Should I Remove 4Yr Old's Birth Mark?

Updated on May 09, 2008
S.F. asks from Lehigh Acres, FL
6 answers

My 4 yr old son has a birth mark of sorts. I dont know the exact name for it, but it is like a skin bump by his ear, smaller than a pencil eraser. He just calls it his bump. It is a hereditary thing, my ex-husband mom has has, and so does her father. (They aren't in his life though.) Lately, he has begun to feel insecure about, mostly(I think) because the kids at school have noticed it. He goes back forth between wanting it gone and wanting to be "cool" like his friends (or dad, or my boyfriend, or whomever he mentions at the time) and talking about it like it is his friend. He calls it "He" not "It". He says (about his bump) "He is my friend" "He is nice". Even went so far one day as to say if "He" has a little bathing suit they could go swimming together. (I couldn't stop laughing about that one.) I don't like that he feels bad about it. I am contemplating having it removed. Its a simple procedure; like removing a mole. But I am afraid either he will miss his "friend", or maybe i am sending the wrong message, or even of offending my ex-in-laws. Any advice?

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R.

answers from Tampa on

I agree, I would wait until he is old enough to make the decision as an adult. It can become something special to him (which it already sounds like it is). He will get teased for it I am sure (kids can be so mean), but they find a way to tease about any and everything. His will just more obvious than others. I know it's hard as a parent, but stick it out, I don't think you will regret it.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Sarasota on

Hi S..
Although it's hard when children tease others, they will tease for any reason. Whether it be a mark, ears, eyes, a freckle, the wrong clothes, whatever. My advice would definately be leave it there. This is something that makes your child unique. He has a special part of his body that is special. No other child in the world has one like him. I say tell him that his friends only tease him because they don't like that they don't have one too. I think that birthmarks are beautiful and removing it would say that there is something wrong with it/him and 'let's fix it'. My daughter has mongolian spots. They look like large bruises. He has a huge one on the top of her bottom, two small spots up her back, and rings around her feet and hands. although the hands and feet are much much lighter now. I use to joke when she was a baby that it looked like someone grabbed her by her hands and feet. They can truely make anyone think they are bruises, but they are part of her. I think that even if the 'bump' was removed that children would still find something to tease about.Good luck

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J.W.

answers from Tampa on

Hi S.,

I am very proud to say I have the same thing and in the same place too. I can honestly say I have never been teased about it, in fact in absence of any kind of birth mark I have always used it as my one feature that makes me unique. I am always quick to point it out to people, more so when I was younger. It had never entered my head to have it removed before. I recall a few years ago meeting a friends little girl and she had one too. I was excited I said right away "oh she has a skin tuck by her ear just like me". I wouldn't have it removed, let him make that decision himself when he is older.

Best Wishes.

Jo

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M.H.

answers from Sarasota on

I think I would wait and let him make that descision himself. I say this because he seems to be attached to it already. At this age, he might not be ready to make that choice and have it gone forever, or really understand that it would be gone forever. My point of view is just wanting to make is easier on him and make sure he knows exactly what he is deciding to do. As for the teasing, if this is why he wants to do it later, let him. I don't agree with everyone else, I think they are looking at it from a mother's/adult's perspective. I think there are many other things and situations in life that will prove how strong you are and what kind of person you are. If having something removed helps make childhood easier, than let him have that! Sure, people tease about anything, but if taking that away in the future will make him feel better about himself, go for it. Don't sentence him to a childhood of "being strong" and realizing that people can be mean, he will get that along the way from other things anyway.
My son had a strawberry mark under his eye after birth. We were some of the lucky ones in that it went away by the age of 3. Even so young, other toddlers would point to his eye when they met him and I was so happy it faded. I would never have gone in and had it removed on my own. I would have waiting for it to be his decision. If he wanted to keep it, then I would have said all the supportive things the other posters have been saying. However, if he wanted it gone, I would do that for him in a heartbeat. I don't think it is teaching him the wrong lesson! you only get one childhood, I just would have made sure he remembered who his friends were before he had it removed!

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J.W.

answers from Sarasota on

S.,

I was born with a birthmark, round on my hip. I was always shy wearing a bathing suit and wanted it removed. My parents said we should wait till I got older and then tal about it. I was thankful for that. I am glad I have it, It is a special thing, yes it is heriditary also. My father has the same thing in the EXACT place. I would wait till he is older and let him decide for himself. Hope I helped you.
J.

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G.F.

answers from Tampa on

People always want others to be different. This is a perfect chance to teach your son that not everybody has to like him, and that it's their loss. If he wishes to remove it when he's older then I guess it'll be different, he'll do it for himself. Should he do it for his cool 'friends'? I don't think that's the right reason. I think that getting the mole removed will teach the wrong lesson. And the lessons learned early in life are the ones that stick forever. He has to learn to love his mole. I would if I had it. I have no doubt in my mind that God put that mole there Himself. Maybe it stands for something special that sets him aside form everyone else. However, I don't know how you feel about God, so maybe you can try telling him that the mole connects him to some other family members and that he'll be able to recognize them when he sees it. Although that's a little less cool than God putting it there. But if a little mole is a problem, wait until he has real problems!

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