Today I was volunteering at a place I normally volunteer at.
I was planning to take over a task that I usually do to help someone.
The person in charge came out to where we were. He checked on some things with the person that normally does the task. And she let him know that I would be doing it.
He said that he wanted her doing it. Her and I and another person standing there thought he was just joking around. Then he said more in his very blunt, mater of fact way (I don't remember exactly what he said) and it was obvious that he was serious. Her and I stood there a little stunned by his tone and wording.
He isn't known for saying things eloquently.
So I took this into account as I stood there still a little stunned.
After that I would've rather just left but I still had some things to do that I promised I would do. So I put the situation out of my mind and focused on the task at hand. But I had a difficult time keeping my mind off what had happened.
After I was all done, I really just wanted to get out of there. I was going to wrap up what I was doing and leave quickly. I wanted to digest what had happened. And I was very uncomfortable with the whole situation and didn't want to talk about it with him especially or anyone else.
Unfortunately I ran into him and he said "I hope I didn't hurt your feelings." So even he knew he could've maybe worded it a little different or something. I just replied "Alot" and I turned to keep walking. I was already a little emotional about it and didn't want to talk about it, but also figured why should I just put on a happy face and pretend all was fine. Then he called out my name and said "Come here." I just turned briefly toward him then turned back in the direction I was walking and kept going.
Should I have went over and talked to him?
How awkward will it be the next time I see him?
Responding to input below-I have no plans of giving him the 'silent treatment'. That would be rather immature since we're adults. And responding with immature actions wouldn't make sense.
The input with all the 'perhaps, perhaps' and multiple 'seems to me' is a lot of assuming going on. Yikes you know what they say about assumptions. :) And just for the record...I do the task perfectly and the person who handed it off to me would have never handed it to me if i wasn't great t what I do. She knows I do an excellent job.
To the input that said I way over reacted. I answered his question with one word and then kept moving, going on with what I needed to do. That is the only reaction I had. Is that really way overreacting?
I really want this to just disappear. I really dislike conflict which would be the main reason why I wouldn't put myself in his vicinity if he happens to be around. But not because I think he deserves the silent treatment or anything like that. I just want time to pass and this to be forgotten.
The ironic thing is when he said "Come here" to me, I knew I was emotional at that point and stopped for that second to consider all the people (that all know him, some really well) that were standing close by and I wanted the situation to remain discreet so I knew walking away was the best way to keep it discreet at that point. Amazing that I put thought into all that, and how people might perceive him, but I wasn't given the same respect.
I do think I was one of the 'lucky' ones for him to even acknowledge that he might've hurt my feelings. I think he deals this way with many people but they probably get the bluntness which verges on the edge of rudeness (I've seen him this way with others myself) with no apologies afterward for how he spoke to them, etc.
I would love to say that you should have gone back and had a conversation about this with him, but being an emotional person myself I would have kept walking as well, because I would not want to cry in front of him. Sometimes you need some distance before you can calm down and talk. It may be awkward next time, but just deal with that, no use worrying about it all now, what is done is done.
At that time you were right not to talk when you were too emotional to have a civil conversation.
However you should get calm now and be able to talk to him next time you see him.
Your feelings were hurt. It's no use now going over what you should or shouldn't have done - it won't make any difference now.
Just think about making the situation better next time. Perhaps you could just acknowledge the elephant in the room by approaching him and saying, 'I'm sorry I walked away the other day, but I felt like I might cry, and I didn't want to do that in front of anyone. I felt your tone was harsh, and that you could have communicated in a better way.'
He was a jerk. It should be awkward for him.
SwimSally has good words.
I think you did the right thing. It is better to calm down because when you are in an emotional state you cannot be in a thinking state, so it probably would have been worse. Also, from your reaction he could see that he really upset you and will perhaps soften his tone the next time. It sounds like you will have to address the situation and it may be a little awkward, but prepare your thoughts/questions in advance and resolve it the next time you see him. Good luck!
HTH,
A.
First of all...thanks for being a volunteer. I don't know what kind of task you were talking about or why the coordinator was insisting that someone else keep doing the job. At any rate, there were still things left to be done and every job counts.
He seems sorry, but may be the kind that finds it difficult to apologize. When you feel a bit more together, do make some time to talk to him OR if you can send him a email that might make it easier.
Blessings.......
I'd have ripped him a new one so I think you showed a good example of taking the high road. Good job mom.
The silent treatment is more effective than anything you could have said. It really makes people think about their behavior.
I must be the only one that thinks this is a non issue, and you reacted WAY to emotionally...over something extremely small.
Do people really need to "talk" about stuff like this? I am I just not understanding the question?
I would just let it go. To me, this is not a a problem worth getting upset over. It's a waste of your energy and time.
Maybe you should have but honestly that jerk does not deserve one more minute of your time thinking or worrying about him.
I don't get the problem or why this would be confrontational to you or awkward. He wanted the other person to do the job. It seems to me that perhaps you know that you weren't doing such a great job and perhaps that's why he didn't want you to do it. Seems to me you thought you knew that he was going to say something unkind about the work. Anyway, seems to me that the problem is in your head and what you think he was going to say versus what he did say.
It doesn't matter whether a job is a paying or a non-paying one. The people dynamics are largely the same.
You felt uneasy talking to this leader/manager after his blunt (your word) behavior earlier. It must've been pretty blunt! He wanted to talk to you some more, and you chose not to comply.
What happens next time may actually be up to him. He can't fire you, and he may have decided to say nothing else - least said, soonest mended. But prepare yourself by planning in advance what you will say and do in case he wants to rehash all this. Think about what triggered your own strong emotions. Was it his attitude toward the volunteers? The criticism that involved you personally? Something else? When you know what that is, you will know what to say.
Do you not want to have to deal with this man again, ever? Then maybe it's time you found another volunteer opportunity with more agreeable people who are better leaders.
Even though it is volunteer work, people still get wrapped up in things and say things wrong. Actually, someone does have to take control or the whole thing can flop. That doesn't mean it has to be at the sake of upsetting your help, but it happens.
I volunteered last night and had a friends daughter. She said she would be at a particular booth, which I went to, but didn't find the mother. I went into the "control" booth to ask if she could tell me what booth she was at and the person in charge gave me attitude, just as she always had and just as I expected. I just turned around and walked out. I tossed my hand in the air, as if to say, "what ever or enough", which I probably shouldn't have, but I did. I don't give it second thought and neither should you. Let it go.
The funny part...after we left I was tired and wanted to go home. I must have ordered the family to get moving and my husband told me, "Just because you got to run two bouncy houses doesn't give you the right to be bossy".
The thing I love about mamapedia is that I find so many twin hearts here. I'm very emotional, but in wear a hard outer layer and no one sees that soft center.
Volunteers are a different breed. Usually folk who regularly volunteer are of higher IQ and are solid citizens. Volunteers know their worth. They often have past experiences that could transfer into actually heading the event that they are assisting in a voluntary role. Therefore, volunteers need to be managed carefully. This guy needs to learn that and guess what? You just taught him! He will never make that mistake again.
What SwimSally said. Yes, talk to him next time. You need to be mature, when he was not. Do not give him the "silent treatment" as someone else mentioned, that's incredibly immature and not useful. At least he apologized.
Updated
What SwimSally said. Yes, talk to him next time. You need to be mature, when he was not. Do not give him the "silent treatment" as someone else mentioned, that's incredibly immature and not useful. At least he apologized.
Yes, you should have. Approach him directly and acknowledge it, but then move on.
