Should I Let My Son Be Friends with a Boy Even If I No Longer Talk to His Mom?

N., you are the mom, so follow your heart. If you don't agree with your old friend's lifestyle for you, then why would it be "ok" for your son to be around? It is unfortunate for the children when the adults change things up after sending a different signal that it was fine to be around them in the past. You could offer for the boy to come into your atmosphere where you can control the environment (if he is ok for your son to hang out with). If the mother feels that your son needs to be able to come over as well, then maybe that won't work and you need to leave them alone altogether. We have to remember that friends come and go. People are in our lives for seasons to help us grow, and at times we have to know when to let go or "step back". I always say that our children are gifts from God and we are responsible. I don't want ANYTHING to happen to my children on my watch. So agian follow your first mind. Afer all, it is YOUR son we're talking about here and we cannot always worry about hurting people's feelings. Hope this helps.

Hi N.,
Well dear this depends. Does she live a lifestyle that threatens herself or her own child and therefor yours?
At the moment I say let the boys be friends, trying to put a stop to it would only cause stress between you and your son.
It's like when your child has a friend you don't really care for, yet he's just a kid and can't help himself because of his fmaily life...like my youngest. One of his friends drives me up a wall!! But I allow him over for a few hours during the week and that's it, and no I do not allow my son over to his home. I get an uneasy feeling from the mother and she doesn't offer a lot of info on herself.
I guess, let the other boy come over often if there are no problems. But if he lives in an environment that is suggestive and/or dangerous then you need to do more then turn the other cheek. I may be off hand on this suggestion, I apologize if so.
I don't always agree with one of my best friends and how she sees fit to raise her child. However I know my son(s) are in no danger over there, we just simply have different beliefs.
God Bless
W.

Hi N.,

I would allow the boys to remain friends but if you feel that her home is an innapropriate environment don't let your son go over there. Try to encourage them to visit at your home with sleepovers and activities and such. If her home is truly an unfit environment then you are doing her son a favor by getting him out of there as much as possible and subjecting him to a caring and loving environment. Just be very careful not to EVER say anything negative about his mother or his home to him or your son. Our children tend to repeat most of what we say, especially when we don't want them to. As far as having to still see her, you can't really get around that if her son is going to be around. Look at it this way, she was your best friend for years and maybe if you keep some contact eventually she will come around and get her life in order. Also, I think it is sending the boys the wrong message if you put an end to their friendship. I think it portrays to them that they are being punished for whatever it is that the other boys mom is doing.

Good luck and I hope it all works out!

I have been in the same situation. You can't let the adults problems become the children's problems. I explained the situation to my daughter and let her know that her friend was welcome anytime in our home, but did not allow her to go to the friends house. My daughter understood. And eventually too they drifted apart, but it wasn't due to the problems between me and the other mom.

Hi N.
I would ask myself first if I truly felt that my son would be in danger if he stayed friends with the other boy. If you genuinely do not feel that he would be harmed in anyway then I would ask myself if desolving their friendship really is for my son or me? Sometimes friends grow apart, but let me ask you if you two had relationships with each other's kids. Her son may think of you as Auntie N. and not understand the change in the relationship. If no danger is involved and no drama :-), I agree with Waya. Let them be friends in your surroundings. That way all parties win. You never know what kind of impact you will have on the boys and ultimately your old best friend. I hope you find peace what ever decision you make.

If this mom is in a position that she could influence your son, or put negativity into his head, then def. you are right to be concerned. However, if they are close friends, it may just fall on you to be very diligent about making sure they play at your house or under your supervision. Take the initiative to organize visits for the two of them, especially outside of your house...i.e. take them to a movie, out to lunch, to a playground, etc. You can be a much bigger influence by demonstrating a positive relationship with them!
~L.

Yes. As long as you don't think your son is in true danger, you should allow the friendship. The boys are good friends but that doesn't mean that you have to be the mom's friend.