end up so well and your son will be hurt and the man may not be so apt to continue to come around. Don't be selfish, let your son have him this time. There are very good or bad reasons why the two of you could and did not continue your relationship. Why have you been so isolated since your break up? Was it that bad? I would keep my dreams, thoughts and feelings to myself in this case, because this man has been 4 years without you, which proves that you have not been on his agenda, and much less, your son.
This may come across as mean, but to go for it makes you look desperate, and especially to him. It's been a long time, try something new. Don't be so willing to accept anything because you have allowed yourself to have nothing.
You may also be putting yourself in a position to be used,and get your feelings really hurt. Could the reason he has not come back around be because he knew that you would be bringing your heart back into the picture and he just wants to be free of you? Weigh everything before you do anything and move calculated and cautiously.
Don't louse up things for your son and his father because your flesh is weak. If this man has not come back into the picture telling you that he loves, wants and needs you and your son, then he may have someone and he is not interested. Four years without YOU should give you some hint.
Did you build your whole world around this man? So now you feel lonely and empty inside and it just doesn't seem right unless he is in this world or dreams? Come on, wake up, the man needs his son which does not necessarily means he needs you. Take all of the advice given and give it consideration, but look at it from this point of view also. Whatever you decide, pray and be real with yourself.
Nothing comes to sleepers but a dream.

Jen

get a sheet of paper. On one side list all the negative things about him. Both from the past and from him now. On the other list the positive things. For that to work you have to be honest and not emotional. Think with your head, not your heart. Sometimes it really helps to see the things your mind glosses over when you're dreaming or lonely for affection.
You'll get more perspective if you're able to do it honestly.
To have a great relationship with someone else, you need to know what you're looking for in a partner before you get that partner. What you can compromise on and what you won't budge on. It should come natural.
Marriage is not just love. It is a choice. It requires effort, work and compromise.
Deep down you probably already know if it's a good choice to persue this man or not. If you're feeling like you want to get to know him better, do so. I would not get physical for a long time. And I would try not to put my mind in "dating" mode for a while. Just get to know him again.
I wish you luck!

do not tell him.
dreams can really mess you with you can't they?
your brain doesn't remember that the relationship is over or why it is over and just reminds you of how you used to feel then you wake up with those feelings like they are current. they are not current.

Whoo...I'd vote for the wanna get some blues, myself.

There was a reason you have not been together. What was it? What (if anything) has changed? What reassurance is there that the change is for good?

These things do work, sometimes - but - they don't work, most of the time. Be sure you are not choosing him out of lack of choices, because you probably have a lot more choices than you realize. Don't sell yourself short! (or too cheaply?)

Good luck!

I guess it all depends on how you think he feels. You don't want to scare him away from your son, but it might be a wonderful thing for your son if it can work. Also, think about why you are not together in the first place! What was the cause of the break up/lack of relationship for the last 4 years. Why did he stay away from your son?? You do not want to do anything too fast that might cause an emotional disturbance in your house. I would also recommend keeping this quiet from your son until you know for sure and you think it will work long term. My girlfriend had a very similar situation and it was very stressful. I hope everything works for the best for you and especially your son.
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