Should I Say Something? - Chisago City,MN

She's a grown woman, she's allowed to send letters to anyone she wants.

And even if she is sending money to her son against her other son's wishes, it's HER money.

If you don't mail the letters, she'll mail them herself. You should stay out of it. Dropping a letter in a mailbox doesn't entitle you to get involved in this situation.

I also think you should just mail it. If you are uncomfortable mailing the letters, just tell the grandma that.

I think I would say something to Grandma instead of the family.

"Listen, I know you broke your foot and can't make it out to the mailbox. I am concerned, however, that you are asking me to do something and keep it secret from your son and his wife. They're the ones who hired me, and this is pretty uncomfortable for me. So, I'm not going to mention this to them, however, please don't ask me to send these letters any more."

If she presses, just remind her: This wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't asked to keep it a secret. I have no problem mailing anything for you, however, it feels like I'm lying to them. And I don't want to lose my job over this, because I don't want them to feel like they can't trust me. Certainly, you can understand that."

It's none of your business and it's totally normal to mail something for someone that cant get to the post office themselves. It's obviously a private matter or she would have shared it with you. So, since it's "private" you dont need to feel compelled to share it. If at a time in the future someone asks if you mailed stuff for her you then honestly reply with a "yes I did", because there isnt ANYTHING wrong with doing it. You should not have to feel like something is "fishy"... just remember this is a great example of when to MYOB. Think about it, it's pretty sad that she can't ask her own family to mail something for her...

eta.. after reading the other responses and pondering a bit on how Grandma asked you not to tell.... It probably is a good idea to let her know that it's making you uncomfortable and you dont want to do it anymore. I'd still stay mum with your employer tho since they never said to you "Hey if Grandma asks you to mail something for her, please dont." ya know? They didnt forbid you from doing it, so you are still in the clear ;)

Would it have occurred to you to have told anyone if the grandma hadn't asked you to keep it a secret? Dropping off a letter to the post office doesn't seem like that big a deal. I don't see how you could possibly get in trouble. However, I think I would tell the grandma that you're not comfortable keeping secrets from your employers. Say that you won't mention it on your own, but you won't lie if you are asked directly about it.

Not your place to interfere.

If you know the brothers don't get along - you want to stir the pot?

Mail the letters. What I don't get is - what is wrong with THEIR mail box? Why can't they go out in that one? If they are gone during the day - is the mail not picked up/delivered by the time they get home?

What would I do? I would mail the letters. She's not mailing letter bombs, right? So mail them and keep your nose out of the rest of it.

I agree that you should not tattle. After all, you are just mailing a random letter. I also think that you should ask the grandmother not to bring you into the loop on something that could make you uncomfortable.

ETA: No, no, no, do not contact your employer to ask if it's okay. That pulls you right into the mess, because it assumes that you believe that this is not normal to put a letter in the mail. That pulls you right into the fray.

I'd ask her to please keep me out of it, explain that it is awkward. But don't tattle.

Grandma is an adult and she can send letters to whomever she pleases. She's just asking you to put the letter in the mail because she has a broken foot and can't do it herself. You don't know any secrets to tell. So don't make problems for yourself or grandma. Mail her letters and stay away from the family drama.

She's an adult who wants to post a letter to her son. You may refuse to do so (and sound somewhat churlish) or you may agree to mail it for her. It is not for you to tattle to her other son. It's not his business.

I wouldn't even look at who they are addressed to. I would just mail them. And I wouldn't say anything.

Like I tell my children "don't tattle unless there is good reason". You are not doing anything illegal fro grandma, right? I don't think mailing a letter for Grandma fits in the illegal or doing something wrong category. Let her know that if asked you will not lie.

Mail the letters.

You are not responsible for what is in them, you are doing a favor for someone who can't do it herself. That is all.

What this woman is saying or sending to her son is none of your business. Would you be considering tattling to your employer if you were mailing credit card payments? Maybe she bought something they wouldn't approve of, charged it, and because you put the check in the mail for her they will hold you responsible for her decision.

Sounds crazy, right?

So is this.

Thirds on Hazel's advice! The grandmother's concerns are really not your business, except to the degree that your participation could threaten your position with this family.

If the grandmother is of sound mind I don't see why you need to involve the mom or anyone else. I assume you are doing this as a favour for the grandmother and not as part of your work duties, and that the only reason the grandmother can't do this herself is her injury?

I'd mail the letters, if asked, and otherwise stay out of it.
I think it's out of the nanny realm.

I haven't read all the responses, but I honestly would tell grandma that you will not lie for her, but if she still wants you to mail the letters you will. If her son you work for, asked you, you'd be honest because that means a lot to you. If you stay honest, you don't have anything to feel guilty about, and if the questions was raised, she would know how you would respond therefore she will either keep giving your the letters to mail off, or she won't. Either way, you should have a clean conscious.

I like Hazel's advice.

I would tell granny I'll mail this one but NO MORE. Keep your mouth shut and do your job. That's it. Good luck.

I'd just mail it. It's no one else's business what's in the letters. If mom wants to send her son money, it's her money and her perogative. His brother may not like him and may think he's a no good such and such, but his mother is entitled to do as she wishes. You are merely respecting her privacy.

I don't think it is your place to tattle on grandma. But the secrecy is what I am concerned about. Does the mail get delivered to the home? If so, just put in in the mailbox for the mailman to pick up or tell grandma that you aren't going by the post office tonight but can put it in the mailbox for her.

If it makes you uncomfortable, tell that to the grandmother and stop taking the letters. That is the proper course of action, not telling her son or DIL.

If you feel uncomfortable I would either tell the grandmother that you feel this way or tell your employer.

I wouldn't say anything.

You need to say something to the Grandmother- ASAP. Exactly what HaAs zel said b/c she is an adult and can do what she wants, but ber asking you to lie is another story all together.
Aa former employer of a Nanny if I found out someone asked you to do something but not tell me I would start to question your integrity, not theirs! I would also wonder what else you havent told me. Tell the grandmother her son and his wife are your employer and you do not keep secrets from them. This way if it ever comes up you can say she asked you, you did it twice but it made you so uncomfortable that you spoke to her and told her you were not able to lie for her. Win/Win.

Wow, tricky one. It probably is nothing more than her not wanting the son to be mad about her communication with the other son. I hope so anyway! I probably would not say anything, but I would not mail any more for grandma. If she asks again, just tell her you don't feel comfortable keeping secrets from your employer.

I totally get why you are unsure of what to do. While you aren't doing anything "wrong" you know the sons don't get along. And while the mom has a right to mail letters to her other son, I can see where you feel like you are going behind their back in a sense by not telling them.
If the mom is totally in her right mind, I would continue to mail the letters and stay quiet. If they approach you on it, I would simply say that you mailed the letters for her but didn't put any thought as to who they were for. She is a grown woman, and it's not up to you to monitor her.
Now if at some point they ask you to NOT mail anything to the brother, then you have an obligation.

get out of the middle now!
tell the grandmother firmly that you do not want to be put in the position of hiding anything, so please understand that if she wants you to keep mum, she needs to not involve you at all.
do not tattle. but don't allow yourself to be put in an indefensible position.
the family dynamics are none of your beeswax.
khairete
S.

if you want to keep your job-mail it and ignore it-none of your buisness what or who gramma is sending mail to-if it all comes out-as it will always does-just simply say you were helping kids gramma because of broken foot-and you minded your own buisness.

Is Granny in her right mind?

If she is, then continue to mail the letters. Even if she IS sending money to HER other son, she has the right to do so.

If she's suffering from dementia, I would talk to your employers about it. This other son might be taking advantage of her to get money, and they might be trying to protect her.

It does seem a little odd that she's asking you to take it to the post office. If it has postage why can't she just mail it from the house?

You can also tell her if there's a closer mailbox or tell her that she can put it in the outgoing mail. Yes, they might see it, but that gives you an out if you no longer want to be her carrier. We mail things from our porch mailbox all the time. The mail person just picks them up when he or she drops stuff off.

And is it just me or is it no surprise that she might be favoring one son over the other? Hrm, where have we seen that before...?

My first concern would be my job. You work for the parents not the grandma, so I wouldnt be keeping secrets for her. I would just mention it to the mom. You wouldnt want them getting mad at you, and thats what I would tell them. I mean if she just wanted to talk to the other son, he could just call him. So my guess is she is sending him money. If someone was living for free in my house, I wouldnt be very happy to find out they were sending money to bail someone out of trouble. Their house, their rules.

This sounds like a messy situation.

I do wonder if the grandmother is in her right mind. Is she mentally okay? If so she has every right to do with her belongings what she wants to do. If she is in her right mind she is being told what she can and cannot do by this son and his family.

I would certainly not want to get in the middle of this. I think that I would tell the woman that I was not going to be going directly home and would not be going near the post office for the rest of the week. That I would probably lose the letter instead of getting it in the mail.

If she in not mentally able to manage herself then it does become the son's issue. Otherwise it's simply a personal choice between you and your employers. They don't have the right to restrict grandma's mail to or from this other son if she's mentally okay. BUT you don't want to be in the middle of it all either.

SAY SOMETHING! Your gut is telling you what you need to do. Yes, it will be complicated. But you are the innocent in this. She is USING you. She is manipulating you. If she weren't she would just mail the thing in front of the parents.

Listen to your gut. Pray about it. Listen to the Spirit of God. I have red flags going off everywhere! You don't want to be her flying monkey.

When you tell the parents, do it face to face and in private. Tell everything that went on about the first letter. Let them decide what to do. Don't let the grandma intimidate you.

She is an adult. Adults make choices and own the consequences. They do not mannipulate and lie and ask others to do the same.
Let us know what you choose!