Should I Respond to Sister's Mean Email

The best way to handle someone filled so much full of pity for themselves and bitterness, is acknowledge you hear what she is saying, that it is her choice to have her point of view and feel the way she does. However, this isn't about her! It is about a choice your mother (who by the way is a grown woman) and you made together. It is not about what she is going to not have however it is about what your mother wants to do. She sounds like her life is very unhappy and she wants those around her to be unhappy too and tries to control people with mean words. Manipulation is dangerous territory and more often then not will end someone a very lonely life. You can explain to her that though her words hurt, you are going to look past them and if she wants to discuss her feelings like a grown up then you are willing to, however she is not to lay guilt on you for you having a life of your own, that is what people are suppose to do. Family is suppose to support that and not try and bring you down.

If you want, type a response, reread it a million times and save it somewhere on your computer. Then sit on it for five days. If at the end of those five days you feel still compelled to send it, do so. However reread it after your feelings have calmed down so to make sure you don't send something harsher then it has to be.

You don't have to get in a war of words, she is entitled to her opinion as you are entitled to your living the life you want. She has a choice, to be part of your life and happy for you or not. It is her choice. You can tell her you would love her to be part of your life however her negativity and guilt trips are not acceptable. You teach people how to treat you and she feels somehow her emotional manipulation is going to get her what she wants, it won't.
Taking the high road is a good feeling sometimes too.

Hang in there, you are very blessed to have a mom there to help you out, be there for her grandkids and have the good life you do. Your sister will understand that one day!

God Bless

It is said that everything comes from either love or fear. Your sister seems to be coming from a very deep place of fear. You cannot do anything to change that for her; it's her life and her choices. You can, however, make your choices. And you can choose whether to respond from a place of love or fear. You have no responsibility for your sister or her feelings about you, your mother or the situation. You are responsible only for your feelings, words and actions.

I would suggest not addressing any of the issues your sister brought up, but simply letting her know how much you love her.

Good luck!

I wouldn't respond to your sister's email...it will just give her more encouragement to keep harping at you. Instead, maybe have your mom send a nice email saying how happy she is to be able to see her grandkids everyday and that she misses your sister and is looking forward to spending time with her soon when she visits.

If your sister continues to send nasty emails due to jealousy, etc., chalk it up to just that....don't feed into her fire by trying to defend something that you don't have to.

Well you have a lot going on here that I can't totally keep up with, but in regards to your mom moving in to help and you go back to work, I agree with your sister. You should be home with your kids, if you can afford to.
It seems like you would only go back to work to pay your mom and that makes no sense to me. Maybe I just read it wrong...

If the only reason you go back to work is to pay someone else (mom or otherwise) to watch your kids, that just seems silly. Your family won't miss that money since you give it to someone else anyhow!? You will miss out on moments and that time with your kids.

Now I do think your sister is a bit to old to feel like she needs her mom there all the time and your mom has a right to come live with you or wherever she wants, but in regards to you paying her and going back to work- that just seems pointless! If your mom wants to live with you just because, then that is sweet... but she shouldn't do it FOR pay.

I would respond to the e-mail because whether anything gets resolved or not, at least you could put some kind of closure to it. If you don't respond you will probably always be wondering and thinking about it. I would want my sister to know how I felt and know that it was my moms decision as well. You are obviously not forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do and your sister just needs to realize that.

Do nothing but enjoy your time with your mom and your children. Responding will just make her feel justified in getting to you and making you feel guilty. Obviously she has issues if through everything (bf, husband, lving together) she is the only one who has a problem. And quite frankly if a 30yo can't figure out how to take care of herself for a short time while her mother takes care of a 2yo, then she definitely has issues. Its your mothers right to make her decisions and spend time with her grandchildren if you feel shes a capable caregiver. I'm sure your mom will be just as helpful with your sister when/if she has her own kids.

I have a sister that is the same way. Do nothing. You are in a no win situation. It is your mothers choice if she wants to live with you or not. Let your mom make the choice. Yes she hurt you. Are you going to continue to let her hurt you? I would limit my contact with her but keep it nice. She will never be happy. If you want top talk more I would be willing she sounds just like my sister.
C. B